BLOG FAIRY
by 2degreesabovefreezing
Summary: Antonio, a big city college student and avid blogger, happens to one day run into a fairy named Lovino. This little fairy has been shunned and cursed by his tribe. He recruits Antonio to break the curse and the Spaniard accepts, not knowing just what he's gotten himself into. Fantasy AU, Spainxromano. T for language and dark themes. Thank you!
1. Start from the beginning

BLOG FAIRY

Start from the beginning

The night was dark as all are but unlike others nights, this night was illuminated by a large bonfire and countless torches. It was a celebration.

I'll stop here to warn you that the story I'm telling is unfortunately, not one of celebration. It is a story of deception, trickery and the foulest of acts. You see, on this night the fairy kind celebrated the First Big Winner. A little sprite by the name of Lovino was the one honored, which surprised him seeing as everyone hated him but he would not be the one to turn down a night devoted to him and the title of 'Winner'. All of the bragging he did would no longer be in vain. The boasting would be justified; he would be a king now! He was the 'Winner'!

Lovino didn't know what he had won. Nobody had told him but he found no reason argue with their congratulations. Why would he? Today, everyone spontaneously loved him as a brother. They laughed and cheered his name. They prepared a feast in his honor. They offered him glass after glass of alcohol, they dressed him in the finest silks that their tribe had. Tonight, the forest bustled and came alive in their joyous celebration.

"Lovino…" A little sprite called and took said fairy's hand. Lovino looked down at the littler one.

"Yes, brother?" He asked as he arrogantly puffed up his chest like the royalty he was.

"Does thou think the fellow men not act strange?" He whimpered in a cowardly voice and nervously looked around, trying to decide just what was upsetting the usual balance.

"Thou finds celebration in my name to be of a strange nature!? Has thee doubted my worthiness of such a day!? Does thee believe I am not fit to live this long awaited life!?" He growled. The younger brother coward further but continued to pierce worry into the older one with his scared eyes.

"I say no such thing but truth is undeniable truth, brother! Tell me, why have the men who lusted for you blood yesterday now seem to be content to give you thiers!? Speak brother! Thou has confused me! Dost I speak ill or are my worries ones of undoubtable concern!? " The smaller one cried, clenching and unclenching his fists nervously.

"Feliciono! Quiet thy tongue! Today is a day in which my name is chanted among the all mighty for god himself has wished this day to come! It is at his desire that I be recognized at last for the valiant Earth dwelling pix that I am! " Lovino snapped.

"Please! Heed my warning! I wish not to trick or mock you, brother! I not jest in such a time yet you, my own flesh and blood, tallt as if I speak lies!" He cried and pleadingly pulled his brother's sleeve who responded by snapping it away.

"Be gone! You bore me with outrageous claims of no matter! Whence comest thou!? Who taught you to lie in such a manner?" Now, the younger brother's eyes were full to the brim with frustrated and angry tears.

"You fool! Prithee flee! A horrid fate may only be brought upon tonight! My blood tells me so! Durst you remain, overmany terrible fates seek your name! Ye pride has blinded thee!" He pleaded, tears flowing down his face.

"I shalt rest in the kingdom of mine and sleep as a babe." He growled at his brother.

"So be the word! Henceforth, I am no brother of yours! I Bequeath upon you good will but I will not remain to see the fall of a man I love!"

"Then flee, coward! My celebration will not sour without your presence."

"Huzzah, the word of thou who hast won." The younger brother snarled mockingly before tuning and running into a thicket of shrubbery and disappearing.

Lovino sat down and buried his head in his hands. It wasn't the first time he had fought with his only sibling but it still felt a stinging pain in his stomach. He loved his brother. Regardless, they had a hard time getting along. He just wanted his brother to celebrate with him tonight. As always, he lost his temper rather quickly and yelled. It happened that way every time without fail.

The celebration commenced without the appearance of his brother. Lovino drank more alcohol than his belly could carry. They sang, they danced, they told jokes and they listened to each other's tales of adventure. Finally, the fattest fairy man stepped forward to the fire, standing directly across from Lovino. This man was Anundr, the head of the tribe. He decided where and when they hunted, he decided when fire was made, when meat was cooked, when a fairy could leave the tribal grounds. Lovino had hated this man for a very, very long time.

"Stand, Lovino, for ye art The Grand Winner." He ordered. The pix man's eyes couldn't focus of Anundr after drinking away his rightful vision. The colors painted on the man's body looked smeared into a mesh of rainbow. The voices that surrounded him like a typhoon laughed and made comments amongst themselves which he couldn't translate in his dizzy haze. His legs obeyed order and shakily stood up. Anundr smiled and bowed to Lovino.

"Winner! It is because of thee that our festivities occur! We have long awaited this day! Dost though accept the crown and title that we are to present?" He asked. The drunken pixie nodded and couldn't help but think to himself how much he deserved this and how long he had waited.

As he bowed his head he felt a ring placed along his cranium and heard the outbreak of laughter. Laughter? At his crowning!? Lovino looked up and glared around to see who dared mock him.

It was everyone. They all clenched their stomach and erupted into a riot of hideous laughter. Confusion jerked the whole of Lovino's body. He looked around with scared eyes in attempt to catch the joke everyone had found so humorous.

"All hail, Lovino! King of the Asses!" Anundr declared and threw up his arms. The crowd chanted along and chugged down alcohol to satisfy their rejoicing spirits. Lovino pulled off his crown to examine. It was made from the twigs of an olive tree. Though these was a sign of peace to the humans, to fairies they were a sign of humility. Hot tears began to ride down Lovino's face.

"Tell me what the meaning of this is! I am no fool!" He cried in protest. The only response he received was through a roar of laughter.

"My all thy tongues become fire in thy mouths! Sease thy laughing this instant! I command it!" Lovino shrieked through his tears.

"Hazzah! Lovino! King of the Asses!" Anundr called again. The fairies chanted the name back. The dam in Lovino broke, tears scuttled down his face with the intensity of a running river.

"King, why dost thee weep? Has thy mother's breast has run dry of milk?" A pixie in the crowd mocked.

"Curses to you and your children till time does end!" He snarled in response. This only encouraged others to join in.

"I pray thee's eyes blind and thee falls from a cliff!" One woman called.

"I pray thee is swept into the clutches off the sea in midst of storm!" Another called. Feliciano was right. It was a joke. A torment.

"Will you not punish me so that this hell may subside!?"Lovino cried and threw the glass in his hand to the ground. It exploded into sharp pellets with a smash.

"Yes, in time come." Anundr answered, wicked smile plastered on his face as he watched the fairy boy tremble in front of him. "We have saved for you the most awful of punishments for the most hated of creatures."

"Then let it be death so that my soul may return and tear every hair from your bastard's heads!"

"No, death is but an act of mercy." The leader informed him. The fire that had ignited in Lovino's soul burst into a wild flame. He gripped a bottle tightly in his fist and threw it at the offender.

"Curse you, bastard's son! Your mother has many lovers!" He hissed. Anundr sneered when the bottle missed and shattered on the ground across from him.

"You will spend the rest of your life secluded from any man because you will live invisible to every eye. You will never have a friend. No one will love you, no one will want you. You will scavenge for everything you get and you will never be happy." The paint coated tribe leader declared and began to chant his magic. This was it, Lovino could feel it. He was a fool, the king of fools. Surrounding fairies cheered, Lovino sobbed and the Earth as he knew it began to spin.

Pain.

Pain ached his whole body, it threw him deep into a crippling shock. His frame plundered to the ground and a scream racked his body. There was no hope but to release his blood curling yelp, rusty blood coated the walls of his throat, his lungs burned, his body shriveled. The skin that used to fit his body well was readjusting and tugging over new curves. The organs that once all had their perfect place stretched and fought each other for a comfortable position that they weren't able to find. Lovino could feel his body ripped into a million pieces and rearranged into a foreign order.

Lovino prayed for death but he was sure it wouldn't come. No one would release him from the punishment worse than hell. Three excruciating hours passed like this. The fairies celebrated around him. They poured their drinks over his violently shaking body. They spat on him, they kicked him and teased him. They did anything to make him more pathetic then he already was.

When the morphing finally eased, they dragged him far out into the unsettled wooden area and left him in his own misery. No tears were left for him to cry. No screams could have possibly been mustered. He was the King of Fools. They ravished his pride, they tricked him then tore his life away from him. They mocked him. They spat on him, they raped his dignity then laughed. It was a cruel world…and he was the victim now. He laid face down in the soil and tried to remember how to breathe.

It was a joke. A sick, disgusting joke. All hail the King of Fools.

Two months had passed since the beginning.

* * *

I pulled the swivel chair under me and let my body fall onto the cushion. I, Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, was once again going to update my blog like I did every week but this week I had a little extra to write about. I pushed my finger into the power button and felt the laptop take a breath of life. Such a sweet sound. I turned my attention to the cup of hot, Starbucks coffee and fiddled off the protective cardboard cover. I smiled. That's how I liked it, It made me feel like a rebel. I didn't need their cover, my hand could take the heat.

The screen lit up and my fingertips began to glide across the keys effortlessly. I logged in, using "potato" as my password. Nobody would ever guess that as my password. I was so clever. My blog opened and I hit the button titled: "Update." before beginning to tap letters.

**Hola, my loyal readers!**

**As always, I have prepared hints, tips and notes for you all but this week I have an extra special topic. Here are some things you'll want to know if you happen to stumble into the same situation as I have. Enjoy!**

**1. Fairies are real and quite adorable.**

I walked along the familiar sidewalk, it was a route I took at least five times a week to get to the grocery store that rested only one block away. With a sniffle, I adjusted the way-too-hipster glasses back up the bridge of my nose. They had been too big my entire life. I was always told my face would grow into them but even at age twenty-six, they slipped off at every opportunity. After trying to escape twice in the next five minutes, I decided to stop at a bench and trade them out for my contacts. The only reason I didn't wear the contacts all the time was because I couldn't get the things in for the life of me. I concentrated really hard, making me look pretty dumb to passer-byes. After getting the left one in, I blinked till it was comfortably situated then began the other. I dipped my finger into the little divited container, squishing the liquid around and trying to maneuver the clear film onto the tip.

The darn thing was so difficult! Once I managed to shimmy my finger underneath, I slid it out. This act resulted in it sliding right off the ready finger and plopping down to a puddle at my feet. Dammit! Well…a few germs never killed anyone, right? What's the worst that could happen!?

…

I could get an infection and go blind…that was pretty bad. Then again, if that was the case, I'd be able to wear an eye patch or sunglasses like a tough guy! See, always a bright side. With that thought, I quickly removed the lens from the puddle before slipping it over my eye. It stung a bit more than it should have. I told myself that was just because the water on the ground was near freezing.

**2. They are invisible (That is, unless you happen drop your contact into a puddle that one is crying into.)**

When I managed to open my eyes, I witnessed something that definitely had to be a first. There was a little boy sitting in front of my in torn up trousers and a filthily saturated muddy shirt. I hadn't noticed him before…in fact, I hadn't seen him at all yet he sat curled up at my feet and wiped the water marbles that fell down his face.

Starting is rude. I never really had much concern for my manners anyways. After a few minutes, he raised his little head and looked back up at me. His hair was dripping with rain, his face was feverishly white with the exceptions of the under-eye-bags and chilled red nose. Big, scared, honey eyes studied me back with such curiosity.

"Dost thee…look upon me?" He whispered slowly, never taking his contact from me. It was when his lips parted to speak that I noticed little sharp teeth aligned in an organized row.

No way! Those have got to be fakes! No person would really file their teeth down like that, would they? Maybe he was a freak or something…freak or not, he shouldn't be out in whether like this! He looked to have already caught hypothermia.

"Uh, you should go back home. You don't look so well, Amigo." I told him, using a soft and child friendly voice.

"So you DO see me! Human, for what trickery is this!?" He cried and readjusted so he was sitting on his knees.

"Trickery? Um…none?" I answered wearily. This kid was a weirdo! He must have renaissance festival junkies for parents.

"What spell dost thou cast? No human possesses magic and certainly none that may alter the great sorcery of Anundr!" He cried again, becoming more so hysterical. It was then that I decided that this kid was hypothermic. No body was **this** crazy, he should definitely be inside.

"Were are your parents?" This time my voice was a little more stern.

"My mother has passed in the birthing of my younger." He answered coolly.

"What about your dad? Who did you come to the park with?" I asked again.

"I traveled to this place on my own. I have answered the questions which you impose on me, ye must do the same of my curiosities! How do you gain your sight?" The little boy stood and came face to face with me. He studied my eyes.

"I…have contacts?" I cautiously leaned back.

"The Tact of Con! It is a tool of magic?! What sorcerer gave you this?"

"Uh…Doctor Carmen?" I answered unsurely. This kid must be pretty close to dying cause he had lost every marble he ever had. "Listen kid, you need to get inside. We'll get you some medicine, we'll change your clothes and we'll call up you guardians. Okay?"

"You speak with the guardians!? You are a powerful creature, indeed! Yes! I will come with you for you may free me of my curse!" He exclaimed in pure excitement and took to my side as I stood.

"Okay, Shakespeare. Let's go." I said and slung my messenger bag over my shoulder.

"Should I carry your load, oh powerful wizard?" He asked and toted at my side.

**3. He'll probably think you're a wizard.**

"Uh, no thanks, I got it. So who do you live with?" I asked. His family was probably worried by now, he looked like he had been wandering for days. Maybe he just reads too much Harry Potter. That was probably it.

"I used the live amongst my tribe but they shunned me two moons ago." He answered. I translated that into, 'I live with my family but I got grounded so I ran away'. Psh, kids.

"Ah, I see. But you are not the only prince of you kingdom, right? You said you had a younger brother?" I smiled. It was fun to play with kids, especially kids with these crazy imaginations.

"Nonsense, neither me nor my brother are of royal blood."

"I see…so when does the 'shunning' end?"

"When one is shunned, it is a term of seclusion that lasts three generations. My great-great-grandchild will be able to return to the tribe and be accepted amongst friends."

"Those are some big words. How old are you?"

"In human time, I believe six years would be accurate."

"So you're a little fella', huh?"

"Well, yes, this form does seem to be quite small in size. It's a joke really. Humans are considered a foolish species."

"Oh really? Then what are you?"

"I'm not sure what I could call myself. I believe the term 'fairy' might be accurate."

**4. Fairies can be boys too.**

"I thought fairies were girls?" I said. This little kid was really fun, I liked him already.

"Humans truly are foolish creatures. Is the number of humans who posses these Tacts of Con many?"

"Actually, I have special eyes so I doubt many other people have the same prescription."

"Then you truly must be of great magic! You will break my curse!"

"Sure I will. I'll get ya' warm and back with your family." It was hard not to laugh at the little one. He sure was cute.

"Dost thou swear by it?" He asked in a serious tone and stopped walking. I looked back at him with confusion.

"Do I what now?" I asked and held out my hand to him, silently telling him to take it so we could get out of the cold. He ignored the gesture.

"Would you swear by oath?" He asked, burning me with accusing eyes. Aww~ he was so cute! Of course I would play knight with him~

"Aye, my prince." I answered in the same poetic tone as him before on one knee.

"I dub thee my loyal knight and wizard. Only are you freed when thine quest is complete." He declared and placed a little hand on my head.

"Rise." He ordered and I obeyed, giant smile plastered on my face.

"Shall I take thee to my royal castle?" I asked and held out my hand again. This time he nodded and accepted the offering. Hand in hand, I took him to my shitty New York apartment.

**5. If all of the previous steps occur, you are in for one hell of a storm, Mi Amigo. Much luck to you.**

**[If you have any questions and comments for me **(or me, the author) **Feel free to ask. I'd love to answer them all. I will continue to blog about my life with this knew little addition so I hope you'll be back to read more. Gracias and Adios, **

**Antonio **(and the author)**]**


	2. What have I done?

BLOG FAIRY

What have I done?

**¡Hola****, my loyal readers!**

**As promised I have another update for you all. More hints/tips/notes for your everyday (or not) lives. I'll start where I left off yesterday:**

**6. If you manage to take this boy home (in a non-perverted way), be prepared for all hell to brake loose.**

The little boy tripped many times on the way to my apartment. He claimed that he had not yet grown accustom to his human body. I spent the trip trying to decide whether this boy had an overactive imagination or if he maybe was mentally unstable.

The mentally unstable theory was helped along quite a bit by the way his tongue lazily slipped out of mouth when he didn't focus on keeping it in. Some times, his eyes would drift closed for a moment or two before being snapped back open. I felt bad for this kid. I felt especially bad for his parents who probably didn't notice the absence of him from his leash and harness until it was too late.

"Hey." I said and nudged the wobbling kid next to me. Once he gave me his attention I pointed at the green painted door that faced us. "We're here, this is my place." I waited for him to nod in acknowledgement before opening the door and leading him to the grey, stained couch (compliments of my deceased grandmother.)

"Okay, I'm going to start up the hot water. You get your wet clothes off, got it?" I studied his eyes, desperate for some sign that he understood what I was saying. He seemed to be fully responsive. I walked off to the bathroom and started his bath. Little did I know, my act of charity would prove to be a bit more than I had anticipated when I returned five minutes later.

Yes, the little one was sitting naked on the couch as I had asked him to be, but maybe I didn't clarify. He was sitting directly in the center of a big, dark puddle.

"What's that?" I asked and pointed to splotch, hoping I was just seeing things. The boy curiously looked down to see what I was pointing to as if it weren't obvious.

"That is the male body. Is it not correct?" He questioningly looked back up at me.

"I mean the wet…puddle!-thing! What did you do!?" I exclaimed, ignoring his question.

"That is my urine." He answered with a matter-o-fact tone.

"I can see that! But…why is it _there_!?" I buried my face in my hands. This kid had problems. No doubt about it.

"I felt the urge." Was he serious!? I couldn't control my pure confusion for view.

"Then why didn't you just use the toilet!? The bathroom door was OPEN!"

I was met with silence on his part. I snapped myself out of it. Alright, I could just get this over with and deal with the pee stain later. I quickly picked the boy up by his armpits and rushed him to the bathroom, making sure to hold him away from myself.

I sat on the toilet and watched to boy just sit in the water. The sooner I could find his parents, the better. A pudgy little hand reached out and clenched the end of the toilet paper. I managed to pry it off before he could pull very much off like he had been doing for the past ten minutes. Once I turned my back he would get it and start unraveling it. Besides that, he had taken to knocking over soap bottles, pulling out the tub plug and peeling the paper off the wall.

He was the most hyperactive child I had ever met. He wasn't just a burst of energy like I was. No. He liked to sit like a statue then suddenly do something to crate havoc and act like he hadn't done anything. When I finally decided to get him out of the tub, the water was murky with ropes of dissolving toilet paper and colored with all sorts of soaps.

I dressed him in one of my tank tops (which he wore as a droopy ball gown) then left him on the kitchen tile while I cleaned up the bathroom. My instructions were to stay exactly were he was and call me when he had to pee. Apparently, those weren't clear enough.

When I had managed to drain the tub of the white film and went to find the boy, he had disappeared. As in gone. Not there. Not anywhere.

**7. Fairies make no sound when they move. They are extremely hard to find. **

"Hey, kid!" I called, lifting cushions off the reeking couch. I was angry and frustrated, not a common emotion for me. Why couldn't he just stay in one place! Why couldn't he do ONE thing I told him to!? It wasn't till I had started to check in the hallway that I finally got a response in the form of a muffled groan.

After another ten minutes, I traced the groaning into my bedroom then to under my bed and then to inside a box of jackets. He was sleeping and seemily having a nightmare as well.

All of my anger melted off when I saw his pale frame shaking violently and tears running from his eyes. The poor boy. What ever was wrong with him was really wrong. I picked the toddler-sized child up and held him to my chest, bouncing rhythmically.

**8. When fairies cry, they cry for a long time.**

The sobbing continued for three hours nonstop. I spent this time on my bed, watching TV, and rocking the boy in my arms. I was glad I didn't have school or work tomorrow, It gave me a while to figure this out. The first thing I did once his crying stopped was woke him up and gave him a cup of tomato juice (the only juice in my apartment) then called the police.

"911. What's you emergency?" The static voice asked me. I felt bad for calling the police in New York City for something that wasn't of dire urgency since they probably had more important matters to attend to but I wasn't sure who else to call.

"Oh, hello. Well, you see, I was in central park and I was going to go get groceries but my glasses kept falling off and-"

"What's your emergency, Sir?" She repeated.

"Oh! Yes, sorry. Some times I get side tracked. Sorry, I'll work on it. Anyways, I dropped my contact and-"

"We can't help you with that sir. Now, if there's not a real emergency, I ask you get off the line."

"But it is a real emergency!"

"We do not conceder a cause for alarm. Maybe you'd be better off calling a friend."

"You don't understand! I put in my contact and then, out of no where, this kid appeared! He has pointy teeth and he calls me a wizard and he pees on my couch!"

"Sir, you are intoxicated. I suggest you stay home and call a friend." Then there was a click followed by silence. The police…just totally blew me off! So maybe I sounded crazy but this was still a matter of concern. I violently pushed in a new number code and held the phone up to my ear.

"Hello~" A charismatic voice answered. I wasn't sure if this idea was much better than the police but it was something.

"Francis, could you come over?" I asked with a sigh.

"I though you would never ask." He answered without hesitation and the line clicked dead again. What was with people just hanging up on me?

"Who is inside of that device?" A little voice from behind me asked, parting his lips from the straw for the first time. A few trickles of juice made their way his chin. With a sigh and slight smile, I knelt and wiped his face with my sleeve.

"Do you mean the phone?" I asked and set the I-phone into his open palm.

"Foune?" His soft voice repeated then greeted the item by running his tongue up the screen. I took it back at that point and dried it against my pant leg.

"Have you not seen one before?" He ignored my question and instead reached out his chubby hands again, trying to reclaim the device. I decided to give to him.

"What creature has thou trapped inside?" He turned it over and over in his hands.

"No one is trapped inside." I told him and moved from a crouch to a sit. My legs were tired. "It lets me talk to people who are in other places."

"It is a portal!" He exclaimed, suddenly a lot more interested.

"Well…yeah, I guess that's actually sorta accurate." I answered and smiled.

"It is a portal of transporting speech!"

"That it is."

**9. 'The portal of transporting speech' can become hours of amusement.**

I called my class mate, Bella, and left the boy in the kitchen so that I could tidy my apartment and put towels over the pee covered couch.

"My name is Lovino." I suddenly heard in the conversation I had been eavesdropping on.

I had forgotten to ask his name…well I least I knew now.

"Hast thou acquired the Tact of Con as well?" I heard him ask and chuckled to myself. Lovino was a very funny little boy.

The phone was probably the best idea I'd ever had. It kept him in the kitchen and busy long enough for me to finish cleaning. When that done, I thanked Bella and hung up. I amused the boy by showing him the pictures on my phone and explaining the content of each until Francis finally arrived.

"Bonjour! Antoine, I am here!" He called and flamboyantly waltzed in like he owned the joint.

"Hola! Come in, I'm in the kitchen." Before I could finish my sentence, the curious child had already up and run to the new voice. I stood in time to see him determinedly run at the intruder and scale him with no problem . before my friend could access the situation, Lovino was hooked around his shoulders and tugging fistfuls of blonde hair. Francis, of course, started to yell and tried to throw Lovino off.

I jumped into action, grabbing the little one and pleading, "Let go, let go, let go, let go!" He listened to me, releasing his victim and falling into me. I used my arms as a straight jacket on the little one.

"Francis! I'm sorry! I haven't seen him act out like that! He's usually so calm!" I quickly defended him as I held him tight against me. My friend turned a glare at the child I was protecting.

**10. Acts of violence cannot be predicted.**

"Antonio, what is that!?" Francis asked with a smile and fixed his hair.

"His name is Lovino. I found him in Central Park between the Moma and the statue of Alice in Wonderland." I answered.

"YOU STOLE A CHILD!?" He yelled. I quickly hushed him and closed the door.

"I didn't steal him! I found him!" I said defensively and shot a glance at the boy who had now adopted a money like hold on me.

"You can't 'find' someone else's child and just take it home! Jesus Christ! What were you thinking!?" The Frenchman demanded.

"I was thinking, 'Hey, here's a toddler without parents, soaked to the bone in freezing rain, covered in scars and bruises, crying his eyes out and speaking delusionally! Oh well. Pip-pip-cheerio! Best be on my way now' What do you THINK I was thinking!?" I hissed. This had been a very frustrating day.

"Why didn't you just call the police!? That's what they're for!" He retorted.

"They think I'm crazy!"

"Go figure!"

"Can you just help me out here! I didn't invite you over so we could argue!"

He sighed. "Right, right." He took a few deep breaths then calmed down. "How about numbers? Address, phone number, zip code, anything?"

I bounced the boy a few times, trying to get him to sleep. "That's the problem. I think he's 'not all there'." I wiped the drool pooling uncontrollably from his mouth to prove my point. "He doesn't seem to be able to control his body very well and I think HE thinks he's a fairy."

"Aren't fairies girls?" He asked. Lovino must have fallen asleep because there was no answer on his part.

"Apparently not. What should I do?" I asked. My friend gave me a sympathetic smile and though for a while.

"Maybe you could bring him into a police station…the longer you keep him the more likely you'll be the one getting the shit when people come looking for him." He suggested.

"I know but I'm not going to leave him until I can find his family and I can directly put him into their arms. The poor little guy's got some problems. He gets into things and he gets lost and he can't take care of himself." I told him, burping the boy in my arms. It shouldn't be necessary at this age but I might as well try in case it is.

"You're too nice. He isn't your problem. The police would be perfectly capable of holding him till they found his family." My friend sent a pitied expression my way.

"So they can put him in a midway home until he runs away and gets hit by a car? No way. Besides, I already made him a promise. I was knighted!" I said in protest.

"Antonio, this isn't a game. You have to do what's best for both of you. You can't be playing daddy all day. You have work and school! This isn't even your kid!"

I didn't answer, just gave him my saddest, begging puppy face.

"That won't work Antonio. This is another LIFE! You can't be responsible for that! You can barely remember to feed yourself!"

I continued my pout, widening my eyes pleadingly.

"Listen to me! This is a bad idea! It's the worst idea in the history of ever!"

I kept up the irresistible pouty face for a few minutes. They all fall. Without fail. They all fall to the power of the pouty face.

"Get food in him." He finally said with a sigh and rubbed the tension that had been manifesting in his temples. "I'm not saying this is, in any way, okay but sick kids need to eat lots of food. Have you been feeding him?"

"Well he had half a glass of tomato juice earlier today." I answered, glad he was going to help me out for at least a little while.

"You need to pump him full of fluids, make sure he's using the bathroom often and make sure what's coming out of him is healthy looking. You also need to make sure that he's getting lots of vitamins and sleep."

"Gracias! Gracias!" I gratefully hugged him with one arm. "I'll give him back the moment I find his family. Promise!" I began to search through the cupboard for food.

"You're an idiot." He muttered under his breath and sat on my couch.

"Oh! Francis! He peed on that." I mentioned once I saw him out of the corner of my eye. He jumped off the seat instantly.

"Seriously!?" He studied his back end for any sign of wetness.

"Yeah. I have to teach him how to use the toilet." I went back to searching my cabinet for suitable food all while holding the boy in one arm.

"He's not even potty trained!?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Antonio! Really! You don't have the time to watch this boy day and night! Children are a HUGE responsibility!"

"Please keep your voice down, he's sleeping. And it's not like he's MY kid. I'm just going to hang out with him for a while."

"What about when you leave home!? You can't really expect to be able to shove him in a tote bag and take him everywhere!"

"Of course not. I'll figure something out. Doesn't Lilly work part time at a day care? I'm sure she could give me a great discount. I'll figure something out."

"Can you even afford that? Antonio, be serious. You're my friend, I only want to help you."

"Gracias." I answered and gently pushed his tongue back into his mouth before wiping away the drool. My shirt was going to need a few runs through the washer when the day was over. "Wake up, Lovino." I said then bounced the boy a bit more roughly until his little honey eyes flickered open.

He grumbled tiredly and tried to hide his face in my shirt. I pulled him off me and instead sat him on the counter. I showed him the display of food. "You hungry?" I asked.

"Yes." He answered drowsily and rubbed his eye.

"Do you want um…pears?" I asked and picked up the can.

He shook his head and instead picked up a box of cinnamon pop tarts before shoving them at me. "Open these." He commanded.

**11. Fairies love cinnamon pop tarts**

"Say please." I asked and took the box but made no move to open it. I was determined to teach this seemingly clueless child.

"Please." He answered, a bit annoyed. I smiled and opened the box then removed a pastry from its silver confines. He took it from my outstretched arm and began to much on it.

"That doesn't count as nutritious." Francis mentioned.

"It's fine. Look, he's happy~" He looked as emotionless as always but I had a feeling he was happy.

"Whatever. Look, I have some where I have to be so I'm going to write out a list of basic rules of thumb when trying to parent a stolen child, some numbers like poison control and the department of child services and Lily's number. Okay?" He took a note pad out of his bag and began to scribble out meaningful symbols.

**12. Friends are very important in such scenarios.**

"Thank you, amigo." I gave him an honest smile then cleaned Lovino's face of the half chewed mush food.

"Yes, yes. Just…be careful, alright? You can call me or Gilbert whenever you need to." He tore a page out of his yellow pad and left it on the coffee table.

"I will. Thank you." I heard him snicker at me in a friendly way before leaving. It was quiet again before the room was filled with the sound of Lovino choking on his pop tart.

I quickly patted his back and helped it down. Once he finished, I explained how the TV worked and left him in my room. The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. I made cereal for dinner and recorded his temperature before bed, as suggested by my friend.

When it was finally time for me to sleep, I was well beyond worn out. I slept in my bed with Lovino and wondered just how long it would be until I found his family. Honestly, I was fine keeping him a week or so. I had taken a bit of a liking to the little fairy boy.

**14. You know you're in too deep when you become attached.**

**That's all I have today but what kind of blogger would I be if I didn't have more tomorrow? As always, I love you all, Adios!**

**-Antonio Fernandez Carriedo.**


	3. The Fairy

BLOG FAIRY

The fairy.

**Hola, readers! My blog is always a place for you to come when you wonder about what to do in your life. If you're reading this bog entry, you've probably found yourself in the same predicament that I have. In that case, I'd like to give you a warning in hopes that reality doesn't hit you as hard as it hit me.**

**Fairies are real, it's possible you brought one home and it's possible that you have partaken in a quest to get him back to **_**his **_**home. That's reality for ya, a real bitch.**

**Now, I can't change what has happened but I can give you a few useful pointers. These things, I had to learn the hard way but I will give them to you for free. Here we go.**

**15. Fairies are what you would call 'morning people'…times a hundred.**

It is unfortunate for one to be awoken by an anxious little boy bouncing on their chest and demanding their attention. Then again, I was not a very fortunate person.

It was…God, I don't know how early. Way too early for anyone in their right minds to be awake. That was to be expected, since this kid was far from his right mind. I grumbled bitterly. It was _supposed_ to be my day off. Normally, I would sleep till noon then spent the rest of the day eating and scratching my crotch. Not today.

"Lovi, go back to sleep." I moaned and glanced at the window. In a normal city, it would still be dark but the big apple wasn't called 'The city that never sleeps' for nothing. No, it lived up to its name. Daylight, all. the. time.

It was a city of electricity and luminescent signs. Granted, it was not as bad as Time Square but living in Upper East was still like living in a firefly forest. (The only difference being that I was paying a hell of a lot to live there.)

"I can not go back to sleep, the morning sun is burning me." The renaissance prince answered without removing himself from my chest.

**16. Fairies can be burned by the morning sun.**

I shut my eyes tight and groaned again. "Lovino, first of all, that's not the sun. It's artificial light. Second of all, it's not burning you. Your eyes are just adjusting. Can you go back to sleep now?" I explained and pulled a pillow over my own burning eyes.

"Have I not said that I am unable to sleep?" He was growing annoyed. "The sun _is_ awake for I can feel it. My flesh can deceive you not."

"Go to sleeeeep!" I whined.

"But it is hurting me!" He pleaded again. That time I decided to face the harsh light and open my eyes. If he said he was being hurt, maybe he was.

He held out his bare arms. OH. MY. GOD. He was…boiling! His skin was making a low sizing noise and welts splotched him. My first thought was, holy shit, this kid is being burned by the sun! then, I remember that was impossible. My next thought consisted of pleading with myself not to throw up at the act of inhuman bodily functions. Lastly, I deduced that the child had gotten into pills or something.

"What did you do!?" I exclaimed and sprung up. The rapid adrenalin was enough to wipe my tiredness completely from my body.

"I have done nothing!" He answered and hopped off the bed, revealing his nude little form.

"You had to do something! People don't just boil!" I cried and quickly engulfed the boy in a heavy quilt my grandmother had passed down to me. (Hopefully, he wouldn't pee on this too.)

"So this is not common for humans?" He cocked his head, legitimately confused.

"What are you talking about?!" I crouched to his level. "No, it's not! How long have you been doing this?" What on Earth was wrong with this kid!?

"Since I became a human." He answered flatly. Since he was born? I didn't understand him! I didn't understand how he spoke or how he acted or anything!

"So it's a disease? A skin problem?" I asked, hurriedly. First things first, fix Mr. Melting Pot.

"What?" He was taken aback by my question. "I am not ill." He clarified.

"Did your mommy or daddy or grandpa or whoever bring you to a hospital? Do you remember taking medicines or wearing wraps?" I grabbed his arms, trying to extract information from him.

"Medicines? Do you mean a cure for the burns?"

"Yes! A cure. What did you do to heal them before?" I asked. Finally, we were getting somewhere.

"I will show you." He answered, easily breaking my hold and squatting down into a fetal pose. This act took me by surprise but I guess I should have been used to it by now. With one hand, he motioned me down as well. I obeyed and sat before he covered us both with the quilt, making a human tent.

"I don't understand-"

"Look." He instructed and held out his arms. I couldn't see much in the dim light but I could tell the boils had greatly reduced. He was… healing himself! And with incredible speed! The red splotched were fading, the sizzling had subsided. That's when it hit me. These acts were completely nonhuman.

**17. When reality finally bitch-slaps you in the face, it's gonna hurt.**

"Lovino…what's wrong with you?" I asked in a mix of shock and horror. My body was frozen and the sweat beads on my neck had frozen over. He was…he was something special. This was more than just a mutation, this was super human abilities. Everything that had seemed so weird but I had brushed off was now coming back to haunt me and was proving to be more that I had originally thought.

"Not a great deal. You see, I have almost completely healed." He answered coolly, inspecting his arms.

"No…what's _wrong_ with you." I repeated, voice trembling.

"I believe I am functioning correctly as a human but thou's tone dast indicate that I am mistaken. What is troubling you?" Big honey eyes looked up at me with wonder. He was…a monster! The pointy teeth, the inhuman agility, the burning and healing flesh, it was all there! How had I not see it!? I shot to my feet and put space between us with panic. Monster: bad. Bad: danger. Danger: run. Makes perfect sense.

"Antonio?" A little voice called as I rapidly fled to the living room, jumping over obstacles. I hoped the loud thumping my feet created would not wake the neighbors. Panting, I tucked myself behind the couch and remained as silent as I could, survival mode initiated.

"Antonio?" It called again. Little papping feet alerted me of its movements. I remained perfectly still, my breath hitched, making my presence one of invisibility.

"Where have you gone? What is wrong?" Distress tinted the voice. I had no idea what to do or how to escape. It could find me and attack me, just like it did to Francis! Then again… it had never been violent towards me…maybe it was tame- NO! It was a monster! Just like in the movies with the sharp teeth! But…it was much cuter than those monsters…

I was at war with myself. A. Hide, wait till it falls asleep or force sleep upon it with a frying pan. B. Approach cautiously with out a plan. Really! What would I do if it didn't attack me?! I had nothing to say to it! Still, I was curious…

"What are you?" I asked with a tiny voice. and peeked my eyes over the top of the couch. I was taking a huge risk here. I was unarmed and it knew my hiding pace.

The little one was wearing the quilt like a shawl and standing in the corner of the room. The moment my voice hit it's ears, it turned towards me. His glare seemed as innocent and confused as before…It's! It was an 'It'. I had to keep reminding myself of that.

"What do you mean?" He asked, distraught and a little afraid.

"What kind of creature are you?" I asked. I was gaining more confidence as his submissive appearance grew more familiar. He didn't look like he was going to attack. On the contrary, he looked like he feared attack.

"I don't know. I was a fairy for as long as I could remember but now I am a human who still holds fairy traits. Though, somehow, being with you has sparked my humanity. I seem to be visible now." He answered, never breaking our eye contact.

"Fairies aren't real." I corrected.

"Am _I _not real?" He countered. IT countered. It was still a monster…or a fairy.

"I don't know." I answered, making up my mind.

"Have you not heard me speak in a language that you understand?" It asked.

"I…I have…"

"Have you not touched my body and received the feeling of another?"

" I have." I grew slightly more sure.

"And do you not see me before you now?"

"I do."

"Then what is to prove my nonexistence!?" He cried, making me flinch.

"If you're a fairy, than do something fairy-like." I ordered. He could be lying. He could be a demon or something.

"What does a fairy do that humans do not?" He asked, looking ready to cry. He was still just a little boy and little boys cry when frustrated or being yelled at. Both of which he was currently experiencing.

"Uh…magic. Do magic." I suggest. Yes, I felt a little bad for making a child cry but I could set aside my guilt for the fact that an other-worldly creature was standing in my living room.

"I possess no magical abilities yet I was under the impression you, wizard, did! Have I been tricked!?" The tears broke, giant watery marbles pumbled down his cheeks and popped to the floor before disintegrated into dark puddles. He really was just a kid. My heart dropped a but and the guilt caught up.

"No, I'm not a wizard." I admitted, though I had never said I was.

" So I have been made a fool of! Their chants were not in vain, I see. All hail Lovino, the King of Fools!" A loud sob and tears continued to dominate the room, my heart wretched.

"I never said I was a wizard, that was all on you." I said in my defense.

"Of course. I should have seen that, I'm such a fool! That is only what I wished to be true but you are a mere human and I am a mere fool." He whimpered with shaky breaths.

"Look…you may be a…a fairy or something and I may not understand any part of this but…from what I know about you, you're not a fool. You're a very smart little boy." I stood my full length, not afraid of the little one anymore.

"I've been a complete imbecile! There is no hope for me, I should have faced that sooner." Drool dribbled like a river from the mouth he was still learning how to use and snot collected into a slimy wad on his face. The poor boy. He wasn't a monster, he was a child who was hurting. It was obvious now. Lovino, regardless of the teeth, had very true, very human emotions.

**18. Fairies (if yours is anything like mine) are not monsters. Quite the opposite. They are sensitive, loving and honest.**

I walked out from behind the couch and over to the boy, growing comfortable. "Common, quit that. Don't cry." I begged. The little one looked up at me and took a step back, afraid.

"I'm not angry with you, it's okay. Just…" I sighed, "Come here." I crouched and opened my arms. Regardless of what the child was, what his background was, he needed to be held, like all children. I would figure the rest out soon enough.

He shook his head and remained in his current place. "Lovino, that's your name, isn't it?" I lulled softly. I was pretty great with kids, I had to admit. He nodded slowly.

"Is that what you want me to call you?" I asked again and again received a little nod. I smiled.

"Okay. I think that's a good name, don't you?" I knew exactly how to talk to him, I was the most popular babysitter back at home.

"It is alright…" He mused and gave a little shrug. Victory one: he speaks.

"Well, Lovino. I want to know why your crying."

"I…I feel helpless…and foolish." Victory two: He admits cause of sadness.

"What makes you feel like that?" He wiped at Lovino's red, wet cheeks.

"I-I am going to be trapped l-like this…forever and I-I-I-…I don't know what I am to do!" His sobbing suddenly resumed and fresh salty water marbles broke free from his eyes before cascading down his burning cheeks. I grabbed the edge of the quilt and dried his slimy face.

"It's okay, we can figure this out, I'll help you." I told him. Yes, that was a fuck'n huge thing to commit to but right then, I was ready to agree to almost anything. Seeing little kids cry…it's just heart breaking. Their innocent souls don't deserve it. The little one walked right into my arms and let me comfort him. Victory three: Physical interaction. I rubbed up and down his back in a smooth rhythm till his harsh breath relaxed.

"Thou cannot help me. There are no answers to be found. I have no home, nobody I knew feels more than hatred for me. I am cursed and lost." He answered, chubby hands gripping my shirt as hard as they could. I let out a deep, relaxed sigh.

"I'm sure if you apologized and talked it over, you guys could make up and get along just as you used to." I suggested.

"Obviously, thee hast never been shunned. It does not work in such a manner. If I were to see my tribe again, they would kill me without doubt."

"Geez, really? Whad'ya do?" I momentarily forgot my child-whisperer voice.

"I was just…me. There was not a soul that did not hate me."

"And they can kick you out for that?"

"It is a dictatorship…a mutiny. There are no rules as to why or how one may be shunned. Unlike humans, fairies do not carry the same morals of justice or pride or even mercy. They live in the wild ways."

"Oh…wow…"

"Dast thou pity me? There be no need for that, I do not wish it."

"No, I don't usually pity anything that can be helped. While I'm sure some bummer things went down, I can't change those so I'd rather think about how I can help you with your future." Every word dragged me deeper and deeper into promises with the boy. Let's be frank, he was _not_ human. I wasn't sure what I thought about the 'fairy' deal but in the long run, I should not involve myself at all. Dammit, I always ended up doing stupid things.

"I do not need your help." He answered. Somehow I was relieved but also worried. I couldn't let him run free. Fairy or not.

"You need me." I corrected.

"I need a wizard and you are not a wizard, there for, I do not need you."

"You need a friend." I wanted to bang my head against the wall for that. What was I doing!? Offering to friends with a mythological creature!? Why couldn't I just be normal and smart…dammit.

"A friend is but a person who wishes to leach off you until they have drained all that is useful. That is when they deceive you and leave."

"Lovino…you haven't been keeping very good friends, have you?"

"I do not know what makes one friend more desirable than another but I have no desire for either."

"That's a shame."

"I am leaving. You be no wizard and I be no human. We have no need for one another." He stood up, wiped an arm across his eyes and began to head towards the door.

"You can't go out there." I interjected.

"Why not?" He asked, a bit annoyed.

"Your naked. Humans can't do that."

"Is the human body not identical for all males? What is there to me shameful of?"

"I dunno, we just don't do it. Especially not in front of the ladies."

"Would females not become interested when a male flaunts his genitals? That is the behavior of other mamals."

"Well, yes…that is attractive but we do it with clothes on. It doesn't quite make sense but that doesn't change the fact that you can't walk around naked, no matter what you are."

"Fine, I will do as the humans do. Where art my drapes?"

"I haven't brought them to the laundry room yet. You can wait around and eat some breakfast."

He considered it for a bit then shuffled back to me. "Dast though still fear me?"

"I wasn't afraid."

"You seemed to be."

I wasn't! I was just started. Human skin doesn't boil."

"Had I not warned you that I am a fairy?"

"Yeah…you did I guess… in my defense, fairies aren't real."

"But I am real."

"That could be debated. I could just be really high."

"High?"

"Never mind. Let's get you to the bathroom before you pee on the carpet." I picked him up by his arm pits and carried him into the bathroom. "Alright, I need to show you about the toilet." No, I wasn't just blowing off the whole fairy thing but I decided to let myself take it (if it _was_ the truth) one dose at a time.

"If you have to go number one-" I started.

"What dast thou refer to when using the term, 'number one'." I sighed.

"It means pee-pee, y'know…from the front. Also, you're going to have to learn to talk like a normal person."

"I am speaking English."

"True, true. _But_…it's weird. Nobody talks like that anymore. I'll get to that later, first, let's learn how to pee."

"I know how to urinate, are you dull?"

"No, I meant peeing in the toilet. Just stand in front of it and when you have to pee, you just pee. Um…maybe I should show you."

"I have no idea what you are trying to tell me." I sighed and pulled down my pants, displaying my red boxers.

**19. If peeing in front of a six-year-old fairy boy at five in the morning becomes a casual experience, you're in deep, amigo.**

"Alright, you think you can do that?" I asked and pulled up my sweat pants.

"I can't reach." He answered flatly, inspecting the toilet bowel. He had initially been very startled when I flushed. It took me a while but I explained the inner workings of the device. I didn't know very much but I knew a satisfactory amount.

"Oh, yeah, I guess you can't…" I looked around for something that might add height to the boy. I wasn't necessarily a messy person, noting could be found. I picked him up on my own and held him wear I thought the 'it' would successfully fall into the bowl. "Okay, go." I instructed. This was long since embarrassing for me, besides, he was just a kid.

"Go where?" He looked back at me.

"Where?...Oh! No, 'go' means using the bathroom. Go pee-pee." I urged again and shook him a bit, trying to start it up. Usually, when I babysat, parents had already taken care of this or they were in diapers.

After a minute, the stream was a-flow'n. Lovino wasn't especially excited but once I started encouraging and praising him, he learned this was an accomplishment to be proud of. I big smile slopped over his face. He looked pretty ridiculous. Obviously he hadn't smiled very much and his face wasn't used to the new form.

"Good job." I set him down and something amazing happened. I felt pride accumulating in the happy part of my stomach. It felt good. I was proud of the little boy. "You want to wear clothes, right?" I asked. He nodded excitedly.

"I want to wear what you wear." He admitted.

**20. When self-hating fairies receive an open display of approval, they become copy-cats in order to receive more.**

"Oh, okay. Well, I was just going to wear a t-shirt so I guess you can wear one too." I said and walked him to the bedroom, where I closed all the curtains. I had done the right thing when I invested in black-out shades as protection from the big city, though they now functioned as anti-skin-boiling shades.

I threw a shirt on myself, labeled by the Moma, where I currently worked and a pair of jeans. I showed Lovino to my drawer. "What shirt do you want to wear?" He inspected the contents quickly then answered by pointing am me. "Wait…mine? No, you can't wear this one because _I'm_ wearing it."I told him, a little disbelieving.

He only continued to point at my shirt. "No. common, look at these ones." I directed his attention back to the drawer. "Which of _these_ do you want to wear?" His little hands began to sort through them then pulled out a light blue one that read, 'Big Mouth Beast Burger, the grand four pounder'. I had won it back in my home town. The local diner had issued the challenge and it remained unbeaten until Antonio Carriedo had himself a ten mile jog and stopped by for lunch. (Honestly, one of my greatest accomplishments.)

"That's a really good one." I told him. I pulled it over his head, letting it fall down to his knees. I had to admit, he was pretty darn cute for whatever he was. He had fluffy autumn hair and big honey eyes to accommodate his pudgy baby face. He couldn't really be a monster, could he? He was harmless…he was a little baby.

"Breakfast." I announced and clapped my hands once. "Maybe we should go have breakfast with one of my friends. Gil like to cook." I offered. Lovino shook his head.

"I do not like strangers." He said flatly, a scowl crept onto his face.

"You like me. You even agreed to come home with me."

"I was under the impression that you were a wizard."

"I was under the impression you were normal." I countered, walking to the kitchen, trailed by the little one. "So are you pulling my leg with this whole fairy thing? I've never seen fairies before."

"I can assure you, I have no intention of pulling any legs." I chuckled.

"No. I mean, are you trying to play a trick on me? I've only heard of fairies in stories, why haven't there been documents and sightings?"

"There have been but they are so few, no one believes them. You see, fairies live in tribes and they do not want to be found. Many tribes will have no opposition to killing a human who discovers them." I shivered at that response. Whenever I thought of fairies, I was reminded of Fantasia or those sculptures people tried to sell me at the renaissance festival. Those were so beautiful and graceful but how Lovino described them, they seemed like barbarians.

"So…how many fairies are alive today?" I asked. The boy sighed and wedged himself up, onto a chair.

"My kind…It is a fight of survival, even among the culture. Only the strongest and most ruthless may succeed. Many are killed, eaten, lost or…shunned."

"What do they eat?" I sat down as well, getting comfortable for the interrogation.

"They eat all wild foods. Berries, fruits, animals. They never eat each other out of hunger but rather revenge. If a fairy is caught stealing food, it might be decided as fair punishment." My stomach churned and flipped at the image of such a society.

"Oh my god…" I chocked.

"What is an appropriate response to such a crime for humans?" He watched me, curiously.

"Stealing? Well, if they were caught and it was something small, they would talk it out, get a warning and maybe a prohibition from a store. If it's something bigger, the police would charge them. Depending on the severity, they could charge them with a fine or the suspect could have to go to court." I explained, extremely grateful for that system. I had never truly appreciated it until then.

"Co-art?" He cocked his head and quickly wiped a bit of spittle away from the corner of his mouth.

"Court. It's were someone who is suspected of doing something can go to a jury of his peers, present his case, be defended and have his fate decided by them. Every American citizen has the right to a speedy trial and an attorney."

"Uh- turn- ee?" He asked again. This was going to be a long day.

" An attorney is a person whose job it is to defend people."

"What reason do they have to care?"

"Well…that differs between lawyers. Some are just in it for the money. Some want justice for the wrongfully accused and some just like to help others."

A long silence and a completely confused face followed. "…Are you tricking me?" He suddenly seemed offended.

"No! That's how it works! There are multimillion dollar businesses that are dedicated to just giving things away for free. People travel across the earth in great numbers to rebuild town that have been destroyed. People gives billions of dollars to people who need it without question."

A long, blank, unbelieving stare hit me dead in the face.

**21. He will find the idea of charity completely unreal.**

"Do you mean that people just give things that are important to them to others just because…it is 'the right thing to do'?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying." It was nice to hear him say 'do you' instead of 'dost thou'.

"And they don't get _anything_ out of it!?" He was leaning far forward, clinging to his seat so as to not fall off.

"Not _nothing_. When you do something good for others without expecting rewards, you feel good about yourself and it also helps how your seen by those around you."

"But…I do not understand!" He cried. I smiled and stood up before gently ruffling his hair.

"I'll teach you about it later. First, breakfast!" I cheered and made my way to the kitchen, looking through cupboards. "We'll have to walk to the corner store today since I only got halfway yesterday." I sent an accusing look his way.

"What do humans eat?" he asked, toddling into the kitchen.

"Food." I rummaged around.

"You are hilarious." A scowl to prove his point. "What is that there." He gestured to the can in my hand.

"Campbell SpagettiOs. Do you want these for breakfast?" I asked and showed him the can. Wait…had he gotten bigger? He seemed to have grown and inch or two since I turned my back. "Lovino…are you growing or something?"

"Hm?" He looked at himself. "It is possible. I seem to be doing that. Maybe I am seven now." He shrugged it off, more interested in the can.

"Wait, so you weren't _actually_ six?" I set the can down.

"I am not good at guessing age. My body looks seven now, does it not?" he took the can, rolling it in his hand.

"I don't mean that. I mean, how old are _you_? How long have you been alive?"

"That is a very difficult question to answer. Before I was inside my mother's womb, I was an orb and before that, I was collected sun. Time is different between creatures and even then, I never kept track of those things. My brother loves tracking the stars and all that nonsense. I want to eat this." He handed me the can.

"So your brother can monitor time? Can he tell how many times the Earth has rotated around the sun in his life? Ask politely." I was getting somewhere. This might give me a good guess of how old he was. I retrieved my can opener.

"I never really listened but he always told me, 'Many suns have passed in our lives. Each one of these has brought upon many good memories and many more are sure to follow. I could never remember the number though. I believe that the last one was…mm…a score? Could I _please_ eat these?"

I met the can to it's opened and began to pry the lid off. "How long is a score again?" I asked and removed the top before retrieving a bowl and pouring the mesh in.

"I do not know human time well." He answered. I slipped the meal into the microwave, a low hum filled the room. "What is that coming from?"

"The microwave." I rubbed some tired goo from my eyes.

"What is it doing?"

"Cooking the food."

His eyes lit up. " Where is the flame?"

"There's no flame. It sends these radiations called microwaves through the food, then something happens and it's warm."

"You do not seem to know very much about this magic."

"It's not magic. It's science. It's like…magic for humans."

"What other things can science do?"

"Science is everywhere. It explains every natural occurrence."

"Is it your god?"

"I guess you could say it's some people's god." It was so weird trying to explain things that were so simple. The alarm went off and I retrieved the food from the microwave before changing the topics in hope I would have to explain religion to him. I set bowl in front of him. "So you're going to start peeing in the toilet now?" I asked hopefully.

"I will try. As I have said, I have not mastered this form yet." He took the spoon I held out to him and looked curiously at it. I took it back, scooped the liquidy gruel onto it and handed it back. He was a fast learner, soon he was eating it all on his own.

"You really are a fairy then, huh?"

"Yes." He answered, mouth full.

"Freaky… what other magical creatures are there?" He swallowed the food in one big gulp.

"Faries, wizards, unrested souls, mermaids, nymphs…and I have met a satyr." Jesus Christ! How had these not been found!

"Where are they all hiding?" I asked.

"They are not hiding. They are in their natural land and even amongst the humans."

"Wait, so you mean there could me a mermaid working at Arby's?"

"Mermaids are the most known to engage in trade magic. For instance, one might trade their soul for human legs."

"Oh! Like the little mermaid!"

"Actually, mermaids of all size-"

"No, I mean, The Little Mermaid is a movie." He looked questioningly at me. "A movie is pictures that move." I clarified.

"And you insist there is no magic!? How does one make an image move if it does not live!?"

"Science." I answered. He lowered his head and ate his spagettiO's in defeat. I got the last tomato from my fridge and began to eat, lazily leaning on the table. "After breakfast we'll bring down the laundry and get the groceries, okay?" The red bulb tasted just as good as it always did.

"Okay." I looked over to him, studying his awkward method of scooping noodles.

"Your still going to leave?"

"Yes."

"Your choice." I sighed and went to find clothing for the boy to wear in the meantime. I ended up with a pair of boxers and flip flops. Neither would fit him but they would temporarily cover what they had to. When I saw him again, he had finished his food.

**22. If you hear a loud crash noise from the kitchen, don't assume it's nothing and try to brush it off. You know for a FACT that it's not nothing.**

"Lovino? What did you break?" I called from the bedroom.

"I didn't break anything!" I could tell he was getting into a feisty mood. I was confident that I could handle that, I had handled plenty of rambunctious children…how wrong I was.

I wearily trudged out to the kitchen (God, this kid could wear me out pretty fast). "What was that crash sound?" I repeated. The little one stood in front of the sink with the bowl broken at his feet. "Did you try to clean?" I asked after assessing the evidence.

"It's your fault!" I was sort of proud when I heard him use his first contraction but shocked when I heard the rest.

"How is it my fault!?" I exclaimed and stomped over to him.

"I didn't do it! I swear! It was a squirrel!" He denied with a deep scowl.

"There are no squirrels in here. You're lying." My voice suddenly switched to a dark, intimidating tone. It would be one thing if he broke a dish but it was a whole other thing if he was lying about it. Children should not lie. It was a rule I had always enforced and will always believe in.

"I'm not lying! The squirrel just left!"

"Tell me the truth. What happened that caused that dish to break?" My voice was demanding, enough to scare a child into submission. Yet, Lovino was no ordinary child.

"I. Did. Not. Break. The. Dish." He repeated confidently.

"Why won't you just admit it!?" I cried angrily.

"I didn't break it!" He tried again.

"Corner." I demanded.

"What?"

"Go sit in the corner." I ordered and jabbed a finger towards the far corner of the living room. I was frustrated. Why on Earth was he so instant on lying!?

The boy suddenly shot me a face of terror. His head sunk and he shuffled over to the corner. I didn't understand that at all. What he afraid of corners? I shrugged it off and began to clean up the glass. He could have a few minutes of time out then we would try again. It was important he learned that lying was bad.

**23. Fairies are persistent liars…but for good reason.**

"Are you ready to admit to breaking the dish?" I asked him ten minutes later, when I had finished cleaning.

"It was a squirrel." He repeated.

"Lovino, I know it wasn't a squirrel! All of the windows and blinds and closed, there were no squirrels. Just tell me what happened." I growled. I tried to tone it down, since he was just a boy but it was getting on my nerves.

"I-it was a magic squirrel! It just appeared and broke the dish but it left before you could see it." I didn't understand at all! How could he still be going with that story? It was ridiculous.

"Stand up." I ordered. I didn't want to have to take that step but he had to learn. Panic rushed his face. Regardless, he obeyed. I thought he was too old for this treatment but if it still took a bit of pain to reinforce a lesson, then I was going to do it. I quickly met my hand to his rear.

I never called it spanking because it wasn't. Spanking is a punishment, this is a learning aid (as dumb as that sounds). Some kids weren't fully cautious of words and consequences so you had to associate a physical deterrent. When spanking, the point is to give the victim a pain that says, 'because you did that, I'm going to hurt you'. I hated that, I would never spank a child. When I hit him, I did it with my hand flat so that it was a slightly uncomfortable pressure that said 'when you do bad things, you don't feel good, just like this'. That probably didn't make sence.

I tapped him twice and told him, "Lying is bad. I don't want you to lie to me anymore." Before standing up. He stared at me, astounded.

"That's it?" He asked in shock.

"That's it. I can't force you to say anything so I'll just have to hope you learn later."

"But that didn't even hurt!" He followed me to the kitchen.

"Of course it didn't. What'd ya think I was going to-" Then it hit me. Everything made sense. "Lovino…what did you think I was going to do?"

"Break my arms." He answered. Of course, so that was it. From what he had told me about the fairies, I could believe that lying was a lifesaving trick used every day.

"No, no! Breaking a dish is nothing to worry about." I reassured him. "I'm not angry about the dish. I'm angry that you lied to me." His little auburn head flopped down in shame. My guilt started to well up a little bit. He didn't know I wasn't going to hurt him, he was just afraid. I leaned down and picked him up before holding him against my chest like an infant and bouncing him. He was startled at first but he relaxed and fell weakly in my arms.

"You don't have to lie, I won't hurt you, I can promise that." I cooed as I gently bobbed him.

"I broke the dish…" He whispered.

"I know you did. You were trying to clean, weren't you?"

"Yes…I'm no good at cleaning."

"Then I guess it's a good thing I am. Now, we're not going to tell anymore lies and we're going to pee in the toilet, right?" I was acting like a mother rather than a struggling college student.

"I will try." He answered. Satisfied, I sat him down and showed him the clothes. I explained how to wear each piece and outfitted him. I ended up having to use a piece of string to hold up the boxer since the elastic wasn't small enough for his miniature, three foot four body (Yes, I measured him).

The flip-flops made loud slapping sounds each time they hit the ground which was to be expected, they were far too big for him. His feet weren't used to holding onto sandals and they would slip off every few feet. i gave up training him after a while and fitted him with socks instead.

"We'll see if we can't find a cheap pair for you while we're out." I told him, regarding the shoes and we left. Once we reached the street, a familiar sight greeted me. Buildings, tall as the skies, framed the thin strip of black road. I could see The Dakota just a little ways up the street right ahead of central park. I looked to the little one beside me and picked him up then made my way into the thicket of green.

Ever since I moved to this city, I had always loved the park. I showed Lovino the quickest path through, making sure to stop by the Bethesda Terrace and gave him a quarter to throw into the water.

"Throw it in and make a wish." I told him with a quick demonstration. He looked at his coin then the fountain.

"Will my wish come true?" He asked. I thought about that and pointed to the angel on the top.

"If she thinks it's a good wish." He looked at her too then tossed his silver coin, whispering a wish. I could tell by his desperate expression that it was a really good one. I pulled the rest of the change out of my wallet (equaling somewhere around two dollars) and tossed it in.

"Are you allowed to make more than one wish?" he washed the change plop into the cold water.

"No, but the people who don't have money often come here to pick up some cash. It could mean a mean for them so I like to donate my spare change."

"This is…chariot."

"Close, charity. Yes, it is. Here." I handed him a nickel. "That's yours; you can do whatever you want with it." He flipped it over in his fingers, inspecting it then the well. Back and forth, he looked until something else caught his eye. His little legs suddenly started carrying it somewhere else. Shit! Was he running away!?

Suddenly, I saw him halt in front of a heap of blankets and hold it out to the person inside. "This is a present… for free." He told the bum who curiously looked back at him. I went to Lovino's side. I guess I had forgotten to tell him about talking to strangers. I put a protective hand on his shoulder.

"God be with you." The scruffy man muttered and accepted the coin from the scowling boy. The feeling of pride washed over me, even greater than when he peed in the toilet. All of that was brought to an abrupt end.

"And now you give me something back because now I have no money either." Lovino informed him.

"No, no Lovino. That's not how it works." Okay, so maybe he didn't quite grasp the whole concept.

suddenly held out a little piece of rubble for the child who took it, proud of himself for completing the transaction. "No, sir. I'm sorry, that's not necessary." I told him and started to take the rock from Lovino's hand when the man stopped me.

"Let the child keep it." He turned to Lovino. I could'nt see his eyes from under his old, saggy brows but I knew if I could, he'd be making a deep eye contact. "That's I were I came from. I built those building only to be chased out by the terror and now I'm here. Take that as a reminder, son." I smiled and nodded.

"Thank you sir." I told him and led the fairy away. We began to follow the path again.

"This isn't money." He said, inspecting the lump of concrete.

"No, it's not. It's part of a building."

"What does it do?"

"It helps us remember. You see, a few years ago, bad people hit very important buildings and killed a lot of people."

"Why? Had had the building and people done?"

"They represented America and those people didn't like America. Oh, and America is the name of this county."

"How were they punished? Did they go to court?"

"No, They killed themselves and we killed their leader."

"So you rule them now?"

"What?"

"America has killed their leader so America is the leader of them."

"No. We can't lead them. Our ideas are too different and we don't get along. Oh! Lovino look!" I pointed to a familiar bench.

"What? I don't see anything."

"That's where I met you yesterday."

"Oh…it is…I never did repay you for sharing your home with me. Even though you're not a wizard as I had originally thought. Pick me up." He ordered and I obeyed. How sweet, he was going to give me a present~

I was instantly awoken from my happy thoughts when I felt a warm presence on my lips. As soon as it was given, it was taken. I was…kissed!?

I shot a surprised look at the little one who was unfazed. "I suspect that is a sufficient thanks." He said.

"Wait! What? Did you kiss me on the lips!?" I hushed my voice the instant I heard how that sounded.

"Is that sign of affection not desirable for humans? I was under the impression it was."

" No! You can only kiss on the lips if you love someone."

"What does love feel like?"

"Do you really not know about love? Do fairies not…"

"Some claim to but there was none of that in my tribe. What does it feel like?"

"Love…um… well, I'll tell you later but for now just remember that you can't do that."

"How do I show gratitude properly?"

"You don't have to. I've enjoyed having you over."

"It is not honorable to leave without repaying you."

"I don't want anything, Lovino." I began to walk, still carrying him.

" Are you suggesting that you have absolutely no desires?"

"No, I have desires but I don't want you to repay me."

"You don't make any sense."

"Diddo." We exited the park not much longer. " I work at a museum just a little ways down there." I nodded my head in its direction.

"What does the museum display?"

"All different kinds of art work. We've got an ancient Egypt exhibit up right now and it's just phenomenal. The ancient Egyptians are a civilization that lived a long time ago."

"I want to see it."

"I have to work tomorrow; maybe I can show you around after my shift."

"I am leaving once my robes have been cleaned."

"Where are you going?"

"I do not know."

"Then why leave?"

"I do not want to be here."

"Why not?"

"You ask overmany questions."

"So do you."

"I do not want to be here because I do not wish to grow fond on another and face the same betrayal as I have before. I prefer to live out the rest of my life alone."

"What makes you think I'll betray you?" I opened the door of the corner store for him.

"Because you are a creature of selfishness, as are fairies." People gave us some weird looks but I didn't mind them. I made my way around, followed by the little one and collecting groceries.

"That's true, but I haven't done anything to make me distrust you, have I?"

"No, you have been nothing but kind which causes me to fear growing attached."

"Does that mean you like me?"

"I do like you, you are not unbearable." I chuckled.

"I like you too." Suddenly, the papping feet behind me halted. I turned around to access the issue. He was looking at me, so confused. The little floating curl stopped bouncing as it did when he took long strides. "What?" I asked.

"I don't understand. You have no reason to like me." I smiled and bent down a bit.

"Sure I do. I think you're unique. I've never met someone like you." I smiled my award winning smile for him but it wasn't returned.

"But…I have imposed on your home. I've eaten your food, lied to you, dirtied your furniture and broken your belongings as well as frightened you."

"I guess I like the thrill." I answered and picked him up again. I had to admit, I really liked to carry him.

"I really don't understand you." He told me as I pulled a box of cinnamon pop tarts off the shelf.

"I think you've already said that." I retorted.

"Because I don't believe I have ever been this confused." I picked up two candy bars and made my way to check out.

"The feeling is mutual." I handed the cahier my card, they swiped it and gave me my bags. "Got you something." I pulled a Snickers bar out of the bag and handed it to him.

"This is a charity?" He began to open it.

"No, it's a present."

"What is the occasion?"

"I dunno, friends just give each other things."

"We are not friends."

"What are we then?"

"….roommates." He told me as I rounded the corner and began to head home.

(Yay! I have to go back to school so I won't be updating as often but if you're reading this, thank you for reading my story! All questions, comments, concerns are appreciated. Also, if the pictures for my stories look like some dumb-dumb scribbled them out on MS Paint because the author didn't want to steal a picture they didn't own…bingo. Sorry, I'll make good ones later, I just needed something to put up in the mean while.)


	4. Growing close

BLOG FAIRY

Growing close

**Hola!**

**I'm so happy that so many of you read my blog. If you have in questions for me or Lovi, don't be afraid to ask. While you might not get a truthful answer out of Lovi, (He's still working on the whole 'lying' thing), I'm sure you'll get something. He's quite the chatter box.**

**Since I found Lovino that fateful day, I learned a lot more about him and I've grown a lot closer to the boy. Since I don't want to spill it all right now, I'll skip right into my notes.**

**23. Technology is, quote-on-quote, "tool of demon play".**

"Just press that red button to make the picture go away." I told the boy holding the TV remote. We had arrived back at the apartment an hour ago and now I was trying to explain technology to him. He didn't seem to understand at all and would panic when the channel changed. I wouldn't have bothered educating him on this knew skill if it weren't for all the time he would be spending at home since I was going to have to take a double shift.

It took double the money to support double the people. I could never explain why I was doing it. I was giving up practically all of my free time so I could work then come home peeing, screaming, mess-making little boy. Why on Earth would I ever think that was fair? I have no idea, it just felt right. For some reason, I didn't really mind working all day. I was used to going out with my friends, searching the internet for nothing, getting laid, all the fun stuff but Lovino, somehow, was different. I _liked_ taking care of him and telling him jokes he never got. It was a sense of fulfillment…like my life had actual purpose now. It was the best feeling ever.

While it is fun to goof around all the time, actually making something of myself was so much better. I loved watching Lovino eat till he was full and sleep whenever he was tired. It was just…I don't know…_real_. I felt _real_ for once.

"What is it's weakness?" He suddenly asked.

"Huh?" I looked down to the little one who dropped the remote, grabbed my crazy chocolate curls in his fists and began to climb all over me like a monkey. I didn't mind. He liked to climb, it was his style.

"I mean, if it is to betray me, how will I kill it?" He asked, conquering my head.

"Please don't kill it. It won't betray you, it can only do what you tell it to." I told him, wincing as little feet jabbed into my face for leverage.

"May I enslave it?" he perched himself of my head like a bird.

"I'd really prefer you didn't." His face suddenly met mine, looking upside down at me.

"May I enslave the blonde man?" Lovino didn't seem to like Francis very much.

"Sure, if you can catch him. He's pretty fast." A big grin spread over his face.

"I will be his master!" He exclaimed, excited.

"That's right. We'll have to trap him next time we see him. I'll help you out." I chuckled. Unfortunately, Francis would probably enjoy that.

"I will make him battle the aeh-cie in my honor!" He made a battling gesture and almost fell off my head, causing more pain when he forcefully regained his posture.

"The A/C is not an enemy. It keeps us cool when it's hot outside. I know it scares you when it turns on but it's just doing its job." I explained.

"It hurt me!" He hissed.

"No it didn't, that was the fridge, remember? You closed your hand in the door." When we had gotten home, I showed him how to pour his own juice…he's not very good at it.

"They are of the same kind!" He cried, glaring at the fridge.

"Alright, Lovi." His caused him to look back down at me, confused.

**24. Nicknames? Never heard of them.**

"You have mistaken me? My name be Lovino." He informed me.

"Humans use nicknames. It's a shorter version of the original name. Like A/C is a nickname for Air Conditioner. See?"

"So you are too lazy to spend miniscule seconds pronouncing one's proper name?"

"No, it's not laziness. In fact, some nicknames are longer than the original names. It's just a show of affection."

"You are affectionate with the Air Conditioner?"

"No, that one _is_ just laziness."

"I do not understand."

"Here. I'll call you Lovi and you can give me a nickname too."

"What is your nickname?"

"You get to make it up."

"Hm…" He looked around the apartment for ideas. "Tomato….bastard."

"What!? Where did you learn that word!?" I pulled him off my head so I could look him in the eye.

"A bastard is a child disowned by their father but I heard others use it in the park with affection. You like tomatoes so you're nickname can be tomato bastard." I was about to correct him but…It was so cute~! (No, being called a bastard is not cute but when it's given meaning like that…it sort of is) He was trying! He was giving me a name he thought was kind! Aww~

"Okay. But you can only call me that at home…and on one condition." I told him, evil smile playing over my lips.

"What is the condition?" He asked, his cute childlike curiosity making him pout unconsciously.

"You let me do…this!" I tackled him and quickly massaged his sides with my fingertips, causing him to cry out and squirm. A blaringly loud mix of laughter and cries filled the room like the thick smell of home cooked food. It was so cute and so…real. I don't know any other word that expresses the boy any better. His hearty laughter made me so warm inside, I just wanted to hear it more.

"Wh-Aah! Ahahah! Wh-what are- Wahahaha! What are you doing!?" He finally managed to scream at me through his laughter. I released him, laughing as well. "What was that!?" He panted, catching his breath.

"That, Lovi, is the joy of the tickle. It's both a weakness and a pleasure." I smiled stupidly at him and held myself back from grabbling him and doing it again.

"My…my sides hurt!" He whined before running off to the room, where he had claimed my bed as his sacred hiding spot. I laughed to myself and started putting away the groceries just minutes before a knock on the door interrupted me. I, of course, answered and found the elderly neighbor looking very disgruntled.

"Hola…Can I help you, sir?" I asked, wiping my hands on my pant leg (condensation from the pop cans I had just put away).

" I heard some…_rough housing_ with a small child involved. I just wanted to check up on him." He said, trying to look behind me for evidence of foul play.

"Oh, no. He's fine, I can assure him. I was just teaching him about his body." Shit! Not right, not right! " I was tickling him! He'd never been tickled before!" I instantly shot in defense.

"Hm…I want to see the boy." He declared.

"Actually, I think he's trying to sleep and he's trying to sleep and he gets cranky when he's tired-"

"Anthony, was it?"

"Antonio."

"Right, Antonio. Look… I want to see the boy."

I stood there with my mouth open, not sure what to say. I didn't want to bring Lovino out. I didn't know if he would decide not to like this man and attack him or if the man would notice the pointy teeth. For all I knew, Lovino could be naked! He often took off his clothes before napping. "Ah…Alright…Let me go get him." I jabbed a thumb into the house behind me, he nodded in response.

I quickly strode into my room and found only a lump under my blanket. Thankfully, when I pulled the sheet back (it released a warm puff of air, I felt bad for ruining that), I could see that he was still clothed. That saved quite a bit of hassle.

"Lovi, get up. You have to meet someone." I urged, nudging him slightly.

"Go away." He grumbled, pushing his face further into the warm comforter.

"Please~" I ushered him into a sitting pose.

"Leave me be! I am resting!" He growled.

"I wish I could but if you don't meet this person, you won't be allowed to stay here." Suddenly, his golden-crusted orbs looked seriously into mine. He stood up and tidied his clothes. "Thank you, Lovi. Just pretend to be a normal human, okay?"

"I understand, Tomato bastard." I smiled slightly at the name as we went out to the door. The man studied Lovino up and down.

"What's your name, boy?"

"Lovino."

"And your last name?"

"Carriedo."

"Ah, so you're related to Anthony?"

"Antonio. Yes."

"What were you doing?"

"I was just gonna take a nap or whatever."

" Gonna is not a word, son."

"Sorry, I'll work on that."

"Good, good…so what was all that yelling I heard?"

"Tickle fight."

"Ah, I see… and he didn't touch you anywhere else, did he?"

Lovino looked confused. "No… Sir, are you a perv?"

The man instantly became abashed and his cheeks coated red. "No! I'm not. I was just making sure there was no…_rough housing_."

"Well I can assure you that my _brother_ would never do that."

"Ah, well, I see. I'll be taking my leave now. I apologize for using so much of your time." Lovino waved and I shut the door before taking Lovino up in my arms.

"AWWW~! YOU'RE SO CUTE, MY LITTLE LOVI!" I cried, squeezing the life out of the poor boy.

**25. If you ever, in this process, doubted that this would be a good idea then this totally proves you wrong.**

"Set me down this instant! I wish to sleep now!" He growled and tried to pry himself away.

"You talked like a normal person!" I swayed him around, so proud. My Lovino was so…so ugh, I don't know, I just loved the boy. I pressed my pursed lips roughly against his cheek and sat him back down on the earth, as he belonged.

"Did you not say that touching one's lips to another was a sign of love?" A big smile crossed my face, he was definitely the cutest child I had ever seen.

"It is, I _do _love you~" I told him, bending down and kissing his cheek again.

"If you love me, why do you not profess such by kissing me on the lips?" He pouted.

"It's not that kind of love Lovi, your just a baby, mi bambino." I explained.

"I have lived longer than I appear."

"Oh yeah, a score right? I have to look that up."

"Yes, I believe that to be true but I never paid my brother a great deal of attention."

"I bet you regret that now."

Nervous eyes shifted to the floor, his hands fiddled with each other, knotting and unknotting fingers. My smile instantly shifted to a frown. "Oh, hey, I'm sorry…" I whined, resting my fingertips against his hairless arm in an attempt to snap him out of it.

"My brother is a good fairy…he isn't like the others. He only cared for me but I refused to believe him…I was blinded by my foolish pride… I was so foolish." I bent down to his height and used one hand to wipe the hair away from his face while the other held his arm, preventing his escape.

"Lovino, you're very bright." I reassured, earing me a hearty scowl.

"And you are a liar. You lie, you know that I be a fool but you wish to befriend me for selfish reasons. You are not unlike the others." He spat, adopting a cold tone.

"I'm not lying." I reassured. My hand was smacked away from his face. I wasn't sure where this hostility had suddenly come from but it was obviously a mask. I must have said something to trigger him.

"Yet you claim love for me?" He asked, accusingly. I slowly nodded.

"Si, I love you." I answered with determination.

"No such thing is possible! I have not known you but two days so if love is true, it cannot be achieved in such little time. You are lying, you want something from me. Pray, tell so that I may repay you and leave." Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. Leave?! He had just gotten here!

"No, love doesn't have time limits or minimums or whatever. I just… I want to take care of you." I tried to explain.

"You wish to imprison me." He corrected. "I am not a slave, I hold no magical powers, I am not helpless. I be not a wailing dame to be saved by a price and I will not fall to trickery any longer." I was shocked. I had nothing to tell him, I had never been in such a situation. Finally, I came up with the best solution I could.

**26. Get him to cool down, save everyone some unnecessary pain.**

"Lovino, go take a nap." I ordered and pointed to my room.

"I do not feel tired." He protested. It was strange how he could go from sweet and childish to stubborn and mature so quickly. Maybe he was fairy-bi-polar…if such a thing even existed.

"This is what I want in repayment. Go to my room, get under the covers and sleep for a while…three hours. Sleep for at least three hours." Hopefully, this would give him some time to cool down and settle his thoughts. Maybe, he would think things through and come back out with an easier attitude (Though I had never been one to go for 'easy').

He huffed, landed a little fist as hard as he could into my stomach and stomped off to my bedroom, making sure to shut the door loudly. All kids had tantrums…but most didn't concern of threatening to run away and be eaten by squirrels. Why was this my life? Finding a fairy, bringing it home then falling in love with it… perfect. In fact, there has never been a person more deserving of a reality TV show than me. They could call it, 'The guy who made really terrible life decisions that turned out good sometimes but most times resulted in homelessness'. Of course, they'd have to call it TGWMRTLDTTOGSBMTRIH for short… or maybe just 'How Antonio lived his life'.

With a deep sigh, I released all of the pent up air filling my lungs and let my body relax. I wish I could go light myself a ciggy-bud but I had given that up years ago. I put Lovino's new Captain America flip-flops by the door next to mine and shoved the paper bags under the sink, reuniting them with the million others that had civilized in that cavern.

"-But are the aliens amongst us? Find out at eleven." The preppy TV voice announced. Honestly, I really didn't doubt it. My mind was still blown from what Lovino had told me and I knew I couldn't disprove aliens. Maybe I would find one, nurse it and end up becoming undeniably fascinated with it in a matter of hours…oh wait, that position had already been filled.

After wiping down the counters, I plopped onto the couch and watched the television until I fell asleep. I was left undisturbed for a pleasant while until, of course, a little finger was jabbed up my nostril, shocking me back to life.

I flickered open my eyes just to see the little one sitting on my chest and prodding a finger up my nose. "Lovino, take your fingers out my nose." I ordered just before they were removed.

"You were asleep." He noted, his usual flat face greeting me.

"Imagine that." I sighed and sat up but not before replacing the boy onto the floor.

"I do not have to, you were indeed slumbering." He cocked his head, back to his curious childlike mood. I was glad to see that.

"It's just a phrase. How do you feel?" I instantly switched topics.

"I am well rested and my nerves have settled…But I am still very confused." I gave him a small smile before hoisting my body off my warm spot and making my way to the kitchen, it was probably time to feed him again.

"Have you peed in the toilet recently?" I pulled a pot from under the sink and gently set it on the stove top that I then ignited.

"No, I cannot reach the toilet bowl." He seemed a little annoyed that I had changed topic.

"Do you need me to help you?" I asked without looking at him.

"No, I do not have the urge. Now, I wish for you to settle my curiosities." He groaned and lifted himself up onto a chair so he could watch me as I retrieved all of the ingredients.

"Okay, what's buggin' ya?" I measured milk and butter.

"I do not understand your affections."

"You don't have to, it's not something that you have to reason with."

"But can you not tell me _why_ you fell this?"

"Not really but I guess if I have to pick something… You're interesting. You're different."

"That is to be expected since I am the creature I am."

"No, not like that. You're just…I dunno~" I snorted a happy chuckle and looked back at him quickly to give him a give smile which he returned with a scowl.

"Why is it so difficult for you to tell me? Do you believe that I am too young to know?"

"No, you're very mature when you want to be. I just…I don't think I _can_ explain it. Why do you love your brother?"

"I love him because is of my own blood and we are bonded in that way."

"Well, humans can do that too. Even if we're not family we can love each other as if we were."

He was silent for a while, puzzled. "Like….blood brothers?" He asked.

"What do you mean?" I turned the stove up, trying to boil the water faster.

"Like two men who have traveled together and shared remarkable memories. Fairies have been told to cut each other and exchange blood. It is said that when they do this, they will always be able to find each other but I have never seen such."

"No, humans don't do that. I don't know how to explain it…" My phone began to play an 8-bit version of Call Me Maybe. Gilbert had set it and I had never bother to change it back to the jingling bell sound. Lovino's head perked up and looked around for the interrupting noise. He got up and pounced around like a cat. I knew he would find it so I didn't bother to go get it myself. If there was a thing the curious boy could do, it was find trouble.

"Who intrudes this house hold?" A little voice demanded from the next room. I laughed to myself and poured in the box of macaroni.

"Who is it, Lovi?" I asked loudly, stirring the raw shells.

"It's blondie!" He suddenly exclaimed, excited. "Yes! You may come over! Please do, we expect your arrival." The fast thumping noises of little feet brought the boy back to me though he almost tripped as he entered the kitchen. "Blondie is coming over soon!" he told me, smiling wide.

"Oh? Well I should make another box of macaroni." I took another out of the cupboard and poured it in.

"No! We must set our trap!" He objected, stomping his little foot.

"Oh, that's right. I wouldn't worry about that though. Francis is pretty weak when it comes to fighting, I'll just tackle him as soon as he walks in." I explained and set the timer on the stove.

"But then he will be my slave?" He eagerly bounced on the balls of his feet.

"Until he has to go, yeah." Lovino squeaked and took up a crouched position beside the door, silently waiting. He was freakishly persistent. He remained motionless for a whole ten minutes though any normal child would have given up after thirty seconds. Lunch had been prepared but I decided not to eat yet since it was clear the fairy had no intention of eating until his prey was caught.

"Bastard!" He suddenly yelled. I smiled and ran over to the man who had just begun to pull his leys from the lock. With a battle cry, I threw my weight into him and pumbled to the floor, Francis in tow.

"What's going on!?" My friend cried and tried to struggle but to no avail. My henchman and I burst out in laughter as I pinned him down and Lovi piled on top, throwing little fists everywhere.

"Surrender!" The little one ordered, bouncing happily on his poor victim.

"Okay! Okay! I surrender!" My friend yelled, causing me to stand up and pull the unwilling boy into my arms. Francis huffed and stood up before straightening his clothes and scowling at me.

"I here by dub thee, Francis, temporary slave of this household!" I cried, Lovino cheered and Francis snorted, sending me a small smile.

"It's nice to see you've only gotten crazier." He said, crossing his arms. "And you, little one, you've gotten bigger I think." He looked down at the fairy boy who had grown a total of an inch and a half in one day.

"Yeah, crazy what food does to him." I commented though I knew the real reason for the rapid growth.

"How's the search going?" He patted the boy's head once, a little afraid of the child.

"Nothing yet." I nervously twisted my hair around my fingers. This caught the eye of my friend.

"What is it you're not telling me?" He asked.

"Nothing, nothing. Let's have lunch."

"Your food is tasteless, I wish you had let me cook."

"Next time don't come over with a ten minute notice."

"Next time don't tackle me and call me your slave."

"You _are_ my slave!" The boy cried and began to climb up my friends. Francis panicked for a moment but I calmed him.

"Just let him, it's okay. We talked about being nice." Francis cautiously nodded and let the monkey child scale him. I went to serve three bowls of macaroni.

"So, Lovino, how old are you?"

"I am seven."

"Where are your parents?"

I set the bowls at the table. "Don't you think I've already tried that one?"

"Worth another shot." The Frenchman shrugged and turned to his bag. Undoing the latch, he dug a hand in and retrieved a twig with little yellow berries. He handed it to the boy who had become wide eyed in its presence. Soon, a little trail of drool began to dribble from his mouth. "Do you want this?" He asked. Lovino nodded quickly.

I was more than confused with this. Why was Francis giving my boy mystery berries and why was my boy practically orgasming with the sight of it? "What is that?" I asked just as I saw it being handed to Lovino. What if it was poisonous? I had never seen those before. Francis turned to me and smiled.

"It's a gift from a friend of mine." He explained. What the hell was he talking about?

"No! Francis, what IS that?" I exclaimed.

"It's a present for Lovino." He gently set it in the boy's hand who took it and ran off. The moment I overcame the shock, I flipped to aggression, aimed at my friend.

"What the hell did you give him?" I growled. Was he trying to sabotage? He wouldn't do that, would he? Kids get Little Debbie's and cheese stick for treats, not strange berries. Something was definitely up.

"Don't worry, Antonio. I have brought something for you too." He reached back into his shoulder bag but this time revealed a heavy, leather-bound book entitled 'The Forest People' with a little golden, winded character on the front. "I know." He said flatly and set the book on the table. His face had shifted from child friendly to serious.

I froze and looked down at the book.

No…he couldn't know….

"_What_….do you know?" I finally choked out. My friend sighed and sat down before gesturing to the seat in front of me. I sat.

"After I was here yesterday, I went to a friend's house a few blocks away for some 'quality time'. While I was there, we were making little chatter and I happened to mention the pointy-toothed child I had just met. He became fascinated. He asked me many questions and knew things I didn't even know."

"What has this got to do with Lovino? Lovino is just a little boy and I'm going to find his parents." I lied.

"I already know, don't deny it."

"How do you know that your friend isn't a total nutjob?"

"He's far too serious to be a nut job. Look, I came here because I want you to talk to him. He knows far more than you do."

"Lovino is fine, I'm doing fine."

"No, you're not. He's not a normal kid, Antonio. Those berries I gave him are necessary for him to live and you didn't even know that."

I looked down at my hands unable to speak. No, I hadn't known that at all. "It's not your fault. You don't know anything about this boy or how he lives. You're. not. ready. for. this. thing." He told me, carefully pronouncing each sound.

"NO!" I suddenly jumped up. "HE is not a THING and I can take care of him, I don't want him taken away!"

"I'm not going to take him away, I know you've grown close to him but it's like a…checkup! Little kids need to go gets checkups."

"What if your friend is a creep? What if he wants to do something to Lovino?"

"Then we let him do it. He knows best and he honestly cares for magic beings."

"I…I don't want to. I'll read that book and look things up but I'd feel best if he just stay here." Francis reached over and slowly pet my arm in comfort.

"I trust this man, Antonio… and you're my friend, my _closest_ friend. I wouldn't steer you wrong." Just then, a familiar happy boy bounced back out and made his way up onto my lap with some struggling. He paid no attention to the book, just me and my dazed expression. He poked me in the face once, trying to wake me up and succeeded. I looked down at the chubby child on my lap.

"Lovi…I'm going to take you to meet someone." I explained, coming my fingers through his hair. His eyes widened a bit.

"I don't want to see strangers." He told me in a low voice and shot a glance towards Francis.

"I promise, it'll be okay. Just eat your noodles then we'll go see him. It'll be over before you know it." I offered him a fake smile but I knew he didn't believe it. I scooted my bowl of noodles closer to him and encourage him to eat. When I looked up at my friend, he gave me a sympathetic nod.

Lovino finished my and his bowls before using the toilet like a big boy (I was so proud) and we hailed a taxi. Lovino refused to get in, fearing the mechanical beast but I solved the issue by shoving the boy into my sweatshirt were he felt comfortable. I stoked my overly pregnant belly as we drove, causing the little one to fall asleep.

We arrived at the condos that Francis had led us to and we went up the stairs, Lovino remaining asleep the whole way. Francis was the one to knock, a lightly bounced the boy. When the door opened, a grumpy looking blonde popped his head out.

His eyes widened when he saw my budging stomach not taking his eyes off it. I protectively shaded it with an arm. "Can I…can I see it?" He whispered, excited.

"Let's just get inside first." Francis answered for me and the door was opened further.

"Oh! Yes, excuse me. Come on inside." He offered, leaving an open hall for us to enter as we did.

"Let's get something straight. _He_, not _it_ and you don't do anything without my consent." I sent a deathly glare at the stranger who was all too happy to welcome us.

"Yes, of course. Francis told me that you would be coming by today and warned me of your temper." He explained, closing the door. I shot a look at my friend who just shrugged. Okay…that was true. I could be temperamental. Arthur seated us on his very expensive looking chairs and brought over a stack of books before plopping them loudly down before us, making the lump in my jacket stir.

"So, Mr. Antonio. I am under the impression that you have found a fairy." He smiled and sat down, giving me his full attention. I gulped.

"I…I believe so…" I peered into my shirt. The boy was adjusting into a comfortable position and looking up at me with tired eyes. I pulled my jacket up and over, revealing the boy. Arthur gasped and smiled.

"Hello there." He cooed and leaned forward. Lovino confusedly back, confused and tired. "Can you tell me your name?"

Lovino looked up to me then back to the stranger. "Lovi…" He answered and yawned. Arthur gasped again, as if his every move was a pure miracle.

"Hello Lovino. My name is Arthur."

"Eyebrows." The boy corrected. Francis snorted. "Eyebrow bastard".

"Excuse me!?" The brit asked in offence.

"He's giving you a nickname. He chooses the trait he finds the most humorous then adds bastard." I explained.

"Oh… well…I'd prefer you call me Arthur." He told the little one, frowning. Lovino shook his head. Stubborn and cute, as always. "Anyways, I'd like to know where you came from."

"I came from light." He answered flatly.

"I know that. I mean, where were you before you met Mr. Antonio?"

"I was in the park."

"Where was your tribe?"

"I was shunned."

"I see… and that is why you're human now?"

"Yes. Our leader, Anundr, cursed me."

"I see… I have someone I'd like you to meet. Tilly! Can you come here?" He called loudly. I held the little one possessively and looked up but no such Tilly came. "Oh! See, this is Lovino." Arthur said to the blank air. Okay…he was crazy. Surprisingly, the little boy began to hiss and growl like a wild animal.

"Calm down! It's okay, Lovi." I held him tighter but he wouldn't take his eyes off the blank air.

"Lovino, this is Tilly. She's a fairy too." Arthur explained, gently pulling the invisible figure from the air and holding his hand as if a bird was perched on it.

"I don't see anything." I noted.

"Fairies are invisible to most humans." He informed me and stoked one finger along what I thought to be a head. "The only reason you can see Lovino is because he is becoming human. It's likely he was still invisible for a while."

I nodded and gently stroked Lovino's arm. He refused to look away from the fairy. Arthur continued to explain to me about fairytales and tribes and behavior and diet and just about everything else for an hour before offering a cup of tea to all three of us.

"Good idea, I think I'll brew up some. I need to stretch my legs." Francis declared and stood up then walked off to the kitchen, leaving me and Lovino alone with Arthur.

"Antonio…I think it's time to discuss the real reason I brought you here." He announced. Cold shivers ran up my spine. Something told me I wasn't going to like this conversation.

"What?" I growled, more as a threat than a question.

"You aren't…_equipped_ to handle such a creature. What I'm asking is… I'm asking you to let me take care of Lovino." He explained, legs crossed and hands poised gracefully on top of them.

I shot out of my seat, holding Lovino close to my chest and giving Arthur a killer glare. He was officially my least favorite person in the world. "Fuck off." I sneered. It wasn't often that I swore but when I did, I meant it.

"Be serious, Antonio. You can't manage him, you don't know anything about him-"

"I know about him! I know he likes cinnamon pop tarts and he has a brother and he doesn't believe in good! I may not know much else but I know that he's better with me than you."

"What exactly is your connection with him?" Arthur stood.

"I love him as if he were my own brother."

"Why? You've known him two days, how on earth could you love him?!"

"I just do and it's none of your business."

"If you really love him, do what's right for him."

"Francis! I'm leaving!" I called loudly so that he could hear me from the kitchen. "Thank you for your time but I kindly suggest you fuck off." I gave the blonde one last warning glare.

"Antonio, I'm warning, don't fall in love with that boy. You don't _know_ what will happen if you do."

**27. DO NOT BLOW OFF THAT ADVICE. I promise, it'll become so much more important later.**

"Shut up." I growled again and made my way to the front door before being stopped for the last time.

"Fairies are not human, they never will be. Nothing is the same…there are so many things you don't understand about him."

I slammed the door behind me and carried my precious package away, holding him as I always did. Arthur was wrong, I wouldn't fall in love with the little one, it was impossible. He was mi bambino~

**28. You really should have listened to Arthur. You should have stayed, you should have listened to what he had to say.**

**That is all for today. Thank you for reading my blog, I really hope you don't need this advice someday.**

**-Antonio**


	5. So here's the catch

BLOG FAIRY

So here's the catch

**Hola, Amigos.**

**I thought visiting Arthur would be the last of people trying to take Lovino away. On the contrary, that was just the start of the funny business. If you were hoping for a story about a cute little garden gnome and a super-hot young man falling in love then running off into the sunset, you've got the wrong blog.**

**The story I'm telling is the story of a vicious, stubborn, mean fairy and a disheveled, poor, stupid boy trying to make things work. If you came for a happy ending… well, there's not much I can promise for that either. I'm just trying to make things work.**

"Where are we going?" Lovino asked, looking around the stairwell of Arthur's building. I gave the smaller one a questioning look.

"Home." I answered, each step creating a resounding chime of the metal.

"Why do you not leave me with him?" I looked to me with honestly confused eyes.

"Why!? Do you like him better!?" I asked, my anxiety growing. For some reason, being this little boy's 'favorite' was one of the largest concerns facing me in my life.

"No, but would it not be easier?" He tiredly rested his head on my shoulder as I sighed with relief and smiled.

"Easy is a word I haven't believed in for a long time." I informed him.

"You prefer struggle and strife?"

"No, I don't necessarily _prefer_ it but it certainly is a lot more fun than _easy_."

"I think I prefer you leave me here." I stopped in my tracks the moment those bitter words worked their way into my brain. I looked at the forlorn child who only stared at the wall with a shadowy doubt.

His little locks of autumn hair fell so perfectly over his fleshy olive skin… he was so…so perfect. I doubt a more perfect child had ever existed and hell if I was going to just leave him. "What? Why?" I asked softly. The boy rubbed his pudgy like cheek on my shoulder as he looked up to make eye contact.

"It's better that way…You really don't know how bad this could be."

"You don't think I can handle you?" I was somewhat offended. I had given him everything I could and yet he wasn't satisfied?

"I don't want you to have to. Perhaps this would be different if I were a normal human but I am not…I am not of your kind."

"Yeah, I already know that much. I caught on with the sharp teeth and boiling skin."

"Enough with the jokes, Antonio." He gave me a scowl. "You have a life and I do not want you to dedicate it to me. _I_ was the one shunned and _I_ should be the only one to suffer the consequences." Lust like that, he was shifted to serious and mature.

"Lovi, this isn't suffering. Do I look like I'm suffering?" I pointed directly to my face and flashed a smile which only received a frown in return.

"Look, Antonio…I like you…_dare I say_ I **love** you…you have become my best friend in but one night so it is because of that that I must part with you." My heart stopped.

"No…Common Lovi. We'll go home and have a nap then think things out." I pleaded, holding him closer in fear of loosing him.

"Please set me down…" He answered in a whispery tone. I searched his eyes over and over for some of that excited spark that made my heart race. "I'm breaking this before it gets bigger. I'm not a child, I can take care of myself." I shook my head, refusing to release my precious boy. I searched his eyes and suddenly notice that the sweet honey orbs had been replaced by a devilish, piercing pink hue. His unproportionly large ears had narrowed into thin pointed shells.

"I'm not a human Antonio, stop tricking yourself. Bad things come to tricksters." His voice shocked my whole body into dropping him. It was a grovely, pitch-mutated voice that slipped through my ears and bit at my brain with venom.

He landed on his rump but quickly made it to his feet and glared at me. All I could do was stared back, wide eyed. What was happening? I couldn't manage to think. This wasn't Lovino…this was a part of him I had never known. Still, through the shock and horror, my mind managed to squeeze out a word of sensibility as I saw Lovino continue down the steps.

"No! _I'll_ leave…please stay with Arthur…at least for a little while…" I whimpered. He considered it before switching direction and going back up the stairs, his strange new features fading back as they used to. The last I saw of him was the back of his head and the bouncing curl.

I waited a few minutes, staring at where his little frame had just stood. When I finally felt like I could move my legs, I forced them down the stairs against their wish to go back up and find Lovino. I missed him…My arms were too light if I didn't carry him in them… In fact, I was all out of whack. My heart was _too_ heavy, my hands _too_ empty, my body _too_ cold… I knew the feeling.

It was loneliness. I had felt it when I moved to the city and I was most defiantly feeling it now. The crazy thing was, this time it was _worse_. Worse that leaving my family and friends to live in a city full of strangers. This little boy, who was more or less a human, that I had met yesterday had already taken the warmth from my innards. How was that even possible? Hell if I know…it just is. I could close my eyes and remember every detail. I could picture his next moves, his loud laughter, his flushed cheeks, his velvety tongue that I had pushed back into his mouth time after time… why him? I had no idea…it just was…

**29. If you let him leave, I can guarantee he took a chunk of your heart with him.**

"Toni-boy? You okay?" The red headed man next to me asked and nudged me awake. I gasped and quickly put the pieces together. I was at work, standing in the corner of the rain room and letting myself become hypnotized by the little water droplets that so well reflected how I felt. I looked over to the man wearing the same uniform as me. He was Libby, the newbie from Ireland (I wasn't sure if that was his real name but everyone felt content calling him by it).

"Yeah, sorry." I turned my attention back to visitors, thrilled by the exhibit's swooshing down-pour and the paid dancer who was now prancing around to Penelope's Theme, one of our most popular routines.

"You look a bit out-a it. Rough night?" He asked, playing with his flash light. I grunted affirmative and we stood in silence for a few long minutes, watching the room as it lived. "What'chya think'n about?" He asked softly, almost too soft to hear through the crashing water.

"Fairies…" I answered, drawing out the soft sounds. He looked curiously to me then back at the exhibit.

"Ya believe in 'em?" He asked.

I didn't answer. I didn't feel like being my usual carefree self. I felt tired…but my mind refused to sleep, it just sat in my skull and lazed about.

"It's alright, don't fear my opinion. _I_ believe in 'em."

"Do you?"

"Yeah, the forest kind, the _sheehogue. _Folk lore tells that they're fallen angles who're not good enough to be saved, nor bad enough to be lost." I scoffed to myself. From my knowledge, the fairy kind were monsters…well…except for one. I nodded, letting him continue.

"Wee folk, I been told. My grandfather used to tell me about them when I lived in Ireland. They're tricksters, y'know? None o' this Disney shit. My grandfather never once told of them being beautiful or granting wishes or none, if ya want ta' know the truth of it. Says they're frightful bein's, with the hair pulling and lies. That's the way the stories ought-ta go but they be freightin' the little ones." He explained, nodding to himself. "Right that, freightin' the little ones." He tended to repeat himself like that, I noticed it on his first day but never paid it much mind.

"I'm not sure what I believe. I've heard plenty of stories too." I told him.

"The lot of them rubbish. I'll tell ya' though, I never seen one alive so I can't say so much." Before I could reply to him, a vibrating against my buttock suddenly shocked me. I reached back to it quickly pulled the offender out of my back pocket and scanned my eyes over the words "Incoming call: unknown number." That were digitally projected onto the sin. "Good god, man! Take that out, it shines like the bloody sun!" Libby exclaimed, reading over my shoulder. I quickly nodded and rushed out of the room. As soon as I hit a room filtered with the usual florescent lights, I punched the accepted button and continued to march towards the staff room, not far from there.

"Yellow?" I asked.

"Antonio? It's Arthur." The voice informed me. My pace screeched to a slow, I processed just what the words meant then continued on my way faster than before.

"What's wrong?" I asked in an urgent seriousness, my fancy work shoes papping against the hardwood.

"I can't get Lovino to use the toilet, he simply refuses." I sighed in relief. My awful mind had been torturing me with every possibility of that answer.

"Did you ask _him_ why he won't use it?"

"You know what? No, I didn't even consider that." He answered, voice drenched in sarcasm.

"Ah, so what's he dilemma?"

"He's speaking Norwegian! Why on Earth does he know Norwegian!?"

"I dunno. Maybe you should try talking to him in Norwegian." Honestly, I was past the point of being surprised by the weird things the little one did.

"Ha ha, we're all having a good laugh."

"Is he there?" I suddenly asked, my voice growing solemn.

"Antonio…he doesn't want to talk to you." He seemed pitiful, sympathetic to my utter rejection.

"Can I just say 'hi'?" I asked again, pleading only to be returned by a sigh.

"He told me if he saw you he would run away so I doubt the reaction is much better for talking."

"Can you just ask him if he's okay?..._for me_? _PLEASE~_?" I tried again. There was a long silence as I reached the safety of the staff room..

"Fine, alright but forewarning, when _I_ ask him questions, he either sucks his thumb or bites it at me so no promises." I quickly thanked him and listened carefully to the rustling on the other end of the phone. Arthur called for Lovino, there were a few steps then at last I received the whisper of a little familiar voice uttering, 'gå til'. Hell if I knew what it meant but I was still happy to hear it (It was aimed at Arthur so it was probably 'go die' or something like that).

After some undecipherable muffles, Arthur began to speak again. "I told him that you were asking if he was okay but he just froze then ran off. Sorry, chap. Don't say I didn't warn you." I smiled with sadness and laughed to myself a bit.

"Yeah…I sort of expected that…"

"I'm sorry Antonio…it'll be alright. A month from now, you'll have forgotten this little weekend fiasco." I nodded to myself as I tried to believed him but I knew it was useless. I was going to remember Lovino for a _long long_ time.

"About the toilet issue," I started, changing the subject. "You'll have to hold him up so he can reach the bowl." I told him.

"But he can reach the bowl just fine!" He told me. A sudden pang hit my chest…Lovino was growing again…without me… It hurt a lot more than it really should have but it hurt none the less.

I was reminded of his pudgy baby face which was probably gone now. I wasn't going to see him become more and more handsome…I wasn't going to see him get big enough to sit on a chair without an Olympic force to get up there… Why should _I_ care? I wasn't his _mother_. I had known him two days!

While all of those were valid points, they didn't eclipse my loneliness and regret. I wished I could just ask to have him back but I already knew that wasn't going to work so instead I just stood there silently and sniffled… wait! Sniffled?

I reached a hand up and whipped under my eyes only to reveal that it was wet. I couldn't be crying! I didn't even know Lovino! What was wrong with me!? Arthur obviously heard the interruption. "I-I'll just figure something out, sorry for calling."

"Yeah…sorry." I answered and whipped the pearly droplets dribbling down my face. I don't know how I had been reduced to this…I _never_ cry…Lovino must have meant an awful lot to me.

"Antonio… get some fresh air, alright?" He coaxed before the line buzzed dead. Of course I wasn't going to go back in like this. My eyes were red and leaking uncontrollably, I was sniveling like a frostbitten beggar and I couldn't get words out of my mouth for the life of me. Every time I moved my lips to speak, a low whine came out and threatened to explode sobs so I settled with keeping them shut.

I shoved the phone back into my pocket and B-lined for outdoor smoking corner. Cold air hit me but I decided to not mind it for favor of sitting on the bench and dumping my head into my hands so that I could contemplate my life.

**30. Remember what I said about friends? Still 100% valid.**

After about ten minutes since my disappearance, Libby had someone hold his shift so he could come looking for me. I was startled by the patting on my back but warmed up to it in no time.

" 'Ey mate." He greeted and I grunted back.

"Rougher night than I had anticipated, I see?" He asked but I didn't answer. If you don't know what to say, don't say anything at all. "Girl?" He urged again.

"Boy." I answered easily without lifting my head.

"You swing that way? No big deal."

"No, it's my little brother." I clarified with a harmless lie.

"He dead?" He could be so sensitive sometimes then loose it all as fast as you can strike a match.

"No, he's alive. I just miss him."

He sighed and nodded "We've all been there. Not many are born in this monster city."

"Yeah but we sort of had a fight before I left and I don't think he forgives me."

"Tony-boy… he does. You can trust me on that. Not two people have loved who haven't always forgiven the other. Like magic, it is."

"Yeah well, magic has never promised me much."

"I've four sisters and a brother back home… trust me, the slate will always clear, and even faster if it's washed over by a river." Sometimes, I just _really_ hated his figurative, Gandhi stuff.

"Thanks, Oprah. I'll make sure to put that in my diary tonight." I growled. He didn't deserve my bad mood but I sure had enough to share. Thankfully, he took it with a hard resistance.

"I mean, all your troubling thoughts and accusations with fade away and mean nothing, especially if something big comes up. Like, for example, me and my littlest sister, Ruari , are always at each other's neck. Once, we had ourselves a big scrap over chores or something like that but once my grandpa was hospitalized, that was just …um, what's that American phrase? Dirt under the rug?"

"Water under the bridge."

"Yes! It was all water under the bridge! Not important! Forgive and forget!" He was very happy with his ability to correctly use an idiom but I continued with my pouty face, unfazed by the speech. He noticed this and offered me a sympathetic smile instead.

"Y'know, how about I walk you home." He offered and I nodded. I wanted to be home, under sheets far more than I wanted to explain to my supervisor why I was leaving ten minutes early. It wasn't really a hard decision, actually.

As discussed, we checked out a bit early and walked back to my place. I remembered to stop by the lobby and collect my complaints from Mr. Harvey, my grumpy neighbor you bought type-writer cartiges in ridiculous quantities from Costco so he could spend his whole day complaining about people (though I was, _by far_, his favorite). The building had learned to ignore them. I read the little stack one by one.

Date: 8/13/13

Cause of complaint: numerous disturbances, loud laughing, crashing noises, rough housing.

Description:

Anthony, that Mexican boy beside me continued to disturb me with loud noises after being asking to quiet down. This violates section 261-FG of the agreement and policies booklet.

Charles Harvey

Date: 8/2/14

Cause of complaint: destruction of personal property.

Description: I was delivered a package of cartridges for my type-writer but I was not able to receive them since I was with my grandchildren over the weekend so I called Anthony and asked him to bring the package inside my apartment for me. When I returned, Monday, all sixty of the ink cartridges were hidden in different places around my house. He did not have permission to open my property.

Charles Harvey

Date: 8/6/14

Cause of complaint: excessive noise

Description: Anthony, the man next door, was watching a soccer game last night and I could hear him blasting his Mexican music all night. I was having dreams of La cucaracha and what not. Also, I hear him talking to the pigeons in the morning. This disturbs me and I have often asked him to stop.

Charles Harvey

Date: 7/28/14

Cause of complaint: disturbance, teasing

Description: I was talking with Anthony Carriedo one time and I mentioned that I had seen Nicholas Cage on the TV the night before and he gave me the creeps. When I woke up the next morning, printed images of Nicholas Cage were taped in the hall. I know it was him because I had only told him about that.

Charles Harvey

Date: 8/11/14

Cause of complaint: disturbance, teasing

When I came home from Poker tonight, I found posters for a lost cat named Charlie-Poo posted around the building. Each poster had a different picture of a cat but they all had my face photo-shopped onto them. I know it was Anthony because he had taken a photo-shop class in college last semester. This is not only rude but also embarrassing and humiliating. I ask you do something about this at once. I have already pulled down all of the flyers.

Charles Harvey.

I know what you're thinking and _yes,_ I _should_ be nicer to Mr. Harvey. I'm not completely proud of myself but it was pretty damn funny. I messily folded the stack and made my way to the elevator, followed by Libby. He walked me to my room that was still a mess from my temper tantrum yesterday. My sheets were heaped on the floor, coffee grounds sprinkled the tile like ants and there was a mess on laundry littering the whole floor of the place. I bid Libby a good bye and began to clean.

I wasn't sure what to do with those little, foam, Captain America sandals that probably didn't fit the boy any more. I settled with tossing them under my bed so as to not think of the red haired child any longer. My attempt had no effect since I found myself moping around the rest of the day…

And the rest of the next…

And the rest of the week…

And for three months straight but I'll save you from that story, since it isn't much I'd like to relive. Most just a lot of coffee and sleeping but that all changes when I finally got another call from the Brit, asking me to come over since he deemed the cause worthy of the title 'very important'. I can honestly say that I was dressed and out that door before he could hang up.

**31. Remember that fairies transform rather quickly so the next time you see him, it's likely he wound me your pudgy little baby anymore. He (just maybe) could have grown into a very handsome…very tempting young man. Prepare to question everything that seemed to make since before because, I promise, shit is going down.**

**Do I ever get tired of being a young, stupid, wreck? Yes. Absolutely. Does it cause me emotional trauma and a level-ten mental roller coaster? Damn skippy, but I promise you, this is where the story actually begins and it's quite the story if I do say so myself. Buckle up, here comes the storm.**

**-Antonio (not Anthony) Carriedo**


	6. Hide or seek

**BLOG FAIRY**

Hide or seek

**Hola, **

**If you've ever been insane or felt like you were going insane, then maybe you can understand how it feels. If not, then you can look forward to meeting this fate along with me. I can promise you… It's not pleasant.**

I threw myself into the cab before ordering the driver in the direction of Arthur's flat. It was killing me…slowly leaking every drop of blood from my body. 'Very important'? What does that mean? Did it mean happiness? Would something amazing have happened? Did it mean fear? Was Lovino hurt? Oh god…

My brain fought against me. Every time I told myself it was that Lovino was fine, it would correct me with a new terrible ending. Had he gone down for a nap and not woken up? Had he slipped and formed a large crevice that leaked down his cranium and let his insides spill out?

I roughly dug the balls of my palms into my eye sockets and scrubbed at the thoughts. I told myself over and over to stop. I promised myself he was fine. The car ride could have not gone any slower. I used the time to float back on the memories of the little one tucked carefully into my arms.

When we pulled up, I shoved a wad of cash at the driver and fled up to the little apartment room (damn, they build building so tall these days). I ignored the slight burning in my legs caused by lack of exercise and banged my fist against his door the moment it came into sight. The scruffy blonde answered, sighing once he saw me. "Come in, come in." He stepped away from the entrance after seeing me serious scowl.

"What's wrong?" I asked, straight to the point. I was pretty worked up. My nervousness had never held me so captivated before. Normally, I could shoot up a bit of chatter or smile or joke but not today. No. Lovino was something completely different to me.

"Sit down?" He gestured to the pretty Ikea furniture that littered his abode. I shook my head and looked around for the boy. Arthur noticed this.

"Lovino is fine, he's sleeping." He told me, releasing pounds of stress. Suddenly, there was enough air in my chest to allow my heart to pump again. I lifted my lips into a smile and sighed before taking a seat on the couch, followed by Arthur.

"Okay, so what's 'very important'?" I asked. The probability that it was death or major injury had been greatly lessened. Of course, I held some resentment for the brit for not protect him like I could but I ignored that. I hate to be hateful.

"I…I can't do it anymore." He growled, rubbing little circles over the stress in his temples. "He's too much work. He refuses to listen me, he swears and breaks things, he won't talk to me, he screams in his sleep-"

"He what?" I leaned forward, giving my full attention to the man rather than the colorless house decorations.

"He dreams. He squirms and fights and screams. I can't wake him up…I tried once." He lifted his sleeve to reveal red scratches running up and down the length. "He had a panic attack."

Oh…my poor baby… I gulped solemnly. "What does he scream?"

"I can't make out a lot of it but he calls for you and someone named Feliciano." He explained. My breaths grew heavy. Perhaps my heart grew heavy and imposed on my lungs, which would explain the pain. Little Lovino…was hurting so much. More than I had seen and what's more, he called for **me** but I didn't come to save him. I had failed…

**32. When you love somebody, guilt hurts a hell of a lot more.**

"I want to see him." I announced. Surprisingly, Arthur rose and motioned for me to follow him so I did. We walked down the little hall and into the smallest bedroom. It was obviously a storage room that had been forced to convert to a bedroom with a bed shifted un against the wall.

The bed didn't worry me, it was the person on it. The person…who was so familiar but also not at all. It was snow white… so beautiful but dead with sleep. She…no, he… a boy? Such a soft face and such smooth skin. It took a few moments for me to realize who it reminded me of.

There was a little boy I knew once with pretty auburn locks and pudgy red cheeks and now that I looked at this boy… he had the same color hair and his cheek were the same airbrushed coral pink with the same squishy flesh. No… it could be…. Oh my god… Lovino?

**33. Brace yourself. This will probably blow all the brains out of your head.**

This creature… the most beautiful creature I had ever seen… was Lovino? No way. Lovino was a little toddler with bright, excited eyes who waddled around like a puppy but this… this was an elegant, young, angelic figure that I had never seen before. I looked around some more, trying to confirm my suspicions when I noticed a sheet wrapped around the figure, across it's waist and down under the bed. It was holding the figure down, restraining movement. I shot a scowl the way of the brit.

"It's to keep him from hurting himself when he dreams." He told me. While this was a perfectly good reason, I couldn't stand it. I hated to see the angel (that I suspected might be Lovino but the assumption seemed too far fetched to really be believed in) constrained like that. I walked up to him, regardless of if I was allowed to and bent down beside him.

"Lovino?" I cooed and gently wiped some hair out of his face. Oh my god… it was him. It was Lovino! My little baby! The one I had been missing, the one I remembered as a child! He was… absolutely gorgeous… How could that be true? How did any of this make sense? It didn't…

Lovino's face squished up, the way I remembered it squishing up. He whimpered lightly in his sleep. Stroked two fingers against his cheek, hoping to comfort him from whatever was paining him in his mind. I couldn't get over the strange attraction between us. I wanted to be near him, I wanted to hold him and brush his hair (all of which I had before but now it was different in some way).

He continued to silently cry and look uncomfortable so I acted on my instinct, untying the bondage and picking him up. Unfortunately, he was too big to be held like a koala bear so I held his little body like a princess, closely pressing him to my chest and bouncing him. Thankfully, his dream resided but so did his sleep. His soft, golden eyes lazily flickered open before resting them selves upon mine. He didn't seem to understand just what was happening until a few seconds later when his eyes widened and he quickly inspected me up and down.

"Antonio." He said, surprised. His voice had deepened from it's previous sweet childish tone.

"Hello again, Lovino." I greeted back, smiling down at the boy. I still didn't fully believe that the person was Lovino but it seemed more true by the second. A scowl suddenly dominated his face and he pursed his lips, making his pudgy cheeks more prominent. Yup. Definitely Lovino.

"What the hell are you doing here, idiot?" He growled. He had adopted a half-Spanish accent, It sort of sounded Italian to me.

**34. Expect things to have changed quite a bit.**

"Where'd you pick up such language?" I asked, taken a back but mostly just glad to have him in my arms again, even if I knew it wouldn't be lasting far too long. It was what I had needed so badly for the past three months. I saw Arthur's head drop in shame out of the corner of my eye. Of course, the brit must have dropped them some time and Lovino absorbed them like a sponge.

"I thought I said I didn't want to see you." Yet, he didn't struggle against my hold. I guess he had become immune after I did it to him every minute of everyday. My smile grew. I was so happy to see him again, even if he wasn't necessarily the same Lovino I had left.

"Why are you so cold? I thought you liked me." I whined and brought a flood of red upon the smaller one's face. Aww~

"I said I didn't want to see you! Leave!" He growled.

"When did you become so mean?"

"I didn't _become_ anything! I didn't change! _You _did!"

"What? No I didn't. I'm the same. Look at you." I picked up a few loose strings of hair that badly needed to cut.

"Whatever. Go away." He looked away from me. "I was having myself a nice nap and you just come in here and fuck everything up."

I frowned. "Your nap didn't seem that nice. From what Arthur has told me, you've been having some really bad dreams."

"I'm fine."

"Lovino…I know you're not fine."

"How do you know anything? You don't know me."

"Yes, I do."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"Do not."

"Do to."

"This is ridiculous!"

"No, you are~"

"Stop being so childish!"

"You _are_ a child!"

"No, I am not! I am of twenty years in age!"

Okay, that caught me off guard. Twenty? No way… not my Lovino. "What?"

"One score. I researched myself. Twenty human years. Now, from what I understand, that makes me an adult." He clarified. That blew my mind. He couldn't be twenty! I, myself, was only twenty seven! I had peed in front of him! I had held him up while _he_ peed! This was too much…nope…too much.

Mi Bambino was so big and so beautiful… and I was attracted. That was it… I was _attracted_! No…no no no no no no no no no! He was justa baby! He was a boy and a _fairy_ none the less! No! I could not be attacked to him!

"You look sick." He noted, calming down from his bitterness. His little face looked curiously into mine, a delicate hand reached forward to brush fingertips against my face. That's when it happened.

_**Th-thump**_

No…no no no! This wasn't okay! Not at all! I could feel close like this to Lovino! That sickening beating shook my ribs like a song of marching troops.

_**Th-thump…Th-thump th-thump**_

I quickly sat him down as if he were diseased and backed up. He gave me a look of scared shock and then anger. "You are afraid of me, again!?" He demanded, gesturing with both hands toward himself. "I am a monster to you?" he spat, giving me a hard cold glare from the golden orbs that used to look to me for help.

I snapped it and turned sorrowful. "No! No, you're not! I just…I was surprised." I quickly defended. Still, when I looked at his face… I had never seen anything like it. Every feature was delicately pained on with such delicately chosen colors yet it was more beautiful than any master work I had seen at the Moma.

"Surprised by what?" he asked, offended.

That's when I got the best idea I ever had.

**35. Ignore it. Brilliant.**

_So what_ if I was growing different feelings for him? If I didn't pay them any attention, if I pretended that everything were as it was before, then that problem would be solved! Repress it and it can't grow any stronger, right? Genius! I gave him a big smile and stepped closer again, ruffling his too long hair. "Nothing, Lovi~ I was just surprised by how big you've gotten. You need a haircut."

Lovino scoffed and shot a glare at the blonde we had been ignoring. "HE hid the scissors from me." The little one growled.

"He was going to stab someone!" The forgotten man interjected in protest. I chuckled. Good, ignore how cute his pissy mood was.

" Ah, I see. No problem. I know a place in New Jersey, real near by, that's got good prices. Wanna go? My treat." I offered, praying he would accept. I wanted to spend time with him… and break it to him that Arthur hated him.

"No…I don't mind my hair growing long." He wound a few pieces threw his fingers and ground the individual hairs between his fingers.

"I don't think you should stay." The brit answered.

"Why the fuck not!? Eyebrow bastard!" Arthur wouldn't answer that one, just looked away in a bit of shame but also anger.

"Oh…" Lovino suddenly realized what he meant. "Fine! Fine, I don't care! I hate you anyways!" He exclaimed, raising his voice.

"It's not like you can blame me! You're such a pain!" The blonde snarled back.

"Hey! That's enough, that enough." I stepped between the two, easing the tension. "Lovino… you should come live with me now. Get anything you need-"

"NO! I won't go with you!" He screeched and took a step away, a little bit of wetness accumulating under his eye. I know he wasn't exactly thrilled about it but I wasn't that bad, right?

"Lovino, it's okay. I wouldn't hurt you." I reassured him, in case that had been his uneasiness though I didn't know why it would be (I didn't seem to know a lot these days).

"I want to be alone." He didn't once take his eyes from me. This was something else entirely. Lovino was a very sensitive boy, something bigger was the cause of this.

"Lovi… what's _actually_ wrong?" I urged and tried to inch closer. I had to be careful; Lovino could very easily go wild like an animal.

"What do you mean 'what's wrong'!? I'm perfectly fine! Don't I look fine!?" I gave a look to Arthur, silently asking his to give us the room. He understood and left, clicking the door closed behind him. I looked back to the fairy boy.

"Lovino…it's alright, tell me why you're afraid." I said softly, hoping not to puncture the high tension too deeply.

"I'm not afraid! Go away! I hate you!" He said. Okay, something had to be pretty bad. I knew Lovino enough to know he didn't mean it. I didn't let those last three words effect me as much as they wanted to.

"Are you afraid that I'll leave you?" From the expression on his face, I could tell that I had hit that nail right on the head. "You're afraid that I'll grow to dislike you?" I asked again.

I could tell he wanted to lie to me… he wanted to deny me the truth but deep down he was still my little cry baby who wanted to be held when he was sad. Droplets cascaded down his cheek and his lips struggled not to twist into a crooked sob. He granted me a tiny, almost un recognizable nod and I took that as my permission to hold him. I wrapped my arms gently around his frame but still firm enough to block out the fear. He gave into the warmth of comfort and fell weak against me. I picked him up, just as I did when he was a child.

**36. He probably missed you just as much as you missed him.**

"It's okay…I would never hate you." I told him, taking deep breaths in hopes that the rhythm might calm him. It had been too long…far too long. I had almost forgotten how nice it felt to calm him, to be needed.

"I like you…" He admitted in a tone that was pretty darn close to silent. "I won't live with you."

"It's okay. I would never feel any different about you." I eased again but he shook his head at me.

"It's part of the curse. I can never be loved. I'm just unlovable…" He told me and I smiled softly.

"Maybe I'm breaking your curse." I suggested, causing his eyes to widen. Maybe I was right, I could be. He was visible, he was loved… maybe I was a wizard! (Psh, I wasn't a wizard).

"But…you are of no magic.." I was so glad to hear his strange speech pattern again.

"I don't know about that. What if I am?"

"You're not." He reassured me, dead pan. I laughed and nodded.

"Okay, I'm not." I pressed my lips against his head and in returned he struggled away, blushing.

"You're not allowed to do that." He told me, displaying a small scowl.

"Why not? You didn't mind before."

"I mind _now._" My heart sunk a bit. I liked to kiss him and hold him…maybe things really had changed. I set him down.

"Haircut?" I quickly changed the topic. "Have you got things for us to get?" I searched around the make shift room for anything that appeared to be his belongings.

"I never said I was going to live with you." He corrected, crossing his arm.

"Let's do a night on the town then you can decide that."

"Do you mean night IN the town?"

"It's just a phrase. We'll go around the city and see what there is to see. Have some fun~" I smiled and began to shift around boxes of clutter.

"What is there to see?" There it was, Lovino's curious and childlike side that I had been trying to resurrect.

"We can go down time square, it looks real pretty in the rain." The weather had predicted downfall earlier and grey masses had already began to infect the world above so it seemed highly likely. "We can go to Soho. There's this nice tea store there that I really like."

"I hate tea." He crinkled up his face and bit at the end of his tongue. "And scones.".

"Oh you poor boy." I pat his head. I had a feeling that was all the brit could make. "We'll get _real_ food." I offered.

"I've seen your house. How can you afford to eat out?" Was that a smile? Maybe just a little bit…

"I have money, I just don't use it." I reasoned and picked up the open box with a few folded linens tucked inside. "These are your clothes?"

"Yes, those are mine. I can't imagine your job can pay much more than the minimum for living here. Eyebrow bastard always complains about the high prices here."

"I have money in my bank. I wrote a computer software when I was younger and sold it as my pass to the big city. I can afford to splurge one night." Lovino fished his shoes out from under the bed and began to put them on. His feet had grown quite a bit, no way was I going to get those flip flops on him.

"Is that what you're going to school for? Making computer Soft-wear?" He was probably thinking that I sewed computer cozies all day.

"No, I'm going for graphic design." I told him as he stood up, stuffing his foot farther into the dress shoes that clearly weren't his and flipping hair out of his face.

"If that what you wanted to go for?" He tried to take the box from me but I refused.

"No, I wanted to be a firefighter." I didn't often share that. It was sort of a secret desire. I remember September 11, 2001. I was just feet away in a church when I heard the loudest boom of my life. The rest passed a little too fast for me to remember but I remember being hospitalized. I had dirtied lungs, second degree burns riding up my legs and on my hands. The people who came to visit either thanked me for my bravery or called me an idiot. I don't suggest running into a burning building with absolutely zero protection but for me, I had been _waiting_ my whole life for that moment.

I snapped the thought away when I heard my name cried desperately. My attention was pulled to the little one who looked at me like my face was melting off. I could remember that too… so many people died, just vaporized by the-

"Antonio! Stop it!" The boy cried again, this time fully awakening me. "What's wrong?" His voice wavered with fear. I usually just repressed those thoughts since they seemed to hurt too much. I had battled them when training to fight fires but I ended up screaming or passing out in front of every one.

"I'm okay, I'm okay." I quickly excused and flashed a forced smile. He frowned (not scowled, frowned) at me.

"You're not okay." Darn it, he had learned from me. He wasn't going to let it go.

"I'm fine, promise. Just…bad thoughts." He considered my response, wondering if it was legitimate.

He suddenly started making this weird noise. "Fuu…so so so…"

"What are you doing?" I asked. He stopped and blushed deeply.

"I'm cheering you up!" He informed me, scowl returning.

"Why would that cheer me up?" I snorted a bit, shrugging and smiling at the adorable fairy.

**37. He might have some screwed up ideas about humans.**

"H-Humans like odd noise!" I walked closer and looked right into those fiery hazel eyes.

"And where'd you hear that?"

"The television! I watched the sit-koms." I laughed at him and pressed a quick kiss to his temple before walking out of the room.

"I said you can't do that!" He cried, flustered and angry.

"I can't help it~ You're too cute." I nodded to Arthur who was pretending to read instead of eaves dropping. Lovino stormed out too, following me.

"Bastard!" He growled as he hopped up to my side.

"Bye Atrie, thanks for…" I thought a bit. "Stuff." I finally answered, not wanting to think it over much longer. What I wanted was to have myself a date with Lovino (though I'd never tell myself that it was a date). Lovino poked his pink tongue out, past his lips and sneered at the man who reciprocated the action. The two just didn't like each other. I giggled a bit and tugged _my_ boy towards the door.

By the time I managed to get Lovino out of the flat, the two were viciously flipping each other out. I was so proud of Lovino's newly acquired skills. Maybe he could be a thug now, joy. The outside world offered me a breath-giving gust of stormy wind.

I whistled a bit, asking the world if it felt like raining and it spoke back, plopping a cold tear onto my head. I smiled at the little one who was looking up, a little amazed with the downfall. He was so beautiful… the wind danced with his weightless red hair as it pleased and the coveted sun made the light that fell onto him a dusty blue shade. "Never seen rain before?" I teased.

"No…" He whispered, studying the airy river that floated above out heads.

"Really?" I couldn't keep my eyes off him,

"Yes… I lived in a wooded area. The rain just rolled down from leaves." A little drop landed on his brow and slipped down his face kindly.

"Well, I'll show you how beautiful it can be." I promised and slipped my fingers into him, giving a slight tug. He refused to budge for a few moments until he was satisfied then followed me into the cab I had just hailed.

**It just gets better from here?...Let's hope… but not expect. In fact, I've learned that when you expect something, take the very opposite then expect that. It could be a lot more than it appears.**


	7. Doing it all wrong

BLOG FAIRY

Doing it all wrong

**Okay, so you're all, 'So you got Lovino back, what else?' 'I thought you were going to go insane, you're over exaggerating.' And…well, you have a point but that's not ****the**** point. Actually, my brain parts are all jumbled so I can't necessary explain all of that of that but I promise, pieces will work themselves together…somehow. Hopefully, if I just get started, I won't seem so messed up.**

**38. On the bright side, the good times are really good.**

"Lovino…I want to show you this." I announced aloud, studying the glass orb in my hands. There was no answer which forced me to pull my hypnotized stare from the ball to the space behind me that the boy had once occupied. Empty. I stood up straight and checked around again. He had run off…of course. Please, Lovino, couldn't you make my life a little easier?

"Lovi?" I called, still cupping the orb protectively. Surprisingly, there weren't many patrons in the small NYC shop so my voice carried far enough. I called again once I didn't get a response the next second. Sure enough a little face peeked through the thickly packed clothes on one of those circular display racks. Only, this display was in the front window…were all of the lovely people could see Lovino acting as his usual weird self. I just about dropped the ball.

"Lovino! You're not supposed to me in there!" I stomped up to him, giving him a 'why did this idea even cross your mind' face.

"These people…they are blank." He told me as he shifted his eyes around. What, were we in danger of being abruptly assassinated by a sniper!?

"Get out of there." I commanded in a hush tone. Even if the staff hadn't noticed, I wasn't pushing for their attention. The boy scowled at me.

"Antonio, I am _studying_ them." He sneered in a corrective tone. "This species of humans…I do not know of them…" I gave him a dumbfounded look for a few minutes, trying to figure out what on Earth he could possibly be talking about.

"The mannequin?" I finally asked. To be truthful, I was getting a kick out of watching him…I had since I first met him. "The white ones…who don't move?"

"Where do they come from?" He was enthralled.

"Manufacturers." I answered swiftly and relaxed. I turned my attention to the scarf beside me and rubbed it between my fingers. Lovino was just weird, I had learned to get over my shock and awe quite quickly.

"Is this a race like your own? The kin of man?" I stepped up onto the raised window platform and walked over to a sassy-posed female figure.

**39. You probably didn't realize how weird mannequins are until it's in question.**

"She's not alive. She's just a… a figure I guess." I explained. This earned me a vivid expression of confusion. I smiled and pointed back to her. She was so…_audacious_. One hand held her hip that was strategically popped to the side in a way that wasn't too obvious but more of a simple curve… one that lured people towards her in wonder of what had made her this way. When I turned my attention back to Lovino, the first place eye eyes traveled were to his nicely shaped sides that were now revealed as he stepped out of the rack.

If you want to know the full of it, yeah, I was hypnotized again. I wish I could have denied it but maybe just for one spit second I could admit to myself that I was attracted before I slapped myself across the head. No… in no way is it okay for me to feel like this. Nope. Not ever. Shut out that thought Toni, you're not like that.

"What is the purpose!?" He cried, tromping over to the pale lady and sufficiently earning the attention I was so desperately trying to avoid. I hushed his quickly.

"We should go, I'll explain later." I may have not been a child but I sure as hell acted like one when it came to getting in trouble. "Common Lovi." I urged again and dragged him to the counter. Usually, if you buy something they'll pardon you from any banishment or scolding. I handed the lady the glass globe and she, in return, handed me a suspicious look before ringing it up. I paid with cash. I always do, my mom had taught me about handing money just about everyday of my life. If you can't afford in on the spot, with the exception of houses and cars, then you don't buy it. Pay in cash and watch your use but today that didn't really matter. I wasn't worried about throwing out a bit more than usual.

I denied her offer of a bag and instead just handed it to the little red-headed one beside me. He took it but not without confusion.

"It's called a snow globe. Shake it." I explained. Lovino began to violently bob it around until I stopped him and instead took it into my own hands again.

"It's glass so you have to be careful." I gently shook and watched as white flakes drifted down over the molded out New York skyline. I had seen hundreds of these in my life, paraded by just about every single street crook and gift shop that had ever been.

"That…that's amazing…" Lovino held his hands out again but this time treated it as if it were a precious miracle. When I gave him the orb, he studied it till the flakes had settled then followed by running his tongue up the side. What was this kid's problem!?

"Alright, enough of that, let's go." I quickly ushered him out of the store and popped open my umbrella. I took the snow globe back and tucked it into my messenger bag as I began to walk, Lovino loyally toting along. We were in Soho, just a block from Arthur's flat. Just as we had left, Lovino wanted to stop again. I figured instead of arguing about the cost of calling the cab and not using it, we could just stop and walk a bit. The caddy was pretty upset with me for wasting his time but I gave him a good tip. "Which way?" I asked. He pointed to the left, down to the boutiques and glistening wet roads. We began to walk.

"So…how have you been?" I asked, hoping to set up a conversation rather than letting the silence cloak any causality there was between us.

"I hate Arthur." He answered. Plain and simple.

"He doesn't seem too bad just… not very understanding." I secretly knew that was a lie. There was no way I could spend a waking hour with that guy, he just turned me off.

"He can't cook, he yells all the time and he kept me up crying over soap operas every night."

"Well, I heard you weren't a saint either. You speak Norwegian?"

"Enough to curse that bastard into an eternal damnation."

"Who got your tampon in a twist?"

"My what?"

"Why are you so angry all of the sudden?"

"It's not _all of the sudden_. I've always been angry."

"You're like The Hulk!" I exclaimed with a smile and made myself burly-looking as I stomped around on my toes.

"What on Earth are you doing!? You're an idiot!" He began to shuffle farther from my side, not wanting passersby to associate him with me. He was real funny in that way. I got off my toes and strode up to him.

"There's lots of good movies I've got to show you. Common, in here." I called and pulled him in a little shop called Harney and Sons, my favorite tea shop. It was a nice, quaint-looking sort of place that smelled like herbs and old leather. It's wasn't exactly cheap stuff but it was real good. The shelves covered every inch of the wall, little tins stacked up to the ceiling. I sat Lovino down at the sampling bar.

"Try something~" I urged and took the seat beside him.

"I don't like tea." He growled.

"That's only because you've been drinking that brit's murky leaf water. I know, I had some too but this is the good stuff! It comes in lots of flavors, just pick one."

Lovino sighed and boredly glanced at the wall. "Fine, what should I try?" He asked, a bit pissy.

"Anything~ What's a flavor you like? What kind of things do you like to eat?" I studied the wall as well, a bit more enthusiastic.

"SpagettiO's." He answered flatly.

"Well, they don't have any SpagettiO flavored tea but I but that would be a huge seller." I couldn't force the big smile off my face. He was so cute! It was getting harder and harder to repress those feelings.

"Oh, Hello~" A little, female voice cooed, shifting my attention once again. A little girl, probably seventeen or eighteen, had perched herself on the stool beside Lovino and was currently giving him a sincere little smile. She was wearing a trendy dress with lovely blue bird prints that just highlighted how attractive she was. For some reason, I didn't like her. I was trying to reason that her lips were too plump or her eyelashes too thick but I was lying. The real reason I didn't like her was because she was close to Lovino. That was it. She was _close_ to Lovino and I hated it. I hated that she could tempt him with her womanly charm that had caused the downfall of so many men.

"Erm, Hello." He answered. He wasn't snarling or sarcastic… he was interested! Interested! NO… this shouldn't be getting to me. I had to tell myself that I was fine, that I didn't even care just so I could cling onto the bit of sanity I was trying to convince myself that I still had. I shouldn't care. All they've done is say hello and _what if_ he DOES like her!? That's no concern of mine! Despite all of this eating at my brain, I just smiled politely at the two.

"You're going to have some tea?" She looked from Lovino to the empty tray in front of him.

"Yes, yes I am." He seemed…flustered. Oh god did it hurt to watch.

The girl giggled. "Really? What are you going to try then?"

"What are _you_ going to try?" He quickly responded.

"I was thinking the Mutan white tea." She studied the shelves, squinting to read the little, colorful labels. Lovino instantly found the opportunity to speak.

"Me too!" Then… he smiled. His little peachy lips curled up into a sweet crescent shape. He smiled _for her_. No…

There was a beast inside me. I don't know how it got there, I certainly didn't invite it but it was festering and it was strong. It had captivated my whole body…It wanted Lovino and it hated the girl he was flirting with. Why? No idea. None at all. I was a good man who was never evil with envy or blind with lust. I was a good man! I was a good, good man from a small Spanish town who loved his mama and worked real hard to get his dreams! Why was this little one boy special!? How had he corrupted me so!? It was eating me…

"Tonio…" A little voice whimpered. I open my eyes. I had my head in my hands and I was doubled over in my seat. "Tonio! You're being weird again!" I looked up to the fearful voice. Lovino. My dear sweet Lovino was looking down with worry at me and resting his hand on my shoulder. I sat back up, stunned by my own actions.

"I'm fine." I quickly answered and took a deep calming breath.

"Are you not feeling well? Should I call you a cab?" The girl interjected, standing up and walking over to us.

"No, I'm fine." I excused again, reminding myself to be nice to the girl. Lovino got off his stool and tried helping me up. I stood.

"Let me call him a cab." He offered again, this time to Lovino who considered it pretty hard before shaking his head.

"No, _I've_ got to take him home. Goodbye, it was nice to meet you." He turned and gave ME his attention. It was beautiful. Not in the way it should be but damn was it beautiful. He upright ignored her in favor of helping me because he was worried. I shouldn't have been so happy about it. I should have denied his offer and let him stay with her but the beast had won. There was no fighting that beast when it was set on getting what it wanted and it wanted Lovino.

"Oh, well, alright. It was nice meeting you." She said and held the door as we left. She was a nice girl, Lovino deserved her.

We left, Lovino called as a cab as I had shown him how and we started heading towards my building. "Lovino, I'm fine."

"You're not. We're going to your house and you're going to tell me what's wrong because I'm sick of this. You randomly just bend over and act… it freaks me out." He crossed his arms and glared out the window. It was so beautiful outside. The entire world was glistening.

"Let's go out somewhere. I'm not ready to go home. Let's go to Bergdorf Goodman, they've got the coolest window displays." I smiled at him and jabbed a finger into his thigh.

"You're sick and we need to go home. Stop poking me." He hissed and snapped at my hand.

"I feel fine." I lifted my head up, looking at the cabby through the rearview mirror. "I'm the adult here. Take us to 58th." I ordered and received a little nod from the man. Lovino scowled at me. "Hey, I know you're angry. Just relax."

"I don't understand you. You act like you're dying then you want to skip around town all night. Just explain yourself to me, that's all I want." He finally looked back at me.

"I'm… I'm Antonio." I finally decided. There weren't really other reasonable answers. Should I say, 'I'm a young adult who hasn't the slightest idea what I'm doing other than killing myself over my Mr. Hyde-jealous-side that holds a strange fascination for you'? I don't think so.

"That you are…but I still can't figure out 'Antonio'. The simple answer would be that you're a smiling, happy-go-luck, overly affectionate man child but that's not it. You trust easily… but only sometimes. You're… you're something else. There's another part of you, Antonio."

"That's bad?"

"That's good. Boring people are… boring." He explained. That made me happy. I looked out the window, trying to see the top of the building but that was impossible. I knew that… but it was fun trying.

"You're strange too, y'know." I told him. A weight was pressed to my back. Lovino was leaning against me, his eyes closed with relaxation.

"I think all humans are weird. Maybe that's why I fit in here so much more than I did at home." I readjusted so I could gently pet his head as I held him in my lap.

"You tired?" I whispered, as to not disturb the soft mood.

"A little bit. What time is it?" I clicked my phone back to life just long enough for me to read the tiny white numbers.

"Eight forty-four. Don't worry about that. This city doesn't sleep. Wait till I show you time square, day light every minute of every day." I told him. Lovino grumbled and squirmed till he was a bit more comfortable.

"Let's go back home." He whined. I was so glad he didn't say 'your place'. I checked out the window to see where we were.

"Sir! Stop here!" I called to the cabby. In seconds, we were at a complete stop and Lovino was looking around with confusion.

"Where are we?" he asked. He was understandably upset with me.

"We're at Coney Island." I chuckled and helped him out of the car only to be greeted by a cold breeze.

"No we're not. I know this place… this is…the train?" He studied the huge building in front of us as I handed some cash to our driver.

"Very good! It's Grand Central Terminal." The cab drove off.

"Where are we going?" He looked at me, worried. I smiled and stroked his back.

"We're not going anywhere. We'll just grab some churros and walk around. Okay?" The little one didn't answer, just looked up at the little falling droplets. "Let's go inside, we're getting wet." I urged.

"I haven't heard any thunder since I became human." He noted and closed his eyes just as a droplet hit his cheek and slid off his cheek.

"This city is too loud. It is there but it's overridden by the cars and people."

"I miss it… it reminded me that there's a whole world in the sky." I stopped tugged his sleeve and just watched him. He was beautiful… he was _beautiful_. "My brother had lots and lots of stories. I told you he studied the stars, right? Well, he would see pictures in the sky and make up stories." He looked at me. He wasn't sad or happy or really anything. He just looked at me. "He told me that there that the thunder was a call from one lover to another who were separated by universes." A new wetness began rolling down his cheeks and that's when I decided to pick him up and carry him in. I didn't much care that people would see. What I cared about was not letting Lovino cry alone in the rain. I set him down on the closest bench.

"Shh, don't cry, don't cry." I whispered as he wiped the tears. The change in attitude had been so sudden, it startled me a bit. One second, he had been cuddling with me in the taxi and the next we was crying his little eyes out. It wasn't fair to him, something was wrong. "What's wrong, Niño?"

"Nothing's wrong."

"_Something's_ wrong. Wait here." I ran off to a little churro stand only a few feet away. I didn't actually expect a churro to fix everything but sure makes the heart grow softer, right? And there sure was a lot of sugar on churros. I brought it back to him, wrapped in a little slip of parchment paper. All around us, there was the echo of feet on tile and voices but I ignored them all. Right then, all I wanted was to make the boy smile again.

"Take this." I commanded in a hush tone and held it out but he wouldn't take it. "Lovi~" I cooed again. He didn't respond. It was like he was a child again. So confused, so lonely, so afraid. Just a little boy tossed out into a world he doesn't know. He was lonely…I wouldn't let him be lonely. In all my craziness, the one thing I knew was that I _loved_ Lovino.

"Hush, mi bambino." I whispered and sat beside him, taking his hand firmly in mine. People stared. They gossiped and slowed their pace in front of us but I didn't mind them. Someday, there would be a statue of us and those people would be awe-struck in our presence.

The tears stopped. I looked to him and offered a smile but he wouldn't accept it. He looked away, as I were a stranger. He turned cold to me, tugging his hand out of mine.

"Lovino… what's wrong?" I asked. I thought I had done everything right. If there were a manual, I'd have followed every step. How could he still be so wild? Was there no taming him?

"I do not… understand." The words came like dust in the wind. So slight, so delicate and almost impossible to detect.

"What don't you understand?" I refrained from leaning much closer to him in fear of upsetting his uncertain state.

"I do not understand anything… Do I not speak English? If so, how come every word means so much more than its meaning or not enough? I cannot speak for I am afraid that what I say is wrong and I cannot listen for I cannot decipher!" he still refused to look at me.

"Look, I can help you with English if you want. That's no reason-"

"That is not the point, Antonio. I- I am broken. The feelings I feel do not make sense, the words I speak do not make sense. My desires, my hesitations, my pains! They do not make sense!" His voice had risen to a level of desperation. His head lifted, honey eyes met mine. "I thought I could stay with you again but I was so wrong. I cannot be near you. You… you corrupt me. You taint me with whatever it is about you that…it…it" Tears broke again. I was so lost. I had no idea what to say or do. I wasn't even sure I knew what he was talking about. I reached out a hand to dry his eyes and was instantly swatted at. "I don't want you to touch me." He growled.

"Lovino! What's wrong!? Just tell me." I pleaded again.

"Humans are _what's wrong_. I'm _what's wrong_. I thought I belonged in this world but I don't. At least, not with you."

"What do you mean? I thought you liked me."

"I do… sometimes. And sometimes I hate you. You make me want to laugh then cry then I don't know how I feel. I hate it!...and I love it… I want it then I don't… I just…I don't-"

I didn't let him finish. I did something really, really, really stupid. I did something worthy of all punishment. I grabbed his head and pressed my lips to his.

**40. One thing. Just **_**one thing**_** can blow it all… you're such an idiot.**

Why? Why did I have to let myself lose control like that? I didn't think, I just felt and let my body do the rest. Why? God…

It was all over. I lost it all. Easy as that. He was quiet for a second or two then he just stood and ran. I didn't even stand up. I just remained in the same leaned over position and didn't even open my eyes. That was it. That was what had become of me.

I worked so hard. I worked my way to America, I worked three jobs at a time. I worked so hard for this little boy I didn't know. I worked so hard to deny my feelings for him just for it all to crumble down before my eyes…and I was the one buried beneath the rubble.

**41. Step one to recovery: have yourself a fuck'n fabulous revelation.**

I was the looser. That's all there was to the story. I was destined to be the loser from the beginner. No matter how hard I work, how much good I do, I'll always be the one who didn't make the cut or didn't get the girl.

Well, fine. Why the hell should I bother fighting it then? I lost Lovino… I wouldn't bother trying again if it was just going to hurt this bad in the end. If this was my fate, I might as well suck it up and be the suckiest looser of them all. Solution? Hit the town, drink my weight in alcohol, take some unlabeled pills, sleep around and remember nothing when I wake up. Why not? What was to keep me from it? Sounded nice.

I slung the bag over my shoulder and left the bench. I would have left the damn bag if it weren't just a force of habit. I didn't give a crap about it or the discarded treat. I had no one to give it to and I certainly didn't dare put anything sweet near my lips. It would have made me sick. When I left, I stumbled around, looking for anywhere with a strong enough alcohol to numb my tired brain. I ended up a few blocks away in a pub with gaudy neon lights practically incasing it. Perfect.

I dumped myself onto a little stool. The fake leather created an awful squeal under my weight. No one seemed to mind. I was invisible to them. They were party people, all too interested in their own excitement to notice a newcomer, especially one who wasn't thickly coated in plastic beads or neon snap-n-glow bracelets.

I ordered a glass of whatever the waiter recommended, which ended up being a bitter, golden slush. I downed it rather quickly. It wasn't hard to ignore the stinging sensation in your throat when it was pouring toxins into your skull. Pretty soon, I was dazed. Colors would streak when I turned my head, words would smudge together into nonsense. The part I was thankful for, it was getting harder and harder to think about the autumn-haired fairy boy that had fallen into my world and hypnotized me. No, right now I was thinking about the fake blonde tramp who was eyeing me from a table away.

She wasn't the kind I'd usually hit on. I usually went for the natural-looking girls. They were harder to get but with my looks, I often got what I wanted. This girl was the kind of girl I wouldn't give a second glace to. Her face was unrecognizably coated in makeup. Her hair was so badly abused with chemicals that you could see it fraying but she had straightened the hell out of it and probably thought she was very clever for doing so. A tacky, plastic, princess crown was laying atop her head. I had no idea why girls did that. It was ridiculous. Maybe it was because they _wanted_ to look ridiculous. Like, they were so wild, they couldn't be contained by the social norms. It was idiotic if you ask me.

Anyways, she walked right up to me and plopped her over-exposed ass down on the seat beside me. (One thing you should know about me: I can be very mean. I may seem all smiles but inside, I can point out the fakers just as well as anyone else and they repulsed me.) She sat in a way that pushed her breasts out of her low cut top. They weren't nice breasts in anyone's book. They were the kind that girls got if they put on a lot of weight and never wore a bra. I may not know a lot about the female body but I knew enough to point that out.

"Hey sweety~" She flirted. I hated that. Sweety this and sweety that, it must make girls feel motherly or all knowing. I smiled back.

"Hey." I greeted. Despite all the awful things about her, I was gunning to spend the night with her… or just anybody. I didn't like spending the night alone when I was already feeling so crumby.

"You from around here?" Her lips were unnaturally puffy and I almost lost my stomach thinking about them against mine but when I was reminded of the perfectly peach ones I had stolen just minutes ago, I decided that anything was better than that memory. Here comes the charm.

"No, Señorita. I was born and raised in beautiful Spain." I knew exactly how to play her. I really owed all my thanks to popular culture. It's made so many of them so identical. They were predictable. They fell into large cults and I knew this one like the back of my hand. Naturally, she giggled and fluttered her fake eyelashes. Everything on that girl was fake. Her face, her hair, her nails. It was all replicable, all fake.

"Oh, _wow_. Me llamo Star." She responded. Who wants to bet she took Spanish as her required foreign language in high school? Alright, time to up the accent. (even her name was fake. It was probably Cheyenne or Mackenzie.)

"What a smart girl! Spanish is such a beautiful language and on _you_… it's marvelous~" My smile twisted up into a seductive smirk. With that, she was mine. I had her in my palm.

"Are you here with anyone…" She left a purposeful blank there, wordlessly asking for my name.

"Antonio. And no, it's just me." He eyes dashed to my ring finger, just a last second check before she adjusted herself closer to me.

"Aw, too bad. Me too. I'm here with some of my girlfriends." I was quite certain she didn't actually feel bad for me. God, she was such a faker. Lovino wasn't a faker. He never needed you to expect that he was more than he was. He never said things just so you would feel complimented. No, he was real. I loved him for that. I loved him-

No. No more of that. He's gone, you lost him. You screwed up, you don't deserve him. I quickly gave 'Star' my attention again. "Being lonely is horrible, no? Maybe we could keep in each other's company?" Her lipstick drenched lips opened up into a smile.

"Yeah, okay. Thanks." We started to talk about pretty much nothing at all. I listened to her talk about her work but I wasn't really paying any attention. If someone asked me where she worked, I probably would have answered the Crusty Crab. What I was worrying about was weather she was going to give me aids or not.

I know what you're thinking. No, I'm not a guiltless heartbreaker. She knew perfectly well what we were doing. Nobody is _that_ dumb, especially not these kinds of girls. They know the signs, they know what we want and they want it too. All we were making was a well-disguised, verbal agreement to sleep together that night then think nothing of it the next morning.

After a few heavy shots and conversations where I pretended she was saying funny things and laughed, we decided to go somewhere else. We left and walked dizzily through the streets. Star was a real sport. She really was. She would laugh when I told jokes and stay silent long enough for me to say a whole sentence. She wasn't too bad. In fact, she probably reads novels. I ended up not hating her.

When we got to the intersection right before the street my building was on. Star stopped to look at the stainless-steel bracelets in the shop window, unbeknownst to me. I must have been too drunk to miss her in my peripherals so I just continued across the street.

There's not really much of a story after that because I either forgot the rest or was too drunk hazy to take in the details. There was an ear-piercing screech that I recognized as tires, bright light and that was it. You don't think it would be as fast as is in real life. Barely a second before _thump_ and darkness.

(Hello, author here. I'm sorry for the slow update. I'm real sick so I'm not sure what's a lucid dream and what's reality. This chapter might not make a whole lot of sense. Sorry about that. Thanks for reading.)


	8. Let's start from the beginning, again

BLOG FAIRY

Let's start from the beginning, again

**Funny thing is, you never really know a guy until you're trapped inside his head for a good few days. In this case, 'a guy' is me. Now, I have to admit that I haven't been completely truthful with you all. In my defense, I wasn't deceiving you knowingly. I just hadn't sat down with myself and had a good talk all too recently.**

**You see, things were moving so fast and my 'Coming to Jesus' moment had taken a little longer than I expected. It was then that I realized how messed up I was. I may not be criminal standard insane, heck, I don't lock people in closets because my papa doesn't love me enough or break people's legs and force them to write stories. No, there's some thick room between those scenarios and the situation at hand. I was functioning. If I went to a supermarket or something, you wouldn't see me any different than the guy an aisle over.**

**I think I'm the kind or crazy that you just can't really put your thumb on. Like someone who could stare the same blank wall for a good long time without getting real bored. You know someone that's this kind of crazy. Think about. He's the guy who's got to watch the hour change if he looks at the clock in the fifty-ninth minute of an hour. He might have a specific cup he'll only use for milk or maybe he spends too much time staring at his shoes and you've got this queasy feeling he's thinking about you. Whatever it is, you now this guy. Maybe it's me.**

**Anyway, I think the heart of the matter is that I didn't know what I was doing. I knew if I was going to work or watching TV but other than that, I was just living and letting my weirdness control me. I wasn't really sure is there was a purpose or what I should say or do. I was confused to saw the least and that's what makes this whole revelation thing kind of a big deal.**

**More than anything, I realized what an asshole I had been. I should have been nicer to old Man Harvey. All those poor girls I hurt… I should have bought them something ****other than**** another drink. I should have called or tucked them in or even just kissed them goodbye. I should have done something useful instead of building a **_**god-damn**_** computer program for greedy insurance policy providers.**

**I should have told him I loved him…**

_**I should have told him I love him!**_

**I Should have held him more. I should told him stories and played games with him and just**_** loved him**_** the way he was meant to be loved. I shouldn't have toyed with all those mind games. I should have told him what I meant, I shouldn't have let him walk away.**

**I should have told him how amazing he is.**

**Jesus Christ, there was too many 'should have's' and you never really notice that until you lose it all… or at least get pretty damn close.**

**Here's the rest of the revelation: I haven't lost it all, not yet at least. I've been debating it for the last few hours and I'm pretty sure I'm alive. I'm pretty sure that incessantly loud thumping is my heart, it would be great knowing I still have one. If not, then death is pretty crumby. It's just a lot of regretting and guilt. Maybe I should have prayed more too. Maybe it's better for all the church goers and preachers.**

**Anyways, what I was trying to say was that I'm starting the story over. It doesn't begin in that park or that morning I successfully put all the pieces together. No, neither of those because now I'm **_**ME**_** and I can the story how it ****should'**** be told.**

**My name is Antonio Fernandez Carriedo. I don't know much about my name other than it looks a hell-of-a-lot better in cursive than it does print. As for myself… well I don't know much about that either but here's what I've come up with.**

**I am twenty-six years old. I work in The Museum of Modern Art in New York City and I live on the fourth floor of The Dakota. I spent last Christmas alone, I have a thing for brunettes and there's a freckle constellation on my back that looks a little bit like the chick from Dirty Dancing. I love country music but I won't tell anyone. My lucky number is forty-one because that number was on my lottery ticket when I won a dragon in the renaissance festival when I was eight. In fifth grade, I received the name Toni-baloney because I was a smelly kid. I could totally go for some juicy fruit right now and my longest relationship has been with a hippie stick. I've lost the best thing I've ever had and it took getting hit by a car to realize it.**

**My name is Antonio Fernandez Carriedo. It looks a-hell-of-a-lot better in cursive than it does print and my story starts here, in this hospital bead, listening to this god-awful heart monitor and smelling the god-awful medical equipment.**

When my eyelids finally remembered how to open, the flickered open to show me what I had been expecting. A little pasty yellow room with a bed, a monitor, a side table and some equipment fastened to the far table. Other than a poster stating the hospital's mission, the walls were foamy and bare. I stopped breathing for a moment just to see if I could hear anything but all I got was that lousy heart monitor. I let the change of scenery settle in for a few moments before inspecting the body that had served me well all these years. Truthfully, it wasn't as bad as I had been fearing. One leg was dressed up in a full cast and levitated on a sling while the rest of my body just looked like a mummy which is pretty cool if you ask me. Sections of my waist had taken some extra padding as well as my head which I was pretty sure was in a brace of sorts.

Over all, I was looking pretty hot. You know how in the movies, when the patient finally wakes up people come rushing in that exact moment. Yeah, well, if they had some crazy spidey-sense, it wasn't working for me. Nobody came. The room was just as quite as I expect it was ten minutes ago. I felt pretty crumby just sitting there like that. I might have called out for someone if it weren't for the bruised lips and ripped throat so instead I sat in silence.

After what was probably half an hour or so, I got real fed up. I hated just sitting there. It made me feel helpless and lonely and dead. So…what do I do? The only reasonable thing. Hold my breath, of course. They don't show that in the movies, those liars. I don't know much about hospitals but I'm sure they don't like it when their patients stop breathing, right?

Right away, the beeping rhythm slowed and the door opened. A woman walked in, probably mid-thirties, blonde hair pulled back and giving me nasty look. I'm sure it's been a long day for her. She came in, clipboard in hand and I released my lungs. If you have an idea in your head of sexy ladies in little skirts and heels, slaughter it. She was actually very fit but everybody in these joints wear big saggy scrubs with a kiddy print on them. Anyways, she greeted me with a good morning and flicked on the radio. Immediately, Count on me by Bruno Mars started playing but the song was already half-way through.

"Sorry bub. I was in the middle of listening to this on my _break_ when you decided to 'call for my attention' so I'm gonna finish it." She told me, jotting lines on the paper and trying to start up the ink in her cheap pen. It blotted a bit then finally she was able to scribble out her notes. I opened my mouth to speak, I put pressure against my lungs but only a gravelly moan campout. She noticed and offered me water. I accepted and she had to practically pour it down my throat then wipe off the dribbles running down my neck. It was really embarrassing. I wasn't used to being useless and frankly, I hated it.

After that, I was able to talk. More like make little studdery whines that sounded like words. "M..M' look'n… f'r… s'm one" I said. I meant to say that I was looking for someone.

"Aren't we all, brother?" She answered, sarcastically without removing her eyes from the clip board.

"Is' name is L'vino." I added. That seemed to do something. She paused for a minute then looked at me questioningly.

"What's the name again?" With one hand, she wiped a few thin, loose hair back.

"L'vino… Lah-vno'… Low-vih-noh." Not a huge accomplishment but I was pretty damn proud of myself. I'm sure I was just glowing.

"Is it spelled El Oh Vee ,I En Oh?" I nodded as quickly as my stiff neck would allow. Her look only became more curious. She looked from me, to the door then back a few times. "With like, redy-brown hair, short little guy?" That made me explode. I wasn't sure how to show my excitement other than to smack my hand against the mattress like a child.

She was so confused with me. "You know each other?" She asked. I had absolutely no idea what she was taking about or how she knew about my baby but I was excited as hell. I was afraid I might shatter the cast.

"L'vino!" I cried, my voice rough and quivering. "M' amour~" My baby! My Lovino! He was okay! He was okay! He was okay! He was HERE! Oh god… that didn't hit me until just then… he was HERE… he was so close….

I had to get to him. I had to clear everything up once and for all. I needed to explain these last few crazy days, I needed to tell him how I love him. No more of this, let's wait and smooth things out. No more confusion or lies. He was HERE and I NEEDED to hold him. Little Lovi…

"If we're talking about the same kid, he's been in the room next door for the past week."

(Author here! What!? It's such a short chapter! I know… that's how I want it. Don't worry, I'll most likely be updating this weekend so you won't be waiting too long. I was debating on having Lovino be the nurse and making this like a weird dream but I wouldn't do that to you guys~)

(P.S. I kow theres a hundred speling errorrs. I'l get too shem as sonas i can.)


	9. Snow Globe

BLOG FAIRY

Snow Globe

(This part here in bold is very important so there'll be an explanation at the end of the chapter.)

**You wanna know something? That snow globe was broken. I felt just about ready to cry when I saw that. In fact, I did and I'm not all that sure why. Maybe because I missed how pretty it looked when it snowed in there. It was it's own pretty little world were no one could touch it and it could remain pretty and peaceful all the time. Man, you should'a seen it.**

**All there was now was the crumbling skyline, loosely clinging to the mount. The pieces of glass were broken up into about a hundred pieces and they were ripping big seams into my messenger bag. That only made me bawl harder. I had really liked that bag. I liked it a lot. I bought it the day I moved to this city. It was my favorite, I never left it at home. Well, unless I was in a crumby mood and didn't feel like even bothering with it.**

**Anyways, like I said, that snow globe was broken and it was really killing me. I wouldn't be able to put it back together, I knew that. I wished I had protected it better. I should have. I should have put it in a glass case or something so it wouldn't change or get damaged.**

**Truthfully, it was really frustrating me. I wondered if throwing it out might be easier than staring at it and feeling so god damn sorry for myself but I reminded myself that I bought it for Lovino and it was really ****his**** decision.**

**So instead, I went back to thinking about my poor bag. It was really a nice bag. I bought it because I needed a new one and it looked a lot like a bag my dad had when he was my age, around the time he met my mother. There was a little superstition in me that I might have some of those memories with the bag, but like I said, that was only a superstition. Now, I couldn't do much of anything about it's state.**

**If I didn't have the snow globe, my bag would still be fine, just dirty. Funny thing is, I had seen about a gazillion of those cliché NYC snow globes in my life but for some reason, I had to buy that one. Other ones were exactly the same if not little better but I just bought that one and I probably would have bought it even if I weren't afraid of getting in trouble. It just… I don't know. I couldn't tell you why I wanted it, I just did. **

**Should probably get back to what I was talking about. Besides, nobody really cares how you look in a dumb messenger bag anyways; they just care what **_**they**_** look like when that stand next to you in your dumb messenger bag.**

I'm not sure what the first thought in my head was. Believe me, there were quite a few. I was paniced, wondering why Lovino was hospitalized. I was ecstatic, knowing he was so close. But most of all, I was scared to see him because I didn't want him to see the broken snow globe. I just knew he was going to be as upset as I was. I didn't say anything to the nurse. I didn't want him to see that snow globe in a hundred, unsolvable pieces.

"How do you know him?' She finally asked in attempt to break my nervous silence.

"Room mate." I whispered to save my lungs unnecessary strain. I wasn't sure if I wanted to see him or not. I wasn't sure what would happen if he did see me. I didn't want to see what his body would look like if it was hurt. What I wanted to do was put that dumb snow globe back together.

"Hey, calm down now." She said in a low voice. My heart rate had gone up and now sounded quite a bit like a bird chirping. I wasn't in the mood to listen to her right then. I was too busy thing about Lovino. I had _said_ that I was going to tell him my true feeling but I didn't really feel like that either. Lovino made me nervous. Like, sweaty palms nervous. I didn't know how to face him.

"Mr. Carriedo , please calm down." She urged again, a bit more frantic than before. My heart rate increased as hers did, now at a bird's panic call. The woman set away her clip board and put two hands over my heart with slight pressure, pinning me down. From there I could read her name tag. Nurse Tammy Aguilar. Places like these like to use first names so it feels a bit more personal or at least less secretive. It may have worked because I evened my breath and let my body go limp.

"Okay, okay." She coaxed. "Look, calm down, patient 4061- er, Lovino, is alright. He's just sick."

"With what?" I asked in that whispery tone that I had grown fond of. It didn't hurt to talk like that.

"We don't know yet but trust me, he's in good hands. We have a highly trained medical team running tests and diagnostics. He's going to get better in no time." She didn't smile but she gave me a relaxed look which I think worked better. I was starting to like her. She didn't use big medical terms to make it seem like they were prestigious, top-rate scientists. They always annoyed me, those kinds of people. I don't think it's their fault, they just like to be snotty. Like the people who write the newspaper adds for diet supplements or those go-get-'em sales men in erectile dysfunction commercials. Who even knows what a calorie is?

I nodded to Tammy and closed my eyes, leaning my head back. My hair was greasy and tangled. I probably hadn't been bathed. On that note, I wasn't sure where my waste was going but I definitely didn't want to know the answer. "Hey, do you know how Thor got back to Earth?" I suddenly asked her. It had no relevance but sometimes my mouth works without consulting me first.

"Huh?" She stood up straight.

"In the Avengers, Thor comes back to Earth to fight his brother. How did he get there? Didn't he destroy the rainbow bridge in the Thor movie?" I clarified, opening my eyes to give her a questioning look.

"Uh… I dunno. Doesn't he have a magic flying hammer or something?" This time, she smiled when she spoke to me. Not a sassy or giddy smile but one of those friendly little smiles that girls know how to give.

"Yeah, I guess." I turned my attention up at the ceiling. I had never gotten a much better answer to that question. I couldn't atop thinking about that snow globe. It was really killing me. "Hey, could you get me my bag?" I asked, not looking at her.

She looked over to the far table were all of my possessions remained. "Let me get it washed first."

"No, you'll wash out the glass." I answered in a flat tone.

"What do you need a bunch of broken glass for?"

"I'm going to put that snow globe back together."

"That's impossible. Why would you bother with it anyway? You can get another one for 6.99 at any gift shop."

"Listen, can you just give me my bag?"

"No can do, bub. My boss would totally get on me if he came in and saw you playing with glass."

"Can't you just lock the door or something!?" I was getting pretty anxious at that point. I just really wanted to put it back together.

"No, I can't. You'll be fine."

"It's a present for someone. Just give it here." I growled.

"I already said I can't. Everything's going to be alright. It's just all the antibiotics-"

"Give me my god damn bag!" I barked, using my voice at full volume which hurt real bad. To make matters worse, I was crying for no reason. It was really bothering me, _she_ was really bothering me.

My acting out stunned her for a minute. I don't blame her. Normally, I'm a nice, easy going guy but I was human too. If I felt crumby or I forgot my bag at home, I'd usually snap at people all day. Tammy went over to get my bag but instead of bringing to me, she took it out of the room. Fortunately, I was too tired to start cursing. I dropped my head back and sighed in frustration.

I guess she called in for back up because when I saw her again, she was toting beside a bald guy in a white lab coat who looked to be about fifty. His I.D card was clipped onto this breast pocket. I knew I didn't like him when I first saw him. I don't like people who wear lab coats only because it looks professional. Like those guys who get your pills at Walgreen's. I was taking prescription pills for a while to even my mood and I knew this guy, Jason, who wore that dumb coat everyday and checked out my sixteen year old cousin all the time. He was gross. All those people in white coats have problems. I'm sure this bald guy was no different.

"Good afternoon, ." He said as he stepped in the room and closed the door behind him. "My name is Doctor Shroeder."

"Your parent must have been pretty creative to name you Doctor Shroeder." I spat. I wasn't acting anything like myself. I was pretty out of it, I can get nasty when I'm in 'one of my moods'. That's what my mom would call it.

He laughed. He just gave his little old man chuckle like nothing had happened. That annoyed me too. I remembered to be respectful though. I smiled and chuckled back.

"Well, my first name is Harry." That was ironic, seeing as he was bald as an eagle. "I'm the hospital physiatrist. It's come to my attention that you may be suffering some anxiety or stress. You want to tell me about that?" He asked and sat down in the doctor's swivel chair which happened to be the same one I had at home.

"I'm not stressed. I've been to lots of doctors in my lifetime, they can all tell you I'm not crazy." I didn't fully believe that myself

"No one's saying your crazy. I just want to know what's on your mind." He folded his hands in his lap and sat up all king-like.

"I just want to fix my snow globe. That's it."

"And why is that?"

"It's a gift for someone and they're going to be real bummed if they get it and it's all broken." I said with a _duh_ tone.

"Why not just get a new one? I've seen plenty of those selling on the street."

"Because another one isn't the same! That was a perfectlygood one! I can still fix it if I try hard enough!"

"What does the snow globe _really_ symbolize to you?"

"What? Nothing. I just… I want to fix it. I can't stand just seeing it all hurt n' stuff." Heat filled my face again, forcing liquid out of my eyes.

" , who is it a present for?" His face never changed from his flat, professional composition.

"I-it…it's for a friend of mine." I whispered, my frustration subsiding.

"I see… well I think you should give it to that person just the way it is."

That took me by surprise. "I can't! They won't even like it! It looks like a piece of junk!"

"But it's not a piece of junk?"

"No!" I took a few deep breaths and let myself relax. "It was really pretty when it wasn't broken n' all."

"Well, why don't you give it to that person and see what they think you should do."

I remained silent, eyes drooping into my lap. I wasn't in the mood to talk to him. He let me sit there for a while, thinking. Finally, he spoke up. , what is it that you were seeing doctors for?" Boy, that turned me off. I really hate when people ask me those questions. They usually all think I'm crazy. I can assure you, I'm fine.

"Mood swings… and compulsion." That was the answer I was used to giving. It was simple enough and I didn't have to go into the whole story of confusion and emotions. He asked me if I could be a bit more specific. God, I hated that. These conversations go on for hours. I told him that they had already asked me all the questions and given me pills. I made sure to reiterate that I was fine and not crazy. I really don't like being called crazy. I don't use the word hate, that's a very strong emotion.

"Do you still take those pills?" He asked, a lot more interested than he had been when we were talking about snow globes.

"Hey, how do you think Thor got to Earth?" I asked him.

"Excuse me?" Was all he said and leaned in as if he couldn't hear me.

"In the Avengers, Thor returns to fight-"

"I don't know anything about comic books son. Now-"

"You didn't even let me tell you who he fights!"

"Does this have to do with your mental stability?" There's a word I _hate_. Mental stability. _Hate_ it. Of course I was 'mentally stable'! I had a job and home and friends! I wasn't killing cats or eating people! I hated people in white lab coats. They've all got something wrong with them and they're all sure you do too. I readjusted my torso as much as I could so that I lying on my side, facing away from him. I had nothing to say to him.

I hate hospitals. I hate the people there. I hate the doctors who try to use big words and the nurses who all wore the same Spongebob or kids playing print on their scrubs. I really hated being around all of those dying people. There wasn't much else that bummed me out more than hospitals. I didn't belong in them, I hated them.

Nurse Tammy and Doctor Shroeder kept trying to talk to me but I ignored them and watched the motionless window. I was busy thinking about when I would get better so I could go and be done with them. Finally, they gave up and left but left the door wide open so I could be under surveillance. Luckily, I had two perfectly good hand that I could hold high up into the air and extend middle fingers. Childish? Yes. Stupid? Yes. I wasn't my normal self. Places like these always bring out the worst in me.

Tammy came back, not at all pleased. She forcefully put my hands back into my lap. "Mr. Carriedo, please." She growled.

"_Mr. Carriedo was my father~_" I teased. People in hospitals don't like teasing. "Of course, you guys never call anybody by their first names. Might as well just call me BPD." That was it. That was the name of the thing they had always told me that was ruining my life but I knew better. BPD didn't ruin my life. People ruined my life. People like Nurse Tammy who thought I was just another idiot that she was paid to baby-sit or Sydney Sharon in high school who wouldn't stop calling me a psychopath.

At least I had Lovino. He made me feel perfectly normal. I could teach him how to program a microwave or laugh over a cloud that looked like a dancing alligator. Man, that boy was amazing. I never felt crumby around him like I did the people in hospitals. "Hey, do you think I could see Lovino?" I asked, turning my head so I could look at Tammy. I admit, it was a complete mood swing. I guess I was funny like that. Lovino always turned me right around and made me sweet. He was a funny kid.

"I don't think I can expose you to anymore stress or-"

"I just wanna have a little chat with him, nothing big. Please? Hey, if you let me talk to him, just for ten minutes, I'll act real good n' all. I'll take the shots and answer questions and even eat that gross hospital food." I offered and gave her my pouting face. I was sure I didn't look nearly as handsome as I did when I could bath and wasn't wearing casts but it managed to get me what I wanted before. Maybe I could be lucky again.

She mulled it over for some time. "I'm gonna get you a wheel chair but you swear to be cooperative for the rest of your treatment, right?" I nodded quickly. I was getting pretty excited to see him, even if I didn't know what to do or say. I decided to take Doctor Shroeder's advice.

"Hey, can you reach me my bag too?" I added just she rolled in with an unfolded wheel chair. She nodded and brought the chair right up to the side of the bed.

"I'm going to need your help with this part." I helped her all I could. I wriggled and shifted myself till finally we managed to get me sitting in it. She rolled me out and into the hall but she stopped just before we entered his room. "Look, I don't want you touching him. We haven't identified his illness yet so lets just not go spreading germs." I agreed and she brought me in.

A familiar figure was lying on his side on the tough hospital mattress, staring into a book but not reading it. I could tell. He seemed depressed as hell. His eyes flicked over the page a tiny bit but he was just imagining things on parchment. He didn't look up when we came in nor did he look up when the door closed. He just laid there and stared at that same dumb page. I knew for certain it was Lovino. He didn't look sick, he just looked lonesome, that's all. Nurse Tammy excused herself.

"Lovi?" I whispered. That got his attention. At first, his honey orbs peeked over the top of the book and soon as they saw me, he was sitting up in a real hurry and flinging his book across the bed.

"Antonio!" He yelped. He gave me a look that was half confused out of his mind and half completely pissed. "What- why are you…"

"I had a bit of an accident. Anyways, look. I wanted to talk to you-"

"Go away." He interrupted quickly. He seemed a little surprised by his own words but he meant them fully. He took up his pillow in his arm, almost defensively.

"Lovino, I'm so sorry about what happened-"

He seemed pretty dead set on getting rid of me quickly, seeing as he kept interrupting me. "Just leave. I don't like being around you."

"Listen to me. I'm sorry about what I did. I really am. I really wanted to tell you that. I was being really stupid… I realized how crazy I was being."

"You told me that kissing on lips was only meant for humans who love each other sexually."

"I know I said that but I don't feel that way. I was acting on impulse. You're like a brother to me." That was a lie. I _did_ feel that way but everyone wants to fall in love slowly, right? Moving too fast would be too hard on him. He was still confused and afraid and vulnerable. He didn't want a lover, at least not yet.

"You don't?" He asked, slightly shocked.

"No. I love you. I love you so much but I don't desire you like that." My answer must have been just what he was looking for because he smiled the tiniest bit and sighed. "So, I heard you're sick." I said, diverting the subject.

"Oh, well, yes. I believe it's something that only exists in the fairy culture. My brother got it once." He answered, turning sweet to me again. It was so perfect. Of course, it wouldn't last. Something would bring back up the harsh truth of what I did but at that time, it didn't matter. He was happy again.

"Yeah? Well what's it like?" I asked, hoping to keep on the easy subject.

"It gives you red bumps and shivers and your hair gets all prickly. I called a cabby and he took me here, _against_ my will." That made him a bit sore. He looked real cute. I, of course, asked him how he'd gotten it. I felt so relaxed with Lovino, it was great. "Well, my brother got it when his birds were killed in a storm and our neighbor, Serkve, contracted it when his entire plantation froze over."

"So…it's like fairy depression?" I asked.

"I don't know. Nobody names illnesses in my culture."

"Well, I guess I have something that might make you feel a bit better." I delicately lifted open the flap of the messenger bag. Tammy had left it on the desk for me. I pulled out the mount and decaying buildings before shaking loose any glass that had been caught in the crevices. "This is all that's left but… at least it's something." I handed it to him. It took him a moment to recognize it but once he did, he frowned and pet it in pity.

"It's broken." He whispered.

"Yeah, sorry. It's not a very good present." I lifted one side of my mouth in an I-almost-mean-it smile. Suddenly, Lovino outstretched his arm, handing the remains back to me.

"It's just junk now. You can just get me a new one later." He told me as I took it back into my cradling hands. I jammed it back into my bag. "How did you get hurt?" He suddenly asked.

"Huh? Oh, well you know those things on four wheels that move real fast?"

"The cars?"

"Yeah that."

"Did it eat you!? I told you it would-"

"No, no. I was on the street when it was coming by."

"It hit you?" I was a bit surprised that he knew that phrase.

"Mm-hm."

"You said that they couldn't do that when you're on the striped part of the road."

"I wasn't on the cross walk. I was really tired and all so I just crossed in the middle." I didn't want to tell him that I was drunk, that's not a real good example for him.

"You were drunk, weren't you?" He asked flatly.

"Yeah, I was drunk." I answered with a sigh. Lovino began to giggle. It was a bit sadistic that he found that funny but I guess he hadn't been corrupted by society. He didn't know that we're not allowed to do that. It was sweet that way. He wasn't fake or programmed like everyone else. He didn't understand the social norm, it was beautiful. All he saw was a drunk man wobbling into the street and since I lived to tell the tale, it was hilarious. I found myself bursting out into laughter as well and we sat there, clutching our sides for a good ten minutes straight.

I wasn't laughing because I thought it was funny. I was laughing because I was so god damn happy. _So god damn happy_. Lovino was so real, so genuine and beautiful. It was good to know that I wasn't crazy because there were good people out there. Every laugh and every smile took my breath away. I loved him so much and _this time_ I was going to be so careful not to screw it up. _I was just so god damn happy_.

(EXPLANATION: Okay, so there's a lot of symbolism in there that's really important to Antonio as a character. Here's the short version for people who don't like to read: the snow globe is Antonio and Lovino's relationship. The messenger bag is how Antonio presents himself in society and the white lab coats are Antonio's struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder. It was hinted at through his compulsion and mood swings but generally, "Patients with borderline personality disorder (BPD) are highly unstable, with wide mood swings, a history of intense but stormy relationships, impulsive behavior, and confusion about career goals, personal values, or sexual orientation. These often highly conflictual ideas may correspond to an even deeper confusion about their sense of self (identity)." As stated by the Miller-Keane Encyclopedia and Dictionary of Medicine, Nursing, and Allied Health.

First, the snow globe. It's symbolic of his and Lovino's relationship and that's why he was talking about how pretty it looked inside, protected by the glass globe. Their relationship looks really nice and functional and "pretty" but that's only because it's fake. Antonio is holding himself back. He's repressing his feeling and ignoring who he truly is because he's afraid of his real self.

When the snow globe is broken in the accident, it represents what happened earlier that night with the kiss and that's why he's so obsessed with putting it back together before Lovino can see it. He mentions that the inside (the sky line) is breaking too and just barely hanging onto the mount because now he's reverted more to his true self and it's suffering from exterior breaking. He's having a hard time hanging onto himself.

Messenger bags started as being used my mail men, relaying information. In the same way, Antonio's messenger bag represents how he presents himself in public. It's his little fake personality and it comforts him when he has it with him. Remember how he almost forgot it at Grand Central terminal? The real importance of that is that he almost cracked and lost his cover. That's why he's upset when he sees that the glass from the globe destroyed it. Their broken relationship finally got through his protective exterior and he's wondering if it's better to throw out the relationship rather than try to fix it, which is impossible.

In here, we also learn that Toni has some daddy issues which might add to his weird mental issues. He gets the bag because his dad had a similar one. He made himself into a representation of his father. He also mentions that nobody cares how you present yourself, as long as they look good next to you. This gives a bit of insight on some of his true feelings about society.

The white lab coats represent Antonio's mental struggle. He doesn't like them, he doesn't like the people in them. You see, Antonio's really big on this whole denial idea. As you know, he thinks he's normal and maybe just a little bit off. Earlier in the story, he was getting anxious and talking about being crazy which is a huge fear of his. This story isn't about a blog or a fairy, that was just a hoax to get people to read it. This story is actually about Antonio's struggle with society and how he's trying to seem normal and trying to love like a normal person would. Also, there's a reason I didn't tell you how Antonio felt about Lovino's response to the broken snow globe, I want you to get a bit creative. Very out of character? Perfect. That's how I want it. Thank you for reading, till next chapter. Bye!)


	10. Thunder

BLOG FAIRY

Thunder

**So I guess now you know what's wrong with me, or at least what the doctors say is. It's all a load of junk. I feel fine. I look fine. Nobody would know I'm any different without hearing **_**those three letters**_**.**

**Of course though, people **_**did**_** know. All those sad people in the therapy group knew. I remember how they would hunch over in their little plastic chairs and just stare at me, all depressed n' all. I went there every Wednesday for two and a half years and I hated it. Every week, my father would track me down and shove me kick'n and scream'n into the minivan. He was a very no-funny-business guy when it came to stuff like this.**

**You were supposed to track how many hours you slept and stuff like that but I never did. I didn't feel like it. I didn't do any of their exercises and I recall flushing my pills once or twice. **

**My mother would scold me and cry, saying that she was only trying to help. She begged me over and over to be cooperative. She was a good lady. Really, she was. I felt real bad for being such a brat but I just couldn't do it. I hated all of it.**

**Nobody seemed to believe me when I told them I was fine. The pills never 'helped' me, all they did was make me fall asleep or loose my lunch. I hated those dumb doctors who thought they knew what was best because they went to med school. Everyone in white coats acted like royalty all the time and it really bummed me out. **

**Here's a good question I've been asking my whole life, 'How do you cure some one who's not sick?' There's only one way which was to give them the old **_**three letter prescription.**_** It was such a joke. Nobody gives a crap about what's wrong with you until they get that. That's when people start to care. That's the difference between a brat who acts up in class and a poor child who is damned with ADD. I'm telling you, three letters make all the difference. **

**When I was seven, the school councilor suggested I see a doctor about my learning challenges. Before that, I was just stupid. Everyone said I was stupid and wild but after that doctor's visit, everything changed. They 'cured' me by giving me a three letter title, BPD. I didn't feel any different before the visit than I did after but lord knows, the whole world flipped.**

**Before, my grandma would only visit on Christmas and Thanksgiving but after, she was over at least every month and she would pass checks all secret-like to my parents. She didn't used to care much about me but with three letters added to the end of my name, she would squish my cheeks and constantly ask me how I was feeling.**

**There's something else I really hate. **_**How are you feeling?**_** I hated that. People always thought my problem was with how I **_**felt**_**, like I was some mental time bomb. They thought my brain was broken or something, I was a nut case, not working right. God, that must have bummed me out the most. I felt fine.**

**Three god damn letters… that changed it all. **_**That's**_** what was wrong with me.**

"I heard this joke on the radio." Lovino informed me, lying back in his bed.

"Oh yeah?" I smiled and tilted my head from my seat beside the hospital cot.

"The radio host said 'I met this real hot chick at the bar yesterday. Probably would've taken her home too if she hadn't caught me check'n out her mother' and then there was laughter but I don't understand the humor in this."

"He was hitting on, 'courting' if you will, a girl but he was also interested in her mom. Get it?" Truthfully, it wasn't a very funny joke. At least, I didn't think it was. I'm sure lots plenty of teenaged boys got a kick out of it but my problem was that I knew it didn't happen. Radio hosts and stand up comedians always make up these scenarios for themselves just to they can tell some cheesy joke and because that, I could never find them funny. Maybe I'd laugh if I'd seen it in real life.

"I still don't think it's humorous." Lovino said after he had paused long enough to reconsider it.

"Yeah, me either. Do fairies tell jokes?" I asked.

"Of course we do. We're a civilization just like humans… maybe without the same morals."

I chuckled a bit. "Okay, tell me one." Lovino smiled at this request. He asked for a moment to think of a good one and after pondering the question for a good minute, he happily recited it for me.

"All right, so there is a farmer who complains to the whole tribe about how well his neighbor's pigs grows while his remains a runt. Eventually, his greed and envy turns _him_ into a pig and the tribe is so happy that they kill him and feast all night!" Lovino couldn't keep himself from laughing.

I was mortified. That sounded nothing like a joke to me. In fact, that sounded like a Grimm fairytale, one mothers would tell their children who envied their friend's toys or something like that. "That's a joke?" I asked, stunned.

His laughter suddenly faded and he looked at me with complete confusion. "Did you not think it was funny?" He asked head cocked. I was just glad he hadn't told me that when I first me him or there would have been _no way_ I'd have taken him home with me.

"Not exactly… actually, it was kind of scary." I told him, truthfully. He seemed even more confused by this.

"You see, the farmer did not truly exist. It is but a story." He clarified. I nodded. "Here, let me try another one. There was once a woman who hated so dearly how her husband would chew his nails so one day she-"

"Chopped off his fingers?" I guessed. It seemed like a dead give away after hearing the last joke.

"No, she pulled out his teeth and sewed his mouth shut and then he died of starvation." He corrected with an innocent tone to his voice.

"Oh my god! So much worse!" I cried, covering my ears. He really was a funny kid, but his jokes… they could use some work. I guess it was just his culture but seriously…ugh.

"What!? Those are funny jokes!" He defended.

"No they're not! Do you have a joke where, y'know, people _don't _die?" He had to think about that one for a while. Apparently, death and pain seemed to be the punch line of all his jokes.

"Once upon a time there's a fairy that nobody likes so they tell him he's the 'winner' and throw him an extravagant party only so that they can name him King of the Asses and leave him in the middle of nowhere, half dead and alone."

My heart sunk. I knew the truth of that, that was _his_ story. "That's not funny." I told him in a soft voice. His drooping head lifted, displaying a fake, broken smile.

"Yes it is, everyone laughs." He told me but I only shook my head.

"It's not. It cruel and disgusting." The poor boy. I don't see how anybody could hurt him like that. He was so innocent, so gentle. They must have not known him very well or they would have seen it too. It was just wrong. _So damn wrong_. It was like killing a mockingbird. I had read that book once and I remember Atticus saying that the only sin was killing a mocking bird because they never did nothing wrong. They only just sat there and sang pretty songs, just like Lovino. He sure could be weird or have a hard time understanding things but he was nothing but a mocking bird. He was so sensitive and caring and sweet… he was innocent.

Lovino's façade didn't last much longer. Within seconds, little water marbles dribbled out of eyes and his smile crinkled up, trying to hold in his low whine. He didn't want to cry, I knew it but I also knew that my Lovi was a cry baby and soon he'd loose his cover. I opened my arms, welcoming him in. Lovino was never as venerable as he was when he was like this so instead of fighting me, he crawled into my lap and cuddled into me.

If he was hurting me, I hadn't noticed. I wrapped my arms nice and tight around him and he cried. Once, Tammy had stopped in because my ten minutes were up but she left respectfully when she saw us. She was better than a lot of nurses I knew; at least she didn't act like I was her favorite person in the world. A lot of nurses do that. I kept telling Lovi that he was okay now or that he was safe but he said all he wanted to do was listen to the rain. I hadn't noticed it until he said something. Sure enough, there it was, tapping lightly at the window pane. Each little droplet would splat against the glass and make a little circular impact before collecting itself and rolling down.

I love the rain. I loved watching the stream outside our house, back in Spain, as it would again and again be impaled with these tiny bubbles from the sky. I loved how the little rings would soon turn the pool into a city of ripples. I love how Lovino's breath could so easily play like an instrument to the melody outside. He let out soft, steady beats that could hypnotize the entire world into tranquility, even in only for a little while.

I love Lovino. I loved how it felt to hold him and protect him with only my own being. I loved him so much… and I wouldn't be able to tell him that. I loved him madly.

Here's the thing about people who love madly, it starts like a plague. It stats like a whisper between neighbors or a simple _have you heard_ and it can spread like wildfire. Soon enough, your soul would be there, calling for the damned and you'd be screamin' and hollerin' all night because you know that there'd be no savior in the morning. That was the problem with people who fell madly in love, they were all sick as hell with it.

That was the problem with _me_. I'm madly in love in a world were the strong are made weak, the whole made broken and the innocent made martyrs. There's not really a hope for me. _Being madly in love is like the worst punishment for the best crime._

"Antonio, I think I lo-" Lovino began but wasn't able to finish when a low rumbling began boiling up until it was a booming cannon, filling the sky with it's roars of vengeance. The boy gasped but kept his ears perked so he could listen to it until it faded as just a tremor. "Did you hear that?" He asked in awe, taking his attention away from the window and pinning it on me. I smiled, of course.

"I did." I told him. That made sense, we were probably outside the city now, since they didn't have long-term-stay clinics in the city. A big smile made its way only Lovino's little face. He excitedly checked back out the window then back to me.

"I've missed it." He said in his soft, lullaby voice. I ruffled his light golden brown mop, which had grown longer and greasier. He probably hadn't been bathing since no one was forcing him to. I chuckled a bit at that.

"You still need that haircut." I told him, running my fingers through his locks and rubbing the longest strands between my thumb and index. He didn't mind being pet, it was one of those kiddy things he never grew out of. Actually, seeing as he practically purred when I did it, it would say he enjoyed it.

Lovino laid his head back against me and closed his eyes. I thought he might be sleeping but he started humming this little tune that was half tribal and half a little poppy dance tune. It was real sweet, it really was. You should'a heard it. Lovino was amazing like that. He could be amazing without trying or even knowing he was amazing.

It really bugs me when people know they're amazing. I knew this guy in high school who could act like nobody's business. Problem was, he knew it. He really knew it. He was never snotty or gave people junk about it but he would act like he was a big guy. He though he must me the leader of his little drama club society. The drama club wasn't much better. Don't get me wrong, I knew a lot of nice people in the drama club but they all treated it like some prestigious club that outsiders just wouldn't get. It just bugged me, I'm not sure why.

On the other hand, Lovino never bugged me. He was always real. He made _me_ feel real. He was my mockingbird, while I may not be innocent or gentle, I wanted so much to protect _his_ innocence and gentleness. That's why holding him felt so good. I could stop him from growing or changing. Just in that moment, I could capture him just the way he was. Lovino fell asleep in my arms, just like that. I pressed my lips as softly as I possibly could to his head. Maybe I was trying to make up for all the affection he never had or maybe I just wanted to feel his tender skin under my lips again.

I stayed that way, like a scene in a snow globe, until Tammy finally returned and beckoned me away, saying that I had a visitor. Honestly, I didn't care about the visitor because I knew it wasn't going to be Lovino. I asked if it could wait but she said no and that I had to get back to my room before her boss yelled at her anyways. I reluctantly released Lovino, doing my best to situate him back onto his bed. He whined at the loss of heat when I put him back. That just about broke my heart. I wished I could have held him longer, I really did but that would have to wait.

She wheeled me back to my room and the entire time, I refused to look at her. I was pretty sore with her but I don't think she much cared. Well, at least I could say I liked that about her. Other nurses would spend forever trying to cheer me up if I was bummed when I just wanted to be left alone. I was bummed a lot of the time I was a kid. That's why I decided to smile all the time when I moved to the big city. Besides, my bag looked better on me when I was smiling.

In the hospital room, a familiar blonde pony-tailed man was waiting for me, occupied with answering a text or something. When he noticed me out of the corner of his eye, his head shot up and he flashed me a huge, relieved smile. "Oh, Antoine! I just heard you'd woken up." He jumped out of his seat and hugged me with a sigh. Tammy shooed him off me, since _apparently_, I'm very fragile in this state. I almost laughed at that.

"Francis, how'd you get here so quick? Are you still living in Philly?" I asked. I hadn't been awake all too long and I was sure Tammy didn't have time to call relatives until I was with Lovino.

"Oui, I am but you are like my brother! How could I _not_ be here!?" He said but I saw the real reason in his eyes, he was worried about me. He knew those three letters and he knew I hated hospitals. I nodded, silently telling him that I was indeed, okay. He smiled and patted my shoulder, mouthing 'okay' and sitting back down.

He was a real good guy, that Francis. Sure, he was a faker but he was dead honest with himself about it. He knew how people wanted to be treated, his number one goal in life was to make people happy and he was pretty damn good at it. He knew he was faking when he said things just to impress people but that was just who he was. He was my best friend. He was really just a good guy.

"How have you been? I hope the hospital food isn't been too bad." He joked.

"It is." Tammy interrupted, once again jotting things down on her clipboard. I had no idea what she wrote down on that thing but she sure seemed intent on getting it written down.

"_Ah, I don't believe I've caught your name~_" Francis lulled in his smooth, lady-killer voice. She spared him a glance before going back to her writing.

"My Name is Nurse Tammy Aguilar." She said, sounding bored with him. Unbeknownst to her, ignoring Francis was like taunting the bull.

"Maybe… I could buy you a coffee after your shift, no?" Francis always used that 'no?' when he was hitting on someone, it was a dead give away. This time, Tammy smiled at him, finally ignoring her clipboard for a split second which I didn't know was possible.

"Sure! Sounds great~" She cocked her head, still smiling. Boy, that's when I knew it. She was being sarcastic, she was playing Francis like a dummy.

"Really!" He sat a little taller, real proud of himself for hooking one so quick.

"Of course! Oh, wait, my marine husband came home yesterday and we were planning to go out to dinner. You don't mind if he tags a long, do you?" I started liking Tammy more and more.

"Ah… well I really wouldn't want to be imposing on you two. Maybe another time." They way he slumped lower in his chair showed how nervous he was getting.

"Right~ Another time." She said and snickered as she went back to jotting things down on her board. That sure shut Franny up, I don't think I heard another word out of him until she left the room to go check something. I finally burst out laughing. He was pretty sore with me. He told me it wasn't funny and hit me on the arm and I told him that you're not allowed to hit injured people.

"Injured my ass. You seem just fine to me." He growled but ended up laughing too.

"I'm trying real hard to heal quick. I hate this place."

"Should'a thought about that before you went walking into the middle of a busy street. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I was dunk."

"No shit. You usually don't get drunk without me or Libby though so what was up?"

"I don't know, I just felt like being drunk."

"I called that girl you were taking home. What was it, star? Anyways, she said you were being all mopey when she saw you and the Antonio _I know_ doesn't get mopey unless something's up."

"I was mugged."

"Bullshit, Toni. Just tell me what it was."

"Lay off, I was drunk."

"If you don't tell me what it is, it's going to happen again but next time, instead of a taxi cab, it'll be tour bus."

"Franny, I don't want to talk about it."

"Did someone get hurt? Is it the BP-"

"You know it wasn't that! I'm fine! I'm not crazy!"

"I know! I know! But you make it so hard for me to help you, I just do know what else to say-" He paused, something just then hitting him. "It was that kid, wasn't it. The fairy one." He growled.

"Leave Lovino out of this!" I snarled back. Just because we were friends doesn't mean we never fought.

"Antonio! Wasn't I warning you about this!? I _said_ this would happen! I _told_ you to be careful! Augh! Why can't you ever listen!?"

"Shut up! I can do things on my own, I don't need you to be my mommy! I _have_ one of those and I moved here so people would stop telling me how to live!"

"Look at me! Do I look like I'm here because I want to ruin your life!? No! I want to help you! I don't want my best friend running into the street all the time!"

"I'm okay! Stop treating me like I'm some mentally unstable retard! I'm perfectly normal and if I run into the street it's because I'm doing it in my right mind! I'm a person, just like you!"

"I know Toni! It's not you who's the problem here, it's that fairy!"

"His name is Lovino and he's not a part of this!"

"Don't give me that! I _know_ he is! I told you from the beginning that he was a bad idea!"

"Stop it!"

"Now look were you are!"

"I LOVE HIM!"

The room was silent with the exception of an almost inaudible gasp from my friend. He released the breath, whispering "Oh…" as his look went from anger to understanding. We looked at each other for a good few moments, neither of us having a single word in our throats.

A little creaking noise led my attention to the door where the boy in question's half-asleep face popped in. He blinked a few times, trying to clear away his tiredness. Messy autumn hair covered his face and he looked around the room curiously. "I heard shouting…" He finally whispered, looking between the two of us.

(EXPLANATION [this'll be a short one, promise]: there's probably a lot of confusion over the tense of Antonio's narration. I'm sorry but I promise, there are reasons. Mostly, he uses the past tense, like "I loved how it felt to hold him". Well, assuming he and Lovino are still alive at the point of his narration, shouldn't he _still_ love how it feels to hold Lovino? Y'see, Antonio is distancing himself not only from the memory, but from you. The parts where he uses present tense, like "I love Lovino" is were he's feeling confident, he's speaking straight forward with the reader. You might also notice that he puts you in his place sometimes, "Soon enough, your soul would be there". None of this is actually happening to you but he says that when he needs to distance himself from the memory but still have you understand that moment as if you _were_ there. Plus, I'm sorry about the story art work. I'll remake it when I get the chance.)


	11. Surprising

BLOG FAIRY

Surprising

**Y'know what I get a huge kick out of? That song, I dreamed a dream. I swear, I could listen to it a hundred million times. And not the ones by Anne Hathaway or Susan Boyle. No, I liked the one with Ruthie Henshall. Man, I loved it. I had just about five copies of her singing it on VHS; my grandpa would sneak them out of the Saint Vincent De Paul he volunteered at and give them to me for all the times I had a long stay at the hospital. He was a real nice guy, he really was. He had these two rats, well, actually, one was a rat and one was a hamster but he sure as hell looked like a rat. That one's name was Gumby and the **_**real**_** rat was Algernon. I loved them, they'd sit with me and nibble on my shirt and they'd even let me rub their little white bellies.**

**Anyways, about that song, I loved it. I listened to it just about every day until kids at school found out. One day, a Tuesday, **_**I'm sure**_**, there was a boy in the fifth grade named Rico Florentino. He was a more popular kid and he was always getting on my nerves so we would always be scrapn' n' all. He'd always steal my school supplies and I would empty all the pencil shaving I could find into his backpack. Well, that Tuesday I had my Les Miserables VHS in my backpack because I was going to my grandpa's house. Rico, that bastard, he pulled it out and broke it on the ground, right in front of me because I had said some real nasty things about his grade. **

**I started bawling my eyes out. I really did. I just stood there, looking at its little pieces and crying my eyes out. He told me to stop crying but I didn't. I yelled at him, telling him that he killed Ruthie Henshall. I kept on sayn' and sayn' that he killed her. That's when he said that…he called me crazy… that was the first time I snapped on someone.**

**I was awful angry, I mean, I was mad out of my head. I was a madman. I grabbed those grubby little hairs on his head and started shaking him around as hard as I could. I couldn't stop yelling, saying he had killed her. I don't remember all that much except when the teacher finally ripped me off him. I had done a good lot of damage to him, he was bleeding everywhere. I never forgot that scene, not ever. He was leaking little crimson droplets everywhere, on the floor, on his shirt, on his face, on my hands… **_**I hurt that boy**_**.**

**I had broken his nose and given him a real swollen up eye. My parents had a whole farm of cows, I didn't stop talking to therapists for three months. Those were some of the worst days of my life. Every visit, the doctor would ask how I felt in that moment, what had made me so angry, how often I felt angry, all that junk. I really hated it, I hated them… more than anything, I hated myself. I was positive I was a monster. I was an awful, inhuman rage monster. Like The Hulk but not cool. Maybe if The Hulk were and eleven year old, scrawny kid who watched Ruthie Henshall religiously.**

**My problem with making friends didn't get any better after that. Nobody talked to me, nobody dared to look me in the eyes. They all passed notes behind my back and told the story of how I killed four teachers in the third-level boy's bathroom. Sometimes, I would find that somebody had written 'murderer' on my binder or 'crazy' in chalk on our driveway. That's where I got a lot of my problems with people from.**

**There was one boy, his name was Gilbert Beilschmidt. The thing about him was, nobody liked him either. I actually met him in the nurse's office, since some kid had tripped me on the tile. Gilbert was a real sick kid, he was allergic to just about everything, including the sun so he was pale as a ghost. He had weak lungs which really screwed up his voice and he had a pissy attitude to match.**

**Needless to say, we were friends pretty quickly, he even moved hospitals so we could hang out more. He didn't give a crap about how weird I was. He would watch Ruthie Henshall with me and in return, I watched the Transformers cartoon series at six o'clock in the morning, since that was the only showing he wanted to catch.**

**I was aching real bad for him to come with me when I decided to move. Frankly, I was scared as hell to leave without him, I practically clung to his waist, we did everything together. He couldn't. He was accepted into this big name prestigious school for scientific research. I would have been a lot more upset if I weren't so happy for him. He was a better at science than anyone I had ever known. He never wanted to do anything in school except science. Even there, he didn't pay the slightest mind to our teacher. He would pick out whatever he wanted from the shelves and conduct his own experiments. He could add water to a baby and make it into an adult, right there, I swear it.**

**I haven't seen that weirdo since I was eighteen, when I finally left. Sure, I missed him awful bad but it wasn't too long until I met Francis or Bella or Lilli. Now, I have Lovino. I have the best thing that could ever come into this world but I'll stop right here or I doubt I'd stop talking.**

"Ah, Mrs-" Francis began, looking curiously at the newcomer.

"Are you referring to me as a female?" Lovino's gaze narrowed viciously as he took a full step in, revealing the characteristic wayward curl. My friend gasped.

"Lovino!" He looked with awe from me to the boy, I made sure to send him a look as if to say, 'don't you dare spill a word'. I received a thoroughly shocked look back from him.

"You… got _a lot_ older…" The words almost didn't make their way out of his throat and he had to cough a bit in between.

"Of course I did, idiot! My body is-"

"Lovi, please don't use that word." I quickly interrupted him. It was still my job to raise him properly and words like stupid, idiot, and freak weren't okay.

"Pardon?" He asked timidly, cocking his head a bit as he led his attention to me. It was funny how he could become a totally different person so quickly.

"Stupid. Don't call people that." I clarified with a little smile. He just looked at me for a few seconds, not saying a word before giving his wrath back to Francis.

"My body is still developing, got it?" He bared his teeth just to show that his lack of derogatory terms didn't imply any less anger.

"My mistake, you just looked like a girl with you hair long like that." Francis smiled, extending his olive branch to the little one.

"It is common in my culture for all fairies to wear their hair at its full length." He explained and invited himself to sit on my lap. I ignored that he only did it for lack of empty chairs and instead just enjoyed the almost affection.

"Did you cut yours?" Francis asked, the mood softening.

"No… _they_ cut it." I shook my head before my friend could inquire any further, which he looked just about ready to do. Arthur had told me about fairies and their hair. Apparently, they only grew hair on their head and brows so long hair was like a sign of pride to them. A common act of hatred would to be to cut off all one's hair and burn it. I knew for a fact that was true in Lovino's case.

"Lovi, Francis stopped by to check on us." I said, quickly changing the subject. "Wasn't that nice of him?"

"He came to check on _you_. He didn't even know I was here." The little one corrected, glaring at me.

"Ah! But that is not true! I brought something for you, in fact!" Francis began to rummage in his bag.

"See?" I wrapped my arms around Lovino and bounced him once. I swear to God, I was positive he would pull out a condom and blow it up like a balloon but surprisingly, he dug out a Hello Kitty headphone jack. He handed the little gummy figure over to Lovino who was very interested. Francis had probably found it on the sidewalk or gotten it for a girl but it was nice of him to pretend like he had brought a gift for Lovino. That was the kind of guy Francis was. He'd just give you his shirt if he knew it would make you happy. Hell, he'd show up at your funeral and give you flowers, even if he hadn't known you a day in his life.

I had to perform CPR within the first five seconds of that thing being within Lovino's possession. If you've ever seen those choking hazard labels and thought, 'what idiot goes around putting _this_ in their mouth?' Well… now you have your answer. Even if it was too big to go into his mouth, he'd be sucking on it or straight up shoving it down his throat. He was a real funny kid, that Lovino.

"Mon ami! Do not eat it! It's not candy!" The Frenchman exclaimed, rising from his seat and collecting the now drool coated figure. I offered to take it after seeing how disgusted his face was. He gladly dropped it into my awaiting palm.

"Lovi, I'll buy you some real candy later. I know it _looks_ like it's made of sugar but it's not." I told him and dried it against my hospital gown.

"They made it look that way on purpose! The Man-you-fact-chur-ers! They attempted to assassinate me!" He cried.

"No they didn't. I'm sure they didn't know you were going to try to eat it." I reassured him just as Francis stood up, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

"Both of you look like you could use some sugar. I'm gonna go get myself a coffee. What could I pick up for you two gentlemen?" He asked, looking back at us from the doorway.

"Zots! And…and butterscotch!" I called.

"SpagettiOs!" The boy on my lap chimed in.

"What?" Francis gave him a double take just as he was ready to close the door. I sighed and repeated his order. Yeah, he was a weirdo but if he liked SpagettiOs, then he likes SpagettiOs. Francis left after I shouted thanks at him from down the hall.

I watched as Lovino rolled the phone jack between his fingers. I couldn't help myself from laughing. "Why are you laughing?" He asked me, not accusing, just curious.

"I dunno." I answered truthfully and bounced him real lightly. It felt good to hold him in my lap.

"You ought to have something to laugh about if you're going to laugh." He mumbled and began to fiddle with the toy again.

"There are lots of reasons to laugh." That infamous smile had found a happy home on my face. I didn't even feel like I was holding up my cheeks, it was just completely natural.

"When are you going back to school? Surely you've missed lessons now."

I thought about that for a moment. Truthfully, it hadn't made its way to my brain. "I don't think I'm going back to school."

"What? Why?" This time, I got his attention back.

"I starting thinking a lot when I was asleep and I realized that I don't want to do what I was learning how to do."

"What _do_ you want to do then?"

"I'm not sure…"

"What about the museum? Do you want to do that?"

"Yeah but not as much as I want to do other things."

"What other things?"

"I'm not sure."

"You're not making sense."

I ruffled his hair and smiled wider. "I know."

"Why don't you become a fire fighter? You said you wanted to do that." He shoved my hand away with a bit of frustration. My smile faltered a bit.

"I can't do that anymore." I told him.

"Why not?" I loved how innocent he was, how he just didn't understand why you wouldn't take something if you wanted it. I really loved him, I did. It wasn't worth lying anymore.

"Remember how I said that bad guys flew in planes and killed a lot of people?"

"Yeah."

"Well, that was only a few years ago and I was there-"

"Were you the bad guy?" He interrupted, very interested in the story.

"No, I wasn't the bad guy. I was-"

"Did you die?" That time, I covered him mouth with my hand.

"Hush. I was real near when it happened, see? And so I saw the first one hit and I ran in." I decided to spare him any of the graphics. "I was helping people evacuate and I managed to get outside before they collapsed." I sighed and released him mouth, knowing he would have a hundred million questions.

"So you saved everyone!?" I felt just about to vomit. I pushed away the pictures that were now, once again, beginning to breathe life. I never thought about it, I tried hard not to. I didn't talk about it, I didn't watch the videos, I didn't read the papers. All I needed to now was that the man in charge was dead. Every time I thought about it, it got real had to swallow and my neck would get cold… overall, something I generally avoid.

"Not everyone." I answered after an eerie silence.

"Oh…" Seemed to be all he could say. He leaned back against me, resting his body on mine as a symbol of sympathy.

"That's why I can't be a firefighter. I can't look at a big fire without remembering things." I bowed my head and kissed the top of his. I didn't like it when he felt crumby for me. It was really depressing. Especially once you've see how sweet and happy he can be.

"Fairies tell the story of a King named Andri Petrus Otelius, who lived not long before I. King Otelius always loved others far more than himself and he vowed to protect every one of his citizens, no matter how poor, with his life. Of course, the day came when the tribe went to war with the Hildisvini, a spirit of battle, who had been angered by the fairies mockery of his lover, Freyja. They called upon King Otelius, asking him to make manner of the chaos in the village. Because he loved the fairies so dearly, he traded his soul with a demon in order to gain the strength required to fight off the attacks. Promptly after he defeated Hildisvini, he was sent to Hell were he endured a hundred years of torture but he never regretted his decision. Antonio, he _saved_ them. They were awful sinners but he traded everything to protect them." He looked up at me with the softest, most sincere golden eyes the world will ever know. Still, I knew I didn't deserve them.

"I'm not that king of hero." I told him, slipping the words under my breath. The next thing he did was completely amazing. He reached up and placed a gentle kiss on my neck, the only place he could reach from his sitting position. I t wasn't just a kiss though, it was a gentle kiss, a kiss that lasted a whole two or three seconds.

I was too frozen to do anything but watch as he pressed a hand right over my heart and looked at the spot with compassion. "Thou may speak of a slithering serpent's tongue or wet thy cheeks with a selfish empathy but heart be as pure as it is shown among its loved." His eyes glided up, meeting mine. "It is a saying among my people. It means that no matter how you may act or what you may have done, to me you have only been loving and that is the only way I'll ever see you."

We exchanged long, long moments of silently looking into each other's eyes. We weren't sure what we were looking for but we just kept looking, deeper and deeper, promising ourselves that there was something amazing to find.

I can't express how severe my desire was to pull him up and connect our lips once again. I can't even say that I had to restrain myself because he caught on the moment my eyes said it and answered me. One if his gently hands gingerly lay itself on my cheek. His eye lids, in one swift motion pulled down and his chin lifted, bringing his lips directly against mine. We remained there, entranced. I wasn't even taken by surprise, I just closed my eyes and softened my lips, allowing us to share an electric moment of heat.

Just as soon as it came, it left. He pulled away, reintroducing my lips to the cold air. He looked softly at me for a moment before he truly realized what he had done and left me all together. Lovino got off my lap, protecting his lips with a hand and backing away. "I'm sorry…" He mumbled, so quietly I could swear it was just his breath. "I don't know why…" This time, his breath quivered and a tremor picked its way into his speech.

"Lovi, it's okay." I reassured in a lullaby voice. Even smiling didn't help, he just stared at me. He stared at me like I was the most frightening thing on this side of the Earth. "It's alright, it's okay." I cooed again.

"I-I'm sorry." He was choking on his own voice, making words nearly impossible. He fumbled with the doorknob for a moment, not even looking at it before managing to open the door and slip out. With that, he was gone. I heard the quick squeal open and click shut of his door.

I sat right there, in the wheel chair and fixed my unbelieving eyes on my lap. I tried to put the pieces together. Did Lovino…_love me_? I couldn't be! Then again… I couldn't _not_ be. The way he looked at me, the way he touched me, the pure and honest _**love**_ in his eyes. How could it be? How could it not be? Maybe it was buried deep in him, protected by his innocence. _Maybe it was there_, just barely there, festering, kindling on a single flame.

I shouldn't have been so hopeful, I really shouldn't have but inside, I _knew_ it was there. I was alive. It was a spark and with enough tedious coaxing, it could become a fire. Dear God, _yes_. Finally…finally _something_ to prove my prayers were not without answer. It was just a bare, slim, hope but it was _THERE_. That's all that mattered. It was a possibility, it was a _flame_! _A god damn flame_! It was the most beautiful flame I ever knew.

Francis returned in the next five minutes or so, sporting a plastic bag and strutting into my room like he owned the place. He made a quick check around and set the bag on Tammy's desk. "Where's Lovino?" He asked and even went as far as to lean down and peak under the bed.

"He went back to his room. Don't worry, he'll come out when he feel like it." I told him nonchalantly when I was actually exploding inside.

He gave me the 'do I have _stupid_ written on my face?' look but I ignored him and shuffled through the bag, looking for my loot.

"Whad'ya do?" He finally asked in a flat tone.

"_I_ didn't do anything." I found my Zots first and began to play with the seal.

"Why's he not here then? Doesn't he like practically worship you?"

"Psh, no. He just, _surprised_ himself." This time, I couldn't keep a straight face and a big smile slid up, causing Francis to snatch away my candies.

"Antonio, tell me what happened."

"Nothing~" I teased.

"You didn't…_touch_ him, did you?" He made appropriate air quotes.

"No, no. I didn't." I shook my head, showing distaste for the idea.

"Then what the hell happened!?"

My smile grew tenfold as I beckoned for him to come closer. He obeyed, leaning in to hear my secret. "_He kissed me_." I whispered.

Groaning, Francis tossed my candies onto my lap and flopped back, exhausted, into the creaky plastic chair. "I don't like how this is going…" He covered his eyes with one hand and sighed. I excitedly unwrapped a sucker and popped it into my mouth. I smiled as I was rewarded with sweet lemony sensation on my taste buds. Of course, it wasn't nearly as good as Lovino's kisses.

(Hey, sorry the chapters have been a bit boring lately. Hopefully they'll pick up soon.)


	12. Be okay

BLOG FAIRY

Be okay

**When does love **_**truly**_** begin? It's an awful good question. Does it start when you're born? Like, maybe you love **_**somebody**_** the moment you first breath life. Is it a spontaneous burst of fate or is it more like an epiphany? Is it when you first look into your lover's eyes or is it the spark of the first kiss or maybe it's the first time your bodies are joined in that special way.**

**In my case, I don't believe that there was a moment of my existence in which I did not love Lovino. I might have not known it. It might have just been embedded into my DNA like green eyes, the only difference being that it would be so much easier to recognize green eyes or even to get rid of them. I figure it must be part of me, part of my blood or something because my entire being knew when he was near and it grieved when he wasn't. My bones would groan, my lungs collapse when he was out of my protection. There wasn't a hair on his head that I wouldn't miss. There's not a moment with him that I don't remember ever detail of. There's not a freckle on his face that I have counted time and time again, there's not a hue in his eyes that I haven't been entranced by.**

**Your answer. Love begins every single one of those ways. Every single one of them. When you love, you know it. You know it when you take him in your arms and have the feeling that you don't want to move for the next thousand years. It isn't any of this hanky-panky junk that I have to watch day in and day out from the celebrities or even my neighbors.**

**Love has become so generalized. It's a shame, really. A god damn shame. I see so many people holding hands with the person who's willing to call them baby, text them something sappy on their birthday and tap their ass when they need it. There's nothing wrong with that… except that it's called love. It's not love. I know that much. It's more like a friend that you can get all sexy with.**

**I've called enough people baby and tapped enough ass to know how it goes down. You're both doing it because you're afraid of being alone, you're scared that maybe nobody loves you or it just feels good to pretend for a while. I know, I've been there. There was a girl named Bella that I dated for two years. She was a real great friend, I mean it. She was a funny girl and she was awful nice but I didn't **_**love **_**love her. She'd always have interesting things to say and she'd listen when I wanted to talk, she was real intelligent too. She made this funny face every time I proved her wrong and she loved to play the card game Hearts while listening to today's hits. She was practically addicted to bubble gum, she rode around in the shopping carts at Walmart, she was easy to shop for, she refused any grape flavored pop and she always roller her pants up mid-calf. I know none of that really qualifies as qualities of a goddess but she was a great girl. I liked her a lot. In fact, I probably would have married her if I hadn't seen this little only couple watching the ducks in Central Park one day.**

**They were sitting on a beaten up park bench and siting side-to-side, leaning on each other. The man would talk to the woman once or twice and she'd answer but I never caught what they were saying. That didn't matter, what mattered is how god damn happy they were. They held each other, pecked kisses, watched the lake… no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't imagine that as me and Bella. I just couldn't. I sat behind them for a good long time and just watched them.**

**Needless to say, I ended it with Bella that day. It was a shame, we could have been really good friends but after that, we both knew the awkwardness wouldn't ever lift from around us so we stopped talking or seeing each other. I cried for a bit, moped around for a week or so. Honestly, I wasn't all that bummed because I knew we wouldn't have made it anyways. We weren't that little old couple and we never would be.**

**Then, a whopping four years later, Lovino makes his way into the picture and the story completely changes. **_**Everything changes**_**. When I look at him, I'm certain I've **_**already **_**known him for a hundred years and I see the potential to know him to a million or more. It's all different when you meet that person.**

**I could go on for centuries telling you how much I love him, I really could. He's just the most beautiful creature to walk the earth. I'm sure he's the only person in the entire world who understands me and I have yet to understand even a portion of the boy. He's always doing this I don't expect… things I can't explain. Marvelous things. He was like this city. He was so bright, so gorgeous but passerby's who didn't mind enough to investigate could only see an obnoxious, snotty ball of light. Sure, that's what he was like from the outside but just like the city, you gotta walk through real slow and learn how to appreciate each and ever characteristic. You gotta be there for the sunny days and the rainy days and the days you're sure all the buildings will crumble. That's how you get to know him, that's when you begin to see how uniquely inspiring he is. You can start to see how he and this town are a world all of their own, so different from any other place on Earth. They both make their ways deep down into the tiny crevices of your heart and you never want to leave. Thing is, I've never wanted to kiss Ney York City hard on the lips.**

I didn't see Lovino for the rest of the day but I wasn't worried. He had _kissed_ me… on his own free will! There was nothing worth worrying about after that other than what flavor candy I was going to eat next. Luckily, I had stashed my treats before Tammy came back to kick Francis out. Francis tried to say bye to Lovi too but he had somehow managed to lock his door which caused a bit of panic for the nurses. From what I heard later on, they had taken off the doorknob and gotten in like that. Tammy and another nurse, Mr. Lloyd, joined me for the rest of the day, making me lift my arms and turn my torso every which way.

The day after was equally uneventful. I had yet to see Lovino but I spent the first hours of my day watching that old Shark Tale movie with Will Smith in it. It was either that or National Treasure or some weird crime movie. Trust me, I tried national treasure but I couldn't hook up the DVD player on my own. Tammy wasn't there, since I had woken up real early but the nurses promised that Tammy could get more movies from the staff room for me later. Lilli and Libby from work both stopped over around noon since they had the same break. Lilli brought me a card and vase with a single flower in it. Libby, on the other hand, brought a handful of whatever tabloids the cart in Safeway carried along with a plastic bag full of Roma tomatoes and the largest size cola slushy Circle K had to offer. I felt real bad about it though. I kept thinking how nobody would bring presents for Lovino and he'd sit there, choking on his Hello Kitty phone jack all day. Lilli bombarded me with a hundred questions but all would do is ask if her brother knew where she was. If he didn't, he'd sure as hell find out and slaughter me for endangering her. I had met the guy once or twice if he was picking Lilli up from work but other than that, I didn't know him real well and I was glad for that.

Libby was telling me about this stand-up comedian he had seen just the other day. He was awful funny. He may not have been the comedian but he did a fantastic impersonation and it was hilarious. We had a good time, the three of us. Tammy showed up around one-thirty, in a better mood than the day before. Lilly and Libby turned back not long after. Sure enough, Tammy unlocked the staff cabinet and brought about ten more movies. I asked her to check on Lovino for me but she said that was _his_ nurses job and it would be best if we left them to their own business. With enough pleading, she eventually stuck her head in for me. He was getting some routine tests taken. His heart rate had risen and he was red as a tomato and, according to Tammy, he also kept humming those first few notes of The Rainbow Connection.

So it was love. He was giving in, as slow it may seem, he was going to realize some day… it was an extraordinary feeling… just amazing. I'm not sure I could ever put words to it. Loving and being loved in return… there's no word or collection of words I could ever say to explain that.

For the rest of the day, I did some more physical exercise, Tammy wheeled me around outside for a while, my mom called and I assured her I was doing fine. I read a magazine, Tammy played hangman with me, I had dinner and I was asleep by ten. Overall, a good day. The only thing that could have made it better would be if all of it happened at home with Lovino.

The psychologist, Hairless Shroeder, arrived at two-ten the next day to kill my mood. He was still wear that dumb white lab coat and clutching a clip board under one arm. He was there to test me… to irk me, I knew it. He paused my movie and forced me to give him my attention as he sat in the little plastic chair. "Good afternoon. ." He greeted with that fake smile.

"I was watching a movie." I growled, crossing my arms over my chest in order to show my obvious displeasure.

"I know, I apologize but you can finish it later. I won't take too much of your time." He checked down to his board then back to me. I refused to return the smile.

"I already told you all you need to know."

"Excuse me?" He leaned in. God, I hated that. Guys like him were always doing that, always asking you to repeat yourself. He really got on my nerves.

"_I already told you all you need to know_." I repeated, quite annoyed with him. I wasn't sure how I was going to do this for the next thirty minutes or however long he planned on questioning me.

"Hm, well, there's just a few more things I want to talk about, alright? Is that okay with you?" There's another thing that bugs me, people asking the same thing twice. I didn't answer him so he just continued. "I understand that you gave that snow globe to the boy in the room over."

That's what finally made me talk. I didn't want him to bring Lovino into this, I didn't even want him to know Lovino existed. "What of it?" I snarled.

"I'm guessing he's very important to you then?"

"Yeah. Hey, is there a reason you're here?" I asked, trying to change the topic. Surprisingly, it worked.

"I was talking with some of your relatives and-"

"You called my family!?"

"It's proper procedure in this hospital. I learned that you were diagnosed with BPD at a very young age."

"I'm fine." I insisted.

"I don't doubt it but I think you still might suffer and while at this hospital, it's my duty to give you proper counseling."

"I've had _proper counseling_ my whole life and like I said, I'm fine."

"Could you tell my about the incident you had with a boy named Rico Florentino? Do you remember that?"

"Yeah, I remember but I also remember seeing ten different doctors like you, including one that kept trying to feel me up so I'd say I've had a good deal of therapy. Thanks."

"Mr. Carriedo, do you consider yourself a violent person?"

"Sometimes."

"Like when?"

"Like when physiatrists won't stop asking dumb questions."

"Have you ever acted out violent towards a loved one?"

"What? No! Listen, I'm not crazy. I'm just as violent as anyone else."

"From what I heard from your relatives, you've had accounts of breaking furniture, screaming, panic attacks, hurting yourself, violent nightmares-"

"I was just a kid! Every kid does!"

"You punched your brother for…" He checked his clipboard. "Breaking a string on your guitar?"

"I kept telling him not to play with it! And, and it was in my room! It was brand new!"

"You kicked a pharmacist in a local drug store and called him, from what I understand, many inappropriate profanities."

"He wouldn't stop flirting with my cousin! He kept eyeing her and commenting on how well she 'developing' in her chest and I was sick of it!"

"You seem quite violent for someone who's not a violent person."

"I'm not!" I defended. This guy was really frustrating me.

"Who are you living with right now?"

"A roommate."

"Who?"

I didn't answer.

"The boy in the room next door?"

"I would never hit him! I swear! I wouldn't! I wouldn't!"

"I don't think you're _that_ predictable."

"I would never ever hit Lovino! I wouldn't dare!"

"You have quite a violent history. I have accounts of you throwing a chair at a doctor."

I shut up and dropped my eyes into my lap.

"Why did you do that?"

I didn't answer.

" , why did you act violently towards him? What set you off?"

"He called me crazy…" I whispered.

"Excuse me?"

I looked back up at him glaring. "He called me crazy. Alright?" I growled.

"I've heard that's not uncommon for you though. You were tormented in school, were you not?" That guy was such a jerk. He acted all cool, like these were just questions and I'd had enough questions for one life time why the hell couldn't he just shut up! That was it, I snapped at him.

"Not just at school! All the fucking time! They wouldn't leave me alone! They'd call the house in the middle of the night and scream and scream at me! _They're_ the crazy ones! Not me! They laughed at me! Constantly! They kept laughing at me and they threw things at me so they could laugh some more! I heard their stupid laughing in my head even when they weren't there! I couldn't turn my back, I couldn't sleep! I'm not crazy! _They're crazy_!" I yelled, rising from my bed.

"Mr. Carriedo! Calm down." He said sternly.

"Shut up!" I quickly grabbed the tissue box off the night stand and chucked it at the wall. I knew perfectly well that it wouldn't hit him. It bounced off the plaster and _thunked_ to the floor behind him. His eyes went wide and he signaled to Tammy to leave the room. She did, closing the door behind her and leaving the two of us alone.

"Calm down." He instructed.

"Don't tell me what to do! I know you! You're like every other god damn doctor in the world! You think you're a fuck'n prince because you get to wear a white lab coat and tell people they're crazy but, _news flash_, I'm not crazy so just lay off!"

"No one's calling you crazy. Now sit down." He commanded in a louder, more authoritive tone.

"I'm sick of you coming in here and accusing me of all this shit! I've had enough of that! Just leave me alone already! You and everyone else, just leave me alone! I-"

My yelling was interrupted by another muffled yelling in the hallway. One voice was Nurse Tammy and the other was… a familiar voice. I couldn't quite remember since I was only able to catch the tiniest bit through the door.

"It's not a good time." Tammy said.

"Just let me see him! He's not usually like this!" The other voice pleaded.

"Really, I can't let you do that. Doctor Shroeder has this all under control-" Tammy tried again.

"No he doesn't! He only makes it worse! I'll calm him down, just let me see him!" The voice continued to protest. Doctor Shroeder made his way to the door and left, leaving me closed into the room with a rage monster burning in me. Boy, was I pissed. I mean it, I was mad. I couldn't hear their conversation, it was really killing me.

Finally, the door opened up and Doctor Shroeder came back in, this time followed by an anxious, red-headed boy who nervously looked at the walls before fixing his gaze on me.

"Lovi…" I whimpered, my fire instantly smothered when I his worried orbs. He sped over and wrapped his arms around me. It was real awkward for him, since he probably never displayed that kind of affection, but he did it anyways to help me. When he started hushing me, I knew exactly what he was doing. He was impersonating me, mimicking how I soothed his when he cried. It was actually quite funny. The way he would lightly pat my back every once in a while or how he would say that's it's all okay… I had taught him all that. In fact, it was hilarious.

I couldn't stop myself from laughing. This, of course, confused him and made his shove me. "What the hell is so damn funny!?" He snarled, sending me a glare that did nothing to subdue the laughter. He was a real funny kind. He was always doing things you don't expect and he's just always doing them with the biggest sense of innocence.

"You're such a copy-cat!" I sputtered out after giving myself a moment to stop laughing.

"Shut up! That's the last time I ever try to do something nice for you!" He barked and began to walk away.

"No, no common Lovi, I'm sorry~" I called. He stopped in his tracks but didn't come back or even turn around.

"Come back to me, I'm sorry." I cooed again. He turned around, displaying a hard glare to me.

"Don't smiiillle~" I said in a low, soft voice, still unable to repress my smile. He refused to smile.

"Don't smiiillle~!" I called again, my voice getting higher. Lovino scoffed and adjusted his vision so he looked to be reading the sign on the wall.

"Don't smiiiilllle~!" At this point, my voice had become a high pitched wheeze. This never failed. Never. My parents had used it a hundred times, I did it to Gilbert and Bella and they did it back to me. Never once failed.

"Knock it off." He growled, still refusing to look at me but I could see his resistance falling.

"Don't smiiiiilllllle~!" My throat could barely create such a pitch. Lovino turned his focus back to me, trying as hard as he could to force his lips down but in the end he gave up, letting a huge grin spread over his face.

"You're such an idiot!" He cried in-between his rising chuckle and threw a fist into my shoulder. I stumbled back but laughed with him none the less. I peeked at Tammy and Doctor Schroeder from the corner of my eye just to see how completely stunned they were.

"I heard you wailing." Lovino told me once we had calmed down and taken a seat on the bed. That's another thing I love about him. He can use the word wailing without giving a damn that he sounded like royalty.

"You're a real prince, Lovino." I told him, ignoring his comment.

"Never mind that. Why were you upset?" His big smile softened into a little smirk. It really suited him. He looked so damn amazing. I couldn't stop myself from thinking that over and over like my brain was on overdrive. He was so perfect. "Antonio, you're ignoring me." He scolded, his smirk easily shifting into his natural scowl.

"Oh! Sorry. Uh… I was upset? Oh, um. I just nervous a bit." I said, flashing him the award winning smile that got me out of everything. Unfortunately, Lovino didn't care how I looked, he didn't care if I was smiling or frowning because he always managed to see right through that.

"Tell me what was _actually _wrong. I'm tired of you smiling your way out of problems. If you want to frown, just frown! I don't see why you think you have to smile all the time."

"I'm fine." I assured him, softening my smile.

"Stop saying that. If you're not fine then stop _saying_ you're fine. It makes it so much harder for anyone to help you." His tone went stern but still kind.

"Lovi…I don't know what you're talking about." I insisted again, cocking my head just slightly. The boy sighed, a bit annoyed with me before leaning in and enveloping me in his hold again. That took me by surprise, it really did. I couldn't understand him, no matter how hard I tried. Every time I though one think about him, he disproved that theory and gave me a whole new one to ponder.

"Stop lying to me." He whispered directly into my ear.

"Jesus Christ… how did you grow up so fast?" I asked, stunned by the young one's wisdom. He was just a baby… for god's sake, he was a child not long ago! He was the one who was peeing on the couch and getting confused by a microwave… how did we get here?

"I'm no child Antonio. I have long since been a child so I ask you no longer treat me as such. You won't cry in front of me, you always smile and tell me everything's okay but I'm not an infant. I _know_ that people are starving. I _know _you're frustrated and the rent is hard so just admit it." I felt my arms reach up and hold the younger one back. He was… he was so much more than I had seen. Every second I spent with him, I learned that there were thousands of things I didn't know, hundreds to be discovered and one evidently clear. I loved him. I loved him with everything I had and that wasn't ever going to end.

"I…love you." I told him in the tiniest whimper I could muster. I was sure he could hear and I was sure he knew that I actually meant it but he didn't budge. He didn't even wince. He slowly leaned back and smiled just the tiniest bit.

"I have something for you." He told me. I nodded, accepting and even excited as the little one pushed passed the doctors and scuttled away into his room. Both Tammy and Shroeder gave me a look of utter confusion. _This time_, I was the one giving the smiles and I was classy enough to make them real. They were speechless… and I don't blame them. I was a real weirdo, I really was. Lovino had some power over me and in an instant I could transform from dangerous to docile. We were a weird pair but we sure as hell made it work.

Lovino returned as soon as he could, shuffling in front of me and clutching something behind his back with a mischievous smirk and I was positive he a fantabulous secret that he was dying to share. "Yeees~?" I asked, smiling and sitting up taller.

He bit his bottom lip, trying to repress a growing smile. I could tell he was debating telling me but instead he just squirmed and shoved something at me. I took it happily and it was a…well, it was a…..actually, I wasn't sure. He took my look of confusion as a queue to enlighten me. "Give it to me." He instructed and took it, unfolding and readjusting the bundle of fabric. When he finally held it out I would recognized that brown, well-crafted leather Bottega Veneta anywhere. It was my messenger bag, the one I had loved for so long.

"Lovino! That is fantastic! Fantastico! There's not a rip on it!" I stood and took the bag from him, inspecting the sewn up blemishes. They were all hand sewn to prestigious measures. There must have been twenty or more tears before but now, it was almost impossible to tell the bag had ever been murdered.

"I know you like that bag." He couldn't suppress his smile from slipping over his proud face.

"This is so amazing… how…?" I glanced at him then back to the bag.

"Back I my tribe…I was in charge of the sewing and repairs to fabric so I've had my good share of practice." I dropped the bag onto the hospital bed and grabbed the boy for yet another bone-crushing hug.

"Oh my god… Lovino, thank you so much… you don't know how much this means to me." I told him, digging my face into the nook of his neck.

"Yes I do. It gives you confidence and it helps you relax so… wear it." He pushed himself out of his arms and took the bag, looping it over my head and adjusting it. He knew _exactly_ how I liked to wear it… I loved him. Oh god did I love him. He understood so much more than I gave him credit for. He could be a human or a fairy or a cat for all I cared because he was perfect. Before I knew it, we were once again locked in eyes.

"Antonio…I…I…" He stuttered, refusing to separate his eyes from mine.

"Mm-hm?" I asked, smiling sincerely. He was so close… he was going to say it!

"I… I lo-…" He tightly clenched his teeth shut and averted his gaze.

"What is it Lovino?" I urged again, my heart racing. He was going to do it! Those three words… the ones that would make everything so much easier.

"I...have to go." He resolved, offering me an apologetic smile before leaving me stunned in a quiet hospital room. I was so close… so close… I swore to myself and anyone else who cared to listen that next time, he wouldn't get away. He loved me and _one day_…_one day_ he'd admit it. Until that day, I would never get tired of waiting. I would wait on him the rest of my life.

(Confessions next chapter. Promise…maybe. Anyways, I'm real sorry that these last few chapters have been like, the deadline of the story since they 90% take place in Antonio's head but I'll pick things up soon. Truthfully, even _I_ have no idea what I'm doing.)

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	13. The second plane

BLOG FAIRY

The second plane

(As you all know, twelve years ago today a travesty took place in N.Y.C when a terrorist attack brought down the world trade center. This event is not only important to me and my country but also to Antonio so this chapter will be dedicated to his experience on that day. You can expect a full, regular chapter after this one. Warning, violence, gore, dark themes, and death. If that bothers you, don't feel like you have to read this chapter. In fact, just skip over it, it won't hinder your ability to understand the rest of the story.)

I believe that there are some stories that are better off not told and I am also inclined to believe that the one I'm about to tell you is one of those… but if you care to listen, I will tell you.

I was fifteen years old when I experienced the most horrific event that I know to be true. New York was calm on that morning, almost as if she had no idea what fate would bring to her. Nobody was expecting it. It was just a morning…a light, airy, city morning.

I was spending a week there due to business. More specifically, I was selling a program I had written and the company had asked me to travel there for a series of conferences. On the eleventh, I had only one meeting and I knew it wouldn't be until the evening so I decided I was going to get up early and spend the day exploring the town. I was staying just on the outskirts of the city with my aunt's brother in law. I wasn't huge on the idea, seeing as I didn't know the fellow but later it turned out that we got along quite nicely.

Anyways, I left the apartment right around six-thirty in the morning with a wad of cash I had saved up buried into my back pocket. I took a taxi into the city, joking with the driver the whole way and having myself a good laugh at the comedian on the radio. He dropped me off and I went straight into the bay to get coffee and watch all the busy people walking around, chatting on phones and running to something they're already late for.

None of them knew… none of us, not even the city knew that a seemingly docile hub could become a rouge place of terror without even a single moment's notice.

After my coffee, I found this nice little church, tucked into the mass of mammoth sky scrapers. This was all around seven thirty. I walked around the building once or twice to read the headstones and pull up weeds before finally entering. It was small… quite quaint and homey. There was so sermon at the moment so I was free to walk around and explore. I'm a fan of churches, I really am. Even without religious value, they're just well-constructed temples of relaxation.

"Are you visiting the city?" A little woman asked as she took up the seat beside me on the pew. From the thin black dress, I could tell she belonged to the church. She was a pretty thing… soft grey eyes, little pink face, messy brown locks. I smiled at her.

"Yeah, I'm here on business." I told her. I was feeling pretty great. The weather was nice, the town was exciting and I was having a perfectly normal conversation with someone who thought I was perfectly normal.

"Business? How old are you?" She curiously leaned in.

"Nineteen." I answered proudly. Due to an early growth spurt and lots of soccer, I could easily add a few years to myself.

"My, you're so young! You must be going to school. Are you in school?"

"No, I just got out actually." That lie felt especially good. It was great just _saying_ that I didn't have to spend my days in a ratty, small-town, dump of a school where only one person didn't want to burn me at the stake. Lying is bad, kids. Don't do it.

"Really? Where did you graduate then?" I told her the name of my high school and, of course, she didn't know it but she congratulated me anyways. After that, she showed me the president's box, made for Washington, and continued to inquire about my school history. I learned that her name was Mary, she went to school somewhere in Virginia, had three brothers and was now living here because it was the most interesting place on the globe. She was fun to listen to, a very nice person. The time flew as we started discussing popular travel destinations and where I should go for lunch then…everything changed.

The earth itself, the very foundation, let out a mighty tremble, racking my bones and chilling me. There was a deafening _boom_ and screech that resounded in every corner of the city. It was as if a god had roared with an almighty vengeance and struck down against his people. I glanced over to Mary with no idea what had happened and still just unbelieving that such a sound could exist outside a movie. It was surreal. I couldn't decide if it was really happening because in real life, things like that don't happen.

The girl stared frozen at the door, where the sound had seemed to come from. We were purely silent, unsure what to make of anything. I stood up and made my way to the door. To me, it was more like I was watching myself do it… like I was just playing a role in a weird video game. I peered out and _I saw it_.

A building…a building I had known as one of the infamous twin towers was completely decayed along the top. Giant flames gushed out of the opening and seared up the walls. Tidal waves of black smoke began to vent out as if it couldn't get out fast enough, as if it were boiling over.

Suddenly, I remembered something. People were in that building. This wasn't just a fire, this was a murderous act against the thousands of people inside. My mind flipped from shock and confusion to working overtime. There were _people_ in there! _People_! People who had families they had to go home to and subways they had to ride. _Real, live, human beings_! _People_! _People_! _People trapped in that fiery inferno_!

At first, I thought I was falling forward but then my feet caught me and began to run. I ran as fast as I could before I had even comprehended that I _was_ running. I plunged myself into the building, the nice lobby doors looking so clean and the lobby itself smelling like plug-in wall air freshener.

The receptionists looked quite confused. They struggled to pick up every one of the hundred screaming black phones only so they could relay the message that they didn't know what was going on. Again and again, they would say that help would be arriving as soon as possible and they would glance up to the ceiling for answers. I tried to get into the elevator but was stopped by this big black security guard who pulled me back by the arm.

"Sir, I can't allow you up. We are withholding any evacuations right now until the authorities arrive." He told me, stern but professional.

"Well what the hell happened!?" I spat and nervously glanced from him to the elevator.

"I can't confirm anything but I assure you that proper procedures will be taken-"

"It was a bomb! It was a bomb!" A woman across the room screeched hysterically.

"No it wasn't. It was a plane, I saw it!" Another man added. "It was a commercial plane. This buildings are so tall, I was bound to happen some time."

"Could everyone who **doesn't** work here _please_ leave so that the authorities can get their work done? Again, _please_ leave, everything is under control." One of the receptionists announced. A few people left but others remained to argue. I consulted a group of women, trying to grasp even a bit of what had happened. One of the ladies was just bawling and I didn't blame her for that, though it was annoying. The other two ladies were breathing hard and trying to fan themselves with their hands.

From what I gathered, it was a commercial airline, a traveling plane. The police were there seconds later to push everyone around and yell. Reported busses scurried around, trying desperately to capture a shot of the accident. Soon, I was forced outside along with the others in the lobby. Outside, people called and screamed and stumbled around in confusion. Boulders of rubble littered the street like some weird apocalypse movie.

Next thing I clearly remember was this _hum_…this _buzz_… it was the sound of a plane soaring up into the air. In this case, it was soaring down into a building at five hundred or so miles an hour. I remember just following it with my eyes as if it were a bird. The moment the nose of the metal beast touched the second tower, I was in awe… and I was sure of something. Nowhere…._nowhere_ could this be considered an accident.

I watched the pictures, clear as day, the plane dove directly into the side of the building, creating a perfect plane shaped gap and a fume of smoke. It wasn't real… I told myself that over and over. How could it be real? It looked so fake… so posed. NEVER would you see a full sized, commercial plane plunge itself into a building like it was just an everyday routine. It was so out of the blue… so strange.

For a spit second, once that second plane made its way into the stone column, there was _**dead silence**_. I swear. The sirens, the screams, the crumbling sky scraper…. They all turned off. Just for a split second… they shut up and the world was silent as all hell could ever allow.

Silence…dead silence….

Blood curling cries suddenly burst from the town in chorus. I was sure even the buildings and street posts were screaming. The blemish in the building consumed like a plague, burning up stories and stories of _people_. The screams wailed on, their distress plunged the earth into a whirlwind of compete terror. My mouth opened and let out the loudest, most heart wrenching plea I could offer. I _begged_ them to stop! I _begged_ for it to be fake, a dream or anything other than what I knew it was.

I stood there and watched bursts of red-hot fire explode from the wound, launching hundreds of bits of debris out. The pieces fell like snow. Like god damn snow. _So slowly_ they drifted down until smashing onto the concrete. While others covered their exposed bodies and ran to save their life, I practically ripped those shiny lobby doors off. It was haunting how simple it was inside. It was unaffected. Smooth jazz still hummed over the speakers, the plants standing erect and perfectly groomed.

This time the guard had no issue with me charging up the stairs. He was too busy trying to talk to the police and not burst out in wailing along with everyone else. As I stomped up flight after flight endlessly, one thought struggled in the confines of my brain. I kept thinking: "What about those people in the tower? What did they think when they saw the plane inches from piercing them and they knew that in just a moment, their life would be over. Without warning, they knew they would just be incinerated and that would be all they had to show for. I paused to lose my stomach a few times. What was worse, the other people on the stairwell didn't give it the slightest mind. They were just wondering how many seconds they had left.

I found my way into floor twelve. It was a usual office floor with geometric pattered carpets and cubicles overflowing with papers. Some people screamed and ran about, some hurried to collect the most precious of their papers and some just stared out the wall-sized windows in awe. I glanced over to see what they were seeing but… I wish I hadn't.

It was a scene I would never wish upon the eyes of another human being. People created mobs in every window, fighting like animals to push their heads out and gasp in some air while the unfortunate ones suffocated in smoke. Soon, the men began to rip off their ties and the women took off their heels and they would throw themselves out. I saw them. I saw their bodies just fall. One after the other they'd dive out and splat into the ground.

The woman standing directly beside me dropped to the ground after witnessing it as well. Her scream pierced through me like a javelin… squeezing and gutting my insides. That's when I began to scream too. As loud as my voice could carry, said "Left side to the far stairs, right side to the stairs in the front!" Again and again, like a madman, I chanted that. The room began to divide. It was still a panicked mess but I could hear others chanting along with me.

"Left side to the far stairs, right side to the stairs in the front!" My voice had become just a squeal. It grew more and more tired with each command. Quickly, the room mass lessened. Bunched lines formed at each stairwell, pushing people down as fast as possible.

"OH GOD! OH MY DEAR GOD!" The woman who had taken to the floor cried. I grabbed one of her arms and forced her to her feet. "I have children! I have two little boys! I can't die like this! I don't want to die! I don't want to die!" She told me with rivers of tears bombarding down her face.

"Common, common!" Was all I could say in answer and dragged her much harder than necessary to the stairwell. Truthfully, I didn't care if I broker her arms, I just wanted to get her out and not think about the hundreds of people above us who were trapped.

The air was hot. It was burning acid hot. My lungs were so inflamed that breathing had become the most painful thing I ever did. The room behind us began to shatter. Burning chunks of ceiling crashed down as we pushed our way into the stairwell. Another thing I had to learn for experience was that the metal on the stairs was searing hot. Everything was hot. It was literally hell. People screaming and crying, fire, death, tragedy, panic….hell.

The stairs were so crowded that it took what seemed like years to get through it. By the time I reached the lobby I had torn fleshly raw holes into my arms, legs and sides. Blood drained out of each but I was better off than others. One man had collapsed right at the end of the stairs. The skin that wasn't bubbling was literally falling off in enormous chunks, exposing bloodied tissue and muscle. He was dead… and even if he wasn't, he was only clinging onto those last few moments.

People funneling out from the stairs swarmed the into streets which had been transformed into a mountainous terrain of concrete and impossibly thick smoke. I wasn't sure where I was or where I was going but I ran. My legs gave out a few times, plunging me face first onto the scorching asphalt. My vision was quick to give out on me. I was left only being able to make out shadowy shapes but my hearing was still very much alive.

Crunching, breaking, tumbling…collapsing….then that was it. My legs crumbled and I slept right there… as the towers fell.

I didn't wake up for a month and when I did I was greeted my terrible pain in every nerve of my body. Did I mention that I don't like hospitals? People came to visit me. Lots of people. First were two police men to briefly thank me for my act of valiant bravery but mostly just scold me. I pretended to pass out and they left. About four or five families brought me cards and cried and thanked me. My mother and father came too, they were pretty upset with me too but relieved none the less. I was transferred to a hospital back home and I'd like to say that everything was better… but it wasn't.

About every night I had the same nightmare. I was back in those buildings, yelling at the people but they all stood there like zombies, watching me with their dead eyes. I kept yelling and pleading but they refused to budge until finally everything collapsed. That happened for about six months. Every time I saw the news reports or videos, I'd start screaming "Left side to the far stairs, right side to the stairs in the front!" I'm not sure why I did that. My brain just kept telling me that I had to save them but… I couldn't save them all.

I never forgot that. I _always_ saw them in my head, trying desperately to live but ending up choked with gas, melted, or even just crushed. I never stopped hearing those screams or stopped seeing the plane explode inside the belly of the mammoth buildings. I never stopped living that day because I knew every single detail… every face….

Terror is defined as any period of frightful violence used for intimidation or coercion but what I've learned from first-hand experience… is that _terror_ is when we stop believing that things will ever go _right_ again.


	14. How do you say

BLOG FAIRY

How do you say…

**Alright, scenario time. So, suppose you love somebody a hell of a lot and you're sure they love you back but they won't say so. How do get those three stubborn little words out of them? **

That was the question that kept me up all night. I rolled it around in my head what must have been a thousand times. He wasn't going to say it on his own accord, I knew that much. He was too smart for that, he had too much self-control. I was going to have to coax him out of him with such stealth that he wouldn't even see it coming then out of nowhere, there's those three words.

This all goes back to how being madly in love can make you crazy. Anyways, I woke up feeling really bummed. I mean, awful-terrible bummed and I had no idea why. I tried changing my position on that rock of a mattress they call a bed but it didn't get any better. I decided to give up and read the boring posters on the wall over and over. There were three equally boring posters. The first was a slip of laminated colored paper that listed what one should avoid doing in order to avoid becoming diseased. The second consisted of the hospital's mission statement, 'Aid all people with the best equipment and care available', then it went into explanation. Lastly, the poster in the far wall of the room was a chart with itty-bitty letters and numbers about patients. All of this resulted in me becoming even more depressed so I gave myself a pep talk. I started by trying to be gentle with myself. Y'know, like, 'Working hard or hardly working, Toni-o?'. I advanced to things like 'Hey, common, cheer up' and 'What's with the long face?'. Neither of those helped very much and eventually I was just angry and scolding myself for being depressed without a reason.

It was really sucky, I mean it. I laid there, without a purpose, feeling terrible and digging my fingers through my hair. With enough time, my crumby mood infected the whole room until it was one big space, festering with an unruly depression.

The light to my darkness, _dare I say my __savior_, arrived at a little after four a.m., grumbling about how he was hungry and it was my responsibility to cure him of such an epidemic. That cute little face had never once failed to bring a smile to my face.

Being the saintly, well-mannered, guardian I am, I tried to convince him to sleep in my bed with me but he refused, insisting he was done sleeping. Fairies must not sleep a lot. Lovino looked around the room, tiredly stretching his mouth and grunting when he tightened his muscles. Sometimes he could be so purely innocent and childish. It blew my mind to see him instantaneously transform into a snotty, irritable adult with a foul-mood to match. He was real adorable like that.

"Good morning." I greeted in an extra bubbly voice just as his eyes made contact with mine. He snorted in response and continued to clear his throat without a care as to what I was saying. "Hey, where's your jacket? Didn't you bring it with to the hospital?" I asked, noticing the freckled bumps that pricking his skin.

"I didn't feel like getting it." He answered simply as he rubbed at the evidence of the cold weather.

"Here~" I urged and lifted the blanket to make room for him. He refused my offer again.

"I'm huuungryyyy." He whined. A squint of displeasure and annoyance worked its way onto his face and he shuffled his feet.

"You like tomatoes?" I had saved two of the ones Libby brought me, intending to snack on them later.

"That one's a vegetable?" He moved further into the room, closing the door.

"Fruit _or_ vegetable, it's debatable. Have you had one?" I got out of bed to meet the unexpectedly cold air and dug the plastic bag out from under the bed.

"Um… I don't believe so." That response brought the biggest smile to my face. I was more than willing to share the substance of happiness with him (even if they weren't the best of the bunch). I pulled one out and took a moment to admire how my fingers felt under the soft, cool skin before handing it over the pix. He received it, studying it then looking to me answers.

"Just eat it. Take a bite out of the side." I demonstrated with an imaginary bulb in my hand. Lovino was cautious at first, rolling it around in his hand and cleaning it's skin with his tongue. Seriously, that kid had a licking problem. Finally he lifted it to his mouth, and with monumental courage, dug his teeth all the way through and pulled away with a chuck of fruit trapped in his mouth.

"Lovi, chew it." I instructed after witnessing how he held his jaw firm, too afraid to go any farther. "It's okay. It's good, I promise." I encouraged.

A few second of contemplation passed before his jaw unlocked and very slowly rotated in a circular grinding motion. His little golden eyes flickered wide once the juices had exploded into a magnificent burst of Spanish passion. The chewing motioned sped up ten-fold, eager to swallow and take another bite.

Within maybe a minute or two, the entire thing was gone. I mean leaves and all. "W-wow-"

"Another." He fixed his eyes on me like a starving wildebeest. "Another" he repeated after not getting a response.

"I only have one more." I told him, retrieving the last ruby red bulb from the bag and showing him. "This one is mine." Before I could fully process my thoughts, he had snook over and snatched it right out of my hand and quickly plunged it into his mouth. I cried out and ripped it from his mouth.

I was left with a slobbery, half eaten tomato and a completely content fairy boy who was currently savoring _my_ tomato. I looked from the mangled fruit to him. God, was he proud of himself, smiling wide and flashing me a cocky grin.

Dammit…he was cute… he was so damn cute…. But so damn aggravating sometimes even when he didn't have any intention of being so. Heat began swelling in my chest, making it harder to breath or think straight. My blood pumped like crazy, I swear, I felt my whole body pulse. My control withered almost as if it was just sucked away through a vacuum. I was slipping back….I was getting that familiar sense of falling back. My head wouldn't stop spinning… my breath became scorching hot and I struggled to release it from my body.

I shouldn't be mad, I told myself that. I shouldn't be mad. I have no reason to be mad. This is all happening too quick. Calm down Antonio, nothing's wrong. You're just having an off day. Camn down! It's okay! You shouldn't be mad! You shouldn't be mad! You shouldn't… mad! Be… shouldn't! You… shouldn't…mad!

"Antonio!" A voice suddenly cried, breaking my viciously fast train of thought. I looked at the little one who had caused the interruption only to slip back further. Calm down! Calm down! He's okay! You're just having an off day! I repeated those words over and over. My panting made to room spin which only aggravated me further. I had no control… my body could do _what_ it wanted, _when_ it wanted… almost like being trapped in an elevator. Sometimes it shoots up and sometimes it drops without warning and all of it happens so terrifyingly fast.

"Antonio! Camn down… you're sca-"

"Shut up!" I barked, flashing a ferocious bite and stabbing him with my glare. As simple as that, the elevator fell, plummeting me hundreds of feet in just one moment. "O- oh my God! A-I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" My entire composure flipped as my eyes burst with liquid sadness. I was miserable. Completely and utterly miserable. I kept telling myself to calm down but all I heard was a suicide wish. I hated myself…I _loathed_ myself… "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I cried, gagging on my tears.

"Toni! What the hell is wrong!?" Lovino demanded. I answered with a loud sob. I cursed under my breath, accusing him of doing this to me then cried apologies over and over and over to compensate. Again, I shouted a profanity, accompanied by more desperate attempts to reconcile. The whole world kept spinning, taunting me. The elevator shot up and dropped, jerked, shook and tumbled.

Before I knew it, a nurse from a neighboring room rushed in and forced me to lay on my back. She was shouting for help, Lovino was running around in panic and I was crying my eyes out in pure hated for my lack of control.

I was accustomed to the procedures since I had done it plenty of times in my life. They held me down and jammed a needle into my arm. One thing you should know is that when you're having a panic attack, pain is definitely not relaxing. In fact, it's about thirty times more painful. I began to scream bloody murder and try to force my freedom. It was so frustrating. Thankfully, the drug kicked in rather quickly and my body turned to pudding.

I hate everything about BPD… expect for that shot. Who ever invented that should be given a Nobel Prize. My breath finally evened and I looked around. The two nurses and doctor let me go. I found Lovino in the far corner of the room, watching with confusion and fear. He was taken out to the hall by one of the nurses and my assigned doctor was called and asked to report to the hospital.

I met him fifteen minutes later. He was a scruffy looking guy. Maybe because he was literally torn from his bed at four in the morning. He trudged into the room, pushing back his mop of ridiculous curly hair that flipped out in every which way. He introduced himself just as 'grandpa' but he looked far more like a grizzly bear than a grandfather. Apparently, he had been born in Italy and moved to Chicago.

pulled out his smart phone before checking the screen then setting it on the desk. Next, he read over the wall chart and retrieved a clipboard with my name messily scribbled onto it. He read it over once… then twice… then looked at me with a friendly smile. "BPD, huh? That one's a bummer."

I took a deep breath and offered the smallest shrug I could. Understatement of the year.

"You on meds?" He asked, his eyes darting at the paper then back to me.

"I was." I whispered. It wasn't anything I wasn't used to.

"_Was_ is different than _is_, Sonny." With that, he jotted down a note.

"I don't have to take it anymore." I defended. That shot sure makes you relaxed…ingenious.

"Is that so?" He smiled, scribbling again.

"I'm fine. I'm just having an off day."

"I think ya' going to want to keep 'em 'round anyways, just in case we have another bad day. Capish?"

I didn't answered him. I didn't want to. I hated pills. Every time I took them I was reminded that something was wrong with me and it had to be controlled through drugs. "It's not fun bub, I know, but we don't want to go around scaring that poor little girl next door, right?"

"He's a boy." I corrected.

"Is he… _You're_ boy…?" He eyed me as he book a backwards seat on the rolling chair.

"Wh-What?" Of course I knew _what_. Grizzly Gramps chuckled and flipped through the clipboard then stood, filing through the cabinet above. I decided to distract myself by grabbing the first magazine in arm's reach and pretending to read it.

"L'see… Yur nurse is little Tammy, right?" He pulled out a bottle, turning it and reading the little letters.

"Uh-huh. That's right." I pulled myself into a sitting position as he glanced back to me and winked.

"She's a cutey, huh?" He smiled to himself, laughing under his breath.

"I guess." Truthfully, I wasn't attracted to her but apparently the dirty old man was.

"Not hot on her, I see." He put the bottle back into the cabinet and retrieved the new one.

"No, not very." I agreed. He was a nice guy, pretty laid back. It was real easy to talk to.

"You pitch'n for the other team?" This time, he gave me his full attention, leaning against the counter, crossing his arms and smiling all sly-like.

"Huh?"

"You know what I'm say'n. You sport'n the big game? Y'know…gay?"

"N-no sir!" I cried. It was somewhat true. Gay guys are into other guys but I wasn't into guys _or_ girls, just Lovino. (True, Lovino was a guy but that wasn't the reason I loved him.)

He looked at me for a while, not believing me. Finally, he turned back to his work in the cupboard. I swear, he whispered something under his breath and I was sure it wasn't something I wanted to hear. I went back to what I was previously doing, reading a trashy magazine about how the tabloids had caught Princess Diana's killer.

I can't say I missed him too much when he left. He spent the next half hour laughing oh-so-discretely until FINALLY he had to go get some files from god-knows-where. I assume he was just going to go fall asleep in the staff room.

Lovino was escorted back in by a nurse, this time wearing his jacket. The nurse announced that Lovino wanted to talk with me then made herself a comfy spot in the corner. Upon seeing the boy, I dropped the magazine and gave him all of my apologetic attention.

He was nervous. That was dead obvious. He wasn't sure what to do or say then finally settled by sitting on the bed with me…deciding against fear. I don't know why he trusted me, he had no reason to. "Hello…" He said all the while keeping his eyes in his lap.

"Lovi… can you look at me?...please?" I made sure to showcase my gentle voice. Those gorgeous glistening orbs lifted up to match mine. "I'm sorry…"

"You're sick, Antonio." He whispered, straight forward.

That took me by surprise…I remained cold for a good few moment while trying to decode that strumming sound resounding from my love's chest. "Yeah." I admitted.

"Why do you keep saying you're fine if you're not?" A tingling warmth met my hand. I instantly knew what it was… no other person had such a gentle touch.

"I don't know." I told him and pulled a smile up.

"Stop lying to me. I thought we knew each other better but all you've done since we've met was lie. I _know_ what makes you sick. I know that you get confused and sad and scared but you can't do it by yourself anymore so stop lying to me." Those eyes… those drop-dead-gorgeous honey eyes pierced right through mine, extracting truth as if nothing was simpler.

My heart roared. Lovino was just something else completely. Nobody had _ever_ done this to me. He brought me to my knees… he pulled my heart out my throat and his very presence made the stars exalt him with their fiery praise.

_I LOVED HIM_… honestly and truly. I had never loved anybody as much as I loved this boy… this_ stranger_…

"I didn't want you to know." I finally said, forcing the words out my throat.

"I _do_ know…I don't care."

"You don't!?"

"No. I spent my entire life in a culture when people kill each other for looking at them the wrong way. People who have _nothing_ wrong with them are the ones with _something_ really wrong with them. But you? Toni, that's just character."

"B-but…"

"But there is something I want to know."

"Yeah?"

"How do you feel about me?"

"What?"

"Your sickness. I know that people with similar cases can hate someone one day and love them the next but…how you've been treating me… is that a _sometimes_ thing?"

"No! No, Lovi. How I act with you is how I feel. "

"Do you even _know_ how you feel?"

"I do!"

"Then tell me!"

I couldn't answer that one. Each word was like a giant marble rumbling around in my stomach and even if I managed to work them into my throat, I wouldn't be able to choke them out. "I-I-I…..ah…I-…." I whimpered. He deserved an answer, he really did so I tried again to force the sounds out. "I-….I-ah..lllo-"

"Love you." A little voice interjected, cutting me off. "You're trying to say 'I love you', right?" He asked.

"…mm-hm…"I was praying he wouldn't have heard the almost silent murmur but God knows…he did. I heard him gasp lightly and get it caught against the back of his throat. His gaze on me softened.

"I love you." I repeated confidently.

Now, you wouldn't believe it unless you were there but we spoke in absolute silence… just through our eyes. It was amazing. It was like he was speaking clear words to me and he said that he loved me too. I read it in his eyes. He felt how I did, even if he didn't say it out loud.

"Tell me about that emotion… what is it like for humans?"

"Love?"

"Yes…"

"Love…is happiness in its purest form. It's like… well, hm… I'm not sure."

"Does it make you crazy?" He asked, leaning in curiously.

My cheeks lifted but this time I didn't force anything. This smile was true... innocent happiness. "Yes, very much so."

"Does it give one…unusual impulses?"

"Oh…it depends on what those impulses are."

"What if one want's to do things they know they shouldn't do."

"Then…of course…_it's love_." I answered just in time for my eyelids to drop as I feel lips against mine. So sweetly, we kiss. There was no hunger or passion or hidden desires… just love. Purely love. I _loved_ him and he, in returned _loved _me.

(I'm sorry that my chapters are so unproductive. Hopefully that'll get better some day.)


	15. no confusion

BLOG FAIRY

No confusion

**My life, undoubtedly, has been one chock-full of confusions. For example, when I was seven I had Christmas at my aunt's house with my cousins because my parents had to fly out to Brazil because my mother's father passed. My cousin, Julianna, got a Polly Pocket lunch box and a set of plastic jewelry. Now, I had gotten drawing pads and toy BMX bikes but for some reason I really wanted ****her**** presents instead. When I told my aunt this, she argued that Julianna would have no presents if I took hers so I offered a trade. My presents for hers.**

**So, they sat me down and had the boy vs. girl talk with me. Apparently, Julianna's presents are only for girls. Naturally I told them that, in that case, I wanted to be a girl. They tried and tried to convince me otherwise but I refused and even told them to call me Tonia until my aunt gave in. She found one of my cousins' dresses for me to wear, outfitted me with high heels, necklaces, bracelets and rings then had me follow her around for a whole day.**

**First, we got up early and folded clothes then made breakfast. The whole time those heels scraped at my feet and forced my legs into awkward strains but I ignored. Then we took out the trash, woke up the family and did a few household chores. After that, she helped me put on my make up because we had errands to run. First, we went to the grocery store where people snickered and gossiped about me. I asked my aunt to tell them to stop but she said that if I really wanted to be a girl that I'd have to ignore them because that's how the world works.**

**We went to her friend's house next. This friend had hurt her back and was now bed ridden so it was our job to do some vacuuming and wash the dishes and let the dogs out before her in-home nurse came. After stopping by the house to drop off the groceries, she and I played a game of black jack before leaving once again for her quilting club. That club, I swear, went on for **_**days**_**. Granted, the ladies were very nice and they even put out treats for me but I just wanted to run around or take a nap or do anything other than listen to them talk about quilting and books and scandalous celebrities. When we finally made out way back home, we did another load of laundry and made dinner. By the end of the day I was crying and begging to be a boy again. My feet were bleeding, I had burned my finger on the stove and the makeup was making my eyes itch.**

**My aunt took off my make up and put me back into my shorts. I remember what she told me that day. "Antonio, You don't have to be someone you're not to get what you want. You just have to work hard." Ever since then, I was a boy through and through.**

**Age sixteen was an especially compulsive year for me. I organized everything from the magnets on the fridge to the selves in the movie store (Which is also how I got my first job). I was so obsessive about proper order. One time I found myself in tears because my parents made me wear a plaid shirt in which the design on the left sleeve was at more of an angle than the right sleeve.**

**I remember begging my parents to let me shave my head because, no matter how hard I tried, I could never control those messy locks. They flung out and twisted and frizzed and did as they pleased. My mother refused. She loved my hair ever since I was a baby and I first spurted them from my head. She **_**always**_** wanted to brush it and run her fingers through it, saying it was the most beautiful hair she had ever seen.**

**One day she and my father went to see a musical and I got out the doll scissors from the kitchen drawer. I locked myself in the bathroom and began to snip away. It didn't go as well as I had hoped…I wasn't the hair stylist I thought I was. When my parents came home they saw my mess in its full glory. Some spots had been sniped down to a nub while other patches where ridged edges. **

**I was allowed to stay home for a week but I wasn't allowed to make up any of my work at home so when I went back to school, I was bombarded with make-up work. Thankfully, my hair grew at an impressive rate and I was back to a thick chocolate mess in no time.**

**All of these confusions passed in their due time but not without consequences. Never the less, I was able to balance myself out and return to good ol' Toni-o. This strategy had never failed me…not until that one time I stumbled upon a strange little boy speaking in a strange tongue of strange things. That's when it changed.**

**I **_**should**_** have been confused… I **_**should**_** have dropped him on the curb the moment I found out he was anything but human and ****most of all****, I shouldn't have fallen in love with him. The thing was…he was the only thing in my life that didn't confuse me. that's probably not very believable, seeing as I can never predict him but the truth was that I was never confused over my feelings for him. I always, from the moment I saw him, knew I liked him and when I discovered that I loved him, I knew for a sure-fire fact that I was always going to love him.**

**Lovino was someone I would always feel the same about. There would never be a lesson that would change my mind or a scolding that would prove I was wrong. I love Lovino, no confusion what-so-ever about that.**

Of course, a moment like that couldn't last very long, they never do. Lovino's nurse, who looked surprisingly a lot like Betty Crocker, had herself a fit and dragged Lovino out of the room while spewing something about germs and contamination. Lovino found this hilarious.

Within five minutes, she came back to scold me. "I can't believe it! Two minutes! You had two minutes before you two go spitting in each other's mouths. I can't think of a better way to spread illness!" She growled at me and forced me to lie on my back. Honestly, I didn't care. I would jump through a burning hoop right now, I really would.

I asked her when I could go home, my voice a bit more happy and drowsy than I had expected. She told me I'd have to ask my doctor that. When she left on the mission to find Papa Grizzly, I snuggled into my bed and thought about how happy I was. If you've ever tried to think about how much room there is in the universe or how many atoms in the earth, it's a lot like that. In the end I was unable to come up with a word for it.

My doctor walked in not much later and as I had expected, he had been sleeping. This was obvious by the red splotch on his forehead, where it had been pressed against the table and his bangs practically standing on end. "So he _is_ you'r boy." He greeted with a wink. That remark brought heat to my face at an impeccable speed. I guess…that _might sorta kinda _be true.

"He… he doesn't belong to anyone." I corrected, knowing that was the answer Lovino would want to hear.

"Yeah well, maybe you should get your "_friend"_ a haircut when you're out of here." He suggested with a yawn and a scratch at his head.

"When'll I be out of here?" I asked, sitting myself up.

"Hmm…we'll see how you are on meds and if that's all swell you'll be out in no time, Sunshine." He offered me a drowsy smile.

"What about Lovino? When'll he be ready to go?" I asked.

"He'll be discharged…" He looked over at the door as if he could see the boy, "Uh…probably tomorrow. Maybe a day or two later. All his symptoms seem to have gone away."

"Well, what if he's gone before me?" I began to panic a bit. Lovino had nowhere to go except my place, Arthur's flat or with Francis. Arthur hates him (I can't imagine how), Francis has a new partner ever night and I wouldn't expose Lovino to that and I wouldn't want him to be alone in my apartment. In fact, being alone at all in this huge city at any time is not a good idea. I suppose Lilli and Libby were out of the question, seeing as one had a drinking problem and the other had a homicidal sibling. All I had was Bella. I would hate to have to ask her but it was really the only option.

"Don't worry too much, sport. He can visit from six a.m. to ten p.m." He told me.

"Can he stay here… in my room?"

"NO hanky-panky in the hospital." He quickly interjected.

"No, no! I just mean… I don't really have anywhere for him to go. Y'see, we're room mates."

"He doesn't have any relatives near?"

"No sir." Well…not any human ones, that is.

"There's some cheap hotels around here." He offered but all I had to do was give him the look because we both know that cheap hotels in NYC weren't place for _anyone_ to be. You can get Aids just looking at them. No way _in hell _would I leave Lovino in a place like that.

"Uh… if he snuck into Macy's-"

"Are you _sure_ he can't stay in the hospital?" I interrupted.

"The hospital parking lot. Sorry bub. I guess he could crash at my place but I'm here all day aaand…it would come with a price…"

"HEY! LISTEN HERE! LOVINO IS A _**GOOD**_BOY! IF YOU THINK-"

"Nah! Nah! I ain't even! Ya' got me wrong!"

I took a deep breath and relaxed my spine. Yeah… I was a little jumpy.

"I'm just say'n that this job doesn't pay shit and I can't keep the heater on all day, kay?" He said, visibly startled by my moment of panic.

"Sorry. I'm worked up just'a tad, I am. It's been a long day, y'know?"

"It's five in the morning." He corrected.

"That it is." I agreed, nodding slowly and turning my attention to anything but him. There was a moment of silence then he chuckled and brought me a little container of pills.

"Had these before?" He asked, showing me the contents.

"Those look like the usual ones I was taking before. The stabilizer ones, right?" I concluded after inspecting them. The shape, the color, even the smell had been cast into my memory with such accuracy that I could sniff them out of a hay stack.

"Yup. These are the ones." He capped the bottle and scribbled on the clip board again. "We're going to put you back on those and also some Lithobid and Risperdal for the first week. I'm also sending you a prescription for Cymbalta oral. That one's for your anxiety and also great for pain and you only need to be on that till your body has fully healed. Over-the-counter drugs are to be avoided and make sure to have yourself lots o' Vitamin D. Got that?" My confused look must have been answer enough. "Don't worry, I'm writing it down."

I nodded and turned my attention back to my lap, trying to figure what I was going to do with Lovino. Bella seemed like the only option but how was I going to do that? The conversation would be, "Hey Bells. No hard feelings, right? Okay, good. Well, y'see, I need you to house my boyfriend who looks way too young for me, is way cuter than you and to top it off, may or may not be a fairy. You don't mind, do you?" yeah… not a great idea. I mean, she'd do it. She'd let him stay with her, given she has room, but she would find out in no time that he's completely bonkers. In addition, Lovino doesn't seem to like many people and that's a problem.

Pops (Grandpa's new nickname) set me up with my first dose of pills and hooked up the DVD player so I could watch National Treasure. While I did, I wished I could teach myself Morse Code, then me and Lovino could talk through the wall. If I had my guitar, I could serenade him. If I had a drill, I could pop in an eye whole. Unfortunately, all I could do for now was lean against the barrier of plaster and wood that separated me from my Lovino.

That movie lasted me until seven, when Tammy finally arrived. She seemed a little pleased with herself. When she walked in she slid her bag from her shoulder onto the table and easily dropped a ring of keys inside it. "So, Mr. Kissy face," She greeted, her smile enhancing. "I've heard your day has been quite productive."

"Mm-hm." I answered and adjusted myself so I was sitting criss-cross.

"Smacking face with the kid next door? That's a risky thing, my friend." She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back against the table.

That time my answer was just a giggle. I was happy in every sense of the word.

"You're twenty-six and four months and he's twenty…" She noted.

"It's legal." I defended.

"Hey, I saw Dr. Vargas in the hall. You've met him, right?"

"Is he the one that looks like a Grizzly Bear?"

She laughed. "Yeah, yeah, he does. That's him."

"He was here earlier."

"Oh, is he the one who set up the DVD player?"

"Yeah."

"Well good for him. I've been messing with that thing for the longest time. How'd he do it?"

"Uh..I'm not sure." I answered, checking the TV set. My expertise was on a laptop, not the television.

"Nah, it's no big deal. I would be able to do it again even if I wanted to. Anyhow, I'ma grab some breakfast. What do you want?"

"Make sure you bring Lovino some tomatoes. Like, as many as you can get."

"Okaaay, but what do _you_ want? _You're_ my patient."

"I want you to get tomatoes for Lovino."

"Aright, pancakes it is." She confirmed, opening the door and stepping out then suddenly turning back. "Hey, do you happen to know Lovino's last name?"

I shrugged and she left. Now that I thought about it, I wasn't sure that

Lovino even _had_ a last name. I made a mental note to ask him later. I slid a new movie into the DVD player, a Hallmark video about a single dad and his daughter who's not doing well in school. By the time I pressed 'play' I already knew how the whole thing would go. Tammy came back with my pancakes and I made sure she brought those tomatoes too. The pancakes were like compressed couch stuffing but at least they were warm. Tammy ate in my room with me today and we talked about the tabloids piled at my bedside.

"Wanna go on a walk today? Y'know, stretch your legs." She offered as she stuffed another bite of honeydew into her mouth.

"Can Lovino come?" I countered. My only desires were to be with him. I wanted to talk to him and play with his hair and run my thumb over his cheek. I just really wanted Lovino.

"Uhh…I'll talk to Brandy but if she says it's okay than it's okay with me, But you gott'a be good for Dr. Shroeder."

"_He's_ coming?" I asked, my mood dropping ten points.

"Yes. And you're going to answer his all his questions. He only wants to help you, that's his job."

"That doesn't make me like him anymore."

"Then maybe you can just pretend."

Some grumbling and complaining later, Shroeder did come and he asked me a hundred million questions. I'd be lying if I said I took them all well but in the whole, I did pretty well. He was gone within an hour and we got the confirmation from Brandy, Lovino's nurse, for a walk as long as we could promise to not go around 'spitting in each other's mouths'. I was excited as hell, I really was. I had to wear hospital shoes since my sneakers had been pretty wrecked and it turns out I had forgotten how to walk after lying in a bed for so long.

When I popped in to invite Lovino out for a walk, he had his headphone in, listening to 'music of the Muppets' cassette for the hundredth time. He was a bit surprised to see me, evident from his beyond extreme blush but he accepted my proposal and slipped on the pair of loafers that Arthur had left him with. In fact, he told me that Arthur had called to check on him, despite their hatred for each other.

"So, how are you feeling?" I asked him once we had found ourselves a sunny bench in the courtyard. We watched the other patients roam around like zombies. They shuffled their walkers and tried to find a destination or even a purpose but they just ended up scooting around in circles and kicking rocks. I couldn't help thinking that we didn't belong there. A fairy and an emotionally unstable freak… lost among the crazies.

"I'm not sick, if that's what you mean." He answered, his voice soft like velvet.

"That's good. Are you… wearing perfume?" I asked, noticing the flowery scent emanating from him.

"No, it's just a pheromone." He said coolly.

"A fairy thing?"

"Mm-hmm. It'll go away as I become more human." He explained.

"What's it for?" just as I asked that, his face burst into a fiery red tone.

"H-…h-hold my hand…" He commanded in a shy voice. I looked to the space between us, where his hand was resting palm-up on the bench and lightly gripping for an invisible substance. I laid mine on top and laced my fingers gently through his. "It's… when a fairy doesn't want to be alone anymore." He whispered, still focusing his calm gaze on the people in front of us. The scent suddenly became stronger.

God… he was so beautiful… purely _amazing_. As weird as it was that Lovino could produce flowery scents from his body, it was also one of the things that made him who he was. He was new and exciting and special… he was _Lovino_.

"Antonio…" She said my name as if it were precious to him, pronouncing each sound delicately in the way his soft voice could. "You're special…to me. You're a special human to me, okay?"

I nodded, careful not to break his concentration.

"I never though a creature like you could exist. You're…..special." He conclude, sparing me a sideways glance before fixing his eyes in front of him again. We both rested ourselves in a moment of silence. It wasn't awkward, in fact, it was comforting. The cold wind blew against our faces and the clean air softened our lungs. "Let me see your thumb." He finally said and turned his attention to me. I, of course, obeyed.

He took my hand in both of his. He looked from the finger to my eyes, back and forth, asking for permission witch I granted with confusion. At once, he opened his mouth and took the digit in then shocking pain jolted down my arm and he released my hand again. Dropplets of crimson red rolled down my hand and plopped to the ground. Holy shit! He was a vampire!

"It's okay." He assured me and did the same to his own thumb. He looked back to me and I, again, answered with a nod. The fingers were pressed together, right over the cuts. The infliction began to burn. My skin was raging hot and a tingling sensation was sent shooting up my arm. Lovino continued to assure me that it was okay. I tried asking him what was going on but my mouth kept itself shut and I eyes remain fixed on the wounds.

It was a minute or two before he finally released my hand. He proceeded to lick his finger of the dry blood and even took a moment to caress the wound in his mouth. I followed suit. I was really, really hoping nurse Brandy hadn't seen. Directly exchanging blood is usually frowned upon.

"What was that?" I finally asked.

He didn't seem to know how to answer that. He took his look from me to his lap. "It's a tradition." He finally decided. "Now…we can't be separated."

I smiled at him, even if he wasn't looking. "You were worried about that?"

"There is a lot that can happen in a world like this. It's just…a precaution." He refused to lift his head for me so instead, I leaned mine closer and planted my lips against his temple. That finally earned me his attention.

"Don't kiss me." He ordered, his scowl returning. "I didn't say you could do that."

"Mm, well then, when _can_ I do that?" I asked. There was no way my smile could deflate at this point.

"Only…" He considered the question for a few seconds before coming up with a response he deemed fit. "Only when you are utterly sure that I am special to you."

I pressed my lips to his face again, this time on his cheek, directly below his eye then another on the center of the reddening flesh and lastly on the corner of his mouth. I made sure each was careful and delicate, as to not break such a fragile being.

"And you may never kiss me when I am angry with you, as I am now." He added. I pressed another kiss to the rim or his ear, causing a shiver to run down him.

"And only during the coldest of weathers may you hold me." I wrapped my arms around his small frame, nuzzling my head against his.

"Only when the moment is perfect and the air clear can you tell me how you truly feel about me." He whispered softly, his eyes closed as he adjusted back against my body.

I filled my lungs deeply with cool air, savoring the lovely scent of the boy and the warmth of his skin under my fingertips. "I love you." I told him confidently. In that very moment, we were so in love. So free, so happy, so peaceful. All three of those words I meant with every fiber of my being.

( Thank you all for reading! I very much appreciate it.

Explanation: That pheromone thing? Remember when Lovino says it's when a fairy doesn't want to be alone anymore? Well, as we know, his race isn't a very social or understanding group so they probably separate themselves pretty well. When they give off this anti-loneliness scent… well… it's a fairy mating call. This is similar to animals, being as that some will let off smells or noises or change physically. In a less romantic sense, Lovino is ready for a forever relationship. Not necessarily horny or anything but just ready to nest. Does that make sense? I just wanted to make sure there wasn't any confusion with that part.

Got a burning question? Ask. I _love_ answering questions. Come up with anything, I don't mind at all. I'd love if everybody understood this story since it's very confusing. I know, I'm sorry about that. Really, ask anything. For example, isn't Lovino Italian? If so, why are the fairies Norwegian? Why is Arthur an asshole? I really like him! What other symbolism should I know about? Why does the writing style change so dramatically for four chapters? Why are there so many references to Catcher in the Rye?

Ask me anything, I'd love to help you enjoy the story.)


	16. Half home

BLOG FAIRY

Half home

**So there's this one thing that's been nagging at me but I think I may have figured it out.**

_**When did I first realize that I love Lovino?**_

**I was having a hell of a time answering that. Like I've said, I've always loved him but I think that the first time that I admitted it to myself was among the chaos of that first day.**

**That strange boy who I had **_**told**_** to stay put in my kitchen had just scurried off the moment I turned my back. I was awful frustrated. I couldn't find him anywhere until I finally tracked him down to the near-silent wailing emanating from under my bed. The poor thing had tucked himself into my pull out drawer full of sweaters and he was crying his little heart out. Any frustration I had ever held against the boy dissipated instantly. He cried such sadness…such loneliness that I didn't understand how a child could deserve that.**

**I took him into my arms and cradled him. I hummed and bounced and coaxed but the sobbing did not falter. After many more attempts to calm the child, I gave up. He was filled with a terror that no amount of therapy could fix. He would either have to resolve it on his own or cry out every ounce of liquid in his body.**

**Boy, did he cry. He curled himself up and clutched his little chubby arms around my waist. Every once in a while I'd rip him off and drag my sleeve across his mucusy face then let him crawl back into his protective stance just so we could do it all over again. I flicked on the TV just for the noise of it. Continuously, I ran my fingers through his hair then down his arm and lastly to gently rub the back of his little hands.**

**He refused to stop. For three hours he burbled and coughed and whimpered in my lap, only stopping when his energy had completely dispersed, leaving him empty and beyond tired. He breath suddenly became deep even huffs, his face relaxed… it was wonderful! He stopped crying! I had silently been begging for it to end and now I was tingling with joy. The little one contracted his entire body and let out a sneeze in a burst of energy. Then another, then another, followed by a little smile. I don't know why that was so funny but it was. It was like all he needed that whole time was a good sneeze.**

**I admired his little face. He was so beautiful when he smiled. That's when I realized it. I loved him. Not like, 'will you marry me' love but the kind of love you would feel for a brand new sibling. I was ecstatic when he smiled… I was blown away when those little honey eyes ceased tearing. I wanted to hold him and keep him safe and make sure he never had a reason to be so sad.**

**So, that's when it happened. That was the start of this lovely fascination with the little red-headed baby who threw himself into my life. Of course I never expected what would come of it. I never thought for a moment I would be holding his hand the way I was or that I would kiss him and not be mauled for it.**

I'm not sure how long we sat there in pure silence but it was at least a few hours. We simply leaned against each other and watched as the world passed us by. Every once in a while we'd cuddle closer or chuckle or dose off but we remained together which was all that mattered. Because we were so close, I could feel when his skin prickled and his shoulders tensed.

"You cold?" I asked, grazing over him with my eyes.

"No." He answered. He was an incurable liar, I knew that by now.

"Where's your coat? I remember you wearing that blue-"I was unable to finish, interrupted by an 'AH-CHOO!' from the little one in question. It wasn't a cute little girly sneeze you see in the TV shows. My Lovino wasn't like a TV stereotype, he was a real human with a real sneeze.

No, it's not the most romantic thing that could happen but I chuckled anyways and took care of him, lifting his chin with one hand and whipping his face with the other. "Let's go inside. It looks like it's going to rain." I offered.

"I'm staying out a little longer." He announced stubbornly. I loved that about him.

"Alright." I agreed, crossing my arms and adjusting to keep my warmth. He nodded and did the same. "Y'know, you're getting out of here real soon."

"Mph." He answered.

"I won't be out for a little while so… we're going to have to find somewhere for you to stay." I added and let my eyes droop lazily.

"I'll stay at your place." He countered.

"I'd much rather you not be alone." Just after that comment, we had to get up and jog over with our heads hunched to a bench shielded by thick branches and a heavy foliage of leaves. From there, would could peacefully watch the light downpour that had just rested upon the Earth, creating a silver cape over the scene before us.

"I'll be alright on my own." He countered once we had settled ourselves. I patted off some of the crystal bulbs that had fallen onto his soft hair. The rain started playing a gentle medley of plops that imitated the sound of romantic Italian violins.

"I wouldn't risk it, mi amor." I cooed to him and scooted him against me.

"What does that word mean?" He curiously looked at me and I greeted him in return with a soft smile.

"It means close your eyes and relax for a bit, alright?" He didn't often follow commands but this time the mood seemed right. Both of us leaned our heads together. Being with your lover is like being with your best friend but this way you could kiss him and never fear him leaving you.

With my eyes closed I could picture me and Lovi at the heart of this big beautiful city, the rain dropping all around us, blurring the hundreds of florescent colors. The rain was so beautiful… the sound of taxi cabs splashing through puddles, the ocean of different colored umbrellas… it was all so wonderful. Anytime it rained, I would sit on the patio and watch as families hurried to pull their laundry off the line or pull drag their trash bins under the awning. Businessmen would take to a hunched jog and children would stop so they could soak their clothes. The roads would become glittery pathways of wet pebble, the gutters would convert themselves into young canals and lovers would kiss under the symbol of summer mistletoe.

"Let's go inside." A little voice said, pulling me away from my fantasies and back to reality where Lovino was sitting beside me, tugging at my sleeve. I agreed and pressed my lips against his forehead, which he scowled at. We found a cleverly route back into the Colin Copton wing of the hospital. Tammy was angry at us for staying out in the cold and promptly told us such when we returned. She said she'd have come looking for us if we were out five minutes more.

She made us change into clean gowns and kept telling us how lucky we were that Brandy went home for lunch and wouldn't see us acting like idiots. I ate my lunch on a Styrofoam tray with Lovino while listening to his favorite tape, entitled Music of the Muppets. The pounding on the windows made it evident how strongly the rain was coming down. Lovino kept demanding that I teach him how to play card games but I declined, offering baths for both of us instead.

We definitely needed it. That and a haircut plus a good dose of deodorant. Tammy was more than happy to show us to the tubs at my request. Each one was outfitted with braces and ramps and handles. "I trust you can do this on your own?" She asked, handing me a towel and bottle of generic brand soap.

"Yeah, of course." I confirmed and received her offerings.

"Alright then. Call me if you need help." With that she pulled the curtain closed and left, taking the fairy with her. The room itself was a sectioned off portion of a dedicated tub room. It was pretty embarrassing, actually. It was real hard to talk myself out of my clothes when I knew strangers were just on the other side of a silk sheet.

Never the less, I did. I bathed myself just as I always had, keeping the wrapped leg out of the water as instructed. I called Tammy back once I had dried and dressed. After that, she had another nurse clip my hair and I waited for Lovino back in his room. I sat on his bed and ran my fingers through my hair. The blanket smelled like him. I know, that's super creepy but they did, they really did. It was a very distinct aroma. He smelled partially of his natural flower perfume but also like instant tea mix and ginger. It was a very comforting in a way… like the smell of your mother's jacket or your grandparents' house.

Thankfully, Lovino came back soon so I didn't have to think about his smell for much longer. With his hair cut and washed is puffed into this light, bob-like style that made him look more feminine than he did before. He was doe-faced, no doubt about it but I was wondering what he would look like as he matured. Surely his face would chisel out and his body would build. Someday he'd be a _man_ rather than this boy I was used to.

He sat down beside me, looking uneasy about something. The smile was a dead giveaway. My boy never just smiled out of the goodness of his heart. "What's wrong?" I asked, smoking out the information without pinching around the subject as I was sure he wanted to do.

"Nothing really." He lied, shimmying his shoulders awkwardly. I raised an eyebrow at him. Of course I knew better. He considered the words before finally spitting them out. "I'm done. I'm all better. I can go home now."

"But-"

"aaaand…they said that they're going to send a bill…" I got what he was trying to say right away. I sighed and offered him a sympathetic smile.

"I'll cover it. Don't worry." I offered but he wasn't satisfied. I didn't receive the sigh of relief I had been expecting.

"You haven't been to work in a while, right?" He asked with concern.

"It's okay. I said I have that little savings, right? That should cover us for a while until I can get working again."

"I want to work."

"No, you don't have to. We'll be okay."

"It wasn't a request. I _want_ to work and I _will_. I'll use that devil book and create a program like you did. I can do that five times."

"It's not that easy."

"Show me how to do it."

"I can't really just show you. It's a lot of schooling and training."

"Well what did _you_ do?"

"A lot of stuff-"

"I'll just do what you did!"

"You can't! It's a lot more complicated than that."

"Fine!" He barked with a huff and stood, facing away from me.

"Look, don't be angry with me. I only-"

"You think I'm a baby! I don't want you to pay my bill, I'll take care of it on my own." I could tell from his voice how pissed he was.

"Hey, just hear me out. You don't have to-"

"I don't have to do what, Antonio!? Take care of myself? I don't need a mother, get that understood. I'm not an idiot." He refused to meet my eyes.

"Lovino! Stop this!"

"I'm not under your control, bastard!"

"What…?"

"Bastard! You're a bastard! BASTARD! "

I remained silent and astounded. He…oh my god… he was …he was hot! It was such a weird feeling to be attracted to him like this but I was attracted and very strongly so. He was defiant and strong and… sexy! I had always expected my counterpart to be the less dominant or at least controllable but Lovino did whatever he wanted. He was a fire, a sparky ball of independence. I grabbed the boy with all the force of my worked up energy and smashed my lips to his. He was taken aback at first but soon returned the act of passion with just as much force.

Lovino…God… he was…just _something_! He was a something I loved with every single fiber of my being and more. He was wild but also tame. He was sweet but firey… he was hot and cold. Spring and fall, right and left, here and there, tango and waltz. Lovino was something of his own nature. He was an uncontrollable beam of radiance … he was…a fairy.

When we released our deathly grips on each other, Lovino gave me the most confused look I've ever known him to give. "You're …special…" He muttered, refusing to say to words of confession. I chuckled.

"So where are you going, scout?" I asked. I wasn't accusing or tormenting, I was simply asking him what he wanted since he was going to get it anyways.

"Back to the apartment." He decreed proudly as he adopted a smile as well.

"Really? Try not to leave dirty clothes around for too long, alright?"

"I'll do what I want." He corrected with a sneer.

"Of course you will." This time I took his chin and tilted his head, matching my tan lips against his pearly ones and kissing him.

Sure enough, I helped him gather up his clothes because he was leaving, just as he said he would. "You're going to visit me every day?"

"If I have the time." He joked and handed me the blue overcoat since he didn't like to fold things.

"At least call then." I said as I folded the jacket.

"If they have phones were I am."

I set down the jacket and took his hand, silently requesting his attention. He gave it to me, doe eyes and all. "But really, you're going to be okay, aren't you? You'll be careful?"

"Yeah." He answered cooly. I could tell he was immensely proud of himself for going on this adventure and proving his true abilities.

"Alright." I said with a smile and let go of his hand. We packed up everything into a total of two grocery bags. Lovino promised to visit every day and he even said he'd even keep his eye out for a snow globe to replace the broken one.

Despite his protests, I made him take my credit card just in case and he was gone before dinner. Of course I missed him the moment he was out of sight and of course I was nervous as all hell but my Lovino is a fighter. He could do just fine for a few days.

For the rest of the day I sat around and though about what he was doing at that moment. I considered calling The Dakota but I decided against it in favor of not having Lovino hate me. I had dinner and watched Mulan for the first time since I was a toddler. I received a call from my favorite neighbor, complaining that there was a stranger in my apartment but I confirmed that he was the brother of the boy he had met earlier.

When I laid down for bed, the only thing on my mind was passing that mental health evaluation so I could go home. That was all I had to do. I had practically healed physically , I was set to run a marathon or the Kentucky Derby. I vowed to myself that I would past that test easy peasy. Then I could go home… back to my fiery little love.

(Thanks for reading! Comments/questions/concerns, all appreciated.

Questions from Mr./Mrs. Guest! Yaay! So, for convenience, I've cut out just the parts of the message that I consider questions. Here we go:

**So if Doctor Vargas is Italian why aren't Lovino and Feliciano related to him? Unless he got jiggy with a fairy which I don't see how that could work unless his lover was in Lovino's situation.**

When asking this, it leads us to another relevant question. Why aren't all Italians related to him? I don't know. It would make for a very interesting story though. On a more serious note, I'm very glad you asked that because I was expecting confusion on Grandpa Rome's involvement. Answer: There is none. I just stuck him in there because he had the same character traits I wanted for Antonio's doctor and everybody already knows him so that might help character development. He didn't do the doo-wop with no fairies. While Lovino and Feliciano might have a grandfather, it's not him.

**I just assumed Francis would be all for Toni falling in love, but if Francis is sensing something major that i cannot, then now i am scaring myself.**

The only way you can totally a character's emotions is to put yourself in their place, therefore, I propose a scenario game. Okay, so you're young and beautiful. You know a lot about love and relationships and you also know that your friend tends to get himself into compromising situations. This friend is Antonio… and he's one of the stupidest people you've ever met. Now, while he is very dear to you, you can't help being a little over protective of the little doofus. So, when you see that he's taken a mystical child off the street and claimed it as his own, it raises some tensions.

What is he thinking!? He can barely take care of himself and now he's devoting his life to a foul-mooded, angry, demon child!? You can't let your friend do this to himself. As the sensible one, you have the ability to help him before he breaks his own heart and starts spiraling towards mood-swing-central. You try again and again to get some sense into him but he won't listen! He's not even trying! He doesn't even appreciate all the hell you're going through to help him! He throws himself in front of a car for crying out loud! The boy is a nut-job! Then… you figure it out… the reason for all this madness.

Your friend is deeply in love… now even you can't deny him that.

**Also if Lovino is aging as fast as he is won't it be like a Benjamin Button situation? He loves Toni and Toni loves him but won't one day he grow older than Toni at a rapid pace and then Toni will be left alone? Or is it when Lovi falls into a love that he deeply cannot get out of with Toni will Lovino become a full fledged human?**

While it would be interesting for Lovino to get all old and wrinkly… he won't. When he was shunned, he was turned human…but just barely. Y'see, the magic isn't strong enough to do a direct transformation nor do they really care, it's just a joke to them. So he is human but he's got a lot of catching up to do. He has to get used to the body and its desires and even its age. It's like he's loading.

Currently, he's very late teens and he'll probably be done soon (Although he may carry some fairy traits his whole life). Once that happens, he become roughly twenty years old and age regularly from there on out. He's really just catching up.

Also what if the fairy people find out about this? Could they turn Lovi back as a fairy for more punishment so he can't see Antonio again? Or could they be nice and turn them both into fairies

They won't. Everyone (with the exception of Feli) hates his guts. They don't care if he lives or dies as long as they never have to see him again and they're content with their revenge. The idea of shunning is to make someone not exist in a community. He'll never look for them and they'll never look for him. Even if a tribe member saw him by chance they would pretend like they hadn't for fear of disturbing the shunning process and possibly being shunned themselves.

It's pretty much the end of the line. It's like saying, "We don't want you in our race anymore. Go be something else, we don't care." There is no more association with the shunned what-so-ever.)


	17. I, Lovino

BLOG FAIRY

I, Lovino

When I finally left that hospital, I hadn't yet decided on what I would do with my freedom. Do I return to the known safety of The Dakota or do I venture this world? I favored returning to the apartment and yet… I wanted more than that. I wanted to be more like Antonio.

To Antonio, life was always a joke to be told, a song to be sung, a mission to be carried out in the most virtuous of conquests. _He_ wouldn't cower back in his den, no, not Antonio. If it doesn't look like there's any fun to be had, that man doesn't spare it a second glance. He wouldn't be afraid like I was. He coddled this town like a child who could do no wrong. Everything here was beautiful to him, from the littler to the cabs and the street vendors. He saw beauty in this town better than anyone else so I made it my quest to do the same.

I began to walk straight ahead. I considered calling a cab but I really hadn't anywhere to go in mind. It was a cold day. I flipped the collar on my jacket up but the chilled air still prickled against my vulnerable neck. I was starting to see why it was necessary for humans to grow such a ridiculous amount of hair on their bodies. Fairies would only grow manes upon their heads while humans were coated from head to toe in it.

The fist time Antonio revealed his uncloaked body to me, I was completely astounded. Never had I seen so much hair on a creature other than a beast. He grew hair on his arms and legs and chest. He grew hair over his knuckles! He grew hair against his jaw! Then, he would use these tiny little knives to shave it off. Humans truly are the strangest of all the species I've known.

I found a shop about three miles from the hospital that was displaying decorations of an old, fat man in a red jacket. This man was on every plate and portrait in the window, offering big, jolly grins to those who bothered to stop by and admire him. He sported a huge snowy beard and a red cap to sit on his head. He must be a hero to the humans, I could think of no other reason to display him in such a way.

To answer my curiosities, I went inside and promptly asked the young girl at the purchasing counter why he was on display. "Yeah, well it's too early if you ask me. Not many other shops around here have their decorations out yet but my boss is a huge Christmas guy." She answered.

"Who is he?" I clarified. Humans seem to have difficulties understanding me, I haven't the slightest clue why.

She gave me a curious look. "My boss?" She finally asked.

"_The man in the red coat_." I was getting to be annoyed with this girl. I can't say I have a very high tolerance for stupidity.

"San'a?" This time she gestured to the window I had just been at. I checked to make sure she was looking at the same man I was before nodding. So his name was Sanna… interesting.

"What has he done?" I countered. I had narrowed it down to war hero or Ronald MacDonald . He seemed to fat to be a war hero and from what Antonio had told be, humans loved Ronald MacDonald who _also_ wore red. It had to be one of the two, I was sure of it.

"Whad'ya mean?" She finally asked after an awkward amount of silence. This comment was the final straw to me loosing my interest in her. I don't have the time or brain capacity to understand stupid people. I completely ignored her in favor of giving my interest to a spinning display of maps and guides. I spun it round a few times, inspecting its contents. I chose to purchase a book called 'EYE WITNESS TRAVEL- NEW YORK CITY'.

I didn't want to use the imaginary money on Antonio's card but I had no other means of purchasing things yet. I told myself to remember to pay him back.

After leaving the store I crossed the street (looking twice before doing so) and sat on a bench. It was painful against my back, I have to admit. The cold was like a splinter, sharp and sudden. I wished under my breath that Antonio were here because he would have allowed me to sit on his lap instead. I opened the book and flipped pages, looking for some amount of useful information.

I had no idea how to read a human map. I had only seen few maps as a fairy and they had all been measured in paces and marked by the qualities of the land. On this map, there were no rivers or stumps or trees. It had all been separate by lines and colors, all of which held no meaning to me. One thing finally caught my eye, the large green square entitled central park. The Dakota was near that place. In fact, it was across the road. If I could find my way there, I had no doubt I would make my way back to the apartment.

I shoved the booklet into one of my bags and once again began to walk. The next place I stopped appeared to be a castle of some sort. The designs were the most intricate I had ever seen. It was warm inside. Warm and silent. All around me wafted the scent of incense and mumbled prayers floated peacefully to the rafters. It was tranquilizing. The smell softened my lungs and relaxed my bones. It must have been a place of worship to for what ever gods humans worship.

In my tribe, there were more gods than I had toes and fingers to count. When they were prayed to it wasn't done silently nor was it done in a leap of joyous faith. It was most often done around a fire. What ever meat was caught would become a gift. Once the fire had eaten away the carcass of the animal then the bones became figures or religious jewelry. There were assigned chants and hymns for each of these idols. If we were praying for the harvest of a valuable fruit we would plant teeth in the ground because that is what the god of harvest liked to eat. If we were praying for a warmer winter, we would hang animal skin from the branches of trees to keep the god of weather warm.

In this human church, there was no sacrificial acts what so ever. Those in the pews bowed their heads and those in robes swung smoking incense around the room. I wondered if my presence would disturb them but I was left in peace, my existence going unnoticed. I dearly wished to know what kind of gods they prayed to and what for. The worshipers were diverse. Men, women, old young, poor, rich. In my tribe, only those who had prayers of value (men of a sound mind) could participate in the ceremonies because it was disgracing to offer the gods a filthy, undeserving prayer.

I wanted to ask. I wanted so badly to know about the god that would serve people who didn't send him gifts of life or even kill in his name. yet, I would that there was no place for that question in this house. If I were to speak, I knew for a fact that my words would disturb the delicate balance so I remained of my silence and sat in the back.

I figure that any god who would welcome a nonbeliever and sinner like me into his house and keep a fire to warm me must not be a bad god. I relaxed in that spot for what must have been half of an hour if not more. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to face the cold or the noise of the outside world but more than that I didn't want to overstay my welcome so I left. In my way out, I stood against the door and let the elderly woman behind me out, just as Antonio had taught me.

"God be with you." She whispered with a smile and nod towards me.

"-with you…" I responded, almost silent with astonishment. That woman hadn't known me for even a second yet she was wishing the grace of her god upon me? There were some things I believe I will never understand, that being one of them.

I went down the street and cut the corner, stopping to watch the sky scrapers with the anticipation that they'd suddenly burst into life. None did, of course, but it was always fun to imagine that they might. I found an art gallery but it couldn't be the one Antonio worked at, seeing as there was no Egyptian exhibit. I kept walking until I recognized pillars and buildings shown on the 'Upper East' category of my booklet. The first thing I did was sneak into this big round building that the book referred to as the Guggenheim. I snuck back out very quickly once I saw the artwork inside and realized I wasn't able to see beauty in any of it.

Museums crowded the block. I decided against going into anymore of them after the unpleasant surprise I met in the Guggenheim. Instead, I filled my head with something I _did_ like, my Antonio. I was very proud of myself for finally exchanging blood with him. Now I could say he was mine, he _belonged to me_ and it felt great. He uses the word love… which I can't. I wonder if I should…it I can. I don't know what love is nor how it feels to love another. Antonio had told me that love can be an intimate sexual connection but I don't believe human males could even procreate. There for, love between two males cannot exist, right? However, I won't deny how special he is to me.

For as long as I've lived, I've resented others. Whether it be for greed or jealousy or hated. Antonio though…he was different. Within meeting him on that first day I would that I had nothing to be resentful of. He was kinder than any creature had the ability to be. He was nurturing and loving and exciting. Slowly, as time passed, he became more and more beautiful until I was left in amazement every time we met eyes. Those eyes… oh god, those eyes. They were magic. He would have his way with a single glance. Too many times I was caught by them and my body would secede from my mind. Too many times I had kissed his lips or gotten to the verge of confessing those three sacred words.

I stopped abruptly one I saw a castle-like building supported by four colossal pillars in the front. That must be the place where Antonio worked, I had seen it's image on a pamphlet in his room. I wanted to go in but I resisted for I knew Antonio wanted to bring me there.

I passed another cathedral, this one Russian orthodox. I didn't stop there either. I had no idea where I was going to I changed direction. I walked and walked until I finally saw something worth stopping for. A building… taller than the sky. I looked as far up as my eyes would allow but I was still unable to see the top of it beneath the fog. I wandered around it, stopping at the end of a long line. I wasn't sure what the line was waiting for but I hoped it to see the building closer up.

I reached the end of the waiting line and went through a little room where they patted my body and made me take off my shoes. They even opened my plastic bags before I could pass to the other side. There, I was met by the strangest sight. Two holes, two _mammoth _holes cascaded deep into the earth. I approached slowly and carefully. I had a feeling this was a place intended for silence. On the railing was…names. Yes, they had to be names. There were hundreds…or thousands.

My mind was slow to put the pieces together. Names belong to people. Hundreds and thousands of people… I remember what Antonio had told be about the planes…those planes crashed into- OH MY GOD!

The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. My stomach suddenly ruptured, flipping and stretching. I cupped a hand over my mouth, determined to not let it do what I was sure it wanted to do. I was just about to leave when I happened to turn my head and get a good view of another hole just as large as this one with just as many names. That was the end of my resistance. My throat began to burn, my stomach clutched, I let go of my mouth just as lost my lunch…in the memorial…

Coughing and hacking, I was escorted out by two very large guards. They gave me a good scolding, saying it _seemed_ like an accident so they wouldn't fine me or get me in trouble but it better never happen again. They told be about how this spot was a national treasure and a grave to thousands of families then reminded me again that I had 'thrown-up' into it. I was disgraced and I left, favoring not to think about it anymore.

Next, I found food. The sun was going down and my stomach was all for the idea of eating. This hotdog stand was more patriotic than the others, according to the flags and ribbons and banner saying 'Democratic Wieners'. I believe it was supposed to be a pun. I heard learned from overheard conversations that a wiener was not only a hot dog but also a slang term for male genitals. I can understand the resemblance. I also knew that Democrats were a ' political party' (not actually a celebration) in the United States of America. Antonio had told me that the president, Barack Obama, was a democrat. He said that Mr. Obama was black… the hot dog vendor was black… he must be Barack Obama! Sometimes, I am very clever.

I bought a hot dog from Barack Obama, making sure to shake his hand like Antonio said we should do when we meet important people. I walked to the dock and ate, staring blankly into the water. I would have to learn how to swim because I really wanted to swim in there. Fairies can't swim, their wings would become heavy and drown them. When I found out humans could swim, I was more than ready to learn.

I sat there, bags on either side of me, watching the water for a very long time. I was asleep while still being awake… just thinking. I thought about Antonio coming home. That's what I wanted more than anything. I wanted him to sit beside me, take my hand and let me rest against him. I didn't worry about anything when I was with him. I didn't feel like I had anything to be ashamed of and I knew he wouldn't dare let anyone hurt me. I knew that if I were coughing, he'd be right there to pat my back softly. If I were crying, he'd hold me against his chest so no one would look at me while I was vulnerable like that.

I found that after thinking about it too long, water dripped down my cheeks. I dried them as quickly as I knew that they were there and stood up. A change of scenery would probably help. I picked up my bags and walked down. I kept going down and down and down until I was at the Rockefeller. I recognized it by the statue of atlas and the skating rink. There didn't seem to be too many people so I ventured inside. I refused to take off the thick, light blue trench coat. It was comforting in a weird way. I didn't feel so alone in a city full of strangers.

It really was very empty inside. I stopped in a room of American progress and time. My loafers resounded a hearty tap on the marble as I walked through slowly, my eyes busy with the wall rather than were I was going. Everything has it's consequences, this one's being running straight into another person and hurting my nose.

After rubbing my nose out of pain, I looked up at the offender which I recognized instantly. Blonde scraggily hair, eyebrows taller than me… I only knew one bastard who fit those requirements. Of course I called him such.

"_You_ ran into _me_!" he defended, pinching his eyebrows together in that funny little way he always did. When I first lived with him, he was far too nice and always asked a hundred questions. As time went on, he became more and more tired with me until he was just tired and angry all the time. "Where's Antonio?" He asked, looking around me.

"The hospital." I answered, a hint of poison laced into my voice.

"What happened to him?"

"He looked at your ugly face." I countered immediately. I had picked that one up from Antonio and Francis.

His displeasure grew. "Look, we've had our rough patch. Can we just _try_ to not hate each other?"

I gave my attention back to the mural on the ceiling as if I didn't care. It was a good trick I had picked up from Antonio for looking cool. "Mm." I grunted, not defining an answer.

"I can see that you haven't become any less stubborn." He noted with a scowl and to that, I extended my middle finger at him. That's what humans do rather than biting their thumbs.

Still, the Brit remained his temper, sighing to relieve some of the pressure from his internal steam engine. "Let me buy you a coffee." He offered, extending the olive branch we so desperately needed between us.

"Antonio says I can't drink coffee." I informed him. That was true. He had told me that it would give me mood swings, just like him.

"Do you do _everything_ he tells you to do?" He asked, truly surprised by my obedience.

"Yes, for the most part. He never asks very much of me and I _am_ his now so I owe it to him."

"You blood bonded?" He asked, still shocked. I nodded. "Really?" He asked, cocking his head and smiling with interest. I nodded again, guilty and proud. Fairies only blood bond once and it doesn't work unless the counterpart has the same feelings. Not many fairies successfully blood bond. It was a connection meant for friends who have conquered a war side by side or sisters who have relied all their secrets in each other or…lovers. It's a promise to never abandon or fall unloyal to the other.

"Common, I'll buy you a drink." He offered and began to walk off, forgetting his prejudices against me. I took my bags and trailed behind. He took me to the employee café, since it was much cheaper than the tourist cafeteria and we got drinks. He ordered a hot tea and I chose a Nesquick chocolate milk from the mini fridge. He paid for the both of us and we sat at a table against a window that overlooked the now glowing city.

"So what was it like?" He asked eagerly.

"It tingled." I answered simply.

"What did it feel like after the bonding?" He clarified, scooting closer in his chair.

I could help the smile from dragging across my face. He insisted I tell him about the 'Evig bane'. Once the bonding is complete, the fairy will have to go through a change that helps them accommodate for two persons. Fairies and humans alike are a naturally selfish species. A mind is made for a singular body and therefore it's main concern is it's assigned form but when Evig bane occurs, a mind is suddenly conscious of two forms and weighs them both equally. You suddenly care for that other just as much as you care for yourself. It's said that Evig bane occurs so that two who deserve to be together can never be separate with out a way to find each other and it also makes sacrifice for the other much easier.

"My heart… it began to beat at an indescribable pace. It only lasted five or so seconds but in that time it must have beat a hundred times. Afterward, I couldn't breath and I was exhausted but it released something into me… _something exciting_… I was so excited and so happy…" I explained as I fiddled with the plastic on the bottle. Heat had filled my face, even making my eyes warm. The smile wouldn't leave. I tried to bite my lip and purse them together but they refused. They were happy.

"_That's amazing…_"Arthur breathed, consumed by my recollection. "Do you think he felt it too?"

"I'm not sure… I think so. He got very affectionate after that." I felt like a childish girl. Back in my tribe, the young girls would abandon their chores half way though the day and meet up behind houses so they could gossip about anything they wanted. They'd get themselves a lick'n later in the day and they'd be giggling about it the next. Antonio wouldn't hit me anyways, he hits like a girl.

"Extraordinary! When will Antonio be released from the hospital?" He finally picked up his tea and had a sip.

"Hopefully soon. He's almost better." For some reason, I had totally forgotten that I hated this man.

"Where are you staying? His apartment?"

"Mm-hm." I opened my chocolate milk and took a gulp. Fairies don't drink milk from any creature other than their mothers so it was weird thinking that humans would drink a cow's milk. What was weirder was thinking that there were chocolate cows.

"So… you two are a couple." He asked, giving me a sly smile.

"Two of _anything_ is a couple." I corrected even though I was fully aware of what he was asking.

"You're not worried about that? You're okay with… how he is?" Arthur asked. I realized he must know about Antonio's sickness as well, probably from Francis.

"No, it doesn't bother me. I trust him. He's really a good man, I hope you know that. It's just that he can get a little anxious or scared." I answered with confidence. Truthfully, I _was_ worried. There would be bad days and good days. There might be a time he'll grab me by my hair or hit me with intended force but I wouldn't have made that bond with him if I didn't think I could help him do better. He was sick, there wasn't a dispute about that. He was sick and he would need help his whole life but I knew that beyond that sickness there was a man I loved and who loved me. Fine, maybe I _did_ love him. He was a good, righteous man. He was kinder than any creature had the ability to be. He was nurturing and loving and exciting. I wasn't going to give him up to a sickness that I could help him fight. He was mine and I was his.

"I expected this, you know." He told me, smiling. "When we talked on the phone, when he came back for you. I knew this would happen."

I told him that I hadn't the slightest clue at that point and we continued to talk for hours. The world got dark with the exception of the city. It was a city of constant day light. When I looked out the window I saw millions and millions or glistening specs. It was so beautiful.

I finally saw what Antonio saw. It was a city unlike any other city. You can hate some parts and love it all none the less. It was so diverse, everything was always happening, people always going places, things always changing. It was a city _meant_ for adventure… for daring conquests.

Arthur gave me a ride since his shift had ended when we ran into each other. I decided I didn't hate him anymore. I had never ridden on a motorcycle before and I was glad Antonio wasn't there to see me scream my brains out. When I got up to Antonio's little apartment, I found that the elderly neighbor had vacuumed and dusted and even taken down the mountainous laundry while we were gone. I made sure to stop by and thank him.

I slept soundly that night, either from pure exhaustion or the overwhelming scent Antonio had left on his sheets. I was counting the minutes until I could visit Antonio in the morning, I planned on spending as much of my day with my new found love as the hospital would allow. Though, of course, I would never say that out loud.

(Thank you for reading. Here are some notes:

This will _probably_ be the only chapter written from Lovino's perspective. I just though it might be nice to not have the story stuck in the hospital for the ninth chapter in a row. Evig bane is Norwegian for eternal path. I made a lot of jokes about things some people might be offended by so I hope you can forgive me for that. Lastly, if you are in an abusive relationship please don't think how Lovino does at the end. It's good for fiction, not for real life.)


	18. Just Sleep

BLOG FAIRY

Just sleep

**I was awful nervous as time went on without Lovino. I didn't know where he was or what he was doing. He could be hurt or scared or lonely… I was getting twitchy, I really was. Every time Tammy knocked at the door, I was hoping Lovino would be with her. I was lost without the kid.**

**I really couldn't think of anything much better to do than look at stuff miserably and consider the most painful of possibilities for my young love.**

**Among my worst fears was the possibility that my culture would have stolen him away, raped his innocence, bloodied his curiosity. I had always admired, **_**coveted**_** even, his precious wholesome nature.**

**He was a good-natured boy. He didn't expect more out of life than what was given to him. He simply lived and knew when his desires were true enough to be considered a fault or a right. He never cried unless he was truly obliged to do so and he never sang unless he was divinely inspired.**

**He is not swayed by the morals of common belief. He is not moved by tidal waves, he is not unsteadied when the earth shifts under his feet.**

**Lovino is nothing more than he appears to be but also so much more than expected. Lovino is a force not easily broken. He is not weathered. He is not apathetic. He is not a sheep to a flock. Lovino is Lovino and no amount of skill or care could create another.**

**When I loved Lovino… the moment I decided to give him my unconditional love, I decided to do so with everything I have. I never once blackened his name in my mind and there wasn't a single second that I loved him anymore or any less than the second before.**

**Lovino means more to me than any amount of people or money and that would be true, even on my deathbed. No one could hope to love another the way I loved Lovino.**

**There was so much to that boy… maybe more than I'll ever learn. Anything was possible when he smiled. His smile… was a boisterous call to the future, providing hope to human life. I felt like I was the luckiest man to ever walk the face of the earth when he opened his lips into an innocent smile. Surely, no wrong could be done in this world. Surely, the cries of the pained had hushed. Surely, the snow in Manhattan would spring flowers.**

**When that boy smiled at me… no face had ever been so happy. No song had ever been sung with a more content beauty. Nowhere on Earth, on humanity, on **_**me**_** was there a blemish he had not accepted.**

**When that boy smiled at me… there had never been two happier people.**

There was one single thing, _one thing_, I didn't miss about Lovino and that was waking up far before the sun even had a chance to reach our hemisphere every morning. I slept that morning like I didn't have a reason to get up. When I was finally awoken, it was by the one beautiful red-head I had been hoping to see.

"Baby…" I lazily murmured once my tired eyes met his. With a sloppy smile I sat up and welcomed him to the warmed bed as well as giving him a proper greeting for the new day.

"I'm not a baby." Was all he said in response and sat beside me.

"Tired?" I whispered. He nodded and yawned to prove his point. Next, he dug his hand around the plastic bag he had brought with him, only pulling it out once he had successfully found two warm bundles of tin foil. "It's a democratic wiener." He told me before I could ask. "They're pretty good, I had one yesterday."

"Did you?" I asked rhetorically and held out a ready hand, yet he didn't give it to me. He kept it to himself. Looking down with a secret lust.

"I want this…" He mumbled, bringing it closer and looking with pleading eyes at me. I laughed. He was such a beautiful little innocent.

"Then you can have it." I told him. He wasn't appeased with my answer, studying the precious silver rock.

"No… no I can't…" He whispered, regret drenching his voice.

"Why not? I gave it to you." I insisted, still smiling like a love-struck juvenile.

"Because I can't. I got it for you and it's charity. I'm a human now…I do charity." He reasoned. I refrained from pointing out that giving away other people's money wasn't charity. He was uniquely, impeccably, amazingly gorgeous in his attempts to learn love.

"Lovi, eat it. It's okay." I offered again but he desperately shook his head and shoved them both into my lap. He repeated the chant of 'take it' and growled at my disobedience to his order.

"You didn't bring any breakfast for yourself?" I asked, slowly removing the tin wrap.

Instead of answering with words, he dug into his plastic bag again and removed a bag of potato chips. "Mr. Obama gave this to me for free." He told me. I could be crazy… or he could have actually just said that Barack Obama gave him a bag of potato chips.

"Who?" I asked in disbelief.

"The President man…" He clarified.

"Where!?" It must be a mistake…and yet he was so sure of himself. He confirmed with a nod.

"I saw Sanna too. At the underground time travel machine." He said each of these things as if they were as simple as knowing the difference between right and left.

"What on Earth are you talking about?" I mumbled. Lovino wasn't crazy… was he?

He sighed, annoyed with my repetitive confusion. "Yesterday I bought a hot dog from and today, the man who sold me my ticket for the underground bus was Sanna. White beard and jolly face."

I continued to question him until I was finally able to receive the whole story through fragments of fact hidden amongst his words. Apparently, a person of dark skin and the word democrat together could only occur when President Obama was concerned. Also, he knew nothing about Santa Clause and was convinced he must have been an evil tyrant of some nature.

I ate a hot dog, forcing him to take a bite for every one I took and explained that our president lives in a place called the white house in a special place known as the district of Columbia. With enough explanation, he was able to understand that and yet, Santa Clause was a far too complicated figure for him to understand.

I continued to tell him about Christmas and Santa but he refused to believe that the fat man was anything other than a force of evil. If two year old children could get it, I knew I could somehow work it into his mind. Again and again, he refused my theories. On one hand, it was frustrating but on the other, it would be interesting to see his reaction when presents mysteriously appeared in the apartment, marking for his taking.

That is, unless, he sees them as threats or attempts at endangering his life and burns down the building…that would be bad.

We ate the hot dogs together. He protested at first but soon got used to the procedures. I'd take a bite and turn it his direction so he could do as I had and so it continued till both were gone. He showed me the collection of trash he'd found which consisted of a flyer for a tanning salon, the top half of a broken statue of liberty magnet, three unmatched earrings, a pink and black checkered shoelace and a labeled napkin from 'Democratic Wieners'. He was very proud of himself for finding other's lost valuables. I complimented him on each discovery and made sure he knew to avoid picking up things like needles and band aids. He knew not to eat food from strangers or take things that weren't his. He learned more every day.

After breakfast, he enlightened me with the complete story of his night. Truthfully, I was a bit annoyed to hear of Arthur's presence. Sure, he knew fairies better than just about anyone but I was always nervous when bringing such a perfect specimen like Lovino around him. I was sure he'd want to dissect in search of pixie dust. I gave him a brief over view of human religions and Picasso until the fabled arrived, on a perfect schedule.

He noticed the fairy the moment he walked in. "I was under the impression you'd been discharged."

"Visiting hours." The pix answered coolly.

"I see." He agreed, picking my designated clip board up from the desk and briefly checking it over while still sparing questioning glances at the boy. "Right, well, Mr. Carriedo, we have an evaluation scheduled for today. Do you feel that you're prepared for that?"

"Mm-hm." I grunted, signaling to Lovino that it might be time for him to step out. As soon as he stood though, Doctor Schroeder gave him a halt gestured and asked him to stay for the first portion. Grandpa Grizzly was called in as well and made his first order of business to wink at Lovi.

"I'm just going to ask you a series of questions, very simple. All I want you to do is answer them truthfully and straight forward. Alright?" He looked up from the paper at the both of us who sent a collective nod. "First, could you two state your names, professions, and how you became introduced to each other?"

"Yes." Lovino answered with a cocky grin playfully bounding across his face. Me and Pops chuckled, hushing under the glare of Mr. White-coat-I'm-so-cool.

"My name is Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, I don't really have a job right now and me and Lovino met through a mutual friend." I explained. I was surprised that Lovino was able to understand the go-with-it look. He was a clever boy, really.

"I'm called Lovino, I'm looking for a job and I met Antonio through a mutual friend." He said.

"Lovino…is that your first or last name?" Schroeder asked, pen in hand, ready to jot down his answer.

"It _is_ my name." He clarified, confused by the question.

"What is your _full _name?" he asked again.

"Is my name not full enough for you?" Lovino demanded.

"Doctor, in his culture, he was only given one name." I informed.

"Is that so? What's your culture, Mr. Lovino?"

"Italian." I interrupted. It was the first thing that came to mind with his strangely half Spanish accent. Lovino quickly nodded in acceptance to my answer.

"I see." He said, excepting the odd answer for favor of not arguing it. "So tell me about your family." He leaned forward and crossed his legs, trying not to seem threatening.

"I have a family of a father and mother and younger brother."

"Do they still live in Italy?"

"Yes." He lied.

"Alright." He noted, scribbling onto his board. "And they know about you and 's involvement? They're supportive?"

"Yes, they know I live with him."

"Are you two romantically involved?"

"He's my best friend and we live together. Is that romantic?"

"No, not necessarily. Mr. Lovino, help me understand just what it is you two have? What's the connection now? You two seem extremely fond of the other."

"It's nothing. Absolutely nothing." The boy hissed in such a way that it swept away the faculties I had known of. My chest tightened…my throat caught and held every painful breath. He said it in a way that made me believe him…in such a natural way that I questioned whether it was the truth of his words that put a sharp edge on it or if he may just be an impeccable actor.

dismissed the question with a wave of his hand, seeing that he wouldn't be getting the answer he was looking for from the little one and instead graced me with his full attention. " -"

"Call me Antonio." I suggested, desperately. Normally, I wouldn't seek such a futile show of emotion from him but I needed it now. I was getting edgy…I was getting nervous over nothing again…

It's not like I could stop my mind from doing the crazy things it does. I kept asking me, over and over, _what kind of love does Lovino feel for you? You believed what you wanted to believe, maybe you saw him in a way he wasn't… does he like you as much as you think he does?_ That in itself was enough to start tearing at me, to make my skin prickle and itch. Lovino noticed this change instantly. He scooted his hand closer to mine, trying to relax me but I straight forward ignores his attempts.

"Alright…Antonio…. Are you feeling well today." The doctor asked.

"Mm. Fine." I mumbled, a rehearsed response. I could see by the way Lovino looked at me that he was chewing his tongue and trying to find the words quench the fire that had just ignited.

"You said you're unemployed currently, right? Where were you employed before? Did you like that?"

"Sure I did." I coughed. You know that awful feeling you get when you know something's going to happen? Y'know. Your skin get this deathly stale chill over it as is you're just waiting for someone to come up from behind and strangle you. Right now, I was getting that feeling.

"Where did you work?" He reiterated.

"Met. Art Museum." My nervousness didn't once break its grip on me and it was obviously attracting attention.

"Is something wrong?" He asked again. "Maybe… we should do this later?"

I shook my head. "No." He hesitantly complied, offering me a new question.

"Do you have many friends in the city, ?"

"Antonio."

"Right, sorry. Antonio."

"Yeah, I have a few friends."

"Would you say more friends than you did in Spain?"

"Uh…yeah… yeah. More."

"And you say your job was going well for you, -"

"Ant-" I started to correct.

"Antonio. I'm sorry. Your job was going well for you, Antonio?"

"Yeah."

"Can you tell me about that?"

"Uh… it was fine, y'know. Just doing normal stuff…"

"Alright. What about relationships? Have you had many romantic relationships in the past?"

"A few."

"How many is a few, Mr.C-"

"ANTONIO!" I barked suddenly without meaning to. Silence hushed over the room… except in my ears where I could hear the harsh drumming oh my blood pulsing my veins and those bitter voices of my doubt whispering the insanities I had been ignoring._ He doesn't call you by your name because he doesn't see you as a person… nobody does. You're just their problem. You're sick, Antonio. You've been sick for a very long time._

I tried to close them out but I couldn't, seeing as I was the one making them up to begin with. _Why can't you be normal? You want to be, don't you?_ I jammed my ears shut with my palms to block the ringing. _Now, look what you did… you frightened Lovino. He must hate you now._ I told myself that that wasn't true. I told myself I was just being paranoid and that if I calmed down I'd be able to stop thinking like that.

My eyes wandered beside me where the fairy boy sat. He was scared. I _had_ scared him. He looked to me as if I weren't the Antonio he'd held hands in the rain with anymore. I don't blame him for that. I wasn't. this was a different side of me, slowly bubbling itself to the surface. It was a side I'd always hated.

The first one to my defense was Grandpa Grizzly who pried a hand away from my ear so he could ask if I had taken my pills recently. I told him that I had gone to sleep early yesterday and forgotten and this morning I was too busy talking with Lovino. I was immediately dragged out to the hall.

"What's wrong with you?" He demanded, knowing this was only partially the disease and partially because I was closing myself up.

"Nothing's wrong, I'm fine."

"Bullshit, Antonio. _Fine_ people don't act like this and I know for a fact that it's not just the BPD. What's going on with you? Why are you acting like this?"

"I'm…" I wasn't sure how to say it. Scared Lovino didn't love me? Scared that he wouldn't love me, no matter how hard I worked? Scared I was just a problem to him? Finally I came up with the words to sum it all up. "…scared I'm actually crazy."

"_Are you_ crazy?" He asked, looking me in the eyes. "Because the Antonio I knew wasn't crazy but I guess it's not for me to decide."

"I don't know…"

"Then listen here. We're going to go back in there, you'll answer their questions and we'll get you dismissed as soon as we can, alright. Don't you want to go home?"

I nodded.

"Good. Now, if you want to go home with that boy, you better act a whole hell of a lot better than you are right now. You got me?"

I nodded again. He patted my arm and gave me a moment to cool down before whispering "Don't you dare harm a single hair on that boy's head." As we went back in. I sat back down on the bed only to find that Lovino had moved himself farther away._ He __**does**__ hate you. How could he not? Look, it's so obvious._ This time is was a little bit easier to set those thoughts aside and focus on the task at hand.

"Are you feeling better?" asked.

"Mm-hm." I confirmed and snook another glance at the red-headed pix. He was nervous. He was afraid of me but too proud or confident to show it.

"Good. I'm glad to hear that. So, _Antonio_, how about you tell me about your apartment then. How big is it?"

"One kitchen, one living area, a bathroom and a bedroom."

"That's enough for two people?" He asked, slightly shocked.

"It was enough when I bought it."

"What are the sleeping arrangements like?"

"I have a bed."

"For _two_ of you?"

"Hey, I said it's nothing romantic, got it?" The little one chirped in, becoming annoyed.

"I'm not trying to say it is. I'm just mentioning that it's a little strange for two full-grown men to share a bed."

"Well maybe it's very cold there and we _need_ to sleep in one bed?"

"I'm not accusing-"

"Well stop it. I'm not interested in him and he's not interested in me. We won't ever be so drop it-"

"Shut up, Lovino." I growled under my breath. He didn't believe at first that the words actually fell from my mouth but they did, none the less. Right out as if I hadn't even considered it before it was freely floating amongst the air.

"What?" He whimpered, disbelief haunting his words.

I had no idea what I was doing. It was like that switch just suddenly flipped, turning me into someone I knew I wasn't. "I said shut up. I don't get how you can say that so coolly."

"I don't get what you mean…" He added in a tiny voice as if begging me not to blow the cover I had told him to keep.

"You can say all that shit about not loving me but I'm not an idiot so shut up. You _have_ to love me, right? I've worked too hard…I've seen too much, _felt_ too much for you to not love me. I don't get it!" That when my nerves finally caught up with me, like a train that suddenly stalls and waits for the last cart to budge it's way up. "Why aren't you happy!? I do everything I can to make to happy but you can still say you don't love me like that!?"

"Antonio!" He cried, realizing that something was so very wrong…and indeed, it was. My mind was overridden with this mecca of disturbed thoughts, blaming Lovino for any hint of disloyalty . Unfortunately, he was not the kind of boy that would sit patiently. No…he stood right up, confident as all hell, and yelled back into my face. "Don't you ever tell me to shut up! I have every right in the world to speak to you and you better fuck'n listen! Got it, Bastard!?"

"You want to leave me! I can see it! The way you look at me when I'm like this! You want to leave me but you can't! You can't leave me! We've built too much together!"

"I can do anything I want, Antonio! Don't you go thinking that I _need_ you! I could leave if I wanted to! In fact, it would make my life a hell of a lot easier but I won't because I _want_ to be here, dammit! Do you think I _like_ this!? Do you think I want to be here, fighting with you!? Do you think I want any of this!? No! I don't! But I have to have it if I want the real Antonio so shut your stupid face and be god damn appreciative!"

I wasn't listening to what he was saying. I was too far gone…too far from Antonio. All I could hear were those awful whispers of doubt. _He's betraying you! How dare he! How dare he! After everything you did for him! He hates you! He wants to leave you! Doesn't he know the hell you go through for him!_

Then they said one thing…one thing that changed everything…

_Teach him a lesson. Make sure he appreciates all your hard work…make sure he won't run away from you…_

There are no words to express how much I hate this part of me. There is no way I can convey my regret for doing this… or even just my regret for being born. I hit Lovino…. Yes, I did. I raised a hand to him and used force against his gentle face. I smacked my fist as hard as I could into his check, sending him whirling to the ground and just in that moment, I woke up…

It took me a minute to see the consequences of my actions but when I did, I felt the worst pain possible for a human. The way he looked at me…so betrayed. With one hand he cupped the bruising skin and with the other he supported his body on the ground. What got to me the most was his face. It was so shocked…so heartbroken as if he didn't believe I'd actually do that to him. Tears bubbled up and dribbled down his cheeks while we refused to break I contact with me.

I'll never forget those eyes… those piercing eyes. It was as if they couldn't believe I was inhabiting Antonio's body while still being so far from the man they knew. They were asking, _Why…? Why would you hurt me? Was I bad? Was I wrong?...Are you still my Antonio…?_

"Oh my god…mi bambino…" I gasped. I was so still…so broken. I couldn't think of another thing to do or say other than muttering 'no' with utter displeasure to the whole world.

No, I couldn't have done that…I love him.

No, life couldn't be this cruel.

No, this wasn't how it was supposed to work! THIS WASN'T HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO WORK! THIS COULDN'T BE TRUE! I COULDN'T HAVE! NO! NO!NO!

I burst into an unforgiving fountain of tears and tried my very hardest to beg Lovino or the doctors or god or _anybody_ to forgive me. I begged fate to change, to take back this wicked curse. I begged life to end so I wouldn't have to see another day, living as a prisoner to this disease that would only rot away at my humanity and force me to hurt the ones I love.

As my last prayer, I begged that the shot they were injecting into me would finally end me. I begged for them to remove their pinning force on my limbs and let me never move again. I didn't want to live in this world anymore. Not in a world where I have to obey the whims of a progressing slave master who lived inside my own body. Not in a world where I can only be with my true love when they're ready to pin me down and sedate me on a moment's notice. Not in a world where love is so easily hidden beneath destruction. Not in a world where I could hurt my true, precious, amazing, beautiful, perfect little gift.

I wouldn't live in this world for a moment longer if that were an option. When I was abruptly put to sleep, I heard this voice that I knew better than anyone's. It said, "Just sleep…just sleep. This is going to be okay…I can fix this…we're going to be okay….I'll get you out of here someday." That last part was barely a sobbing whisper, spoken with such tender beauty that I knew only one child in the world could offer such an innocent mission.

That wouldn't help me now though. There was more bloody truth yet to come. I wouldn't be leaving the hospital anytime soon. I wouldn't be free…my life would once again be comprised into an agenda of pill taking. I'd be sick…and only getting worse. I'd end up dead in a mental home with the only thing to show for in my life being the withered old man sitting beside me who I had successfully drained the life away from.

I couldn't do that. I couldn't bare the thought of leading either my or Lovino's life down that path. There was only one option left and it would be the decision that would finally end the flaw god had created. I would leave this world… in hopes of not doing far too much damage during my time.

( I apologize. Fanfiction does a pretty awesome job of deleting names and it's especially fond of taking out the name Carriedo. During the interview, Antonio gets angry because keeps calling him Mr. Carriedo. you for reading! All comments, questions, concerns are appreciated! I was so so so so tempted to end the story here but I decided against it so, yes, there will be more.

Explanation: You don't have to read this, I know they become so boring. It's really to help your understanding. Please let me know if the language is too weird or the symbolism too complicated for you.

Alright, so in that opening monologue there is one simple message to be conveyed. Antonio admires Lovino's role in society so much that it becomes a huge factor of his love for the other. Antonio has had such a difficult path in society, trying to find his place or resist the pressure so when he sees this boy who disregards all social trends or ideology, it's mind blowing. So much so that it becomes cutting edge to him. Lovino is exciting and special and innocent to the corruption of the world. That's all. I was just hoping it wouldn't be too confusing. P.S. have you noticed that Antonio's a super hypocrite and contradictive? He just is, it's part of his personality. He has a very unstable life, from how he thinks to how he acts. He says one thing and does another. This is important to me because I've been trying to intermingle him with Holden Caulfield, seeing as it's the perfect character connection for him. P.P.S: Toni is not schizophrenic. That's simply his inner doubt, the metaphorical voice of the mood swings.)


	19. The Blogger and the Fairy

BLOG FAIRY

The blogger and the fairy

**Finally consciousness leaked through me again, letting my mind travel the fantasies that had consumed it before. I was sure now. It wasn't a question, it was a solution. It was the only solution I saw fit. **

**I don't think anybody can really consider the truth of death until they're face to face with it. It was, at first, a beyond terrifying though but it settled itself very quickly. Now it was simply a sentence or even a judgment that I was going to carry out. I was going to die. I had accepted that much. Maybe I had been meant for that since the very beginning…maybe I was just running on luck and I shouldn't have made it that far to begin with.**

**Regardless, it was the end. This is where my story leads me. If you stuck around this long, then I'm sorry. Maybe you shouldn't have started this story after all… maybe you should have seen this coming. I think we all did but we were silenced by the grotesque imperfections of this world that drove fear deeply into the heart of all of us. No one wants to see how cruelly fate can manipulate our lives so we remain silent and accept it the best we can.**

**This is my story. It started in a hospital bed and will end in one. In this story, I learned to love truly and I learned about happiness. I now know that there is so much more than predictable sequences, played out by the mimes of the earth. In my life, I saw the ability to make another happy. I held his hand and kissed him soft and treasured his every smile and for that, I have exceed the expectations of any human life.**

**So was the blogger and the fairy. Two fools who found love and selfishly tore at its virtues. They pushed the limits. They hid the shame. The laughed at imbecile thoughts and lastly, they lost it all. So was the story of the blogger and the fairy.**

I was inclined to open my eyes once I felt that sleep had become too much for my mourning body to bare. In the corner of the room, perched on a plastic hospital chair and reading a newspaper, was that lovely little boy. The dim lights fabricated his hair into a blood red, velvety mass of hell fire. He continued to scan his eyes over the words in his lap, either unknowing of my consciousness or outwardly ignoring it.

According to the fluorescently sparking digits displayed on the side table, it was well into the night. I wondered why he was even still here…or awake for that matter. I watched him with humble silence, waiting for him to finish his paper or give me his attention. Minutes passes…then an hour…then he finally spoke to me.

"You know I can't read your language." He pointed out, his words grazing the surface of our religious silence.

"I do." I whispered in response. I knew he had no interest in reading the paper, even if only to study the indecipherable characters. They only part of the paper he found interesting was the fact that he could ignore me and simply stare blankly into the grey literature.

Silence followed that, he kept his eyes pasted to the paper as if they were too heavy to lift. "You're going to murder yourself?" He finally muttered. Those words were so delicate… they sunk heavy with solemn fear and barely made their way to me.

"How…" I began.

"We're connected… _I know you_ …" he tensed those last words so carefully, begging me silently to see the full meaning in them.

I considered my answer a few times. I mauled it around in my head and worked my tongue over the vowels. Yet, I couldn't find a way to answer him. " I'm sorry…"

"What say you?" He demanded instead of accepting my plea for peace.

"I am." I told him.

Silence followed more silence and minutes dredged along. There was no answer from the younger. "Will you forgive me?" I asked, trying to find the eyes that refused to meet mine.

"My forgiveness is insignificant." He answered.

"That's not true." I objected.

"It is. You do not need my forgiveness, you need your own…and that is not for me to give. You will do what you do… I'll not blame or condemn you."

"Are you saying that you're okay with this?"

"Antonio…" He sighed. "I want you to live. Don't believe that I wish for your blood but if you choose death, then you must make it right with yourself."

I nodded and let myself replay his words, dissecting them and understanding them for what they're worth. Silence found us again, masking even our breaths.

"What is death like? Can you tell me?" Lovino asked, still not removing his head from its rejecting glare downward.

"Don't worry about that." I told him, preferring to not cause him an unnecessary pain.

"I was wondering about that god… the god of the big white church….is he a good god?"

"The catholic god? I've been catholic my whole life so, yeah, he's a good guy."

"Is he the god of the underworld?"

"Why?"

"Do you think he'll like me? I was hoping to meet him Christmas…I wanted to go to mass with you… but if we meet him-"

"Hold on. Lovino, you're not going with me." I told him sternly.

"I am." He lifted his head this time, letting me see his eyes which had taken to a haunting night-owl glow. They pierced violently into the darkness, shimmering their golden translucency. I had never seen a human's eyes reflect light with such amazing tranquility, they put owls to shame.

"Your eyes…" I whispered in shock.

"Do you understand the full details of our contract?" he asked, promptly ignoring me.

"Lovino, _you're not coming with me_."

"_**I am**_. I marked you… I bonded _my_ blood with _yours_."

"What?"

"In my culture… in the world of the fairies… bonding is a commitment. You've promised to never leave me, never go to a place in which I can't find you. You can't leave me… you can't separate yourself from me… _our blood says so_."

"Lovino? What are you saying?"

"I can't leave you, I _won't leave you_. When I made that bond with you, I swore to all forces good and evil that I would be with you through any obstacles. If you leave me, I _will_ follow. All forces of good and evil will hold me accountable to that promise… our secrets will die together."

I hadn't an answer to give him. What was there to do? I would be killing the_ both_ of us? What's better, to end an evil along with an innocent or let them live but run the risk of creating two unhappy, pained, miserable, sorrow-filled lives? Do you kill a lion so he does not eat the lamb or do you kill the lamb so he does not tempt the lion? Isn't a death still a death, no matter the glorious scale? How do we decide when one life is more important than another? If a god kills a man, isn't the death all the same as if the man were killed by a monster.

If the lion and the lamb fall in love… do will kill them both to prevent the appending doom of nature? When is it justice versus damnation?

"Do what you will. Make peace with yourself." He answered me.

Unfortunately, I couldn't differentiate peace from mutiny. Naturally, I would do whatever I had to to save my precious fairy but in this case…would I be saving him or condemning him? If we lived, would we both be damned to a life of mood swings, screaming, confusion and pain. I was getting worse, I could feel it. When would I eventually flip and not be able to wake up? When would be the day I kill him for saying something the wrong way or sitting on the wrong side of the table? When would I lose my humanity beyond return? When could I be recognized as a man who once lived and loved?

If I died now, would it ensure an end to this madness? Would people leave flowers on the mud above my body and forget my contributions to the world? Who would come for Lovino? Who would make sure he was buried at my side? Who would make sure someone came to his funeral and justified his life? Would any remember the beautiful miracle with the bouncing curl and the big innocent smile? Was there a hope? Even a glittering hope? Was there _really_ a way to make me better? Would enough therapy fix me?

Maybe I could get better…_maybe_. Maybe I could go back home with Lovino someday. Maybe we could live happily. Maybe I could hold him and kiss him without the fear of snapping his ribs.

"Do you think I'll get better?" I asked, scared of getting an answer.

"I think you're a good man. I wouldn't have made that commitment if you weren't the most special person to me."

"Lovino…how do you feel about me?"

He didn't answer me for the longest time. He looked into my eyes, searching as deep into my soul as he could. "I…..I feel things for you… that I shouldn't. I….I…..mm.." He whimpered, struggling to get the words up his throat.

"Just say it. Please…I need to hear it as truthfully as you can say it."

"I…." He took a deep breath before lowering his eyes in defeat. "I love you."

My heart took a breath, my body melted and I forgot every ounce of pain that I once knew. He loved me. _He loved me_… I had awaited those words with such lust. It felt like running a marathon. When you cross that finish line, hot, weary, out of breath… it becomes completely worth it. Your feet ache from the treacherous journey but once you hear your loved ones cheering for you, a miracle occurs and you're healed. The beads of sweat are quickly replaced with tears of joy. Cramping sides are nourished with tight hugs.

That's how I felt. As if the race were finally over and I had come in first. All the stress, the ache, the devouring pain… it was gone once those prolonged words nestled into the air between us. I was a winner…for the first time ever… I was a winner. "What took you so long?" I whispered before pressing my palms into my eyes and breaking out into sobs.

I was so happy. Three words could cure it all…and they did. So happy…_so god damn happy_. Maybe I had been needing that this whole time. I replayed those words over again and again. _I love you….I love you…__**I love you!**_

Lovino, silent as a ghost, walked over to my bead and stood before my crumpling figure. "Does that make you sad?" He asked in a shy voice. That was my Lovino. The one I had known and loved. A curious, innocent, remarkable treasure that I had received as a far too generous gift from a god that I'm sure is responsible for all good happenings.

"I'm not sad." I gagged out through the sobs. "I just… I love you so much…"

Little warm arms flung themselves around me with protective intent. My arms returned the affection fully, grabbing him and flopping him onto the bed beside me. He wasn't scared of me anymore. He nuzzled his head against my chest and sang, "We're going to be okay." In his sweet little voice.

"I don't know about that." I told him as my unstopping tears dampened his hair.

"Weep no more. You'll get better, I know that you will." He held no hostility against me as he usually did. He instead devoted himself to the hot sensation both of us felt in our hearts.

"And if I don't?" I asked, clutching him against me for safety.

"Are humans always this negative?"

"Sometimes." I answered with a pleased chuckle.

"I have lost enough in my life to know when something is deserving of all your protection. Antonio, I've lost _everything_. I shouldn't be afraid of losing things anymore but I am. I won't lose you."

"I'm not a good person. Please know that."

"On the contrary, you are the most good of all the creatures I've known. Humans love is… so different from what I have known. A fairy woman cannot leave her man. It is said that doing such is an act of defiance, an attempt to dishonor her spouse and it is a man's job to extinguish her life for such. Here, this race, it is so different. Those who kill are punished and love is true. A woman who leaves a man is a martyr and a man who kills his wife is a tyrant. Humans are inherently good creatures and so are you."

"How do you know I won't kill you some day?" I asked, the question shuddering me with fear of it' truth.

"You won't. You are good. You may act violently towards me sometimes but it is to fault of the god of the evil. Because your soul is so righteous, the god of good would not allow evil to have its way with you to that extreme."

I smiled at his absurd theories. "But I _do_ hurt you. You don't resent me at all for that? You don't fear that?"

"Yes, I am afraid of that. No creature, good or bad, takes warmly to pain and I cannot resent you for a working that is not yours."

"But it is mine. I was born like that, it's embedded into my DNA like green eyes."

He shifted his head up so that his glittering honey orbs smiled at me. "Then you must close your eyes. I will teach you to walk blind and in return, I will be your guide." Soft, pearly lips pressed against mine gently for only a moment. "Sleep." He commanded. "And pray, be with me in the morning. I morgen vil vi alder."

I nodded and closed my eyes but didn't sleep. I thought about his words… _I morgen vil vi alder_… he had said that to me before. It was a common fairy phrase for 'good night' meaning, _tomorrow we will age_. But… should it be that way? What was right? What was I to do about my dilemma? Would I get better? Or was that hopeful lies? Was it safer to stay alive or to end it before we could be hurt beyond help? I pet Lovino's hair with a rhythm that soon lulled me back to sleep, warm at his side.

Doctor Grizzly arrived for his shift as my official baby sitter after not too long. He flicked in the florescent lamps overhead. I cringed under the extreme contrast to our comfortable darkness. Lovino ignored it, simply using my body to block the intruding light.

"Hey! I said no funny business in the hospital!" He exclaimed once seeing us in the good light. "Rabbits! Young boys are rabbits!"

"It's not what it looks like!" I defended, sitting up but finding it hard with the younger boy clinging onto my torso and growling possessively

"yeah, yeah, and I'm Dolly Parton. You two are way too comfy for this to just be a snuggle fest. Well…I guess you guys made up." He muttered 'geez, kids' under his breath and gave an almighty yawn.

"You're right. He _does_ look like a bear." Lovino said tiredly, blinking uncomfortably at the new light. I pressed a kiss to his forehead, welcoming him back to the conscious world. He scowled at me for that. Apparently, we were done being lovey-dovey. He removed his grip on me and stood up to stretch.

"Yup, that's what the ladies called me in mu' prime." He boasted, puffing his chest and lifting his jaw to highlight it's chiseled features. Lovino was far from impressed by this. In fact, he sighed with an annoyed boredom and rolled his eyes. I burst out laughing at the boy. How had he become so sassy!? He hadn't learned it from me so where was the princess getting this all mighty nobility? It was hilarious!

Neither of them seemed to understand my joke which was obvious by their confused stares. I stood up and pressed my lips joyously against my lover's cheek. He screeched in disapproval and swatted me away but I paid it no mind. He had said he loved me, he couldn't take that back anymore.

"So, Toni boy." Gramps crossed his arms after addressing me. "Looks like you're not doing so hot."

"I feel better now. I'm ready to go home." I told him, smile gallant on my face.

"Course you are. Let me sign you out right now."

"That would actually work out quite well. Do that for me, won't you?" Lovino interrupted, not understanding the sarcasm.

"I would love to, Sonny. I really would but you're boyfriend here is an idiot."

"Yes, I know that."

"Well, because of that, he ain't going home real soon. He's getting moved to a psychiatric hospital until he can pass the state mandatory sanity test, orders of captain baldie." He searched around until he finally found my clip board and read over the knew scribbles.

"What test?" I asked.

'It's like this. You go to minimum ten group therapies, fifteen councilor cessions, and five motivational speeches about betting your life. If the staff pass you and curly-que here-" Gestured to Lovino "can get state certified as your responsible caretaker, then you're out. The process, if you're good, will probably be a month or so." He dug a nutrigrain bar out of his pocket and fumbled off the silver packaging.

"What?!" I asked in shock. I certainly didn't want to go there. I hated them more than hospitals. They were all a molecule away from being a morgue. Everyone there was dead or wanted to be. All the staff spoke like you were a baby, desperate for their help. They sit around, watching you, waiting for you to shit your pants or talk crazy at them. Doors were always locked and if you were a night walker, you'd get strapped down into your bed every night.

"Yah, it's true." He shoved half of the breakfast pastry into his mouth. "Oh! But you're officially financed by the gov. so you won't have to pay for it plus a huge discount on your bill here. Yaay!" He enthusiastically raised a fist but lowered it when he saw it wasn't helping my mood any. "Sorry bub. I tried to help. I can't do much for you anymore."

"I know. I'm sorry." My head flopped down as I accepted my appending fate.

"Should'a taken your pills. I don't prescribe them just to ruin your life." He added.

"Mm-hm." I agreed solemnly. A ridiculously large hand papped down on my shoulder.

"You're leaving at noon… You're gonna be okay. Alright?" I nodded and he left.

I was quiet, lost in my own turmoil of thoughts and only pulled away when a little voice beside me called my name. I looked to him and smiled as I ruffled his hair. "We're going to be okay…" I told him, surprised by my own change in mood.

"I'm gonna be allowed to visit, right?"

"Yeah, I think so. It's just like a mini vacation." I explained.

"You told me vacations are supposed to be fun."

"More or less."

"What if they don't let me see you as much as I want to?"

"Well…maybe it's for the better. I'll be going through a lot of frustrating stuff and I'd rather not get you caught in the mix of it."

"You think I'm frustrating?"

"No! no no no, baby. Not you. _Everything else_. I wouldn't want you to be there if something like yesterday goes down. You can stay home and watch Francis for me. He's going to need someone to annoy while I'm gone." He didn't smile. He diverted his gaze with a stubborn frown draped sadly over his precious face. "On that note, I never got to properly apologize to you for yesterday."

I took his face delicately in my hands and pressed a kiss as softly as I could against his cheek. "I'm sorry, amour." I whispered against the damaged, blue skin. He struggled but I held him in place and silenced his protests with another, stronger kiss. "So sorry." I told him, voice like wine. "Poor baby." I kissed him again and again until he turned his head to one of them so that our lips met. It took me by surprised but I dove back in for another and -hold onto your hats- he returned it! Before I knew it, I was resting my hands on his hips and we were kissing each other, each kiss softer and warmer than the one before.

I had learned Lovino. I knew his look, his scent, his taste… I knew his quirks and faults. I knew when a smile was real or when it was used in place of tears. I knew how to hold him so that he would melt in my arms. I knew how to play with his hair so that he would purr. I knew when that scowl was serious or playful. I knew him in a way only a lover could. Death wasn't worth loosing that.

(First, thank you for reading. Next,

Explanation: I don't actually have an explanation today but I got a request for the music I listen to when I write this story. Unfortunately, I have a lot so I just narrowed it down to four. They helped me write it, maybe they'll help you read it.

Lovino:  
Penelope's theme- The Brothers Bloom  
Les jours tristes – Amélie  
Antonio:  
Twenty Something- Jamie Cullum  
Cigarettes And Chocolate Milk- Rufus Wainright

That's all.)


	20. Burbanna

BLOG FAIRY

Burbanna

You know you've gone crazy when you start to _not_ hate being in a psychiatric hospital.

Total time in Burbanna: 59 hours.  
Burbanna is the name of the "health center"; it was someone's last name. They told me about it the first day. It's farther from my apartment than the hospital was so Lovino has to take a subway and walk four blocks now to visit me. I get so worried about him. Do you know how many muggers and perverts take the subway!? I tried telling him to not visit me anymore and instead just call me each day but he wouldn't have any of it.

Like agreed, he came every day, 2p.m-4p.m, scheduled visiting hours. He always brought me something. The first day he was stopped by the guards for trying to bring me a half empty bottle of cheapo Walmart wine. Apparently, he had discovered the dizzy pleasure of alcohol. Naturally, I gave him all the mandatory warning but I didn't really care if he drank or not. When I was a child my mother would always give me a sip of wine to stop my crying or ease my nerves, it's only a natural affection. Yesterday he came with pictures he had drawn at the park as a present for me (Though he ended up claiming them back because he liked them).

I had formed a small group of friends, also known as the people I had group counseling with and feared too much to disrespect. In order to my right, first there was Crazy Eyes John Brown. His real name was Jonathan Cabansag, age thirty-one. His eyes had this awful, sinful gleam that cried murder to its beholders. They were blue. Bright, bright, blue like the color of the sky on a morning destined for terrible happenings. We were warned before each cession to not mention gun laws around him.

Next to him was his friend, Tweaty Bird who's true name was Adam Wheaty. He earned this nickname from me after I learned how he heard voices. He had two imaginary friends named Albania and Barbados. He was an inherently quiet guy but he would keep glancing to corners of the room and shushing things. Next down the line was Shanti Pitt, fifty-four years old and the very definition of horror. She earned herself the nickname of Misery. It came from this book I read in high school, the main character being a crazy lady that meets toe to toe with this woman. She never smiled. She always sent me this evil, hard, glare whenever my eyes met her impressively large book bag.

Beside her sat Marylyn, an attractive young woman I wouldn't be able to tell you her age because it was skillfully masked beneath layers upon layers of plastic surgery, Botox and make up. I was quick to rename her Baroness Báthory. She would not miss the opportunity to mention that she was just a young lady who didn't know much better than to do whatever she had been accused of.

Then, there was Sarah Young, also known as simply, Sarah Bad. I was more friendly with this girl than any of the others but she was odd. I never knew what was wrong with her, she just always carried this dark, murky aurora. She's a nice girl but I'd never let her get within a hundred yard of Lovino for fear that her sinister storm cloud would infect him. There was something weird about her… something…_bad_. She couldn't have developed a more fitting nickname.

To my left was Stonewall Jay. His name was Jacob Darcy, of Southern New Hampshire. I had heard many stories about him and his previous lives but I wasn't sure what to believe. He seemed to be the most talked about man in all of Burbanna. The rumors ranged from extremist politician to virgin-killing Satanist. From what I had gathered (and I believe to be most true) is that he was born to a wealthy family but gave up the money for favor of a suitcase and the aspiration to be the world's next star actor. He ended up in New York, broke and crushed after people learned what a confederate nutcase he was. Still, every version of this story had managed to enchant me more, exciting my curiosities and begging for more of the mind-boggling tale.

Then there was me, Tony-Baloney, the smelly kid with the messy hair who listened to Ruthie Henshall and captured fairies. I'm not sure how exciting my story really was, though I'm sure it must seem much more interesting to others who don't know it all. It starts in Spain, a small town of fifty or so rooftops. Half of the people drink their minds out and the other half curse enough for you to believe they had been drinking nothing but rum, straight from the brew. I grew up like any other boy until soon enough, the world exploited me for my true nature. After that, it was physiatrists and therapists for years. A fateful trip to America later proved to evoke me to return on my eighteenth year of life. From there, things were smooth. That is, until I met a fairy who started this whole thing over again and taught me the true meaning of love and hopelessness.

The only bit of that story that was shared with my counseling group was the letters B.P.D and a brief description of some past incidents. We talked about feelings and life and a whole bunch of other shit but my time had been otherwise spent appreciating each lovely detail of the pix boy who would be visiting in just a few short hours.

We all received this florescent orange note cards. Printed on the front was a pledge, carefully scrolled out by the group therapist. It read:

_Anger is a feeling.  
I control it.  
It does not control me._

_I know that when I am angry, my words and actions can hurt others.  
That does not mean that I am a bad person.  
I know that I can be whoever I want to be.  
I know that I can be a better person.  
I am the only one who can control my feelings._

_Anger is a feeling.  
I control it.  
It does not control me._

That sounded pretty stupid to me. If it were _my_ choice, if _I _were able to control it then I wouldn't be there. I'd be back at home, flipping pancakes. We had to recite this before and after each meeting and when somebody started to get worked up, we chanted until they calmed down. On the back of the card, we were instructed to write just one word, something that would keep us inspired. My first reaction was to write the name of my fiery little love but I quickly changed my mind, not wanting to draw any attention to him. Instead I decorated the back with what kind of looked like a snow globe. That was a good reminder that I promised Lovino I'd get him a new, beautiful, in tact snow globe when I was out.

Two days passed this way, I ate with Sarah Bad and Stonewall Jay every day and most certainly cherished my visiting hours. This day though, I had a special task at hand…handling my mama.

Her and my father flew out yesterday and came to see me today. I knew, once I heard that characteristic tapping of heels on tile, that she had arrived. She was a sight to be seen indeed. Before you can understand her, you have to understand the man from which I descended. He was how you would imagine all aging men, a gruff looking brute, gathering his belly like we all will in our old age. He with feathered up in tuff, grey hair and stood tall like an ancient warrior. He was the kind of man you would trust and love if you knew but would hate and fear if you didn't. He was the type of father who ate their daughter's boyfriends on who ran to the market in the middle of the night to get her another box of tissues.

My mother was the opposite. Time had no hold on her what-so-ever. As she aged, time gaped in envy. She was still just as young and ferocious as she was when she was twenty. Sun-kissed skin, bushy lashes, wild chocolate tangles and long legs always outfitted in big sexy heels. Yet, she fawned over my father just as she had when they were children which made my father worthy of every jealous eye.

In short, she was a tough cookie. Gorgeous… but strong. She was a glorious nightmare. When she began to strut, the world took heed, making sure to clear the way for her. When she smiled, that pleasant but intimidating red-lipped grin, a nation fell to their knees and crowned her their leader. I don't believe she had ever been a girl, that word was practically sinly to use in her presence. She was a _woman_. She had been a woman her entire life. She was witty, beautiful, persuasive, almost a miracle of the earth...and she loved her precious son.

When they arrived, Mama dashed to my side and took me up in her arms, kissing my face and petting my hair maliciously. She called me her baby relentlessly. My father simply pondered my wellbeing as every father does, intentionally unaffectionate. I asked Mama to remove her viper grip but my requests were in vain. When the coddling subsided I was able to fill my lungs with sweet air and speak. We spoke…well, my mother asked questions and I answered in as few words as possible. I filled them in on all my daily activities, leaving out the fairy who made his appearance not ten minutes later.

That happy red-headed boy trotted in, balancing a pastry box in one hand and my favorite jacket with the Spanish futbol team's crest on the back. At first, he didn't notice the intruders, setting down the presents before looking up and meeting the curious company. He gave no attention to my father and instead studied Mama intently.

His face went from curious to confused to angry… but not just his usual angry. No, this wasn't frustration or the effects of developing hormones, this was an anger that was burning him. His look quickly switched to me, the glare hardening and becoming even more vengeful. "Who is this?" He demanded rudely, nudging her direction.

"Oh! Lovino, this is my Mama." I quickly informed him. Wait…was he…_jealous_? I saw his reaction in a whole new light, now he was even more beautiful! Such a dear little faun! His smiles, his laughs, his pouts, his grumbling… and now even his jealous accusations, they were all so comically unique. I offered him a big welcoming smile which he refused to return.

"Your mother?" The sigh of relief wasn't at all mistakable and did not go unheard.

"Hello." My mother interrupted, her winning smile flashing over her face as she stood and gripped for his hand. There were a few seconds of awkward confusion between the two, ending when Lovino finally responded to the gesture. "You know my son?" She asked, a rehearsed line of pleasant conversation.

"I know Antonio." He agreed, glancing at me for help.

"Really? How so?" She sat back down, crossing those legendary legs and giving me a 'why didn't you mention him?' look, causing me to slump lower in my seat.

"Mama, I met Lovino recently. He's a friend." I quickly noted. "In the park."

And then… he opened his mouth… this had been the downfall of so many pleasant conversations. "Antonio is my man, he is of _my_ blood now." He sassily corrected, obviously not over his possessive nature. My mother's face continued unchanged, smiling at him silently until she graced her attention back to me with the greatest 'what the fuck' face I had ever seen.

"He…he's my boyfriend." I meekly admitted and directly after, was faced with the full wrath of the woman who had once coddled me like a precious angel.

"You're what?" She growled in her ever-calm voice, laced with poison.

I explained the whole of the story, beginning with us having a good, civilized introduction before becoming friends and eventually falling in innocent love. I didn't appreciate lying to her but seriously, what else should I tell her? I found him as a seven year old, a malnourished and delusional fairy who I grew to love through a series of awkward, mentally questionable and sexually deviant reasons? Unfortunately we can't do that. My mother's interrogation turned South, aiming at the grumpy spit-fire boy.

"Lovino, is it? Right, well, you seem like a very nice boy but I don't think my son fully understands how he feels about-"

"No, I'm not confused this time." I added with a smile and an unconvincingly peppy voice.

"Antonio." She said, a 'listed to reason' tone drenching her words. "One day you're crying over Bella and the next day you're gay with a stranger? I've seen you go through your harder times, it's okay bambino. I know you're confused about a lot of things but-"

"But I'm not confused about this." Don't get the wrong idea, this was far less courageous then it seems. While the words imply that I was heroically standing up for myself, in truth, I was just barely mumbling the words as I coward closer and closer to the fairy boy who was unfazed by the danger of a devoted mother.

"Baby…you're not gay. You've never been homosexual, as long as I've known you. You're just having a hard time in your life. I know you're excited about this but don't you think that maybe…it's strange? Maybe this is just an effect of a mood swing? Do you remember that turtle phase?" My turtle phase was a long-term mood swing that consisted of me keeping a ridiculous amount of turtles in my father's shed. It only lasted about six months, then I was over it and went back to just liking turtles.

"It's not like the turtle phase! I like Lovi more than turtles!" I squeaked with more confidence.

"That's sweet. I'm sure you do. In fact, I like Lovino more than turtles too but it's unfair to go around having relationships with everyone we like, right? Isn't it strange that you would suddenly just fall in love someone you don't know, who's of a gender you never been interested in before? Are you _sure_ this is real, Toni?"

I opened my mouth to answer but a different voice took my place. "He is no longer a babe. When a child can walk and speak and possesses a useful trait, is he not independent? His failures are addressed in his own moral… he needs not a protector of his will." In that moment, the room froze over. Lovino had no idea the effect of what he had said. He was simply making a point… a point that should not be made to mothers.

Mama's smile did not return. Her mouth puckered into a tight line, her eyes pinned Lovino to the wall with her extraordinary power of telekinesis that could cripple even the strongest of men though mental destruction. "Please excuse yourself. I need to speak to my son _alone_." She ordered, not once failing to loose her perfectly mannered composure.

She and Lovino shared a good long stare down. Lovino didn't loose, as I've said, he is an undefeatable force of stubbornness. He simply got bored and decided to amuse himself with whatever was outside the room. I called out to him as he left, reminding him to not talk to strangers. The door squealed open and shut behind him. My mother's attention drove hard against me.

"Antonio…" She began, her voice urging me to say _something_ to make her understand whatever was going on in my head.

"Mama, he's good, I swear!" I cried, gaining confidence.

"I don't doubt that." She lied. "But it's not fair to that boy to do this to him. He likes you, I can tell and someday you'll stop liking him and he'll be hurt."

"I'm not going to stop liking him! I love him."

"Yes, _right now_ you do. We've experienced this same thing before, we _know _how this ends. Bella was a great girl, right? You really liked her, didn't you? You were with her for two years then one day you just decide you don't love her. The same thing happened with Anna and Lydia and Rosa and each time threw you into depression and made the mood swings worse. I don't want that to happen to you again."

"I know, but this time is for real!" I sounded so pathetic, like a child trying to get out of trouble with lame excuses and promises. "_Mamaaa_." I whined. I didn't have anything to help my case, all I could really do was insist and whine and beg.

"I'm only saying this because I love you. What Lovino said is true. You are a grown man and you can make your own decisions but as your mama, I know what's best. I've been with you this whole time. I was at the hospitals and the therapist offices. I was with you every fit you ever had. I was on the phone when you broke up with Bella. I know how this ends and I don't want that for you."

I was quite. I had no answer for her. She was my mother… I owed her some sort of ease for her nerves but there were no words that I could summon to do so. I let my eyes wander around, not raising them to meet hers. I lazily slid the jacket from the table onto my lap. My hands busied themselves in the fabric, experimenting with the textures and elasticity. "He brought this for me…" I mumbled, not any louder than the sound of the fabric rubbing together. "That was so sweet of him, I didn't even ask his to bring it… he just wanted to." My voice hesitated to hide the quivers created by the stress of the situation and the happiness in my heart. "He didn't even know it was my favorite."

Before I could control it, a salty marble of tear ran down the bridge of my nose and plopped onto the leather. My vision fogged like cold windows, the images unable to remain still in front to me. I blinked to repress anymore wetness but my efforts failed and my heart shuddered hard, causing tears to stream down on their own will. I coughed and gasped, bringing the jacket up to cover my face.

Why am I crying so much recently? I dunno. It could be the mood swings or it could just be because I'm a pussy. Right now, I was just craving it real bad. I wanted to cry and my eyes knew that so they gave me all the tears I could ever want. Like a mecca, the red-head was drawn back in by his sixth sense.

"Why his he crying?" He asked my mother, surprised. She didn't answer, seeing as she was just as confused as the rest of us. He walked up to me, standing tall and suborn as always. "Oi! Antonio, what's wrong?" He demanded, unsympathetically. Because I didn't have an answer, I didn't offer one. He sighed and cooled his tough guy act, pulling a chair up next to me and plopping his head on my shoulder like a dog would do to his owner, offering no consolation other than simple affection.

It was easy to relax with Lovino like this, soft and gentle, patiently accepting the situation and waiting without protest for it to subside on its own. It did. The pace of his breath combined with the warmth of his body was like a tranquilizer. When I was done, he pulled the jacket away from my face and gave me the same, curious, innocent look as child.

He grunted, taking the jacket from my hands and using it to dry my cold, sticky face. Uneven blotches of red remained and the swollen eyes refused to lie. He said noting. Sometimes, the best things he says are said when he's not saying anything at all. He blinked his thick brown lashes at me. He didn't ask what was wrong anymore because it didn't bother him. He only concerned himself with the here and now.

Inevitable, my smile pulled itself back together and tiredly pecked a kiss on his temple. He winced in disapproval to my affection but accepted it none the less. I grabbed him and forced a few happy kisses on him until he wriggled to freedom and forcefully moved himself away. "Antonio?" My mother interrupted, giving me a look of concern.

She looked between me and the angry elf with confusion (Note: Don't call him an elf out loud. Things get violent rather quickly). "Are you alright, honey?" She whispered.

"I'm great." I answered, unable to hide my smile. This bewildered her for a good long while. My father was unmoving, his reaction was a sigh and a readjustment in his seat, nothing more. My mother on the other hand could take off her eye makeup since her eyes were big enough to compensate for it.

"How old did you say you were?" My mother asked the pix, her red lips pursing curiously.

"Me? I am twenty years in age." I nodded, as if he needed a confirmation for such a simple fact. A tiny hope sparked in me.

"Right. And your family?"

"Italian. I have a father, mother and brother." He recited, a rehearsed story.

"Mm." She nodded, deep in thought.

"That's right, he's from Italy. I've met his parents, they're very nice." I added, that spark growing. Her smile returned to the smallest degree. She shook his hand and told him that she was pleased to meet him. By no means did she accept the relationship but she understood at least a small bit of it for now and that was enough for her to understand my happiness.

She was hard. If she wanted to say something, she'd say it. If she wanted results, she'd get them but she was also a total sucker for smiles. They were infectious to her. If someone so much as twitched a lip, hers followed.

Lovino proceed to tell me about his day once he left the visiting center yesterday. It was very adventurous. First, he lost his last loose tooth on the subway home which he put in his pocket and forgot to take out and now he currently has no idea where it is. Next, he walked to the drug store for groceries. Our cabinets are stocked with pop tarts, hot dogs and instant tea. He carried a woman's bags up the stairs for her, like he had seen me do. (Don't underestimate how much kids retain). She asked him to help her take her bulk trash down to the garbage and repaid him with ten bucks cash and an orange that her cousin from Florida had sent her. He microwave hot dogs for dinner. The first one blew up because he had programmed the microwave wrong and it cooked longer than intended. Then, he watched an episode of Game of thrones. He tried telling me about it but I hadn't the slightest clue what he was talking about. Something about princesses and kings and war and I don't know what.

He bought a can of Coke in the morning but gagged himself after the first sip, suspecting the sizzling to be caused by poison. Lastly, on his walk to Burbanna, he found a cake in a box just sitting on somebody's door step as if nobody wanted and he did not hesitate to take it.

My eyes found their way to said cake box, this time they noticed the words: "Happy anniversary" scribbled onto the side…oh god. "Lovi!" I cried.

"What?" He growled, sensing that I was unappreciative of his good deed.

"That cake was meant for someone else. You can't just take it."

"Then why the hell was it sitting out on their porch like that! Nobody was taking it! You told me that people put _trash_ on their door steps!" Wait, he was bringing me trash?

"Only in the city! People in houses have big cans for their trash and _presents_ get left on the porch."

"That's stupid! Why would you leave presents on the porch if anybody could just walk by and take them?"

"Because people know not to take them!" I nudged towards the box of cake.

"Fine! I'll just take it back!"

"You can't. They'll see you and you'll get in trouble."

"Then what do you suppose I do?!" He cried, frustrated.

"I dunno! Eat it." I suggested.

"You eat it! I brought it for you!"

We argued until reaching the conclusion that he should leave it in the dumpster on the way out. Neither of us had cash to leave in their mailbox, Lovino had spent his ten dollars but wouldn't tell me what on.

"Alright, honey, we have to take off. We promised we'd visit one of daddy's college pals." My mother announced after minutes of mindless banter between the four of us. She took my chin and kissed my forehead. I rubbed the spot to be sure she hadn't left any bright red lipstick. "We'll see you tomorrow." My father added, papping my back and with that, they left.

"Your parents are nice people." Lovino decided.

"Yeah." I agreed. "What about yours? From what you knew of them, I mean."

"That's the thing, I don't really remember anything. I was three when Feliciano was born. My brother always claimed I had told him our fathers name once but in reality, neither of us could remember. I knew my mother but I never liked her very much. She wouldn't let me play with other children because they had diseases and corrupted ideas that she didn't want me to pick up. Maybe I would have grown up more like them if that were the case."

"Then you have a reason to be grateful to her."

"If I were more like them, I would have had friends and wives and families."

I smiled and scooped him up into my arms, pulling him into my lap and nuzzling him. "But I wouldn't have wound you."

He smiled back…he actually smiled back at me with his truly happy smile. "That's true."

"And you would have never fallen in love with me~!" I cooed, forcing a kiss on his neck.

"I didn't!" He cried and tried to force my arms away from him.

"Too late, Lovi! You admitted it!"

"No I didn't!"

"You did! You love me! You love me sooo much! You wanna kiss me!"

"No I don't! Leave me alone! Bastard!"

"Does that mean "I love you" in elf language?"

"I'M NOT AN ELF! ELFS ARE UGLY AND FAT AND SMELLY AND STUPID!"

"Sounds like you~"

"NO IT DOESN'T! SHUT UP!" he screeched, throwing fists at me.

"You're an _angry_ elf~"

"I'M NOT AN ELF!"

Eventually, Lovino had to leave. I missed him so terribly. I had dinner with Stonewall Jay and spent the entire time telling him about _my boy_ and about how sweet and beautiful he was. Jay couldn't care less, he boredly poked at his food and looked up every once in a while to witness my excited face. That night, I found sleep as quickly as possible. The longer I slept, the sooner I could see Lovino again.


	21. Season of Snow

BLOG FAIRY

Season of Snow

When I woke up, I noticed what a great day it was. I really should have walked Lovino to the park or the harbor or a movie or something but unfortunately, I was still in Burbanna and walking away wasn't allowed.

I could open the window though. With an all mighty shove, I managed to side a pane open. Years of uselessness had made it sticky with rust and spider threads but also made the air remarkably more life-giving when it filled the room. The room omitted a heavy sigh; the powerful walls were once again alive.

I sat back down in the bed and made a list of all the things I wanted once I was finally done with this. I wanted to go see the Christmas decorations or get all bundled up and stand on top of The Rock for a while. Of course, not all my desires were so innocent. I am a man, of course. I wanted to hold Lovino tight and kiss him and celebrate the changing season how other couples did. I wanted to take him to bed on a cold night or fool around in the theater but some cravings cannot be fulfilled and frankly, shouldn't…at least, not yet. He was too young for that. He needed to learn his own desires and understand the situation we would be in once we took that step.

For now I would just have to sneak kisses and tell him my feelings over and over until they became known fact. I didn't mind that. I couldn't imagine doing anything with him that would destroy his innocence just yet. The boy was still an infant in the eyes of humanity, after all. He was still mesmerized by pictures that move and heat without fire.

I had my first meeting with my private councilor today. I didn't think there were very many normal people in this place but he sure fits the bill. His name was Doctor Samson Hanegan, born in Michigan with family in Toronto. His descents were an unknown mix of every European ethnicity but mostly American which left him with ashy skin and a head of graying hair. He had a bachelor's degree in bio chemistry but his plans for the field fell short. He had simple round lenses for his aging eyes and he was a collector of antique personal hygiene materials like the shaving cream canister that was sitting up on top of a filing cabinet.

I knew everything about this man in the first five minutes of meeting him. All it took was a look around his office and a few seconds of introduction. I'm not saying he was a boring person. While, I'm sure, there would be no best sellers explaining his life, he was still a person who could tell you about his father or his first bike with the same magic as an ancient storyteller.

"So, why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself then Antonio? You seem like a nice guy." He said with a little chuckle. Old guys always find the smallest things funny. He was certainly a master at his job; he was like a person whisperer. It must have been his happy attitude or gentle age but I already wanted to tell him my whole life story.

"I'm Spanish. I was born in Spain in 1986 so I'm twenty-six now." He nodded and smiled, even though we both knew that what I was saying was completely meaningless. "I've lived here for eight years, I was in school for graphic design but not anymore and… that's it."

"That's all? Then why are you here?" He leaned forward, as if interested in my story.

"I have problems with my mood." I confessed shyly.

"Ah. Well, maybe you should tell me about that then."

I proceeded to explain the story of Ruthie Henshall and Rico Florentino and even Lovino at the end. That part of my story was fun and exciting. I couldn't help it. I always became excited when I talked about the fairy.

"So, what kind of relationship do you have with Lovino?" He asked.

"Well…it's complicated."

"How do you feel about that? What kind of relationship do you _want_ to have with him?"

"I don't know. I guess just a good one is my hope. As long as he doesn't hate me, then I'm happy."

"What kind of relationship do you _want_?"

I though about that. "I want him to love me… but I can't be selfish enough to ask that of him."

"That's not a bad thing to want. Do _you_ love him?"

"More than anything, really."

"And you've told him that?"

"Plenty."

"How does he react to that?"

A smile worked its way over my face as I thought about him. I could imagine him as if her were right in front of me. "He acts angry but that's because he's trying his hardest not to smile." I imagined his face getting red as he told me to shut up. He was perfect.

"It sounds like he's afraid of commitment. Try talking to him about past relationships, which might be his area of uncertainty. Maybe it's just something you'll have to be patient with."

"Really? How do I do that?" Finally, he had my full attention.

"Well, first ask him his true feelings about you."

"What?" Lovino responded once I asked him, half way through visiting hours, what his true feelings about me were. The moment my counseling session ended, I went to the visiting room and waited for him with the questions prepared. He arrived at 2:10 but he was too busy showing me his presents to sit down and talk about relationships.

"How do you feel about me?" I repeated.

"Uh…good?" He sat up and looked at me quizzically. "Why?"

"What kind of relationship do you want to have with me?"

"Antonio, just tell me what the hell is going on. You know I don't get hints."

"Just tell me what kind of relationship _you_ want to have."

He sighed. "I don't know."

"Common Lovi!" I cried with excitement. "Okay, pretend the words is completely perfect. What is our relationship then?"

"Uh… we're at home and not a psychiatric hospital."

"Okay. Good start, good. Keep going."

He uncrossed his arms and readjusted himself, looking up so he could get a little more in the mood. "Uhm… we eat lots of tomatoes take a lot of naps."

He glanced at me curiously, asking silently if he should continue. I nodded happily. He crossed his legs up the chair and continued to think. "And… sometimes we go on long walks but only when our shoes are clean. And some nights we just sit and watch people…but only when the weather is too cold and gloomy to do anything else."

He took a deep relaxing breath, his features softening. "And…and when it's hot outside, we just take off our socks and talk about nothing. And when we're hungry, we put a pot on the stove and throw all sorts of good things in there and we turn up the music loud and wait for something amazing to be made…" I have to admit, his ideas of perfection were very strange but strange in a fairytale way. It was the sort of story only a native pix could dream up.

"And… when something great has happened, we talk about how great it is for the whole day. And when bad things happen, we dance for the whole day… and when we're done dancing…" He woke himself up there, dropping his feet back onto the ground and scowling at me. "This is stupid."

"No, you were doing so good~!" I objected.

"This is stupid! I don't want to do it anymore."

"Alright, alright." I let his mood settle for a while, occasionally popping a chocolate chip into my mouth. Lovino had brought the bag of chocolate chips today after finding it in the very back of the cupboard. They were dry and stale but regardless, they tasted like chocolate. "So…" I started up again, "What about previous relationships?"

He didn't seem nearly as threatened by this question. "I had a brother. That's it."

"Were you two close?"

"I don't know. I guess so but we didn't spend a lot of time together. I worked my ass off so we could eat but Feliciano … he could ask a stranger for dinner and they'd be more than happy to give him theirs. He never worked for anything. He just played with his friends all day and danced around like a fool."

"Where was he when… when…"

"When I was shunned? He disowned me. We fought and he ran off, saying I wasn't his brother anymore." He was able to say that with such little emotion, like he hadn't even known the man who left him that day. "Can we be done know?" He asked, annoyed. I knew there was more to that. He was still hurting real bad of that… but I dropped it.

"Yeah, alright. Sorry."

"Whatever." He mumbled and took guide book of New York City out of his bag and flipped the pages. He stopped on a picture of Saint Patrick's Cathedral and showed it to me. "I want to go there." He announced.

"Why?" I leaned in closer, studying the impressive pillars of the castle.

"I want to see the baby." He shut the book and stuffed it back into his bag.

"What baby?"

"The magic baby that is born there. I saw it on the TV. It said that on a special day, Genius, the son of God is born and this church is going to gather to see it. I want to go with you."

The realization of what he was trying to tell me finally struck. "Oh! You mean the birth of _Jesus_, not _Genius_."

"I don't see how a human baby can be considered a genius at birth or why so many people would want to see him."

"No, Jesus was born a long lime ago. We gather to celebrate the _anniversary_ of his birth."

"So there's not a real baby?"

"Well, there's a nativity scene. There are sculptures that look like the people who were actually there, including the baby."

"Is the baby there or not?"

"Religiously speaking, yes. Physically, no."

"I don't understand."

"I know. It's very complicated. Everybody goes to church to celebrate the beginning of the baby's life because the baby is so important to them. It's like a world-wide birthday party. We give and get presents and we eat lots of food and sing and dance. It's just one big party."

"Can we go to the party?"

"Sure. We'll have to get up very very early to go to mass but we can definitely celebrate Christmas. Maybe we'll go to Spain for a week or so before."

"Is Sanna Jesus?"

"No, Santa Clause is different."

"Why?"

I laughed. "At home I have a book of Christmas stories that you'll have to read."

"I can't read!"

"Well I'll teach you with that book."

"Why teach me if _you_ can read?"

"I can't read to you every time you need something read."

He groaned in frustration. "In the perfect world, you read to me whenever I want you to."

"Too bad we don't live in a perfect world." I pressed my lips lightly onto his brow and received a slap in return.

"In the perfect world, people don't go around molesting each other all the damn time, idiot!" There's the Lovino I know and love.

"Lovi, where are you learning all these swear words?"

"I made them up." He spat.

"No you didn't."

Finally, the smile returned to his face. "Maybe I did."

"Maybe you're a liar!" I countered.

"Maybe you're a stupid fuck brain!" Our eyes finally met and locked.

"I love you…" I murmured, still smiling. It was so true. I loved him. I loved how he saw the world and how he imagined perfection and even how he swore. For once, he didn't force his eyes away or call me an idiot. Blood rushed to his face, making his cheeks burn pink. He closed his eyes, angled his head and pushed his lips against mine.

My eyes closed instantly and I kissed him back. When he pulled away a few seconds later, he looked at me for a response. I smiled. "How come you can do that but not say that you love me?" I asked.

He didn't answer my question and instead leaned in and took another kiss, this time a little longer and rougher. After that, he took his bag and just left.

My mother and father dropped by as promised and wished me luck. My mother gave me a good long warning about falling in love with strangers and how she'd always be there for me if something were to go wrong between us. She also mentioned that she thought Lovino was good for me and that I should take care of him well.

They left for Spain that day and stopped visiting. I saw Francis the next day and Lovino never failed to visit. I wasn't a success story by any means. I never opened up in my counseling group and I had the same conversations everyday with . He taught me about organizing my feeling and how to communicate efficiently with Lovino. We even did an exercise once where he made me flip my lid and then showed me how to calm myself down (I ended up breaking a lamp though).

I attended the necessary motivational speeches about bettering my life. Only one actually motivated me and it was this guy's life story. He has heavy mood swings as well but he was able to overcome them and go on to become a published writer. Unfortunately, I'm an awful writer so I couldn't necessarily follow in his footsteps but he sure did make me excited about doing stuff.

Lovino became certified as my _responsible caretaker_. All he had to do was fill out some papers that asked how often we would be together and how easy it would be for me to contact him. Thankfully, he had no criminal history (Though that was only because he'd never been caught) and he could add raising his brother single-handedly to the list of qualifications. He also had to meet and be approved by Dr. Hanegan which was no problem.

It took two weeks to get him verified but he passed the requirements. I would have to stay within five miles of him at all times for two weeks, according to the terms of release but after that, I was free as a bird!

Total time in Burbanna: Six weeks.

I was very accomplished compared to other patients who had to start over again and again due to misbehavior or unprogressing behavior. I would have been lumped in with that crowd had not been for the scribble of a snow globe and a schedule of stabilizing pills.

Lovino never once said those three words again. I tried to discretely inspire him to do so but I had no luck. I professed my love to him many times without response. I worked diligently on my exercises and participated in every group council but no praise came in the form of those three words.

Instead, he would congratulate me or read a paragraph of a Christmas carol (which took him forever) as a reward. On the rarest of occasions, he'd kiss me or fall asleep on me but never did he say those three words.

Francis and set up his old Christmas tree in my apartment for Lovino. I have to admit, I felt like shit every time he told be about all of the life I was missing out on. So many times I wanted to throw a fit and cry and break things but I would look at the snow globe and remind myself that I had to be out before Christmas. No way in hell would I spend Christmas in Burbanna. I may not be there to cut out snow flakes with Lovino but at least I would be able to see them when the holiday finally arrived.

Everyday, without fail, I would open my window. I didn't care how cold it was outside. I just wanted to feel like part of the season, like the world hadn't left me out.

My last day was December tenth… it was an interesting day.

When I woke up, it was the coldest day by far. White fluff covered every surface in thick blankets, making the world look surreal almost. The medication lady came around right on schedule to bring me my morning pill. I felt pretty good taking the pill because I knew it would keep me from hurting Lovino. I could be normal Antonio is I just swallowed the little blue caplet.

I got dressed in one of the three t-shirts I had. I was allowed to bring my own clothes but Lovino wouldn't bring me more than three outfits because he didn't want me to feel like I had moved in. anyways, it beats a hospital gown.

I went down to the cafeteria and had breakfast. As much as I love soggy muffins and fruit everyday, I was more than ready to go home and eat cinnamon pop tarts. Today Lovino would be coming at ten since we both had a meeting with board member Sophia Verbenzira and so we could do some paperwork and I could get sighed out.

Waiting for time to pass became a slow death. There were plenty of thing I _could_ do but didn't want to. I _could _read a magazine or watch people march around in the snow but I wasn't in the mood for that. I wasn't even the mood to visit Jay. I sat around counting ceiling panels and letting my mind ponder how they designed the windows in Bergdorf Goodman.

A nurse finally came by my room to summon me. I was taken to 's office through a series of pasty yellow halls where Lovino was already waiting. I walked in just as Lovino was disrobing himself of his layers of winter attire. His hair still had puffy white flakes sticking to it. I brushed them off and warned him about keeping his hair dry to avoid hypothermia.

" ." said, interrupted our lovers quarrel in which Lovino was arguing that he could do whatever he wanted.

"Yes! Sorry." I took my hands away from his hair and sat up straight.

" , it seems you've done well here. Do feel like staying here helped you gain control of your disability?" She asked, reading off the paper in front of her.

"Mm-hm." I nodded.

"Good, I'm glad." She flashed me a professional smile. It was the kind of smile that only a board director or a president of a company could give, y'know, the kind that was printed on fancy fed-ex paper and posted around businesses in big frames. I always wondered if they had to take some class to learn how to smile like that but know I knew it was just a strange nature.

"Doctor. Hanegan, " She turned, addressing the happy old man in his happy old man sweater, "You can say, with all your professional qualification, that has made remarkable progress here and is mentally stable?"

"For sure, for sure." He answered with a nod.

"And -"

"Just Lovino." He corrected.

"What?"

"It's just Lovino. No 'mr'."

"Ah, okay. _Lovino_, you are willing to commit to being 's responsible caretaker? You understand the full responsibilities of this position?"

Lovino simply grunted and nodded.

"Can I see your verified certificate?" She asked and was answered with a folded and crumbled note from Lovino's coat pocket. She was taken aback by his treatment of the parchment but accepted it. She held it up to the light to verify the signature then scribbled her own onto a separate document.

We were all handed a survey/contract. Mine asked me to rate my experience with the staff, the councilors and the group. It asked questions about how often I become mentally unstable, how often I took medication, how comfortable I was with reentering the business world.

It also asked about my age, gender, race, prior disabilities, ect. I felt a twinge in my heart when a had to mark 'non applicable' on the question about my sexual activity. It's been a while…

I signed my name after a whole bunch of boring terms and agreement and handed it back to her. Once we had all completed the paperwork, there were a few more questions and I was signed out. Just like that, all it took was some ink on paper and clicks in the computer.

That was probably the most frustrating part of this whole week. To see how easy it was for her to just let me go… it was nauseating. I had been stuck there for six weeks, working my ass off to get better so I could go home and enjoy Christmas with my love while all she had to do was click a few buttons.

That was probably the closest I had ever gotten to having an unplanned mood swing. I swear, I was a second away from flipping her desk and using every swear word I knew against these assholes and I would have done just that if it weren't for Lovino who grabbed my hand just in the nick of time. It wasn't a firm, comforting grip. It was a grip of such force and anger that it could have broken a finger. It was like he was silently telling me to not even dare.

He came with me to gather up my belonging from my temporary room. The entire walk, he refused to look at me. He just stomped along, displaying a big bottom-lipped scowl. I went into the room and started collecting my things while he stood in the door way, pissy as all hell.

"You were going to flip, I can tell." He growled, finally breaking the silence.

"Well…I was close." I picked up the last thing, a lone sock, from under the bed.

"Fuck you." He spat, completely meaning to damn me to hell. "Do you know what would happen if you did that?"

"Lovi?" I asked, startled.

"YOU'D WIND UP IN HERE AGAIN, YOU LAZY BUM FUCK!" He snarled, only uncrossing his arms so he could express his anger better with extreme hand gestures.

"Woah, it's okay, Lovi-"

"IT'S NOT FUCKING OKAY! DON'T BLOW IT OFF LIKE IT'S SOME STUPID JOKE! IF YOU WIND YOURSELF BACK IN HERE, I WON'T BE COMING TO VISIT YOU! YOU FUCK'N JERK!" The moment those salty water marbles started tumbling down his face, I realized what I'd done. I'd put Lovino though all of that, asked him to sacrifice everything, sent him home alone everyday for six weeks yet he returned loyally each and every day. He trudged through the snow everyday to see me and I was an inch away from blowing it all just to satisfy my moment of frustration.

I took the little one into my arms, not that he wanted me to though. He fought his hardest to get away from me but kept him close, accepting his hardest hits as a small but very much deserved punishment. "I HATE YOU, LET GO! STOP IT!" I refused to comply. He grew weak rather quickly and gave up, falling limp in my arms and sobbing.

"I'm so sorry Lovino." I told him. He countered it with another 'shut up' and a lazy punch. "I was selfish, I'm sorry baby." I gave kiss after kiss to his cold and wet head.

I continued to tell him how sorry I was and he continued to wail and cry. When the tears ran out, I sat his weak frame on the bed and knelt down so we were eye to eye. "You wanted to spend the Christmas season with me, didn't you? _That's_ why you wanted to go to Christmas mass."

He nodded and whipped the last of the dampness from his cheeks.

"Then we'll go! We'll go to mass and ice skate in front of The Rock and play in the snow and everything! I'll throw so much Christmas at you, you won't know where's it's coming from!"

"And a pumpkin…I want to make a face in a pumpkin…" He added.

"As you wish." I kissed his face all over.

"I'm going to be mad at you… _for the next week_…**_at least_**."

"A week? During Christmas? Where's your Christmas cheer!?"

"Fine, two days."

"Two days it is. You be as mad as you want to."

"And we have to do whatever I want to do." It was so cute how he had reverted back to such a childlike phase. Of course, I wouldn't dare tell him, lest my sentence lengthen.

"Of course." I agreed, kissing his droopy bangs.

"We're going to get up early everyday. I'm not letting you sleep your lazy ass in."

"I wouldn't dare."

"And we're going to eat spagettiO's and tomatoes."

"And take long walks…but only if our shoes are clean." I added with a smile. "Do you forgive me?"

He gave it a moment of consideration. "No." And with that, she playfully shoved me aside and made his way out as I toted behind.

Christmas didn't know what it had coming.


	22. Misunderstandings

BLOG FAIRY

Misunderstandings

When I stepped outside, a frozen wind puffed up against my face, bringing with it grains of snow that caught onto my brows and remained. Lovino offered me the tan scarf from around his neck. It looked much better on him, since he was nicely outfitted for the snowy season but I guess it can work well with T-shits and jeans as well.

He obviously wasn't made for the cold temperatures. His nose was plump and bright red. Every once in a while, he'd rub his little gloved hands together and press them up against the numb nose. He kept his eyes squinted to prevent any more of the chilly wind from hitting them. His bottom lids were red and puffy as if he hadn't slept in a good long while. He was the very definition of a creature outside it's intended habitat.

I'd like to say it was all sunshine and rainbows once we left but, no, sadly, it was not. There are plenty of things that needed doing and plenty of ways to piss off Lovino… this includes getting him vaccinated.

To him, "_because I said so_" and "_everybody has to_" weren't sufficient reasons to return to a hospital any time soon. We had hopped on the subway when I noticed a poster in the subway car that warned against contracting the HIV virus. That was when I got the brilliant idea to get Lovino his shots, since the flu season was already among us and the last thing I wanted was to a sick pixie with cancer.

"I said I don't want to and we have to do what _I _want." He declared, the subway car rocking back and forth, the lights flicking on as we entered a tunnel.

"Do you want to get sick, then?" I threated over the roar of the subway and helped him peel off his thick blue jacket.

"I don't care." He growled and crossed his arms as he refused to look at me. This seemed to be his favorite temper-tantrum technique. I sighed and sat back in my seat. My eyes closed, more than happy to relax them for once.

"You will." I whispered as a smile slid over my face. He was quiet, weighing his options.

"Why? What's being sick like?" He finally said, submitting to his fears and giving me his attention.

"Oh, well it depends on what kind of sick you are. You could lose a limb…you could cough up blood, your intestines could flip, your heart could explode- But whatever, you're the boss." From there, I just let the paranoia do the work for me.

"A-and…what are shots like?"

I leaned over and quickly pinched his arm. He reacted with no more than a flinch. "Like that. Then you won't get sick."

"That's it?" He asked, surprised.

"Yup, that's it. Do you want to do that?"

He considered it. "How long do I have to be there?"

"Just a few minutes."

"Then we can go home?"

"Yes-sir-ee~"

"You promise?"

"Here," I latched my little finger around his, "I pinky-promise. That's as serious as it gets."

"Okay…**We**'ll get shots."

"Me too?"

"You too." He took a moment to study me up and down. "You look like a monkey, maybe they can fix that."

"_You're_ a monkey."

"You can't say that! I already said you're a monkey!"

"Maybe they can fix those big monkey ears of yours."

"Maybe they can fix that stupid face of yours!"

"Maybe they can help you hit puberty."

"Maybe they can help you not be an idiot all the time!"

"Maybe they'll make you taller."

"Maybe they'll make your nostrils less freakish large."

"Maybe they'll teach you about respecting your elders."

"Hey! My soul is far older than yours."

"You're **_20_**, I'm **_26_**."

"But my soul has lived to be twenty six in past lifetimes too."

"Alright, whatever."

"You don't believe me?" He asked, frustrated. I answered with a shrug. "My soul has adventured in faraway lands, being the most extraordinary people, seeing the most extraordinary things. My soul has walked in other feet, my soul has loved others before y-" He caught himself just in that moment and quickly choked back his words before flushing hot red.

"Before … _what_, Lovino?" I smirked.

"Others before y-**ummy foods**." He spat and slumped back in his chair just as the cart jerked hard, the lights flickering and the fairy's bum sliding off the seat. Thankfully, my ninja cat-like reflexes and previous experiences on the New York subway had prepared me. An arm flung out over his chest, holding him back as tight as I could. I waited for him to regain himself before I let go. He muttered the tiniest remnants of a thanks at me.

"Of course, mi amour~" I cooed and sat myself up properly.

"Me armor?"

"_Mi amour~_ It means, 'my love' in the country where I was born."

His eyes drooped into his lap with an uneasy hue that masked the pretty golden color. I leaned over, trying to meet his eyes with mine. "Lovi, what's up?"

"I don't want you to love me." He mumbled, words vicious enough to throw me off but not sincere. I knew when his voice was a lie, I was accustomed to his hidden messages.

"Are we going to play this game or are you going to tell me what's _actually_ wrong?"

"No games, nothing's wrong."

"Then why won't you look at me? _My_ Lovino isn't afraid to look me in the eyes."

His head lifted, showing me his now dead honey orbs. It amazed me how quickly he could just become a different Lovino. I grasped his face in my hands but he pulled it away just in time for a passenger could yell at us to get a room.

" 'Ey! Itz none-a-ya god damn business, lay off, will-ya?" My inner New Yorker growled. He sneered, muttered a derogatory term for homosexuals and turned his head away. When I looked back to the seat beside me, it was bare. The fairy had found himself a more comfortable place a few chairs down.

"Lovino~" I called but he would not respond. "Loviiino~" I persisted. "Lovi~" He continued to ignore me.

The subway car screeched to a halt and the kind woman voice over the intercom announced the name of the station. Anticipating the massive crowd waiting on the platform, I got up and sat beside the boy. "_I will __make__ you love me~_" I whispered into his ear just as the doors opened and the noise of busy New Yorkers filled the car. We were jostled around with the mass until the cart was filled shoulder-to-shoulder.

People around us, with their red noses and crumpled tissues, were undoubtedly sick as all hell, which only furthered Lovino's willingness to get his vaccinations. It was a swimming pool, _a breeding ground_, festering with bacteria and mucus. Some sweat and others shiver and some constantly put on and peel off layers of jacket because they're not sure. I was admittedly excited to get off the bus.

The hospital was nothing more than a clinic, settled on the corner of a block on the outskirts of the city.

We stood at the counter; waiting on the nurse who had just ran off the get the records for a patient they were currently waiting on. Our still silence was interrupted by Lovino nudging my side with his elbow. "Hm?" I asked.

"Antonio… look at this." I complied, seeing what he was referring to which was a little change box for charity. "There's pennies in there." He whispered, secretively.

"Uh-huh?"

"That's human currency, right."

"Yeah?"

"It's just there… nobody's taking it…" a little curious hand reached out and took one.

"Oh, no Lovi. That's not for you. Put it back."

"I don't want to."

"But you have to."

He watched me closely, gripping the coin between his fingers and considering his next move. Suddenly, it jumped into his ready mouth and became tightly locked inside.

"Lovi, Lovi!" I grabbed his face and quickly pried a finger under each cheek. His jaw refused to unhinge. I tried wedging my fingers past his teeth but the squirmy little devil refused. "Lovi! Open up!" I commanded. "You can't put that in your mouth."

Lovino growled, fighting me still. When I finally got his jaws separated, I had a hell of a time finding it. He tucked it way back into the little crevices of the side of his mouth, tucked between his gum and cheek. This kid had a real problem, he just ate stuff. I removed the penny, slimy and warm, from his mouth. When I stood myself up straight, I found the doctor waiting on us and witnessing the entire scene.

I dried the coin against my shirt (by now, I had grown accustomed to the amount of germs produced by the small one. None of my shirts could remain without mucus or saliva for more than an hour). I really didn't have anything to say to her other than, "We're here to get shots." Which made perfect sense after witnessing the scene that had just taken place. This was a boy who could shove a rabid squirrel in his mouth and be perfectly content.

We were welcomed into her office after that, where he proceed to ask questions regarding Lovino's medical health. The same old boring things we'd done for weeks upon weeks now. "Wait… where's the doctor?" Lovino asked her, shifting his eyes back and forth.

"No, Lovi, she _is _the doctor." I pointed at her name tag. "This D-R in front of her name means that she's a doctor." I explained kindly.

"A **_WOMAN_**_ DOCTOR!?_"

I slapped a hand over his mouth and let the awkwardness settle in. Thankfully, didn't look like she would snap my neck off just yet. "Mamm, I'm so sorry. He's a transfer student from Africa." I spat out the first thing I could come up with.

"Mmm…I see…" She shot a hard glare at the pix and continued with her questions as I removed my hand from the little one's face. I should have scolded him but he really didn't know any better.

We agreed on a set of six shots today and a schedule for further visits. I was quick to deny the recommended prostate exam. He would need one in the next few years but not yet…_ not yet_. Lovino was sat up on the parchment paper covered exam bed and the doctor left to ready the needles.

"So, how ya feel'n?" I asked with a nervous sigh.

"How _should_ I be feeling?"

"Fine, fine. You'll be fine." I was admittedly anxious for him. I'd never liked shots. In fact, there was about a thousand things I'd rather do than get shots. I should be used to it by now, after having so many hospital visits but I managed to hate them just as much as I did as an infant.

"You seem to be the only one worried." He noted, looking me up and down.

"No, I'm fine. Here, let's get you out of those jackets." I suggested and started helping his remove the layers of warmth. I didn't want him to see me nervous, lest my mood infect him as well.

"Whatever, weirdo." He shrugged off the clothes untill he was left in just a yellow, long-sleeved shirt. To be more specific, it was my old Captain Kirk Halloween costume. I had completely forgotten that I still had it in the back of my closet.

"Nice shirt." I commented, smirking.

"It's _your_ shirt." He told me with a 'duh' tone.

"Yeah. I wore it for Halloween when I was fifteen. It's a costume… from a character in a TV show. You would really like the show."

"I like some TV shows."

"Mm-hm. I know you do." Just then, the doctor returned with two nurses, each carrying needles. "Tell me about them. Eyes here, Lovi." I coaxed, trying to drive his attention away from them. Regardless, he had to sneak a curious glance. "Do you want to hold my hand?" I thrusted an open palm at him but he wouldn't take it, insisting that he wasn't a baby.

The moment the needle punctured his skin, those pretty honey eyes opened wide and the boy cried out, trying to flinch away from the prick, which was unsuccessful. "Calm down, calm down." The doctor hurriedly hushed. My hand was instantly occupied with another, clamping down hard on the delicate bones.

"It's okay Lovino." I cooed, grabbing his jaw somewhat roughly and jerking back around so that he was looking at me. "You're okay. Tell me about the TV shows you watch."

"Um…I like the cooking channel…" He whispered just as the doctor proceeded with the injection.

"Okay, good. What specifically?" I smiled my award winning smile, the one that had been my friend when flirting with ladies or trying to get myself a good deal at the theatre.

"I like Master Chef…A-and Cut Throat-" The doctor removed the needle and the Pix released a deep sigh. That's when a sharp pain attacked my arm. I gripped it as if I could fix it with purely pressure. Lovino swatted my hand away from my arm, sending me a stern look, silently telling me to not react. I nodded and played it casual again. You better believe I wanted answers.

We proceeded with the next five shots, each time choosing a new topic for discussion and twice more I felt the sharp stinging in my arm. When it was my turn to get a shot (We had decided on a flu vaccination), Lovino had to cover my eyes and tell me about his made up land and made up friends which had come into existence while I had been at Burbanna. He spent many days at Arthur's house, practicing his reading skills in the brit's ridiculously large library. It was then that we discovered that he could make stories in his head and he could be the hero in those adventures. In the tale he told me, he had rescued Princess Pretty directly after drowning a dozen elves. He really hates elves.

The pinch hurt like all hell and making room in my arm for a foreign liquid when there wasn't any room to be made wasn't all that comfortable either. We were warned to continuously move our arms or risk them being sore tomorrow. I got a great discount on the bill since the hospital hadn't taken me off their crazy people list yet. Lovino made our first line of action to go back to the apartment and settle down, then he wanted to bring the other half of his pop tart to Dallas Texas, the homeless man in central park.

I decided to put off explaining the concept of budgeting to the little one, in favor of preserving his innocence. I didn't want to be the one who told the little one that we would be eating ramen and wearing jackets inside the house for the next six months to make up for those hospital bills.

The moment we were outside, I demanded answers to the odd sensation of pain in my arm. Apparently, his blood cannot be shed without me instantly knowing. It was part of the contract of our blood exchange. Useful...I guess... mainly would be romantic if this were a story rather than the absurd life I was a character in.

We walked back to The Dakota, which I could thankfully still afford, thanks to my savings. Inside, I found that Lovino had actually managed to not make it too much of a mess. He probably hadn't tried to clean. I found that he had actually done his own laundry and cooked for himself while I was gone. On my bed, nicely folded, was a tattered and fading orange cloth. "That won't fit me anymore." He informed me. it was then that I remembered what he was wearing when I first met him. It was so small! He had only been as tall as my elbow at best! I looked from the robe to the boy now standing beside me. He had grown up so god damn beautiful. He was gorgeous.

He hadn't yet become a man, he was still shorter than average. He skin was still soft and smooth, his belly still more pudge than muscle, his hands still tender. He had developed a prominent nose, rather than the child-like button nose that he had sported before. His eyes were still just as curious and excitable and his hair was still as full and autumn colored as before, offering a perfect reminiscence of the sweet smelling leaves that rebelliously break from a tree for only one season a year.

If I were in my right mind, I wouldn't have scooped him up in my arms and kissed him just then but, according to my doctors, I'm far from sane. I was so happy. I was happy that I was home. I was happy that he had outgrown that tunic rather than leaving me while it still fit. I was happy that he was mine. I was happy that I'd be here with him for Christmas. I was happy that I was happy. I was happy that he was kissing me back.

I kissed him for…probably too long. I just wanted him to know how much I loved him. I wanted to show him how beautiful I thought he was. I wanted him to _feel_ beautiful because he absolutely was. When we parted lips, I let my eyes remain drooped as I kissed all over his face. He let me do it, even taking one of my hands in his and trying to hide his adorably shameful face from me. Soon, his little body melted into mine, longing for sensual fulfillment but I responded my moving him away. I couldn't be tempted. Not yet. I had promised myself.

Damn right I wanted it. I wasn't innocent, no matter how you looked at it. I _loved_ him… **_so god damn much_**….I _wanted_ to be sensual with him but I couldn't. he was too young and too innocent for that. "Let's have lunch. Alright, Paloma?"I asked with friendly smile. After all, he was still a child. I had burped him and bathed him when he was just a confused and curious baby.

He seemed a little embarrassed to get put off like that but quickly got over it and agreed to being fed. He insisted on cooking. "Well, actually, we don't have very much food in the pantry so I was thinking we'd pick up some fast food."

"Nah, we have enough. Let's see." And with that, he marched off to the kitchen. He opened the cupboard like he was its master, proud and fearless. In the kitchen, our food supply totaled to a corn flakes, olive oil, six eggs, an onion, a bag or tortillas, pork, and spinach. To me, that didn't sound like food but Lovino saw it all differently.

"You really think you can do that?" I asked as he slid a pan onto the stove.

"Find me a turtle and I can make soup." He answered without looking at me and pouring oil into the pan.

"How cruel." I wrapped my arms over his shoulders and rested my chin on his head only to be greeted by the smell of a little boy who hasn't showered in quite some time. "Man, you stink."

"Shut up, I smell how I want to smell.' He growled.

"Lovi, take a shower after lunch."

"You can't tell me what to do."

"If you don't take a shower, you'll become so dirty that you'll look like a giant black bug."

"No I won't!"

"If you say so." I sighed and let go, plopping down on the couch and flicking on the television.

"I'm going to take one but only because I want to." He informed me fifteen minutes later, over the playing of the Jetsons theme song.

"Aye aye, sir."

"I thought only kids could watch cartoons." He glanced at me.

"Who said that?"

"People."

"People think adults have to be boring."

"Are you an adult?"

"Uh-huh."

"Are you boring?"

"Nope. You know why that is?"

"Why?"

"Because I have you."

"You're stupid. I heard somebody say that on the tee-vee yesterday."

"Well, it's a common phrase."

"Why?"

"Do you ask why to everything?"

"Maybe."

"Well, because a lot of people love other people."

"Did you love other people before me?"

"Not the way I love you."

"Who?"

"Who? Well, once there was a princess who turned out to be a frog and there was a frog who I thought would be a princess but ended up just a frog as well."

"Was there ever a _real_ princess."

"Yes, one. Only, I'm not a prince so it didn't work."

"What _are_ you?"

"A turtle."

"Then what am _I_?"

"A fairy."

"Shouldn't a turtle be with a turtle and a fairy with a fairy?"

"Sometimes. But in this case, we have an especially moody turtle and an especially smelly fairy."

"You suck. Lunch is ready." He called and I flicked off the screen, going to reach the plates for him. I should really find a more convenient placement for them. Lunch was pork breaded with corn flakes and every spice I had. I don't know how he managed it but he did and it was delicious. It was the greatest thing to ever hit my lips.

"Lovi! You're a genius!" I scarfed down the food as fast as I could.

"Yeah, well, now I know that SpagettiO's are shit."

"What are we doing after your shower?"

"We need to pick up groceries."

"We need pasta."

"Of course we do."

After lunch, Lovino went into the shower and came out spelling like body soaps. He ran on his tip-toes to the room but not before complaining about how god damn cold it was in my house. We bundled up and took off, the pix shivering with every step. "Are you not used to the cold?"

"Of course I am, just not _this_ cold. I don't know how you humans live like this. Maybe it's because you all look like sasquatch."

"I _shave_, thank you very much."

"That's weird. If you've got hair, you might as well take pride in it. I used to have long, beautiful hair." He lovingly pretended to flip his hair behind him. My initial mental image was Lovino as Pocahontas.

"I like you just like this."

"I like-… hey, what is that about?" He gestured at John Lennon's memorial, a huge tile circle entitled Imagine, bombarded with flowers, papers, stuffed toys, crosses and deflating balloons.

I pointed back to The Dakota. "A very famous man was shot just under that arch so they built him this. The anniversary was just… two days ago? Two or three, I don't remember."

"What do they mean by 'imagine'?"

"It's a song he wrote about world peace-"

"He was a visionary!" The elderly man beside us suddenly cried. I swear to god, I didn't even see him there. He must have buried himself in the offerings. "He saw the future! He was a future see-er! He was like a god to all those poor, sad, African babies!" It was obvious that not all the lights were on upstairs for this man. I quickly led Lovino away just as he began to sing Black Bird.

"Is that man crazy?" Lovino asked, waiting till we had made appropriate distance.

"Yeah, I'm thinking so."

"Is it 'cause he's a hoot'n, holler'n federalist?"

"What? No. Where'd you hear that?"

"Dallas Texas."

"That homeless guy in the remember the Alamo shirt by of the fountain?"

"Yes. He told me about the federalists, trying to take power away from the man."

"Lovi, He's crazy too."

"He is? So is Obama not a vampire?"

"As far as I know. Look, you should really be careful about not talking to them. They're not bad people but, odds are, something's up with them."

"How do I know if they're crazy or not?"

"It's hard to tell."

"Are _you_ crazy?"

My stomach tightened. "Well… yeah. Maybe just a little bit."

"What do you mean _a little bit_?"

"Y'know how sometimes I can't control what I think about or what I do? Some people are like that all the time. I would _never_ intentionally hurt you, you know that, right? But some people would. That's why we have to be careful."

"But you wouldn't let other people hurt me."

"That's right~" I kissed his head and his ear, causing a shiver to wrack his body. "Sensitive ears?"

"None of your business." We passed the fountain. It was empty so that the water wouldn't freeze and ruin the stone… it was dormant, sleeping and awaiting spring, when it could erupt into lush, thick, valleys of water once more.

The trees were grey and bare, merely skeletons of what had been. The ground was dusted white with snow that had blown down from the arctics. Life itself had taken to slumber, it did not breath, it laid cold and still under our feet. Each step was accompanied with a subtle crunch and a puff of foggy air from either of us.

The only thing that could illuminate this eternal whiteness was the bright red splotches on Lovino's cheeks and the baby blue trench coat that shielded his frame from the harshness of the wind. He kept his shoulders hunched to protect his ears, I'd have to get him some ear muffs.

The rest of the walk was filled with talk of dinner and what was to be made. That alone warmed me. Lovino suggested baked ziti with sausage and left over pork… I did not oppose. For the past eight years, I had eaten popcorn and frozen dinners. Bella didn't cook that often since she always took late shifts and she liked her food much sweeter than I did.

We arrived to the grocery store with our noses buried deep into our scarves and our hands dug into our pockets. We stood by the rotisserie chicken for a good long while, defrosting.

We wandered the aisles and Lovino pointed out what he could make with each of the ingredients. We got everything we needed and began to check out when Lovino happened to notice the man at the register beside ours. I don't like to label people as thugs but… he looked to be the thuggiest thug I had ever seen. His shirt displayed the half-naked image of a woman with a man, having intimate relations and the back of the shirt adorned marijuana leaves and swear words. His pants slung down around his thighs, proudly showing off this bedazzled belt and Mexican flag boxers with skulls on them.

The most noticeable feature of him was not the Jordan's or the chains around his neck. Nope… it was his skin. Now listen, I'm not a racist but the little pix didn't know not to be. This man had the darkest of dark skin, the kind you would see maybe only a few times in your life unless you lived in the deepest depths on the African continent.

"Antonio… Than man _really_ needs a bath." Lovino noted, noting bothering to lower his voice even the slightest.

"You talk'n to me, bitch?" The man grumbled, his deep black eyes and bright white outers slid over, pinning themselves on the boy. Now, I _did_ say I'd protect him from the crazies…and that's where things start to pick up.


	23. Backing Wind

BLOG FAIRY

Backing Wind

There's a story in the bible called David and the Goliath, in which a young man named David took on the Goliath who threatened his people. Remarkable, small, brave… Lovino was David, standing tall against this man who was three stories taller then him. It was as if he didn't know the concept of fear or didn't know that he _should_ be afraid.

This man had every making of a very strong and very fierce Goliath. The tattoos that shadowed his skin suggested that he had things to hide beneath them. His glare summoned fear through the stomachs of his prey, his matted and disheveled hair was worn like the mane of a wild lion. A man who considered himself brave shit his pants if he had to come face-to-face with this Goliath.

"Sir, He-He's just a kid. We're sorry, he didn't know better." I quickly defended for the sake of the younger one.

"Oh really? What'd he think then? Dat I was some white-ass fairy?" He asked, stepping closer to us.

"No, he really didn't mean anything like that, I can assure you. It's all a misunderstanding and-"

"Why don't you let him tell me himself what he thought. I _know_ he ain't mute." He interrupted, giving his attention to Lovino.

"I meant _nothing_. What's it to ya?" He growled, clearly not taking the easy route of submission.

"You calln' me dirty? Huh? Are ya boy?"

"I didn't say nothin'! Maybe you been talking to yourself." Don't ask me how he picked up the native New York thug talk, he absorbs much more than I give him credit for.

"I'm sorry, we'll just be leaving then. We really didn't mean to take up your time." I tugged roughly on Lovino's hand to no avail.

"Where you goin' so fast, Enrique?" The man spat at me.

"Wait…me?" I asked, gesturing to myself and glancing around.

"Yeah, you. Or should I say it in Mexican language so your brown ass can understand? La cucaracha chimichanga el pollo loco burrito. Did'ya get it that time?"

"What? Look, I'm not a Mexican." Dammit, why does everyone assume that?

"Ya' ever had an ass-whoopin', Enrique?" He asked, ignoring my protest.

I remained silent and looked around with panic, not really sure if I should play tough guy or get the hell out of there. "He yours?" The man suddenly asked.

"Huh?"

" 'Im." He nodded at Lovino. "You said he's a kid. I don't hit kids, I ain't about that but some one here's gotta get a woopin'. He's yours, ain't he?"

Lovino was about to fuss about not belonging to anyone when I dug my nails into his arm and shoved him behind me. "Yeah." I said solemnly, mustering any kind of strength I had into my fists. Looks like I was going to have to do this. Sucks for me, I'm a terrible fighter and I figured this was one of those situations where struggling makes it worse. It wasn't that bad when I thought of it as a little price for having Lovino in my life. If that were the case, I could easily take a hundred of these. This is what it costs to have an adorable, outspoken, fiery, spunky little boy.

The first blow got me square in the eye. Thankfully, I managed to remain standing but the throbbing pain in my face was a little too much to ignore. A commotion started directly after the sound of flesh on flesh. The clerk started yelling, people near jolted and looked up, most of all, a familiar female voice rang out through the crowd. "Tray! Yo, Tray!"

I unsqinted my favorable eye to see the girl just as my jaw was struck, this time causing me to stumble and awkwardly fall on my bum. The redhead caught me the moment I was down and stood me back up. "Give him hell~" Lovino urged with excitement. He must have seen it as a game of knights, fighting over the princess.

" 'Ey, Toni!" The female voice chirped. I looked up again. Thankfully, I wasn't hit this time. It took me a minute but I recognized the face.

"Star?" Yes, It was the girl I had tried to take back home with me all those months ago when I thought Lovino had left me forever. Her bleached hair had been dyed with rich red highlights, her make-up had been altered from late night clubbing to Christmas style sparkles and white powder. Other than that, she looked just how I remembered her looking.

"Hey! I thought you was dead!" She gave a little amused chuckle as she inspected my current state. "Why ya' gotta go tryin' ta' get yourself hurt all the time?"

"Not intentional, I swear." I eased up, seeing as the Goliath was held being held back. She looked back at the man then me.

"You know each other?"

I filled her in on what had happened and my role in exaggerating the bathing situation to Lovino. She burst out in laughter, slapping the beast of a man on the arm as she did so. "Daddy, why don't ya' ever listen to no one?"

"He was disrespecting me!" The man defended and cowered as if he were being disciplined by his mother.

"Ya' gotta learn to be patient n' all. Sammy bought ya' that book on temper control, didn' she?"

"Yeah."

"Ya' read it?"

"Nah, I ain't got time for that."

She hit him again, this time harder. "Ya' can **_read_**, can't-chya? What-chya got eyes for?"

"I can read! I just never want'd ta!"

"You best not let Sammy know that!"

The two bickered for a few more minutes. During that time, Lovino licked his thumb and used it to rub away at the blood on my jaw, preparing me for my next battle. I learned through their discussion that the man's name was Tray, he was in his late thirties and he was Star's father. I'm glad that car saved me before I could get her pregnant, who knows what he's have done to me.

I quickly ran out of the shop, dragging Lovino along with me. We sped-walked the next four blocks until finally resting on a close by bench. "You were very brave." Lovino commented through pants.

I looked him up and down, to be sure he was fine. "Thanks."

His smile grew. "You were like a knight. It was very…" He turned dark red. "You looked cool… it was…romantic."

I wasn't sure if that last part had really come out of his mouth or if it were just my hopeful thinking that had heard it. Never the less, I was reassured by his lips being forcefully pressed against mine. Our loss of breath cut the kiss short but didn't make any less burning or mind numbing.

He examined my blemishes. "Should I lick them?"

"No, I think I'll let modern medicine take care of this one."

"You know we don't have any groceries, right?"

I studied the buildings that surrounded us. "There's another store just a block from here." I know you may be asking yourself why I didn't turn around, beat up the Goliath and take back the bags that were rightfully mine and leave looking like a hero? Well, all I can tell you is that it's different when you've got someone else to look out for. If I went back there, I'd end up at a police station or a hospital and I'd already promised Lovino that I'd be with him for Christmas. I could sacrifice a little pride for that, right?

"Alright, we'll go there. Maybe you can fight off a dragon for me on our way." His big, goofy smile reassured me that he truly admired me for my actions. That's what mattered.

We hunted for our dinner again, item by item. I let Lovino grab the most colorful tabloid he could find. Unfortunately, that was one of my bad habits he had caught onto. Tabloids are all lies, I made sure to tell him that, but they were interesting none the less. We took a cab home and put the groceries away before heading back out. Lovino wanted watch people fall down while trying to ice skate. (Another bad habit but hey, if the kid likes it then more power to him.)

"Do you think that hurt?" He asked as we watched the same toddler plop down on his bum.

"Nah, kids are indestructible." I answered, my head lazily slumped into my hands.

"What were you like as a kid?"

"Hmm…stupid…noisy… what about you?"

"Stupider and noisier."

We both cringed as we watched a girl face-plant in front of her date. "You were real cute as a kid." I mentioned.

"Yeah? Than what am I know?"

I knew the right answer wasn't cute. "You're hansom."

"You're still pretty dumb looking." He added.

"Thanks, I'll write that in my diary."

"Hey…" He leaned forward and squinted. "See that boy? In the red sweater and black beanie?"

"Uh-huh, why?"

"Wasn't he just with the girl with the yellow jacket?"

"Yeah, so?"

"That's _his_ girl, so why is he leaving?" I studied the scene. The young couple had been holding hands and kissing the whole time and now it was evident that she was crying and he was leaving. I hooked an arm around Lovino's shoulders and pulled him back against the seat.

"There could be a lot of reasons; it's up to them to figure it out."

"But she's crying."

"It's natural to cry."

"But nobody's going to dry her tears or walk her home."

"No, not now… maybe later though."

"Toni…" He didn't have the courage to finish the sentence without prompting.

"Yeah?"

"I'm….thankful…" He finally spat out before hiding his face in his scarf. I chuckled and hugged him, always glad to hear him say things like that. In this ever slowly progressing love, it was nice to know that we were getting somewhere. Someday, he'd say those three words without the threat of me killing myself otherwise.

The next few days were cold as all hell. We woke up at unholy hours so that we could follow Lovino's schedule-o-fun. We went from the Empire state building to park and back at least twice everyday. He liked to stop into the church to see if they were telling stories (having mass). He liked the stories, so much so that he tried to take a bible before I caught him and made him put it back in the pew. It was extremely hard to do any sort of shopping for him since he was always latched to my side.

I'd have to find a piece of trash and convince him to find a bin for it. While he jogged around the block, I'd shove some cash at the clerk and jam the goods into my pocket. To make matters worse, we slept in the same bed so I had to stash his gifts in the very top in the closet. There wasn't very much spare money; he only got a handful of small things and enough dollar store candy to rot his teeth out.

As each day passed, I got more and more excited to give him his presents. I'm bad at patience, always have been. I watched his favorite TV show with him some nights, I had no idea what was going on but he seemed to be enjoying it. He burnt his mouth on every hot drink I gave him, no matter how much I warned him. I taught him all the Christmas carols, I read him all the stories and showed him every trick of snowball warfare I knew.

He's a marvelous cook. He could look at a picture and recreate the meal twenty-times better than it was originally was. We decided that, once we were rich, we'd send him off to culinary school and get him a certificate so that he could open a restaurant. We'd agreed on a lot of things we'd do when we were rich. First, we'd buy Yoko's pent house. Next, we'd build a state-of-the-art kitchen. Then we would never work again and we'd laze around, watching futbol and strolling through the park.

Before any of that could happen, we had to get jobs. My saved money could hold us just over Christmas but then the rent would come and the bills would follow, tipping us over the edge. I tried not to worry about it far too much, I've heard stress helps hair loss.

Lovino seemed to want to be held more and more often. Maybe it was an effect or cold weather or maybe my feelings were slowly being returned. Snow fell everyday, I told him I loved him everyday, we joined in happiness everyday. Finally, Christmas Eve fell upon us and all that was left to do was celebrate.


End file.
